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Another week later
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Remember the play that the headmistress had mentioned?
Yeah well we've gone onto that now.

Thanks to my persistence in insisting the script should be chosen by a democracy it'd needed up being Peter Pan.
Just wonderful.

Oh and another thing, everyone has to audition even if they don't want to.
What kind of school is this?

The worst part is that I couldn't even try for the role of a tree, no the schools budget was too high for that and we got well-made props.

For some weird reason all the girls were excited about it, even Iris who didn't seem like she'd ever want to be in a spotlight.
My approach to the whole thing is to be as moody as possible and hope that they will let me be backstage the whole time.

I'd have no problem doing people's makeup, organising the costumes or just moving the props around.

Why can't this be one of those schools were they only want the oldest students to audition, oh yeah, I am one of the oldest students.

Maybe I can fake an illness and hope that they don't want me getting the rest of the students sick.

Actually I bet the priest will come in and be a complete buzzkill, he seems like the kinda person who'd dob me in for doing something like that.

I wonder if he'll have anything to do with the play, like maybe he'll be the script master or some other stupid sounding thing.

In case you haven't figured it out yet I'm kinda angry at him for what happened a week ago, the event in the gazebo.

He'd teased me and there was no doubt in my mind that he'd been fully aware he was doing it.
I'd actually thought he was going to kiss me, I'd been completely freaking out then he just walks off like nothing happened.

The worst part is that I don't know how I want to address it.

Should I be upset that he didn't kiss me because I wanted him to or should I be upset because he put me through the stress of thinking he was going to?

I don't friggen know, I felt like a weirdo for just having that dream about it, the one with the shower.
Of course things have gotten worse since then but that moment changed everything.

Maybe I'm just overthinking things, maybe he's just been in the church for so long that he doesn't know what flirting is anymore.

No, I saw that look on his face, he knew how he affected me.
Does he want me to like him or is that just his way of keeping himself entertained when life as a priest gets too boring.

He said he was celibate, flirting with a girl or two might be his way of stopping himself from breaking the pact.

A priest probably shouldn't be flirting though, especially with a girl who's younger than him and attending a school he works at.

That sounds like the premise of a bad porno movie.

I think I'm just gonna continue to avoid him for as long as possible because hitting on and being hit on by a priest cannot turn out well.
Also with the dreams I've had a little bit of flirting can escalate to making out in the gazebo very quickly.

I've never been surer in my life that I'll be going to hell.

If I'm not on the list of 'straight to hell' already I'll be going there by being in that friggen play.
There's only one bright side I can find with that thing, at least it's not going to be a musical.

I remember a hilarious moment back at my American school where I was forced to be in the production of Oliver, that'd been horrible one horrible event.

The worst part was when they decided to put me in a street urchin costume and smear me with coal.
I'd had to sing and dance while holding a broom, if was one of the most degrading things to ever happen to me.

Mum liked to keep the photos from it on the wall so I got to remind myself of the shame I felt almost every single day.

I can only imagine how those images with surface around my twenty-first, people will start laughing at me.

I officially have so much on my brain that I'm now thinking over my miserable memories from my younger teen years.

Teen years that were going to get even worse thanks to me having to remember this friggen script!

"How do you do this?" I whined to Iris who was sitting next to me in the school garden and trying to help me memorise my audition lines.

I'd decided that if I have to do it then I should do it well and do it right.

"It's not that hard, you can remember a whole bunch of song lyrics right?" I nodded, I knew about forty songs by heart and could sing any of them without even thinking about it.

"Well pretend the lyrics are a song. Just with a really awful tune." She quietly song a few lines that I had to memorise and I simply wondered if she was going crazy.

"They'd be crappy song lyrics, that's for sure." I muttered, getting a tiny laugh from her before she pointed to a specific line and told me to read it out.

"'The little stars were watching them, you see. Stars are so fond of fun that they were on Peter's side tonight and anxious to get the grown-ups out of the way.' Oh come on how am I supposed to remember that?" My brain could absorb anything in class like a sponge but this just flat out refused to stick.

"You will, repetition is key. Try a different line." I flicked through the script with a sigh and picked something else to read out.

"'Of all the delectable islands the Neverland is the snuggest and most compact, not large and sprawly. You know, with tedious distances between one adventure and another but nicely crammed.'" I couldn't help but snort at the words 'crammed' what can I say, I'm a teenager, I think stuff like that is hilarious.

"'When you play at it by day with the chairs and table cloth it is not on the least alarming but in the two minutes before you go to sleep it becomes very real. That is why there are night-lights.' Alright this isn't making any sense at all." This whole thing sounded spazzy and in my opinion the person who wrote the script was on acid at the time.

