'Tell me more about that summer.'

'It was perfect. We saw each other every day after work and on the weekends we would always find a way to be together. I mean, we did have enough people who lied for us. I started climbing into her room through the window after her parents had gone to bed. I would stay with her all night and no one noticed.' I laughed softly, remembering the shocked look on Finn's face as she opened the window for the first time to let me in. 'My mom found out eventually. That we were having sex. She wasn't surprised and maybe she wasn't agreeing with it but she knew we were in love, she knew we were being responsible. So she actually started covering for us too, telling Finn's parents that she was over at our house when we were really out, fooling around somewhere. I really lived that summer. It sounds cheesy but it was the summer I became a man.' I stopped talking, thinking about what I had just said.

'What is it, Gerard?' Dr Goldstein leaned forward in his chair, waiting for me to share my revelation with him.

'It's funny.' I muttered.

'What is?'

'That ten years later, I feel like a little lost boy.'

----------------

When I wasn't working, I was with Gerard. When I had a chance to sneak out or get someone to lie for us, I was with Gerard. We were inseparable and we just couldn't get enough of each other. We had become more daring, more confident and comfortable with everything we shared. And we really did share everything. Sometimes we would stay up all night, talking, laughing under the covers, making love and I wasn't even tired the next day because I was high on being in love. We felt invincible and indestructible; clever, like we knew it all. Like everyone else was ignorant for not having what we had.

Little did we know that we were the ignorant ones.

'Happy Birthday Ray!' I gave him my gift-wrapped present before hugging him tightly.

It was an incredibly hot weekend in early August and we were celebrating our friend's 17th birthday. I was somewhat jealous that he was already a year older than the rest of us although it didn't really give him any advantages. Still, he didn't even have to ask his parents for permission to go out and stay out while I had once again worked my ass off to convince my parents to let me go to the party until 11pm. The party was more like a gathering that consisted of our usual group, Gerard and I, Lauren and Mark and Suki and Ray. Traditionally we had met at Joey's, having ice cream and giving Ray our gifts but it was only 9pm and we were all itching to go on an adventure.

'Just as long as it's not Overbrook.' Ray muttered and I nodded.

'You went to Overbrook? Oh my God, I would shit myself.' Lauren exclaimed.

'We all pretty much did.' Gerard admitted, looking at me obviously feeling guilty but I couldn't help to smile cheekily as I remembered what had happened after.

'I've got an idea.' Suki grinned and I knew she was thinking about something spooky again.

And how right I was. Ray stopped the car in front of the cemetery fifteen minutes later, she jumped out without a warning and ran off, challenging the rest of us to a game of hide and seek.

'Oh come on!' Mark complained but I was oddly excited.

'Could be fun.' Gerard smirked, handing me his bottle of vodka.

'As long as you stay with me.' I replied and he nodded.

Lauren was already taking Mark's hand and even though he rolled his eyes, letting out another annoyed sigh, they started heading in the direction Suki had disappeared to.

'Wanna join us?' Gerard asked Ray but he shook his head.

'If you search in groups, it's only fair that we hide in groups too.' he said and we stopped, giving him a head start.

After five minutes, we were ready to go. Glendale Cemetery was HUGE. 55 acres in burial space alone, along with mausoleums, a memorial garden, all surrounded by woods. I felt like an intruder and we were definitely breaking the law just by being here but it was just too tempting. If I had been by myself, I wouldn't have set a foot on a cemetery in the dark, being slightly tipsy and in the company of my boyfriend and best friends, though, I felt brave. And after all, it was just a harmless game of hide and seek, nothing more.

'We'll go left.' Mark announced so Gerard and I headed right.

Soon, we couldn't even feel the others' presence anymore. We were all alone.

*

'We're never gonna find them. This place is too big. There are literally thousands of possible hiding places.' Finn whispered, looking around and taking my hand. It was almost completely dark now, the only contrast against the sky were the dark treetops, circling us.

'Let's just not look then.' I suggested, brushing my thumb over her knuckles.

She raised an eyebrow at me, knowing exactly what I was thinking. Was I so easy to read or was she just too good at reading me? I took another swig of the vodka before pulling her toward one of the smaller mausoleums sitting slightly isolated on a small hill off the path. Two candles had been lit on either side of the door, giving it an even creepier feel. I sat down, offering her the bottle as she did the same.

