The hardest part of this

Naturally, my mother and Marie ganged up on Lana immediately to take over the preparations for the wedding. And Lana wasn't very happy about it. Of course, she wanted them to be part of it but they both had very over-the-top ideas which Lana didn't agree with at all.

'I don't CARE about a fancy dress. I rather have a fancy cake. Cake is more important. Actually, cake is the MOST important! Right, babe?' all three women looked at me, challenging me to settle the debate.

'I like cake.' I just said and Lana smiled while the mothers rolled their eyes.

'He's bias.' Donna argued and although I had to agree, when I saw her smile, I knew Lana appreciated my loyalty to her.

'It's because he likes cake. And he doesn't care about my dress because all he's gonna think about when he sees me in it is how badly he wants to get me out of it.' Lana said and I could feel my cheeks turning red.

'Lana!' I breathed, slightly embarrassed that she would even say that in front of our moms.

'What? We're young and in love. Don't be a prude.' she smirked and Marie pretended to look through the pages of the bridal magazines while my mother raised one eyebrow at me.

Thankfully, the nurse interrupted the moment, checking on Lana's IV.

'No but seriously. Mom, Donna...I want this to be simple. I don't care for expensive or chic, I want romantic. Flowers. Lots of flowers. Daisies!' she was getting excited.

'A bridge on a pond! The full moon shining above us! Candles! Bubbles! And fairies!' I said and she punched my arm for making fun of her.

'Shut up or I'll marry a gnome!'

'A gnome on a unicorn! Under a rainbow!' she waved her fist at me, threatening to punch me again.

'Well I see you already got everything under control, you don't need us for the planning.' my mom sighed but I ignored her, continuing to tease Lana.

We were hopeless. All we could concentrate on was each other. Right now, neither of us cared about making our wedding an event for other people. That's exactly why we had only invited our families and closest friends, including Cél and Noah, my band, maybe even Brian although I hadn't told him the news just yet, slightly afraid of his reaction.

'You want to get married in three weeks!' Lana's mom complained.

'Yes, mom, I know. And all I need is a dress, just a simple, nice dress. And cake. We already have a location, we have already booked flights for our friends, we found someone to marry us. Why are you fussing?'

*

I knew why my mother was fussing. She was worried about my health, she was worried about me making a rash decision based on the fact that my cancer had come back. She liked Gerard and she was happy for us but she also had her doubts and I couldn't blame her. Still, I wouldn't let her stop us from doing this OUR way.

We would get married at Greg's house in the Hamptons. Although it would most likely be too cold to do it outside, it was big enough for the humble amount of people we had invited, around 15-20 and the windows provided a perfect view of the big garden. We could have picked other locations but it fitted the theme, small, simple, intimate and romantic. Plus, we had decided to spend our honeymoon there, staying for a week starting right after the wedding. Célia and Noah would spend their remaining time in New York in our apartment since they wanted to see the city anyway and had offered to babysit Freckles for us. They would arrive a week before the wedding, so we still had enough time to spend together too.

Speaking of Célia.

'Okay, so the way this is gonna work is that you are gonna pick the dresses you consider in a sorta, what do you call it? Preliminary decision? Yes. And as soon as I arrive in New York, I'm gonna help you pick the winner. Deal?' I laughed as I sat in front of the computer.

'Yeah okay deal.' she smiled into her webcam.

'Good. But I still need pictures so have your mom take pictures. Oh my God that sounds so weird. YOUR MOM. Isn't it weird?'

'It is. It's like all the things I never thought would happen, all happened within a few weeks.' I said and looked up as Gerard opened the door, returning from running some errands.

'I just can't believe you're really getting married. You fucker. I guess Gerard really has a magic penis after all.'

He raised his brows at me and I blushed like crazy as he joined me at the computer.

'What's that about my magic penis?' he giggled into the webcam, greeting an embarrassed Célia.

'Oh we were just talking about all the reasons I've decided to marry you.' I smiled innocently and he put his arm around me, fiercely pulling me close.

'Alright. Well, then I'm sure you will understand that we have to end this conversation now since Lana is about to go Harry Potter on my magic penis and I don't know you well enough to let you watch, sorry. See ya!' he said to Célia, making us burst out laughing.

