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Someone Out There Loves You After All (Gerard Way)

Chapter 17: Just Some Secrets

Gerard and I didn't spend much time at the video store, maybe twenty minutes which was nothing compared to how long I could stay there for with Dayna.

Although he didn't say much the whole time, big surprise there, he did seem to be more interested in the horror movies and showed little interest in the DVDs I suggested.

Strictly for the sake of annoying him I whined about wanting to rent Hairspray and the High School Musical series (I have no idea how many of them were made) he ignored me for about five minutes after that.

He was truly upset and I knew it would take a lot to get him to snap out of this and unfortunately a slap across the face wouldn't bring him back to acting like himself.

I did manage to get a small reaction out of him at some point though.
I'd held up a semi pornographic DVD and suggested we rent that one which earned me a look saying 'you've got to be fucking kidding me.'

After a lot of bickering, in other words me holding up DVDs and him shaking his head in response, we settled on five movies.

Zombieland which was sure to give me nightmares for the next month even though the movie rental guy said it was a comedy.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Gerard and I actually reached for the movie at the same time so it was pretty much the only one we both flat out agreed on.

The Outsiders, we'd talked about the book once even though neither of us had seen the movie so it was with a shot.

The Phantom of The Opera, yeah I fuckin said it and he was the one who suggested it so don't judge me or Gerard either.

Sucker Punch, I told him it was a good flick with lots of fantasy and action so he shrugged and added it to the yes pile of DVDs.

Most of the time Dayna and I spent in movie stores we'd arguing over what was better so it was refreshing to go there with Gerard.
He was quiet and just wanted to look around which was the exact same thing I liked to do.

Once finished in the store we walks around the streets a little, I'm not sure why, he just walked off looking at one thing then another and I followed.

After a good half hour of it he turned around and started walking back to the apartment building, me following him and trying to start up a conversation.

Trying to converse with Gerard when he was in silent mode was comparable to that of talking to to a brick wall.

Sure you could talk at it but don't expect a response and if you do decide to keep at it then you'll feel like an idiot quickly.

I missed the conversations we'd have when I worked at the coffee shop, before me nearly being murdered by the mafia and Gerard killing someone.

I missed the game we'd play, One or The Other, he always had the most hilarious responses.

Now when I'd ask him something he'd just give me a straight answer, no joke or side comment.
Whatever had happened at the church drained his personality from him, he was lifeless.

Moving and talking (when he had to) but was on autopilot, when it came to Gerard with him being like this the lights were on but nobody was home.

Currently we were standing in the elevator, heading up to his apartment with him holding the bag of DVDs and me with some food I insisted we buy while out.

My plan so far for what I'd do today would be sit on the couch with Gerard and hope some movies would work. If it didn't then I'd try to talk to him, if that didn't work either I'd pin him down and make him talk to me.

Then whether or not he'd agree to have a conversation I'd bring out the cake I made, mainly because I wanted to see if he could guess I knew it was his birthday.

I hadn't brought I up yet or said anything but he was acting as if it were just any other day, no excitement or personality change whatsoever.

So yeah that's basically how I'd planned out the day in my head but who fuckin knows, my life is set on random and anything could happen.

The elevator dinged and we got out, headed for the apartment door and went inside.

Gerard put the DVDs on the coffee table and unloaded the bag of snacks in the kitchen, it was basically a shitload of junkfood.

I put some popcorn in the microwave and started opening packets of things, shaking them into bowls and resisting the urge to eat all the food in front of me.

"What movie?" Gerard asked and I put on the coffee machine, because caffeine was something we both needed at the moment.

"Whatever you want." I told him and he sighed, reaching for a DVD I couldn't see the cover of from all the way in the kitchen.

The coffee machine was brewing, the microwave whirring and I probably just created a electromagnetic field in the kitchen but it was still nice to smell the popcorn and coffee at the same time.

With some free space in my head while the machines were doing their stuff I remembered something I had yet to mention to Gerard.

"I heard some interesting news today." I started, watching him to see if there was any telltale signs that he already knew what I was talking about.

"Yeah?" He sat down on the couch, crossing his legs and leaning back on the pillows.

"Apparently you aren't a missing person anymore, the tabloids or whatever heard that you showed up for your parent, uh, memorial." No matter what the situation was I still felt awkward bringing that up and tried to avoid that subject as much as possible.

Gerard became rather silent which must have been difficult when he hardly said anything already.

"There's also some other places saying you were there with a girl who had black hair." I hope no one knows it's me, that would be like a beacon shining down, aiming at my head and telling everyone I've lied to them.

It would also alert the mafia I was close with Gerard, close enough that he'd take me to his parents memorial service.

