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"Here"

i held out my hand and grabbed the wet washcloth gerard was holding out to me. I took off my sweatshirt but noticed my short still had blood on it. I glanced up at gee who was just sitting there staring blankly at me looking like he was thinking.

"Just take off your shirt it's not like I haven't seen it before."

I wasnt worried about what he would see I know he's seen all of me multiple times, but I was surprised about how calm he seemed.

I removed my my short leaving me in my jeans and my plain black bra. He could easily see all the scars littering my upper body but he'd not yet seen my thighs which held some of deepest ones I had.

I I dabbed at the cuts that had re opened and based at the pain the warm water was causing. I sucked it up and finished cleaning them and then gerard helped me wrap up my arm In gauze and tape it for the night.

I was going to change into some sweat pants which didn't matter since I wore compression shorts under everything because at boarding school I didn't want anyone to see my cuts while I was changing for gym.

"Casey."

"Yea."

"You never answered me yesterday, when I asked you to tell me something as a reason to why you do this yourself."

I stopped to think but then continued finish changing before I gestured for him to sit on my bed with me.

"Hate."

"Hate?....what do you mean?"

"hate is why I do this to myself." I answered blankly. We both knew damn well he hated my guys and I acted like I hated his but in all honesty Gerard's hate towards me was the reason I started cutting andeft to boarding school for two years where the bullying only got worse.

It it wasn't Gerard's fault that people at school hated me before I left but when your own brother hates you and everyone knows it just makes you look even more like crap.

It it again wasn't his fault that the girls at boarding school hated me too but it was his fault I had to leave in the first place. I felt like I was trapped in a fucking box. I tried to be nice and not be ride back to him but he never stopped. He hit a few times and I hit back like a normal brother sister fight but his verbal attacks are what killed me.

Calling me a slut, whore, freak, mutant, nerd, geek, asshole, ugly, fat, annoying, self centered, bitch, attention seeker, stalker, gross, bratty, emo, cunt, pussy, dick, fucker, friend stealer, devil, faggot, and telling me how much of a mistake I was and telling me I should've been aborted and that my parents didn't want twins an only wanted one kid(which I knew was a lie because of mikey) hurt a lot. His words pushed me over the edge until my only resort was cutting.


I had tried other ways to cope with pain before turning to harming myself. I want just going to grab a blade and slice my skin to bits if I could prevent it ever having to go that far but I couldn't prevent it.


I had tried drawing. Gerard loves art and he's good at it so when I started drawing (something both of us had talent for) he flipped and told everyone I was just copying his ideas and work from home which wasn't true and he knew it.

I had tried writing . I liked writing always had liked it, and figured I could put my pain onto paper by writing. I had a whole notebook filled with poetry and short stories that were all dark as a way for me to express my pain.
one day I happened to leave my notebook full of my thoughts in one of my classes. I only had way written on the cover so of course with my luck the person who found it gave it to gerard.

That night when I had gotten home he'd already read it and showed it to mikey. I had written a lot how being a twin sucked and that I wished I'd never been born but gerard didn't see that as I was depressed he saw it as I was looking for attention and was jealous of his friends.
Technically my only friend was mikey but even he had his own group of friends so I tended to stay away from him too since I didn't want to be around other people. Gerard burned my notebook and that's when I turned to the blade. That's when I began spending my nights slicing my skin open while gerard and mikey were out with friends, that's when I couldn't take pain anymore and tried to kill myself, that's when my mom found me almost dead and I began therapy which lead to me leaving home for two years until the bullying at my new school became to much.

"does people hate really make you want to cut? Like how could anyone's hate for anything affect you?"

"Not just hate gerard. hate for me." I said standing up and and moving so I was standing right in front of him. I decided to show him what I meant and show him some of my deepest cuts and secrets.

I pulled off my sweatpants and then pulled down my compression shorts leaving my in just my blue underwear with lace on the edges. He looked at my face first and then looked down at my thighs and hips. His eyes widened in concern as he read the words etched into my skin.

Ana
ugly
whore
slut
freak
fake
cunt
bitch
geek
and hate.

Just as he finished reading all the words in the choppy way they were carved into my skin a voice from the door broke the moment between us.

"Hey gee I left my- holy shit"

both of our heads snapped towards
the door where none other than frank fucking iero was standing. He was staring at me. Not at my cuts but at my underwear, and it was noticeae from the way he was gawking.

I quickly pulled up my pants and left the room.


**********gees pov********

casey fled out of the room and into Mikey's across the hall. I could tell just by looking at franks face he was turned on by seeing casey in her underwear and the bulge forming in his jeans wasn't saying any different.

"Dude what the fuck that's my sister!" I snapped walking over to him and shutting the door behind him.

"I-uh I'm sorry."

"You better be now get what the fuck you left here and leave."

He walked over to my bed where he picked up a phone charger.

he he was about to leave my room before he stopped and turned to face me. "Why don't you want me near casey, or anyone at school near her?"

"Because so far every boy wants his hands on her and I'm not going to be the school sluts twin." I spat out not even thinking about how rude I sounded. Franks face changed from curious to shocked.

"She told you about josh?"

"Wait josh? I was only talking about you and Camden who tried drunk dry jumping her last night."

"Oh" he responded realizing he probably shouldn't have brought up whatever happened with josh.

"Tell me what happend no excuses iero and no bullshit."

"Listen dude she was outside and I was making and saw her. We were going back to class when josh and his buddies asked her if she was fuckig me an I told them to leave her alone. Josh grabbed her and two of his idiot football friends grabbed me and held me back. He asked casey for a show and when she said no and tried to get away he pulled off her hoodie and shirt. She was wearing a bra so don't worry no one saw anything private but they all saw her cuts. Josh then shoved her away from him and said that I could have her cause he didn't want some messed up girl. Casey threw her clothes on and then ditched."

I was was livid no one told me this had happened. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me!?" I screamed at frank.

he stood up starlight and looked me In the eye "because you can be a real asshole sometimes gerard." Then he left.

Notes

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