Fallyn's POV

~~~

In the next three minutes I got hugged a minimum of ten times each by Gerard and Mikey.
My brain still found it hard for me to grasp what exactly was going on and I was practically frozen as they talked to me.

At least it'd taken the attention off Frank and I kissing even though I really wanted to talk to him about it right now.

There was so much I wanted to ask him, why did he kiss me and how long he's liked me for.
Then there was the questions I also wanted to ask myself, had I really gone down the path of falling in love with him?

Yes I had and there was no turning back even if I wanted to, I've opened the floodgates and I wouldn't be able to close them.

I was still shocked after what had happened though, I never would have thought that Frank would want to kiss me but he did and I kissed him back.

If Gerard didn't show up I would have happily kept kissing him and wouldn't have stopped until nighttime then would have probably kept going anyway. It didn't make any difference to me over whether or not he wanted me kissing Frank, I will do it again if given the opportunity.

The feelings I have for him are overwhelming. Frank could kiss me right now, I'd shove him into the snow and I wouldn't let him move ever again.
I wonder if Frank would do that to me because I can honestly say I wouldn't object, not one bit.

Being kissed by him was even better than I imagined, it had been truly perfect.
My mouth was still tingling and I felt giggly inside which was hard to hold back when I was supposed to be serious.

Even while being hugged by Gerard and Mikey, Frank hadn't let me go and held on to my waist, then when he couldn't do that it was my hand.

Despite looking as horrified about what had happened as I did Frank stood with me and didn't let go for even a second.

It was hard enough for me to hear something that seemed to be impossible, for me to go through it alone would be terrible.

With my fingers laced through his I could feel the stickiness of blood on his palm.
It was his own blood that'd been from a cut on his side caused by Gerard throwing him around.
The blood didn't scare me though, I had it on me all the time so it'd became regular to me.
Finding Katelyn bleeding on her bed and falling on the crimson liquid.

Having a gash on my arm after Frank pulled me out of the river, waking up in my own blood after Evangeline attacked me.
Even more blood spilling down my neck and soaking my shirt from when I'd wanted him to bite me.
Originally I didn't like blood, I hated the smell of it and I hated having it on me even more.

Now it made me think of the strange but intimate connection between Frank and I.
Does blood seem normal to Frank?

Probably, he has to drink it all the time even if he doesn't want to but I have heard him say it actually tasted good to him.

Even though I was used to it I could never think that blood would taste good, mainly because I didn't drink it, nor wanted to.
What would it have been like for Frank to drink my blood then?
To me it'd been, pleasurable, I guess that was the word I could use, its not like I could think of anything else.

It was so personal to give myself to him like that it was almost erotic.
I hadn't been able to really focus and the only thing that I could feel was his lips and tongue on my neck.

At some point I remember grabbing his shoulders it'd been because I was nervous and I knew that he was feeling the same.
When he took his mouth away from my neck I grinned at him them started giggling. Then he licked my neck which made me want to laugh even harder because it to tickled.
He looked cute with blood on his lips and chin and it made me feel good to know I'd stopped him from hurting.

I'd do it again if he needed the blood. He wouldn't even have to need it, want would be enough.
I wanted to give him blood.
I'd already felt something for him before he bit me but I think that was the situation that tipped me over the edge and made me decided that I truly cared for him.

I wouldn't let any random vamp bite me, no matter now good looking or talented they were and it was irrelevant whether they were in a famous band or not.

Frankie was my friend and he needed the blood, besides I actually didn't like thinking about him biting some other girl. He brought out a possessive side of me that I didn't know I had, I've never been possessive of anyone in my life, I didn't like people enough for that.

Aside from Katelyn the band were the only people I actually liked and they weren't even people.
Gerard and Mikey were my brothers and Frank was very likely to have me in love with him even if he didn't know it yet.

Ray and Bob were my friends as well and were pretty much like brothers with how they treated me.
So I was basically as close as you could get when it came to being friends with rockstars, who I was already close to before I even knew them.

It was scary to think that my whole life I'd been living with someone who wasn't supposed to be a part of my life.

The whole time I've had brothers and parents who've been waiting for me to come home.
