I am afraid to keep on living

(Cassie's pov)

"When I met him, I only thought about him like a friend but then he kissed me and it was perfect, I don't know how to explain it." Mikey said. Aww, that’s very cute.

"Oh, okay. And how what's your day with him then?" Gerard asked Mikey. "Well, we came to his stepbrother's house because he wanted to visit him because he is sick, also I met his other stepbrother." Mikey said. "Oh, he has two stepbrothers?" Gerard asked him. "Yes, his parents couldn't have children, so they are all adopted. Nathan, that is my boyfriend, was adopted from an orphanage, Ray that is the one who is sick, was rescued from the streets and finally Vic, who was abandoned by his parents in hospital." Mikey explained. Vic… abandoned in hospital… I remember that my parents took him to hospital and they came back without him saying that he was dead, but he never had a funeral…

"Why was Vic in hospital?" I asked Mikey. "I think that Nathan told that he tried to kill himself, I think." Mikey said and I felt a tear rolling down my cheek. Was that the Vic I’m thinking of? Could it be him? But he killed himself... I stood up and went out of the living room running to Gerard’s room because I felt that I was going to start crying soon.

I came into Gerard’s room and closed the door. I sat on his bed and started crying. Was he really Vic? If he is… will still remember me? If he survived and our parents abandoned him on hospital, if he loved me like he always used to day “I love you my little sis”, if that was true… why didn’t he came back with me? My parents turned into monsters and I didn’t really understand why and without my brother I couldn’t handle that, and the empty hole he left in my heart... Then I met Dean and I thought that everything was going to be okay again, but then he turned like that…

Suddenly someone knocked at the door of the room. “Cassie, are you okay? Can I come in?” It was Gerard. I didn’t want him to see me crying like this. “No, don’t come in, I’m alright.” I said.

Ignoring me, Gerard came inside the room and closed the door behind me. Then he walked towards me and sat on the bed next to me placing a hand on my back. “Cassie… what’s wrong?” He asked. I looked up at him and he was looking at me with a worried look. He wiped my tears with his finger. “Cassie, please…” He said.

Should I talk him about my brother Vic? I never told anything about him to anyone. Everyone that knows me thinks that I was the only kid that my parents had.

I decided to tell Gerard about him. I explained him the whole story, the scars I saw on his arms, the promise I made to him and later don’t made it, how he killed himself, the suicide note he left for me, how my parents brought him to hospital, how they told me that Vic was dead and that there wasn’t a funeral for him.

“Oh… I’m sorry…” He muttered and hugged me. “Do you think Nathan’s stepbrother is… your brother?” Gerard asked. “I don’t know…” I said. “We can ask Mikey to tell him to Nathan if we can see Vic.” He said. “But… I’m not sure if I want to see him…” I said. “Why not?” Gerard asked confused. “He left me with two monsters as parents.” I said. “But he didn’t know that.” Gerard said. “But he should imagined it when they abandoned him at the hospital.” I said. “I think it would be better if you ask him why.” He said. “But, what if he doesn’t remember me? Maybe he woke up with amnesia and that’s why he didn’t come back home.” I said.

Gerard looked me at eyes. “Why do you always think the worst?” He asked me and I didn’t answered. “The best thing you can do right now it’s check if Nathan’s stepbrother is your brother. Do you want me to say it to Mikey?” He said and I nodded.

He kissed me and stood up. “I’ll be back here in a couple of minutes.” He said and walked outside the room.

Notes