"It doesn't matter, just try to remember the lines. I know you can do it, I've heard you sing an entire Black Veil Brides album while getting dressed." She was a little right there but I'd had months and months to memorise the songs.

Here, at this moment I only had about five more minutes until I had to head to the theatre hall and repeat the lines I should have down pat by this point.

"'On these magic shores children at play are forever beaching their little boats. We too have been there, we can still hear the sound of the surf though we shall land no more.' There, done, I've read the whole thing." I dropped the script on the bench next to me and took a sip of water from a bottle I had with me.

"Good because we have to go to the hall now." Iris mumbled, looking at her watch and standing up, taking her bag with her.

It'd only taken Iris three days to remember every line she'd need for the audition but I'd stuck with my typical habits and waited until the last minute so she'd sacrificed her day to help me.

"Give me a fuckin break." I whispered to myself, I wanted to enjoy the rest of my Saturday.
I'd been planning on going into the town this weekend but of course the auditions had screwed it over.

I stood up and groaned, throwing my head back, a perfect image of boredom and teenage exasperation or that's at least what I imagined.

I liked to think I was good at being a teenager, everything from the complaining to bringing shame upon my family’s honour.
I'd also done a damn good job and liking a boy my parents wouldn't approve of.

The school priest for example.
It was hard to picture them smiling happily after seeing me bring home Father Way.

If he wasn't wearing the collar and they didn't know he was a priest then they'd probably like him, until he mentioned his habit of smoking or his taste in music.

The age difference would have an effect as well.

I kinda wish I could see what Gerard would have looked like before joining the church.
What would he have been like when he was a teenager, like me?

Was he as good looking then as he is now, did he have the inky black hair and the pale skin?
Have his eyes always been that beautiful shade of green?
Would they have been brighter when he was my age or have the years of reality dulled them down?

How many girls has he dated or been with, maybe just one or maybe ten.
Has he even had a girlfriend, ever, maybe no one was interested in him?

No, he's too good looking for that, he must have had a whole bunch of girls following him around and wanting him.

How could they not?

"Lainey, you're spacing off again. Come back to the real world please." Iris was snapping her fingers in front of me, trying to get my attention before I buried myself too far in my own head.

"Okay, uh let's go do that audition thing now." I picked up my script and Iris took my water bottle, putting it in her bag that she brought everywhere with her.

We started walking across the school grounds, towards the theatre hall that fortunately wasn't too far away so I didn't have to get any unnecessary exercise that I might regret later.

"So what are you going for?" I asked, starting up the conversation again out of genuine curiosity.

"No one, I'd be happy with anything." She mumbled, almost tripping on her words and staring at the ground awkwardly.

"Oh come on there's got to be a role you'd be happiest with." She went very quiet for a moment, contemplating what to say next.

"I, uh I-I'd like to play Mrs Darling. I don't know, it sounds stupid." Her face went bright red and she untucked a piece of hair from behind her ear, covering her face.

"No it's not, you'd make an excellent Mrs Darling. You've got a really clear voice when you want and the whole regal English accent thing going on." Something I'd noticed while being here was that almost every girl spoke with a cockney accent, it was only the teachers who spoke with class, and Iris too.

"Plus you're tall so it could be believable you're an adult and you've remembered like over half her lines." Iris got a small smile on her face as I continued to talk, coming out of her shell a little.

"You really think I could play her?" She looked hopeful and I nodded, she'd be the best out of all the people I've met so far.

"I bet you could easily get the role and if you don't then I'll start a protest." She laughed and I grinned, after opening her mind enough for her to listen to Black Veil Brides and some more of my music I'd decided I liked Iris.

She reminded me a little of a friend I had back in America, Quincy, she was quiet and soft spoken almost all the time then once she was around you for long enough she'd show her real personality and it'd feel like you'd just entered Narnia.

Quincy would become this crazy, loud person who liked to make inappropriate jokes, sing at the top of her lungs and a bunch of other wacky shit.

We stopped outside the hall, me opening the door and gesturing for Iris to go ahead of me.
I can't believe I'm doing this, I thought, following the signs in the hall that'd been put up by the drama teacher or whoever.

One more door later and we left a corridor, entering the real hall where all of the school performances were done.

A giant stage sat in front of rows and rows of seats, four being occupied by members of that staff that I couldn't recognise from a distance.

As we got closer I saw the familiar slightly greying hair of the headmistress, down a few more stairs and I recognised the drama teacher and Miss Archer.

We were standing almost next to the seats when I finally saw the last person just as everyone turned to look at us.

