Fallyn's POV

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"Fal's, it okay. Calm down, I'm here. Everything's gonna be fine, take a long deep breath."

Frank was trying his best to comfort me, grief has sneaked up on me in my sleep, followed me into reality and I'd woken up bawling my eyes out. Everyone's on the bus has had to face me during various mental states and temperaments.

Skittles, sadness, anger, happiness, crying my eyes out like a pussy when I should grow a pair and stop acting like a child.
My mind had decided to torture me by dragging up a variety of unwanted and repressed memories.

Sometimes I think my brain intentionally works against me, the plotting, premeditated kind of against me.
My body also liked to fuck with me by making me do stuff I wouldn't normally do.

For example, falling asleep on Frank Iero's chest when he was only a friend, I'm not sure how he went when it came to sitting still for a while but I knew I'd been asleep for a while.
He gave me his incredibly Frank-like grin and I sniffled, letting he wipe the tears off my face.

Deciding to do another thing against me my heart beat fast and my face went bright red, it was even more embarrassing now that I knew he could hear my heart.
Chill the fuck out body, you're becoming a total spazz right now and I don't need it, my own erratic behaviour is more than enough.

What did I do to make my body hate me this much?

I guess attempting to kill myself wouldn't have instilled confidence in any of my organs.
Thank you for the uselessness body, the only helpful thing you've ever done is continue to work when I need you.

An attempted deep breath caught in my throat for a moment before I resumed control of my system.
He stroked my hair and I gave up on trying to control myself, whatever, he can hear my heart and I can't stop it.

It would be nice to throw something at a wall or someone right now, it's pretty obvious I have trouble dealing with my anger. Not just anger actually, I had no idea how to flirt or make friends, I'd usually talk about what interested me and bad luck if you didn't agree.

I could be pretty determined when it came to my opinions and wants, I was the kind of person who enjoyed getting their way and I wasn't fun to be around when I didn't get it. The only people I could be around and not get bossy was My Chem and it wasn't saying much because no one wants to embarrass themselves around famous people.

But it wasn't their fame that made me nice, it was because they were really great guys who I never wanted to be a bitch to. Except for Gerard when he was being mean to Frankie, I hated when Gee acted like that.

Speaking of Gee I wonder where he was now because he wasn't in the living room or the bunks maybe or the kitchen. Who cares, he was being a jerk the last time I saw him.

"What's the matter? Was it the dream you had with the school and stuff?"
How the hell did he know what I was dreaming about? Weren't thoughts and dreams a separate thing?

"I saw your dreams, it was weird, it's the first time it's happened." I had mixed feeling on him being able to see my past that easily, it's similar to him making me tell him everything.
It wasn't Frank's fault he got stuck with seeing everything but it did make me feel like every right to privacy I had was removed.

"Everything?" I mumbled, thinking of all the stuff that'd happened in my past, knocking Jules on her ass was something I'd prefer he didn't know.

"I saw it through your eyes." He pushed some stray hair out of my face and my face went crimson once more, how can I allow myself to be effected this heavily by one guy?

"Your life hasn't been a good one has it?" My mind when back to me standing in front of Kat's coffin and writing on her pale, cold hand. I shook my head and he wrapped his arms around around my shoulders, the whole position we were in seemed incredibly personal.

I'd curled my knees up to the point of them almost touching my chest, I was leaning my whole body against Frank and he had his arm around me.

It was personal and I liked it.

Stop fucking thinking this brain!

He knows what you're thinking, just how much longer do you want to pretend that you don't spazz when he touches you, you might as well just tell him.

Frank had a blank look on his face and I prayed he didn't hear the mental argument I'd just had with myself.

"Anyways if you stay with us I promise nothing bad will happen to you ever again, no more loss or depression." He hadn't been talking about becoming a vampire but those words made a thought come to mind.

If everyone you care about is dead then you won't have anything else to lose, care for or worry about.
You'd also never die so that sucked when you got tired of life. Frank started laughing and I could feel the vibrations coming from his chest and hitting my body.

"What?" I hadn't said anything stupid, at least I don't think I have, maybe I drifted off to LaLa land and started talking.

"You change your mind about the vampire thing every five seconds." So that what he was laughing about, I hadn't changed my mind, just thought it would be cool to never worry about losing someone who mattered to you.

"If you try to turn me I'll stake you, Drac." Frank continued to laugh and grin while I sat there feeling small and awkward.

It was impossible to be taken seriously when you looked like me, unless you punched someone in the face or told them to fuck themselves with an axe. I could never want to do or say either of those things to Frankie he was too nice.
I need to think about the words I use more often though, I say everyone's nice or great I'm accidentally losing all meaning for the word.

But I wasn't lying, Frank was a nice and great guy, I couldn't think of any other words off the top of my head that would summarise him.
Frankie knew I'd never try to kill him, for more than one reason, the main one being my inability to kill him even if I wanted to, after all he's a lot stronger than me. I also wouldn't kill my friend, 'cause you know, you're not supposed to try murdering people dear to you.

