I am afraid to keep on living

(Gerard's pov)

I finally arrived at my house with pain in my arms because I have been carrying Cassie all the way from Dean’s house. She doesn’t weight too much but after carrying her a long time, my arms hurt. It’s like that psychologist said speaking about a glass of water “The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” And there’s a big distance between Dean’s house and mine.

I came into my house and went directly to my room. I left Cassie on my bed. So much relief in my arms, it feels good. Should I wake Cassie up? No, I think it would be better if I let her sleep. Dean is such a dickhead, why does he treat Cassie like that? I would never understand it. He is causing so much bad to her, physically and mentally… that reminded me… I wish not… Does she have been cutting again? I knew I shouldn’t check it without her permission but she is sleeping… she would never know.

I carefully pulled her sleeve up to see her arms… Fuck yeah! Not new scars! By the way… where the fuck is my brother? Was he okay? I left him in Dean’s house. I should call him. I picked my phone from my pocket and called him.

“Yeah?” I heard him say. “Ah fuck! Mikey! You scared me a lot! Are you okay? Where are you?” “Yeah, don’t worry, I’m alright. And I will be at home in about five minutes.” “Okay Mikes.” He hanged up. I was very happy right now, after all this shit, Cassie and Mikey were okay, and so was I, I thought while touching my nose. I went to the toilet and cleaned the blood from my nose. Then I came back to my room.

I looked at Cassie lying on my bed. Dammit, she is so cute. Why do I think this of a student? This is not normal, I might be crazy or something. “Really Gerard?” I heard someone say on my back. I turned back and saw my brother. “When had you arrive? I haven’t heard you walk in.” I said looking at him, I swear he came here without making any fucking noise, that’s what he should have done in Dean’s house! “Right now. But you haven’t answered my question.” “What?” “You were staring at Cassie.” “Yeah, why?” Mikey looked at like if I was stupid. “The way you look at her. I’m your brother and I know very well that look.” “What look?” He sighed. “Gerard, don’t be stupid, you like Cassie.” No way, no way. She is cute, yes. And I have weird thoughts of her cuteness. But I don’t like her that way. “Mikey, she is my student. How could I like her? That’s ridiculous.” “And what if she is your student? That doesn’t mean you don’t like her.” “Fuck you.” I said and went out of the room.

Mikey followed me to the living room where I sat on the sofa and he sat next to me. “Do you want to talk about this?” “There’s nothing to talk about.” I don’t know why he thinks that. She is pretty, yeah, but SHE IS MY STUDENT, no way I like her in the way my brother means. Maybe he is the one who likes her and he is trying to cover himself… mmm… no, I don’t think so.

“Okay, whatever you say.” Mikey said and after one minute or so, he spoke again. “Do you want to order a pizza? I’m starving.” “No, I ate pizza last night.” Mikey stood up and walked in front of me acting like he was angry. “What? You ordered a pizza without me?” “Yep. Now sit here, you are going to explain me what the fuck happened in Dean's house when I left you there."

Notes

They are all safe now :D