'Romantic.' Finn snorted with humor in her voice.

'I know how to impress a girl.' I joked, watching her drink.

'You know how to impress me.'

'You're the only girl that matters.'

'I'm the only girl that can handle you.' she gave me back the alcohol, kissing me right beneath my ear. It caused every hair on my body to stand, due to the delightful goosebumps that swooped over me. It was my weakest spot and she knew it.

'Certainly the only one who can do this to me.' I said, pulling her closer.

She looked even more beautiful in the faint, flickering light and I realized that despite the fact that we were in a cemetery, despite the fact that we only had vodka instead of food, this was our candlelight dinner.

'I still wanna do this when we're old and gray.' Finn said, kissing along my jaw. Jeez, that girl knew how to get me hot and bothered.

'What? Make out in a cemetery?' I smiled, leaning down to capture her lips with mine, finally.

'Hmm.' she sighed in response, and I could feel her longing as it met mine.

It didn't matter where we were and my brain certainly abandoned any sense of logic as my instincts took over and her avid hands got in the way of mine, my tongue slipping in her mouth, tasting her sweet taste. Everything else disappeared, it seemed like it stopped existing altogether. And that was fine by me. I had gotten to know this feeling so well in the past few weeks, I had learned to embrace it, to hold on to it for as long as I could, and most importantly I had realized that Finn was sharing it with me. We had explored each other in a way that felt new every time but still familiar and knowing her like this, knowing exactly that everything I did was making her happy, just like she made me, was exhilarating.

'RAAAAAAAAAAY!' both Finn and I jumped at the call that pierced through the night. Holy shit, Batman, shut up! If someone hears us we're in real trouble!

'Mark and Lauren.' Finn whispered and I already heard the footsteps coming closer.

I got up, pulling her with me and we hid behind one of the pillars, holding our breaths. My heart was beating so fast as I watched them walk by that I didn't even realize at first that Finn was fumbling with my belt. Our eyes met again and it was like the sky releasing a thunderstorm after days of oppressive heat.

*

My back was pressed against the cool stone as he shoved up my dress and picked me up, wrapping my legs around him. He was inside me before I could even prepare myself and I felt liberated and dauntless because it was exactly what I wanted. I was glad he had stopped being overly gentle with me, although I loved it when he touched me as though I was made out of delicate porcelain, it was equally thrilling to disregard all self-restraint.

He hissed into my ear as I dug my nails into his back, scratching his damp skin but he picked up the pace, his lips finding mine as I pushed him closer to me. I had given my heart to him a long time ago but now, all of me was his. Everything. Every cell in my body, every thought, every feeling, every word that left my mouth, my past, my present and my future. I didn't know that it was possible to love someone that much but I did and at times, like now, it overwhelmed me. The only thing I could do was kiss him harder, touch him more eagerly, hold him even tighter.

Had I known? Had I been unconsciously aware of the fact that it would be over way too soon?

I couldn't hide my cheeky smile as we arrived back at the car. It was ten minutes to 11 and after finally finding Ray, the rest of our group had been waiting for us to join them again. Suki looked at me with her 'I know exactly what you just did, you filthy little whore' - look but instead of feeling embarrassed or caught, my smile turned even more triumphant. So what if I had just had a quickie with my boyfriend in a cemetery, it was the most fun I've ever had. I felt like I was on a high and I wasn't willing to come down from it just yet.

'I wanna stay with you tonight.' Gerard whispered, wrapping his arms around me as we drove back. I was sitting on his lap, making room for Mark and Lauren in the backseat next to us.

'Sneak in?' I asked and he nodded, biting his lips as he smiled.

It was risky. But by 11.30pm, my parents were usually in bed and since their bedroom was downstairs and I was actually able to lock my door, Gerard had been able to stay over a couple of times already without them noticing. Although I didn't like the idea of him climbing up to my window, it was the only way we could spend the night together.

'You guys, what if your parents find out?' Lauren asked, interrupting our little moment.

'They won't.' Gerard laughed, rolling his eyes.

'What if they do though? I mean your parents are cool but Finn's? They'll castrate you.'

She was right. And both Gerard and I were more than aware of that. But it didn't stop us. We just couldn't help ourselves.

'I can live without testicles, I can't live without Finn.' he replied, all serious and I looked at him in shock. 'What?' he grinned.

