It'd been almost a week from the day of the incident at the church between Gee and his brother.

Since then Gerard's mood had gone noticeably downhill, a steep slope kind of down.
He'd seemed like he might feel better before it had all happened, he smiled just a little, made a few more jokes than usual.

Now it was impossible for me to get a normal sounding comment out of him, let alone enough words for a joke.

I've tried everything I could possibly think of.
Saying I liked his clothes, asking him if he liked mine.
Seeing what he wanted for dinner or any other meal.
I've suggested that he listen to some music or watch a movie with me.

There have been countless other things I've tried and not a single one has managed to get him to say anything.
Whatever Mikey had said or done it'd cut him deep, deep enough that he didn't even want to talk to me, his friend.

We'd had a somewhat shaky but real friendship when he came into the cafe after his parents died but this was going nowhere.

After three days of it I'd thought that would be it, he'd just stay upset for god knows how long but it's not like it could get any worse...
It did.

Gerard's mood had brought out the unhappy side in me, the one who hates people, objects and herself.
What can I say, misery loves company.

The last times something like this had happened I'd been at home with Mum, she'd smothered me with her motherly behavior and I'd snapped out of it.
This time she wasn't here to over cuddle me or talk nonstop for a week straight.

I had to deal with it by myself just like I was afraid of and there wasn't a goddamn thing I could do about it.

I'd thought at first that maybe if I called Dayna and talked to her then everything would be okay, she'd get me to go back to my normal self.

Unfortunately the people hating part had basically taken over and convinced me I hated everyone and everything in my life.
With the exception of Gerard I didn't want to talk to anyone ever again for as long as I lived, even my own mother was on the list.

Now it was like treading water but watching myself from a third person perspective.
I could feel the water around me, the burning in my muscles from the constant movement, the exhaustion.
I wanted to stop treading and let myself sink.

Then there was me watching myself.
I could see the head slowly sinking in the water, the heavy breaths from trying so hard to stay afloat, the fluttering eyelids of someone trying to stay awake but wanting to sleep.

It was like watching a train wreck in action, the conductor trying their best to keep the damage to a minimum but knowing how everything was going to end.

It's strange seeing depression from two completely different points of view and I didn't know who I agreed with.

I wanted to win and fail, be awake and sleep, love and hate.
It's terrifying.

~~~

5 days after the incident
~~~

My eyes opened to the sound of an alarm going off at top volume, announcing something that better be important since I'd been asleep and just got woken up by a piece of technology.

Sleepily I reached out and grabbed my iPod off the bench next to me, trying to figure out what the hell was going on at the moment.
It was a calendar reminder that'd done it, something I'd set then completely forgotten about.

What does it say?

April 9th, you know what this means.
Thank you for absolutely nothing me of the past who set this thinking me of the future would know what the hell it means.

I do have to admit though the date does sound familiar but I just can't put my finger on it no matter how hard it try.

Was it a reminder about some homework I'd had to do then forgotten about or an American day I needed to remember?
It could also mean that past me wanted today's me to go through as much mental turmoil as possible, wondering what the hell was going on.

I wonder if this is what it's like to have amnesia.

Hmm, I should probably Google to be sure and even if nothing shows up then I'm at least on the safe side of things.

Yawning and propping myself up on an elbow I went through the apps, clicking on the right one and opening Google. Alright let's search this shit so I can either panic over forgetting something or go back to sleep.

Important events on April 9th

Search
Hmm not much is showing up, some historical stuff and that's pretty much it but I don't think past me was thinking about when bla-bla-bla died or whatever.

I friggen bet it's someone's birthday, I always forget about those and a reminder is the only way I can be, well, reminded of it.

Okay let's try this again.

Birthdays on April 9th
Nothing interesting, nothing interesting, noth-

Oops.
Yep I remember what the reminder's for now and I feel embarrassed for forgetting about it.
It was Gerard Way's 24th birthday today.

