"I'm sorry, please don't leave me alone!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, sitting up and gasping for breath.

None of it was real, it's just another nightmare, nothing different from the ordinary. I should learn to stop being a coward and freaking out over this, I have the nightmares too often for me to not have a wall up.

Dad, he left me again, why does he always have to keep leaving, why can't my brain come up with some other way to torture me?
I grabbed my pillow and curled up around it, pulling the sheets up to my ears and crying, not too loudly because I didn't want to wake up Gerard.

"Dad I'm so sorry, please forgive me." I cried and tried to muffle the sound with my pillow but I kept getting louder and louder.

I need to learn how to comfort myself, first it started off with Mum coming into my room and comforting me, then my Aunt when I moved to America.
Now I have no one and I'm left with myself to be a pathetic ruin who can't cope.

I wanted to call my Mum and ask her to talk to me but I couldn't, she was on a completely different time schedule and I was supposed to be at a school camp.
I couldn't call my Aunt either and even Dayna was off limits because she would be asleep and she has school I'm the morning.

This sucks so much I just want my feelings to be completely shut off forever so I didn't have to deal with emotions any more.

"Lyx, are you alright?" Gerard mumbled, walking up to the open door sleepily with an oversized shirt and boxers.

"I-I'm fine." I told him, hiccuping and pushing my face harder into the pillow to muffle any more crying.

I didn't want Gerard to see me acting like the emotional wreck that I was, I needed to be the tough one. After all it was him that had to go to a memorial service for his parents tomorrow, not me.
I was just going with him for support.

Besides it was about three in the morning and I should be asleep, not waking him up with my stupid, fucking crying.

"No you're not." He replied and I heard him walk into the room, then there was the sound of him sitting on the ground next to the bed.

"Just go away." I said, trying to sound firm but having the last word break, making me sound weak and pathetic.
He pulled the pillow away from me and I tried my best to hide my face in my arm which didn't work at all, I just wanted to disappear, I didn't like having him see me as weak.

"Come on what's the matter?" He spoke relaxedly as he tilted my chin up so I'd look at him.

"I'm just having some bad nightmares." I muttered, trying to turn away from him which just made him grip my chin tighter, I didn't plan on giving him an explanation even if he wanted one, I liked keeping my problems to myself when I could.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He was very calm for someone who'd just been woken up on the middle of the night by a crying sissy teenager.

"No and trust me you don't want to hear about it either. Go back to bed so I can get some sleep." I told him, finally pushing his hand away and dragging my pillow back before burying my face again.

"Or I'll at least try." I added, the words barely coming out as a mumble before I turned my back to him, hoping he'd go away and leave me with my crying.

The whole room was quiet with the exception of some rare sniffles from me and I thought Gerard had gone back to his room.
I sobbed into the pillow, finally enjoying the feeling of getting out all the emotions and praying I could sleep again after this.

At first the crying eased, making me believe it was all over then without warning it came back worse than before, making me breathless.
The blankets were suddenly pulled back and the mattress sunk with the feeling of someone climbing into the bed.

"It's okay." Gerard whispered putting his arm around my waist and making me turn around to face him.

"It's not, everyone hates me, I hate me and it's all my fault." I sobbed, I didn't even care that he was in the bed, I just wanted to go to sleep and escape from the crying.

"It will be okay, just try to go back to sleep." He said softly pulling me closer so my head was resting on his chest.

"I can't, it hurts too much, everyone hates me." I gasped out, barely managing to get any air in between all my sobbing that was starting to hurt my throat.

Gerard was silent for a moment, the only sounds coming from him being some quiet breaths.

"Stay, the lights already low enough to play. Can you catch me when I'm falling down? And I'll go and come home and if you try to make the most of this and do what you always told me. When you made me walk away." He sung quietly with one hand stroking my hair rhythmically.

"And would you stay right here, did I tell you, that someone out there loves you? If you stay right here, did I tell you, that someone out there loves you after all?" I was still crying but the gasps and sobs slowed slightly, enough for me to be able to catch my breath.

"Sometimes the things can always be so far. And sometimes you could look me back and walk down to catch this reason. I tried to make the most of this. And could you make me miss you when we dance beneath the stars." His words were gentle and the song was so perfect it almost hurt.

"And would you stay right here, did I tell you that someone out there loves you? If you stay right here did I tell you, that someone out there loves you?" His voice soothed my hurting heart and made the pain ease slightly, enough for me to control my crying.

"If there's no one, no one out there. Is there no one, no one who cares. If there's no one, no one out there. Is there no one like you to share. But would you ask yourself. Would you ask yourself."

"Stay. And would you stay right here? Did I tell you that some out there loves you?" My crying slowed to a stop and I realised just how much it'd drained me, I was exhausted and needed to go back to sleep.

"Stay with me, stay right here. Stay with me, stay right here. Stay right here, stay with me." His words turned into murmurs as my eyes grew heavy and I allowed them to close.

"Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay..."

The soft song took my pain away and softly lulled me to sleep.

Notes

This is the song Gerard sings in the story. I love it, it's just so fricken beautiful and perfect.