There was missing person posters up of me while I was going to school and trying to make it through another day, tolerating the bullying and the perverted comments from guys.

My whole life has been just a fricken huge lie, I wasn't even supposed to be living in Blackford.

"So you believe me? You remember?" Gerard asked, looking hopeful and nervous at the same time like I might start screaming or run away.

I thought for a moment on what my answer was going to be.
Did I know all the consequences of what could come from this?

"Yeah, you looked really awful with brown hair." I told him and he immediately laughed while a big grin spread across Mikey's face which was honestly terrifying.

"Wait, what the hell is going on?" Ray finally joined the conversation with an expression that said he was more confused than ever.

Gerard sighed and ran a hand through his hair before smiling at me happily and turning to Ray and Bob who were looking at us like we'd had the whole conversation in German.

"I'll give everyone a full explanation, how about that?" I nodded, I only had the very rough and sketchy idea of what had happened to me so a walkthrough of the life I've been missing out on would be nice.

Our group wandered over to the bus and sat down on the steps, all of us wanted to know what was going on. Gerard was the only person who had full knowledge, the rest of us were on varying levels of being aware.

I couldn't decide who knew the least, it'd probably be me. Even though I had memories of knowing Gerard and Mikey from when I was a little kid I couldn't read Gee's mind like everyone else could.

But if he'd managed to keep them from hearing his thoughts the whole time I've been here then they mightn't be able to hear him now.
With us sitting down I leant against Frank who still looked completely confused about what was going on.

At least he was on the same wavelength as me.

"Okay, um. Fallyn is Mikey and mine's little sister. Ten years ago she got me take her to the park and I didn't want to go so I was in a really bad mood." Gerard started, pretty much relaying the memories I had of him, the ones I've been led to believe weren't of my brother.

"She kept on asking for me to push her on the swings and I said no. It was winter and it was cold, I wanted to go home and I was in a bad mood so I was mean to her. Then I saw a comic book sale and I tried to get her to go with me but she said no." I do have to admit even if I couldn't remember much of being a kid I knew I was stubborn.

"I got angry at her when she didn't listen so I told her to stay there and I went across the street. I was only in there for a few minutes, I thought she'd get scared if I disappeared for a little while then she'd come into the store with me." I could tell that technique wouldn't work on me even if I didn't get taken by a stranger.

"She was supposed to have been waiting for me on the swings, I got back and she was gone. At first I told myself she'd just gone to a different part of the park but then I really looked and I couldn't find her anywhere." As mean as I remember him being I could still picture Gerard looking for me and panicking when I was nowhere to be found.

"It was so terrifying and I ran home, I thought she might have walked back by herself but when I came in the door Mom asked me where she was and I knew Fallyn wasn't there." I didn't know what things would have been like from Gerard's point of view but I could imagine it and it was like a movie.

"Mom called Dad to see if you'd gone to his work then Grandma Elena. You weren't with them so we called the police. The neighbourhood put together a search party, even Mikey who was supposed to be sick helped." Gerard had stopped talking to the group and was now just talking to me with a sad expression.

"It went on for months and months. There was posters and reported sightings but the kid was never you. It became too much for everyone. Mikey stopped talking, Mom and Dad would either be sad or fight. Then there was me." He said, his voice becoming thick as he continued to talk, occasionally glancing at Mikey who was now barely smiling.

"I felt awful and I kept telling myself that I was an idiot. If I was nicer to you, you would have stayed or if I was more responsible I wouldn't have left you in the first place. It was the only thing I'd ever think about. For years I couldn't think about anything but what happened to you and how it was all my fault." It was horrible hearing him talk about it and I gripped onto Frank's hand.

I've always been able to block out things I didn't want to remember and it was only now with Gerard talking about it that I remembered what happened at the park.

"Gee can you push me on the swing?" I asked, running over to it and sitting down with a smile on my face.

He sighed like I was the most annoying thing on the planet and stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets.

"No, you should have learnt how to swing by yourself by now." He told me and I frowned, how was I supposed to know how to push myself?

Gerard stood there while I sat on the swing and he looked around for a moment before smiling to himself.