I know I want to do something for him but nothing comes to mind, for god sakes brain think, it's not that hard, you've been taking a holiday for too long.

Maybe I can come oh with some ideas if my feet are on the ground, then I can trick my brain into thinking I'm awake.

Sighing at the effort it took to move from my warm comfortable bed at heaven knows what time on the morning (seven according to my iPod) I managed to stand up.

The second my feet touched the cold ground I was as wide awake as I could possibly get. Grabbing my sweatshirt from the foot of the bed I pulled it on over my head before walking into the hallway.

If I'm gonna do anything then I should at find out if Gerard is awake first so anything I could do isn't ruined.

Trying to be quiet and not make any loud noises if he was still asleep I walked to the end of the hall where he slept.

His bedroom door was wide open and by simply looking I deduced one of two things from the fact I couldn't see any part of him because he was covered up by blankets.

Either he's not in there at all and I'm simply seeing rugs or he's there and won't be waking up for a long time.

A groan from him proved the second thought was the right one.

I turned around and walked back up the hallway, wracking my brain for an idea.

Gerard's been so nice to me ever since I met him, he stopped me from being murdered for an example and he's letting me stay with him until everything gets sorted out.

I walked into the kitchen and immediately felt like an idiot for not thinking of the most obvious thing on earth that I could do.
Cake.

With that thought in mind I opened some kitchen cupboards, only one problem when it comes to making cake.
Gerard has none of the correct ingredients in the apartment, unless I want to make something with vegetables.

My eyes flickered to the door, I guess I could go out and buy some stuff, just one problem, there's a heap of people outside.
Ugh, people, I don't feel like socializing really.

One more look at the pathetic state of the cupboard and I sighed, closed the cabinet doors and walked to my room with the intention of putting on a jacket and shoes.

I swear to God if Gerard isn't in a good mood today after me making a cake then I don't know what to do.

After putting my jacket and shoes on the grabbing some money I left the apartment, trying to remember if there was a supermarket nearby.

The second I hopped in the elevator my mobile started ringing, I wondered if somehow Gerard and woken up and called me then passed it off as a stupid thought.

"Hello?" I asked, answering the phone and pressing it to my ear, I was immediately assailed with babbling.

"Lyric! Where the fuck have you been?! You haven't answered a single one of my calls for a week and you've disappeared from the face of the earth!" I groaned, immediately recognizing the voice on the other end.

"Hey, Dayna." I mumbled, stepping out of the elevator and walking out of the lobby.

I was in deep shit, I hadn't called her for ages and the last she would have heard from me was on the same night when I nearly got killed.

"Don't 'hey, Dayna' me you prick! Where have you been and you better have a fucking good excuse! Like being kidnapped, better than kidnapped. Abducted by aliens who happen to have incredibly good cell reception!"
I couldn't help it, I started laughing. It was nice to hear my best friends voice again even if she did sound more pissed off than Lucifer.

"Uh, it's not quite that." I couldn't tell her what actually happened and had a complete mental blank.

"Where are you? I'm coming over and we're hanging out whether you like it or not." I'm not saying that I'm going shopping for Gerard Way's birthday cake.

"How about I come over to your place tomorrow?" I'd never been able to talk my way around something with Dayna and I don't think I'd be able to start now but it was still worth a shot.

"And let you not contact me for another week? Um, no. I'm at Burning Tracks, meet me there, now." I froze on the spot, shit.

I just realized that Burning Tracks is next to the supermarket I was planning on going to.
I also happen to be standing outside the store right now, fuckin' ugh.

"I'm actually feeling a bit sick." I faked a cough and internally sighed, I'm so pathetic when it comes to lying at the moment.

"Lyric..." Her voice drifted off a little, sounding more than slightly suspicious and easily seeing straight through my lie.

"Yes?" I asked, trying to come across as completely innocent which wasn't working.