"Well I was gonna get busted sooner or later but if you keep your head down you should be fine." He spoke quietly, the microwave almost being louder than him.

"Keep my head down? I hardly leave this place." I muttered under my breath, pouring coffee into some cups, getting the popcorn and scooping the bowls up in my arms.

Gerard looked up, noticing how much I was carrying, quickly stood and took some of the things from me.
He put them on the coffee table before sitting down on the couch like he hadn't even moved in the first place.

"What movie did you put on?" I asked him, dropping on a cushion and crossing my legs.

"Sweeney Todd." He replied, pushing the play button on the remote control in his hand.


Gerard and I pretty much spent the rest of the day on the couch, watching movies and talking a little when insisted but not doing much else.

There were some brief moments where we'd talk them it'd seem like he realised he was in a conversation and would instantly go back to staring at the tv.

So basically the whole idea I had of getting him in a good enough mood to talk was a complete waste of time.

It was now night, we'd taken a break from watching movies to make something to eat for dinner which was as eventful as the rest of the day.

We hadn't spent much time in the kitchen and stuck to something simple, pasta. Because besides burning it, it was almost impossible to screw pasta up.

Just as I was about to start serving the food Gerard mumbled a brief sentence about having to do something then walked away.
He is acting seriously weird, everything he does just off.

I heard the closing of a door and sighed, putting my elbows on the counter and dropping my face in my hands.
I was trying, I was seriously trying and going absolutely nowhere.

Maybe he just doesn't want to be happy, maybe he enjoys being depressed and cranky because he has to try to be happy as well.
I can't just magic him into a good mood.

There's nothing I can really do anymore, unless I force him to go to a doctor and get some anti-depressants or find him a psychologist I'm afraid he'll remain like that.

I can't even make him talk to his brother, whatever had happened between them made him like this and seeing Mikey again would probably make him worse.
If that's possible.

There wasn't a single doubt in my mind that he had depression.
He was just like me when I had it, impossible to talk to, moody, empty of all personally.
A human being version of a vacant lot.

Huh, maybe I could make my Mum come to America and she could force him to be happy again.

Yeah that would be a sight to behold, my quirky alternative mother hugging a very depressed Gerard Way.

I should call Mikey, I'll tell him to talk to Gerard and get him to snap out of it or I could at least call the rest of the band.
They've known him for a long time, they'd know all the things that make him tick and they'd know how to make him normal again.

"Shit." I swore quietly when I dropped a jar of sauce, it spilling over the counter and splashing into my shirt.

The top was now well and truly fucked.

I groaned, wiping up the mess then heading for my room to change my shirt.

Just as I opened my room door Gerard came out of the bathroom, glanced at me and then went to staring at the floor.

Ignoring the strange look on his face I went into my room and went through my duffle bag, searching for a change of clothes.
I should really do some laundry for myself, I have pretty much nothing to wear.

The only clean thing left was a sweatshirt, I have a shitload of these things. I should really buy some other clothes or at least do my laundry more often.

I tugged off my ruined shirt, throwing it onto the bed and pulling on the change of clothes.

As I walked into the hallway I could hear Gerard in the living room, probably putting on the last DVD for the night.

My stomach growled but first things first, I went into the bathroom, threw my dirty shirt in the laundry bin then turned to go back out, and paused.

I really wanted to know if it was blood on that box I found earlier today and I haven't had a chance to look.
I did now.

Trying to not seen to suspicious I locked the door so Gerard couldn't walk in and catch me looking at something that probably wasn't for my eyes.

I went over to the sink, hopped up and went through today's earlier process of pulling the box down from its high up place on the bathroom cabinet.

My fingers brushed the smooth wood and I grabbed it, pulling the container down and jumping off the bench.

The box was the exact same as I remember it, carvings and all with a small silver latch that I easily undid.

Within seconds of me looking at the stain I'd seen earlier I decided it was definitely blood.
My eyes drifted to the gleaming silver razorblades, trying to guess if they'd been moved, I didn't even need to look at them for long than a second to know.

There was more blood on the box, fresh.

I clenched my jaw at the sight of it, feeling slightly sick.
The blood hadn't even crusted yet.

I snapped the lid shut, put the latch down and hopped up on the sink. In moment the box was back in its place and I was at the door unlocking it.

The razorblades weren't mine and no one else lived here, leaving only one person who it could belong to.

Gerard what have you been doing?


I could not stop reading this! Seriously though, I've tried twice cause I need sleep eventually (its now 1am) but this is a really fucking good story


This has always been one of my favorite fanfictions, it's just fantastic.

punkpixie punkpixie

I can't believe its finished... Its so surreal.

.......................................... SEQUAL!!!!!!

funsized funsized


Sad but Rad Sad but Rad

DeAr god that was awesome.
please update!