'Yet! You don't know me well enough YET.' Célia pointed out with a raised finger. 'Bye, idiots!'

We waved, still cracking up and ended the Skype call before she could start with more embarrassing stuff.

'She's crazy.' I sighed, breathless from laughing so much.

*

A week later, Dr Miller said the word we had been waiting to hear. Remission.

Although it was awesome news, we were only halfway there. Now, they would get Lana started on the antibody treatment which would hopefully help keep the cancer away for good. She stayed overnight for the first dose so they could monitor her body's response and take note of any allergic reactions or serious side effects. Thankfully, she tolerated it well and the mild headache as well as the shivering which both only lasted half an hour were the only things she had to deal with, considerably better than the vomiting and fatigue she had to go through with chemo. Also, she had kept all of her hair which made me very happy, considering she had been so scared.

I don't know how it happened but I was one week away from getting married. I wasn't nervous but the butterflies in my stomach were bouncing around fueled by an exciting energy. Despite our wedding being small and low-key, both Lana and I were perfectionists and had our own, very distinctive idea about how we wanted to do this.

Somehow the news of our upcoming wedding had made it to the gossip columns of various music magazines and although I didn't even have time to deal with any reactions to it, some were unavoidable.

'What do you think you're doing?' an angry Brian called me. I was just about to leave to pick up Célia and Noah from the airport and I still wasn't ready for this conversation.

'What do you mean what am I doing?' I asked innocently.

'You can't just get married!'

'Excuse me? Do I need permission now?' was he actually serious?

'You could have asked me whether or not that's a good idea right now, I'm your manager after all! What were you thinking? You only just announced an infinite hiatus because your girlfriend is sick and now you're getting married? Do you know how this looks? Did you honestly think that was an okay move?'

Wow, really? Was he really going there?

'Okay. You better backtrack man before you say something you'll really regret because I do love you and I love this band and I love our fans but I'm not gonna let you ruin this for me. I don't give a flying fuck how it 'looks' or if it is an 'okay move'. I also don't give a flying fuck about what you or the label or anyone else thinks about it because the only people who matter in this decision are Lana and myself. And if you have any problem with that whatsoever, you better find yourself a new band to manage. I'm not gonna let ANYONE tell me what to do with my life. And now excuse me, I have to go. I've got wedding stuff to do.' I had kept perfectly calm but as I ended the call, my hands were shaking.

*

'Gee? Is everything okay?' I asked as I found him standing in the kitchen, staring at the phone in front of him. 'Who was that?'

He didn't answer so I walked over to him, putting my arm around his hips, looking at him questioningly.

'Brian.' he finally replied.

'Did you talk to him? Is he coming to the wedding?' I wanted to know but he shook his head.

'Let's just go pick up Célia and Noah. Their flight is landing in twenty minutes.'

The drive to the airport was tense. Something Brian had said had upset Gerard and although I wanted to know, I didn't dare to ask right now. I knew once he was ready to tell me, he would. Still, I hated to see him like that.

'Do you still want to get married?' I asked as he slowed down the car as we hit traffic.

'What?' he looked at me as if he had misheard.

'Are you sure that you want to do this?'

'Of course I'm sure. Why? Are you having second thoughts?' his face was pale as he asked the question.

'NO! No, I'm not.' I replied without hesitation.

'Good. Because it's the only thing I'm sure about at the moment.' he said, looking back on the road as he cars in front of us started moving again.

'What do you mean?'

He was quiet again for a while, his fingers nervously tapping on the steering wheel while he bit his bottom lip.

'It's just...I don't know. Brian said some things that really bothered me. He made it sound like none of this wasn't my decision anymore. And that it was the wrong one.'

Oh no, I knew where this was going. And I didn't want to hear it. 'Maybe talk to the guys? See what they think? I mean, Brian has been great but if you don't agree with how he works as a manager then maybe it's time for someone else to take over?'

'They're all the same though. You don't understand, Lana. You don't know what it's like.' he mumbled, sounding frustrated.

'Then tell me! Tell me what it's like.' I told him.

'I wanna be with you. I don't ever want to have to leave you behind. I don't ever want to make compromises in order to make this work. But they're gonna make me. They're already trying to make me.' he took a deep breath. 'I think it's better if I just quit the band.'

Notes

happy weekend everyone!