"How about you come to the comic store with me? You can look at the books." I shook my head, I didn't want to go there, I wanted him to push me on the swing, Mikey would always do it when he went to the park with me.

"It's nice and warm in there." I shook my head again, I wanted to be out here enjoying the snow.
That's why I came here in the first place.

"No I want you to push me on the swing." I said grumpily, crossing my arms over my chest and staring at him.

"Come on give me a break." I didn't want to go into the store and he couldn't make me.

"You're such a brat sometimes." I wish Mikey could have gone here with me instead, he was always nice and would tell Gerard off when he was mean to me.

Gerard started to talk again but I didn't want to listen because I knew they'd just be more mean words.

"Lalalalalalalala." I spoke quietly to myself and over him with my fingers in my ears.

I closed my eyes on top of it and once I opened them again Gerard was gone.
Where did he go?

He was standing right there a moment ago and now he's gone.
Did I make him disappear by not listening?
Why would he leave me here?

"Gee?" I called out, getting off the swing and pulling my beanie tighter onto my head.
I can't see him.

"Gee where are you?" I added then started walking around, looking for my big brother who'd mysteriously disappeared.

I should go home, that's probably where Gerard went.
He would have gotten tired of me and gone back to his room but Mom told me to never go anywhere by myself.

If I stay here maybe he'll come back.

"Are you okay sweetie?" Someone asked behind me and I jumped, not expecting a voice.
A woman not looking that much younger than Mom was leaning down and looking at me with a smile.

She seemed to be really nice as she tucked her brown hair behind her ear then crouched down so she was level with me.

"I can't find my brother." I told her, hiccuping because I'd started crying while looking for him.

I was panicking and when I panicked I would cry, sometimes I could control it and sometimes I couldn't.

"What's his name?" I wiped my eyes and tried my best to pronounce his name.
I'd always had trouble saying my Rs so whenever I said his name it sounded strange.

"Gee." I said when I realised I couldn't say his name properly, he hated it when I called him Gee but it's not like I could say anything else.

"Do you think you know where Gee might be?" I managed to stop myself from crying and wrapped the strings of my scarf around one finger.

"He would have gone home. I want to go home but Mom told me not to walk by myself." According to everyone I could be dangerous around people, I'd walk into traffic without even thinking.

"Do you want me to take you home?" She asked and I nodded, she's nice like my Mom.
I trusted her.

"Come on then sweetie." She stood upright and gestured for me to follow her and I happily did at the thought of going home.

She stopped at a car then opened the door up for me, I paused for a second. Mom and Dad always told me to never get in the car with strangers... This lady doesn't seem mean or bad though and she's taking me home.

I got into the car and she closed the door before walking around and getting in the front.

"Put your seatbelt on." She said and I quickly did it up as she turned the car on.

I looked out the window as she did a few more things then I noticed the person standing by the swings.

"That's my brother!" I called out happily, he didn't go home without me then, now be can walk back with me.

I undid my seatbelt and put my hand on the handle of the car door, trying to get out and go back to him.
The door didn't open and I tried again, why isn't it working.

"Excuse me could you please open the door?" I made sure to be polite because that's what everyone told me.

The lady ignored me and continued starting up the car, I frowned and looked out the window again where Gerard was now jogging around.

"My brother's out there." I told her, maybe she didn't hear me the first time, old people can have bad hearing sometimes.

The car started moving forward and I panicked, I shouldn't have gotten in the car with her.

"Gee!" I yelled as the car started moving faster and faster.

"Gee!" I tried one more time and just before he disappeared from sight I saw him standing by the swings, running a hand through his hair.

I want to go back to my brother.

"Good god." I dropped my face in my hands, my head hurt from remembering.

Why did I get into that car, it's possibly one of the most stupid things a human being could ever do.

I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed as a child, that's for damn sure.
So that's what happened, I got used to living with her and blocked out all my thoughts of what had happened before.

I was bloody kidnapped and got Stockholm syndrome, I'm a fricken victim and Mom, uh, that woman took me was responsible for it.

The guys were silent around me which went against their usual behaviour, I slowly looked up to see them flat out staring at me.
I knew well enough that they'd tuned in to my memories while I was seeing them, they'd just been through it with me.

