I am afraid to keep on living

(Gerard's pov)

“Aren’t you eating?” Cassie asked me. “No, I’m not hungry.” I said, and it was true, after what happened today, I didn’t want to eat anything. I went to my room while Cassie and Mikey were talking about bands. I saw Cassie’s bag on the floor of my room. I guess that tonight I’m sleeping on the sofa.

I open my closet searching for blankets. I saw my old guitar behind the blankets. I used to play guitar some years ago and I loved it. I stopped playing it when my grandmother died, I wrote a song for her, with that I got sadder and since then I never played it again. I think I still remember that song… I picked up my guitar just to try. First I tuned up the guitar. Then I started playing the chords and singing that sad song.

“Long ago
Just like the hearse you die to get in again
We are so far from you

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take
from every heart you break
And like the blade you stain
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
And what's the worst you take
from every heart you break
And like the blade you stain
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight”

I finished the song. It brought me memories, of my grandma, I loved her, she didn’t deserve to go… But is the past now, focus on the good thing… I played the guitar again and very well. I missed this. Suddenly a voice interrupted my thoughts.

“Wow! That was amazing! You play the guitar and sing very well.” It was Cassie, she was at the door. “Thank you, but… how long have you been there?” I asked her. “I heard almost the full song.” She said smiling. “By the way, what’s that song? I never heard it before.” “It’s called Helena. I wrote it when my grandmother died.” I said trying not to seem sad. “Oh… I’m sorry for your loss.” “Don’t worry.” She walked towards me and sat on the bed. “By the way, the song is very cool.” I smiled at her.

“Where am I’m going to sleep tonight?” She asked. “Here, in my bed.” “But Mikey is here tonight… where are you going to sleep?” “On the sofa.” She stood up. “Oh, no. I will sleep there. I don’t want to bother you making you sleep on the sofa.” “You don’t bother me, Cassie.” She smiled and said “okay”.

I took the blankets and went towards the door when I heard Cassie call my name. “Gerard.” “Yeah?” I said while turning back to her. “So long and goodnight.” She said and… she kissed me on the cheek, I felt my face flush. “Goodnight Cassie.” I said and went out of the room as soon as possible. I didn’t want her to see that I flushed. I knew that was only a thankful innocent kiss on the cheek, I didn’t know why I flushed. Maybe, I do like her...

Notes

I love the song "Helena" well... and all MCR songs xD