I am afraid to keep on living

(Cassie's pov)

I was scared to open my eyes. What would I found? Dean next to me? I couldn’t stay with my eyes closed forever. I slowly opened them ready for the worst when… I saw myself lying on Gerard’s bed. What I was doing here? Maybe it has been all a dream. Maybe I never met Dean outside the school and followed him to his house. Maybe he didn’t rape me today. Maybe I didn’t even see him today. Maybe, maybe, maybe… But all seemed very real…

Suddenly someone came into the room. It was Gerard. “Oh, you are awake… how are you?” He asked me. “I’m okay.” Should I tell him about my nightmare? No, I don’t want to bother him. Gerard walked towards the bed and sat next to me. “Did Dean hurt you?” Mm… what? I looked at him asking for more details. “Don’t you remember?” He looked at me and saw my confuse look. “Well, I was at school, last period. I told your classmates to draw an animal, when they were drawing I looked through and saw you there, outside the school. Then Dean come to you and you went with him.Later, Mikey and I went to Dean’s house to save you.” He explained.

Fuck! It hasn't been a dream! Wait… Dean drugged me and he left me on his bed… did he dressed me? Or did Mikey and Gerard saw me… in my underwear? Please no, please someone tell me that Dean dressed me. “Was I sleeping when you came to Dean’s house?” I asked Gerard. “Yes, you were on a bed. I picked you up and brought you here while Mikey was beating up Dean.” Oh, I didn’t know Mikey knew how to fight… Anyway, Gerard haven’t mentioned that he dressed me. Should I ask him if I was dressed?

“Gerard…” “Yeah?” Come on Cassie, it’s only a question, you can. “How was I when you saw me on the bed?” He looked confused. “What do you mean?” Fuck! I don’t want to give details! It’s hard to ask a teacher if he saw you in your underwear, you know? “Was I… was I…” Fuck, Cassie! Ask it now! “Was I dressed?” Already said, no turning back. Gerard flushed. That was a bad signal… “Well...you were in your… underwear. I dressed you before carrying you outside the house.” My art teacher saw me in my underwear! How I was supposed to feel now? I would never look him as I did before this…

“No way! Did you really see Cassie like that?” I turned to the door and Mikey was there, laughing. “How long have you been there?” Gerard asked annoyed. “Since Cassie asked if she was sleeping when we came into the house.” He was still laughing. I didn’t found that funny. Why is he laughing that much? “You can’t spy conversations, Mikes.” “Yes, I can. I already did.” “You have to do an extra drawing for next class.” Gerard said acting like a serious teacher. “You can’t put me extra homework outside school.” Mikey complained. “Yes, I can. I already did.” Gerard said copying Mikey’s tone. “Fuck you!” Mikey said angrily and went out of the room.

“Are you going to stay here tonight?” Gerard asked me. “If it doesn’t bother you…” “No. It isn’t any problem, don’t worry.” “Okay, thanks.” He smiled. “I think I’m going now to Jazmin’s house.” I said while standing up. I didn’t want to spend the rest of the day in that house. I mean, they are very nice, but I couldn’t look at Gerard. I was embarrassed. And going to Jazmin’s house was the perfect excuse. “Okay. When are you going to come back?” Gerard asked.”I don’t know. But don’t worry, it wouldn’t be very late.” I said and went outside of the room.

I saw Mikey playing a videogame. He looked at me and paused the game. “Where are you going?” He asked me. I was a little mad at him, he laughed and it wasn’t funny at all. So I decided to give him no explanation. “Bye, Mikey.” I said and went towards the door. I heard Mikey yelling at my back. "Don't be rude to me! I saved you!"

Notes

Okay, Mikey wasn't very polite in this chapter...