'Such devotion. Such love. Choosing me over your balls. Awwww.' I pressed my cheek against his, making everyone in the car chuckle.

'The question is would you still love me without balls.'

'Of course I would! There are other ways to get by.' I joked.

'Okay, we've heard enough. This is your stop, Finn!' Ray interrupted, stopping the car.

'See you later?' I kissed Gerard and opened the door.

'I'll be there in an hour.' he smiled.

*

'Where do you think you're going, young man?' oh shit. Oh no. FUCK!

My mom had turned on the light, just as I had grasped the doorknob, ready to sneak out. Now she was looking at me, her arms crossed, waiting for an explanation and I knew she wasn't willing to wait much longer. I sighed in resignation, letting go of the doorknob.

'I was just....'

'Don't even think about lying to me, Gerard Arthur Way.'

Oh God, shit got real whenever she used my middle name. I knew I was in serious trouble. But I couldn't just tell her the truth! She would freak out!

'Mom...ugh.' I felt conflicted. She would know I was lying, no matter what I said now. I threw my head back in frustration, staring up at the ceiling as though it could give me an answer.

'And what's that on your neck?!' my mom said and before I could run or stop her, she was next to me, grabbing my chin. I felt like a little boy again, examined by his mother, waiting to be scolded for getting dirt on his good pants.

Finn had given me a hickey. It was small and cute and I thought it was hot, along with the scratches I could feel on my back. Thank GOD my mom couldn't see them!

'Ummm...'

'I think it's time we have a talk, Gerard. Come on.' she let go of me and walked into the kitchen.

A talk? About what? I wanted to go see Finn! She was waiting for me. Well, son, you can forget about that! You won't be spending the night with your girlfriend, you're gonna spend it with your mother, lecturing you. Great. I should have been more careful!

I followed her reluctantly and sat down at the table, not able to look her in the eyes. What now?

'I know you've been sneaking out to stay with Finn.' she started and I swallowed hard. She knew? Fuck, how? And more importantly, why hadn't she stopped me?

'I can explain...' I muttered.

'You don't have to explain. You're young, you're in love, I get it, Gerard. I really do. But I'm worried.' my mom reached into the pocket of her dressing gown and my face went from ghostly pale to beetroot red.

A condom wrapper.

Fucking shit fuck.

'If you rather talk to your dad about this, I understand.'

Talk about it? Nooooooooooo.

'No.' I whispered, staring at the evidence in front of me. I wished for the ground to open up and swallow me whole so I didn't have to endure this but obviously, nothing happened. Nothing could save me now.

'Okay...' she sat down across from me. 'So you and Finn are having sex?'

No, we're just making water balloons out of condoms. Hey, that wasn't such a bad excuse, actually!

'Yes.' I heard myself say instead and she sighed, putting her head in her hands.

'Are you always using these?' she picked up the wrapper. I nodded. She sighed again, this time with relief. 'Good. Good. At least you're being responsible.'

Jesus, would this nightmare ever end? How much longer would she sit there and interview me about my sex life?

'Please don't tell dad. Or Finn's parents. Please! They'll never let me see her again.' my voice was shaking and my mouth was dry, the panic making me feel sick to my stomach.

'I won't.'

What? She would keep it a secret?

'Really?' I asked, looking at her for the first time since this awkward conversation had started.

'Really, Gerard.' I immediately felt better and it seemed like a thousand tense muscles in my body relaxed at the same time. I leaned back in my chair, breathing out a breath I had been holding. 'Just promise me you will not get in trouble or get Finn in trouble. And promise me to keep using these.' she held up the wrapper again and again, my face flushed red.

'I promise.' I stammered.

'Okay. You can go. But make sure you are back by 8 tomorrow morning. Your dad wants to take you and Mikey fishing.' she got up and I gaped at her in disbelief. She was letting me to? To see Finn?

I jumped up and ran over to her to hug her. 'Thanks ma. I love you.'

Why hadn't I talked to my mom about this earlier? Even the awkward embarrassment seemed stupid in retrospect. Everything was so much easier.

While nothing was.

Notes

another update for you because you're the best <3 thank you for reading and commenting and subscribing and voting - it means the world to me and it inspires me so much! please keep sharing your thoughts!

this story is slowly but surely developing into something more...well let's use the word 'complicated'...but if you read the summary in the beginning, you knew that would happen sooner or later...
*sigh*