"I can see you through the window." I turned my head and saw her wave at me, looking upset at the same time.

God why?

Dayna pocketed her phone and walked out of the store with a plastic bag swinging back and forth in her hand.

"You're usually a good liar. Are you having an off day?" She came to stop in front of me, pursing her lips before smiling and giving me a hug.

"I should fucking kill you for putting me through all that stress." Dayna muttered, letting me go and stepping back.

I wanted to say something but I was feeling too awkward after being caught out on lie, especially a shitty one that sounds like I didn't even try.

"You look like shit." She added and I agreed, I didn't feel too good either and didn't even want to leave the apartment in the first place.

"I know, I've been going through some, things." I said, walking into the supermarket with her following closely behind me as if I might suddenly vanish into smoke.

"What did you do to your hair? It looks good. Oh and have you heard what's going on with Gerard Way?" I stopped in my tracks and Dayna almost ran into me.

"I dyed it. Uhm, no I haven't heard anything about him, what is it?" I started walking again, heading for the baking aisle.

"Well they're not searching for him anymore, he apparently showed up for his parents memorial service."

Who the fuck had anyone found out about that?!
Did Mikey or the rest of the guys tell the press about it?

"Wow really?" My lying was much better now and I could tell that she thought I was genuinely surprised.

"Yeah and there's a couple of places saying he was there with a girl." I frowned, I needed to tell Gerard about this the second I get back to the apartment.

I looked at a couple of things on the shelf as Dayna continued to tell me about the latest things that were happening.

"So basically Sar- what are you doing here anyway?"
It's taken her that long to notice what I'm doing?

"I'm shopping." I mumbled putting a bag of sugar in the basket along with a bottle of vanilla.

"You're kidding." She said sarcastically, passing me a bag of flour that I was too short to reach.

"I'm gonna make a cake." I had pretty much everything I needed in the basket and was ready to go.

"Who's it for?" Dayna was being more nosy that usual and I didn't like it, I wish she'd go back to not talking that much.

"Nobody." I told her, walking to the self-checkout and sighing, it was weird not wanting to talk to my best friend.

I really wanted to go back to the apartment, get into my bed and sleep for a couple days, I didn't get to do that though.

Before she could ask me any more questions I didn't want to give her the answers to I put my groceries through and left the supermarket.

"Something's wrong isn't it?" She asked and I flinched, barely but enough for her to notice.

"What's wrong? I'm your bestie, you can tell me anything. Is it, um, the depression?" I bit my lip and it was enough for her to know she was spot on with the guessing.

"Do you wanna talk about it? Have you called your mum or something?" I knew we were getting close to the apartment building I was staying at with Gerard was nearby and I didn't want her to see me go in there.

"I've got someone I can talk to." I guess Gerard would listen to me it I wanted to chat but he's been pretty distant lately.

We stopped in front of the building and I hitched the plastic bags higher open on my arm, walking over to the key pad to get inside.

"What the hell are you going here?!" Yeah it was obviously confusing for her to see me stop outside a random building as if it was my own.

"My aunt and I moved." I mumbled keying in the code Gerard had given me and opening the door at the beep.

"Look, Dayna. I'm really busy today but I promise I'll call you tonight." I gave her a brief smile before heading inside and not waiting for a response.

I quickly walked through the lobby, towards the elevator then hit the button, waiting.
Gerard didn't have an internal timer and woke up whenever so I wanted to get the cake made before he started walking around.

The elevator dinged with a few people getting out, giving me some dirty looks when I got in.
I don't know what their problems are, oh yeah I'm wearing pyjamas and the rent for the flats in this place is probably a lot.

Moments later I got out and with the spare key Gerard had given me drawn I went into the apartment, dropping the plastic bags on the kitchen counter and shrugging off my jacket.

Gerard didn't seem to be awake and I took advantage of my luck, immediately getting to work on the cake.

What kind?
Coffee and chocolate of course.