The only person who wasn't looking was Gerard who seemed to be very focused on the ground right now.

"I used to show you how to play the guitar. It was the only time you'd sit still and listen, you were really good at it and I got you, your own. That's why you're good at playing, you learnt a long time ago." That explained a lot because even I thought it was odd with how easily I picked up the guitar.

"You used to watch horror movies with me all the time." Mikey said with a smile that stayed for longer than usual.

"If she's you sister then how come you let her jump off the bridge?" Frank broke the silence that had started to grow and asked a question that would without a doubt have an interesting answer.

"I didn't know it was her. I got the feeling of where she was but I had no idea she was the one standing on the bridge. She was six last time I saw her." Gerard was right, I obviously will have changed over the past ten years and I've changed my hair a lot.

"So when did you know it was her then? How long have you been keeping it from everyone, even Mikey?" Frank was getting upset and I held his hand in an attempt to calm him down which didn't work.

"I knew ever since she said her name." Gerard mumbled before turning to me, "you got called Misty by that woman but your name is really Fallyn, I think some part of your brain knew it and that's why you introduced yourself as Fallyn."

That explained a lot, everyone would call me Misty but it never seemed like it was my own name.

Sure it fit half the other people in my town but it wasn't mine and I kept thinking of the name Fallyn instead, I felt like a Fallyn.

"I just can't believe that I've actually found you, I never thought I'd see you again. Mom and Dad are gonna be so happy when you come home especially when it's so close to Christmas." Gerard hugged me and even though I remembered him and understood everything he was saying I felt uncomfortable.

You'd feel the same if you found out two of the guys in a rockband you'd idolised for years were your brothers.

"It's a shame Grandma Elena won't get to see you, you liked her a lot. Do you remember how she got you to sing all the time?" Mikey asked and I shook my head, I faintly remember her but not enough for that.

"It'll come back to you, I don't know how you forgot but the memories will still be in there." If I'd managed to remember hanging out with Gerard and Mikey along with being kidnapped then it was a definite I had more memories waiting to surface.

Gerard let go and stood up, wiping his hands on his jeans before sighing like it'd been a long day, which it definitely had been.

"How about we all go inside, I'll make you something to eat and we can talk about some more things." Gerard suggested, the rest of the group stood up, including Frank but I stayed seated.

"Um, I think I'll stay out here for a little while. I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed, you go inside and I'll be right in." I told them, resting my head in my hands, Gerard and Mikey looked like they were going to protest but they saw the look on my face and quietly went into the bus.

Ray and Bob stood there for a moment, still looking like they were trying to figure everything out before following Gerard and Mikey, leaving Frank the only one on the steps.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Frankie asked and I looked up at him with a small smile, he was part of the things that'd overwhelmed me.

To be perfectly honest I think the thing that got to me the most was what had happened between Frank and I.

"No, I'll be fine. I really need to be alone right now. Thank you though." I mumbled and he nodded, giving me a smile before going inside with the rest of the guys.

The second the door hissed shut I dropped my head back and sighed loudly, groaned was more like it actually.

Life, I feel like I've gotten too much of it, I just want to sleep for a decade to escape everything.
First it was Frank kissing me, then it was Gerard coming out and claiming me to be his sister then to the realisations of the woman who I've believed was my mother is actually a kidnapping psychopath.

I could deal with finding out just one of those things today but all of them together was too much and I honestly can't cope.

I now feel like I'm staying alive for people and I absolutely hate it.
I've only wanted to stay alive for as long as I felt like living, let me put emphasis on the I.
Now hearing that I had brothers and a family that had been missing me...

They wanted me alive, they've been waiting for me to come back for ten years.
They've been hoping I was alive and after finding out I was okay and in a reasonably stable mindset it would kill them if I was to commit suicide.

My life wasn't my own anymore, it was tied to someone else's.
Then there was Frankie, my heart sped up just thinking about him and going over the kiss we had in the snow made me feel like I was going to melt.

I'm in love with him and it scares me.

I've never been in love with anyone before, I've loved but never actually fallen in love.
I loved my best friend Katelyn like a sister, she had been the closest thing I'd ever had to a sibling and when she killed herself it almost killed me.