Father Way's black hair looked a little messier than usual today.

"Hello girls." Miss Coping singsonged as we stopped, standing near the stairs leading up to the stage and looking at the four people.

"Hi, Miss Coping." Iris and I replied at the same time, me walking up the stairs and sitting down on the edge of the stage.

"Are you both auditioning together?" Iris shook her head and I could see her hands trembling a little, this must be hard for her.

"Supporting each other then?" I looked at Gerard for a moment and he smiled slightly, his eyes almost seeming to glow.

"Yeah, t-that one." I stuttered a little when the smile on his face got wider, stop being such a bastard.

Miss Coping glanced at Gerard and the growing smirk on his face immediately changed to a look of complete innocence.

"Alright, which one of you would like to go first?" I quickly pointed to Iris before she could say anything, when I saw the nervous look on her face I leant forward and whispered quietly enough that she'd be the only one who could hear me.

"No matter what happens to you I'll be even worse so don't worry." She mumbled 'okay,' slowly walked up the stairs and stood right in the middle of the stage.

I edged to the side, making sure I was out of here way but still watching her.

"Who are you auditioning for, Iris?" Out drama teacher, Mrs Rhys asked and Iris nervously cleared her throat.

"Mrs Darling." Her voice was a lot louder and a lot clearer than it has been at any time over the two weeks I've been hanging out with her.

"Start when you're ready." Miss Coping said with a friendly smile on her face that was probably meant to be supportive.

Iris cleared her throat again, took a deep breath, closer her eyes and started repeating the same lines I'd heard her say so many times in front of a mirror over the past week.

I wanted to listen to her so bad but the second she started speaking I turned out and focused on Father Way who was switching between looking at my friend and me.

An almost devious grin crossed his face when our eyes made contact and I felt my cheeks go red.
I only allowed it to last for a moment before breaking the gaze and looking away.

I clenched my jaw, after his smile I wasn't sure if I wanted to yell at him for distracting me from my Iris's audition or tackle him from the smile that made my heart beat faster.

Great and now all the dreams I've had about him are coming back, my face grew even redder and I refused to look at Gerard, knowing he'd get the idea I was thinking about him.

"Very good, Iris." Gerard smiled, now looking at her and clapping with the rest of the judges, I guess that's what you could call them.

Iris smiled awkwardly and shuffled over to the side of the stage, slowly walking down the stairs and sitting in one of the many seats in the hall.

She looked like she was about to pass out at any moment.

"Lainey, would you like to come up here now?" I sighed and slowly stood up from the edge of the stage, trying bit to fall off.

"Yep, why not." I had to actually put effort into not automatically saying 'why fucking not' which was a closer call than anyone realised.

"And you're trying for?" Mrs Rhys has never liked me since I first started her class so there was a semi bitchy tone in her voice.

"The narrator I guess." I shrugged, it was the only role where I wouldn't have to be on stage.

I got a wave from Mrs Rhys, telling me to start talking.

Well here goes nothing.

"'Of all the delectable islands the Neverland is the snuggest and most compact, not large and sprawly. You know, with tedious distances between one adventure and another but nicely crammed.'" I don't even care about his fucking thing but I feel like I'm having a heart attack!

"'When you play at it by day with the chairs and table cloth it is not on the least alarming but in the two minutes before you go to sleep it becomes very real. That is why there are night-lights.'"

Freaking out!

Focus on something non confronting.
I looked at Iris and she gave me a thumbs up, that helps, I guess.

"'On these magic shores children at play are forever beaching their little boats. We too have been there, we can still hear the sound of the surf though we shall land no more.'" I finished, I remembered the whole thing, I think I for it right, holy shit!

Iris stood up, clapping for me with a giant grin on her face, the rest of the people in the room joined in, clapping happily.

"Brilliant, Lainey. Well done." Miss Coping and Mrs Rhys were clapping very enthusiastically with Miss Archer reluctantly joining in.

Father Way sat there, clapping a little but mainly looking like he was thinking.

"I think you'd make an excellent narrator."

She's joking right?
I practiced the thing like once, that's it, and I don't even want to be up here.

The clapping slowed and the three teachers immediately started whispering to each other, Gerard sitting there and still thinking.

A few more moments passed and I decided that, that was probably it and I should go now so I jumped off the stage, landing on the ground with a thud.

"Lainey would you like to be our narrator?" I froze, I didn't want them to actually pick me for a role.
I only auditioned because I had to.

I opened my mouth and closed it again, trying to come up with some words.

"Actually..." Father Way started, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.
"I think she'd make a beautiful Wendy."