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*christmas morning*

i didn't wake up early for gifts like everyone else in my household instead I just sat in bed listening to green day.

Gerard and and mikey had already went downstairs with my parents and tried dragging me out of bed but they knew they weren't going to win that fight.

Anytime me gerard comes near me he looks scared almost like a timid puppy. He acts as though if he so much as touches me I'll shatter into a million pieces.

I havent been very vocal either during break I've basically just listened to music or sat and watched everyone else quietly.

Frank had stopped by after he had sobered up and came over to apologize. I honestly think gerard and mikey were more angry with him than I was. Mikey's attitude had basically remained about the same so at least he was still enjoying his brake.

"Casey honey please come down here." Mom called from the living room downstairs.

I soghed he'd and walked down to be greeted with smiles from everyone except gerard who still looked scared.

"C'mere princess." My dad said holding his arms out to me. I slowly walked over to him and leaned against his shoulder.

when I looked around I noticed that no one had actually opened anything yet.

"Why didn't you guys open anything?"

"It's Christmas you have to wait for your family!" Mikey replied.
"mom she's here now so can we start opening stuff?"

Mikey seemed like he was ten years old the way he was grinning and staring at my mom. She nodded and mikey began tearing everything with his name on it open.

Gerard began opening some gifts but not as fast or excited as mikey. My parents never cheated out on Christmas and always got all of us a bunch of stuff but normally only one thing really expensive.

Mikey had gotten an x box, gerard had gotten some fancy art pencils and a new easel for painting that was apparently his expensive gift.

I just sat and watched my brothers enjoy themselves without me fucking anything up. I hadn't come home for Christmas the past two years even though I could've.

Actually I had tried to kill myself once on Christmas morning because the dorms were empty and I figured no teachers would still be there but I was wrong.

"Casey? What's wrong?" Mikey asked giving me a confused look.

I just shrugged in response.

"Casey please don't start ignoring us again just talk to us. What's wrong?"

"Just thinking about two Christmases ago and where I spent it alone." I said coldu shooting my mom a icy look.

I still hadn't fully forgiven my parents for never visiting me once when I was in the hospital.

"why where were you two Christmases ago?" Gerard asked with a concerned face.

I stared to cry and stood up. "Ask mom." I said before going to exit but my dad stop up and stopped me.

"Casey are you ever going to forgive us? We're trying we really are. Why don't you tell the boys instead of making your mother relive it."

I looked over to my mom who was staring at the ground with her hands up to her mouth looking like she was in thought.

"Case?" Gerard asked again.
"You don't have to tell us I'm sorry for asking, but why don't you open some gif-"

"I was in the hospital. I attempted suicide Christmas morning and spent it alone In The hospital while you guys had a nice Christmas without me." I spat.
"it's not I like wanted to be here celebrating Christmas. Obviously I didn't even want to be on this earth but it really sucked knowing that mom and dad knew and didn't visit or even call."

Gerard stood up and grabbed my hand beginning to drag me upstairs, but turned halfway up to stairs to face my parents and a scared/sad looking mikey. "You should be fucking ashamed she your daughter! You know for a fact me and mikey would've gladly went to the hospital and spent Christmas there."

He pushed me into our room and locked the door.
seconds after he did I mikey was knocking. "Can I come in?"

"Mikey I really need to talk to casey just wait in your room for now please."
After gerard said that there was only silence at the door so I'm guessing mikey left.

"What did you need to-"
i was cut off by gerard squeezing me in a bone crushing hug.

"Casey it's been driving me crazy how I treated you. I'm so sorry. I'm s-so so-sorry." He said beginning to cry but not loosing his grip on me.
"I never knew. I just...I koniw that not an excuse but I'm just so sorry you have to believe me.....
the only reason I ever hated you is because I always thought you were the favorite...all those times mom and dad took you out leaving me to watch mikey, I never knew you were going to therapy, and I never in a million years would've guessed that you're the one who decided to go to that school, I honestly thought it was all moms idea.
i just
I'm sorry I love you you're my sister and my twin please forgive me."

Notes

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