After her funeral I promised myself that I'd never care for another human being as long as I lived, not even me.

Now I was in love and I know that being in love makes you do stupid things, you give up your whole life to be around that one person.

They become your everything, a reason to breath, a reason to live through whatever life throws at you.
I didn't want a reason to live, I wanted to just be.

It wasn't working like that now and I was scared, I could feel the urge to escape from my problems building up inside me.
No I should at least stay here and try for Gerard and Mikey's sake.

I can sort out the issue with Frank later on or better yet I can just pretend it never happened.
That was until I heard raised voices from inside the bus.

"For fucks sake, stop thinking about her. That's my little sister, she's Mikey's little sister too." It was Gerard's voice and he sounded very, very angry.

"Oh and something else, what the fuck were you doing kissing my sister?!"

"I didn't know she was your sister, Mikey didn't even fucking know so don't you dare try accusing me of making out with your sister. She's Fallyn as far as I'm concerned." Frank sounded angry as well but nowhere near as pissed off as Gerard.

"I still told you not to touch her, first you bite her, fucking feed off her and now you kiss her. What the fuck is wrong with you?" Some part in my heart winced and Gerard's words, I didn't want him talking to Frank like that.

It was at that moment when I knew I'd be making a huge mistake to stay here with them.

"I didn't feed off her, stop making it sound so cheap and disgusting and you want to know what's wrong with me?!" I slowly stood up, considering going into the bus and telling Gerard to calm down.

"Guys calm down." I could barely hear it but Bob was trying to cool the situation, I knew it wouldn't work though.

"I'll tell you exactly what's wrong with me! I'm in lo-"
My mouth fell open.

"Don't you dare finish that fucking sentence!" Gerard shouted so loudly I could easily hear him from outside he bus.

"Who do you think you are telling me not to talk?! You're her brother sure but only by blood, she doesn't know you for who you are. As far as she's concerned you were a kid who was mean to her and your a singer in a band. She knows me as a person and in case it's not obvious so likes me for who I am. I never lied to her, not once. How long were you planning to keep it from her that you and Mikey are her brothers?!"

Their voices were getting louder and louder as the seconds ticked by and I could only imagine what it would be like for the rest of the guys in the bus.

"I was gonna wait till Jersey so Mom and Dad could tell her." Gerard was going to make me wait that long to find out?

"Well you can hardly blame me for lov- liking her you could have at least told everyone on the bus." Frank did have a really good point there and I would have liked to know about something that important earlier.

"Now if you'll excuse me there's something I'd like to tell her." There was the sound of footsteps and my heart got faster, if he says what I think he's going to say...I don't know what I'm gonna do.

"Don't you dare. What do you think she'll do it you come out with a line like that?" I had a feeling I was only hearing half the conversation, the other half was undoubtedly going on in their heads.

"I-I don't know." Frank's voice faltered a little and he sounded less determined than before.

"She's a kid, do you think she's ready to deal with what you wanna say?" Gerard was right, I knew what Frank's words were going to be and I couldn't deal with them.

I don't want to because if he says he loves me, I'll never want to leave and I'll be living my life for someone else.
I can't stay here, I can't stay.

Slowly I took a step into the snow, my heart beating faster as I thought over the consequences of if I stayed.

Some things seemed good but I wanted my life to belong to me, not someone else.
If I leave now before I get too attached I'll have my life back, it will hurt but it won't hurt as bad as what I'll feel when it turns out everything's an illusion.

Nothing's truly perfect, I should know that by now.
My heart will be broken one way or another and I can't cope with more heartbreak.
I'm doing this for them, I know the guys on the bus care for me, they wouldn't want to see me hurt ever but if I have to hear those words from Frank or get a hug from the people who are my real parents...

I'll become an open wound just waiting for some lemon juice to be poured on me.
I'll hurt too much and I know I'll kill myself for sure, they wouldn't want me dead.
I'll do the only thing I can do to keep them happy by knowing I'm alive somewhere.

I pivoted in the snow and seconds later I was running, harder and faster than I've ever run in my life.
A straight line towards the road, away from my problems and my feelings

Notes