"Are you feeling better now?" He was obviously referring to the minor emotional breakdown I'd gone through in a matter of second. Sometimes I think I need a shrink, a padded cell and a bunch of multicoloured pills, one of them would have to do me some favour.

I'll be perfectly honest, my emotions needed to turn it down by a million notches, because crying every second over the smallest thing wasn't helping, neither was my heart fucking with my logic.
My body wanted to sabotage my life, take no prisoners and leave no survivors, that was its game plan and my brain disagreed with it.

"I think I've had my daily dose of being crippled by my emotions, it'll hold me 'til tomorrow."

I'm an emotional time bomb and could surprise myself with some of the outbursts I could come up with, I'm lucky the guys hadn't classified me as a psycho. Then again they're vampires, the full on super speed and strength, fangs out blood drinking kind so they'd kinda be hypocrites considering they're as psycho as me.
They were also my friends and friends didn't judge each other no matter how crazy the other was, Frank's behaviour sometimes made me actually think he was crazy though.

Frank had yet to say something to me and I looked curiously around the room for a moment, I hadn't noticed Ray was sitting in a chair. He had his headphones on and his guitar in his lap, he was also head banging, I don't think he heard me crying, that made me feel better.

It was embarrassing crying around people, I even felt like I was making a fool of myself around Frankie when I cried. I'd said I was living life on a day to day basis and that I didn't care about people's opinions of me, my brain knew it was lies, I cared very much about what Frank thought of me.

Why does my heart have to fuck with all my decisions? Because its impossible to make a rational, well planned thought and decision when your heart worried what everyone thought.

I'd be better off if Katelyn made all my choices for me, except for the suicide part which wasn't the brightest idea, I knew it because I'd tried killing myself only a week ago.
Wow, I hadn't realised I'd been with the band for a week, it seemed like longer.

There was so much I'd learnt, experienced, felt and seen. I'd been to places I never thought I'd go and met people I never thought I'd meet. I've got friends, true friends and I knew what was definitely the deepest darkest secret you could possibly have, unless they happened to be gods as well, nothing could top the vampire thing.

I didn't have any deep, dark secrets, just a bunch of embarrassing things that once put together made one big story I didn't want anyone to know, the story of my life. The amount of stupid things I've done in my life were astonishing and ran up and down a scale of this is ridicules to this is impossible and dangerous.

One of the worst things I'd done was agreeing to go with Brock to his party, that was something I wish I could undo from my memory and life. I'm in dire need of some inner guidance and a voice that told me I was being a fucktard.

"I'm sorry about Katelyn but I had no idea you could throw a punch like that, it was epic." I gave him a small smile, it was nice of him to apologise for what happened with Kat and he was right about the punch being epic.

I didn't feel like saying anything further on what he'd seen from my dreams, it was weird enough already, he knew everything that'd happened in the past couple of weeks. The unfiltered, uncensored version, my swearing and the walls I put up to defend myself from reality.

It was hard knowing he'd learnt all of this in one session without me telling him. My stomach growled at the exact moment Gerard stuck his head through the curtain separating the living room and the kitchen, this bus was seriously huge.

"I made some food if you're hungry, it's pasta, everyone on the bus likes it so you'll need to get used to eating it regularly." Since I was halfway on Frank's lap I had to do and awkward half falling, half standing manoeuvre.
My legs gave up on helping me stand, they'd gone numb because I'd been sleeping in the same position for nearly twelve hours.

I swayed on the spot for a moment before falling backwards, my legs folded beneath me and I landed on Frank. The back of my head connected with his face, a sharp pain went through my head and I flinched, god I hope I didn't hurt him or worse.

"Ow, Frankie are you alright?" I moved away quickly, the back of my head still hurt but only a bit, he was significantly less alright than me. He wiped away a some blood trickling from his nose and I gasped, oh shit I didn't meant to hurt him.

"I'm fine, are you alright though?" He put his hands on either side of his nose and I heard a cracking sound, don't tell me I'd broken it.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. Should we take you to the hospital or the doctors? Your nose is bleeding." He waved me off as I sat next to him freaking out and trying to think of something useful I could do, the only thing that came to mind was an ice pack.

"It'll heal in a minute, I'm a vampire and I've had much worse than this. Broken nose isn't even on the list of what will happen when I rough house with the guys." What the hell happened when they really hurt each other, broken ribs, dislocated shoulders, internal bleeding?

I was a girl and I was supposed to be girly but I rough housed with Katelyn all the time and nothing as bad as a broken nose never happen to either of us. Frank stood up and continued behaving as if I hadn't just broken his nose, I felt horrible now, I didn't meant to hurt him, it was a complete accident.

"You wanna get something to eat now? I'm starving, uh, in the I want to taste food sense." My brain managed to remember how vampires weren't required to eat food and only ate it for pleasure.

I was still confused by how casually he handled me breaking his nose but I pulled my thoughts together nodded as he walked out of the room with a smile on his face.

Oh come on!
That had to of hurt, at least a little bit.

Gerard was in the kitchen with Ray who was trying to help serve the pasta despite not looking like he any idea what he was doing, even less than that. I got waved at with some tongs before Gee started putting spaghetti into a bowl, they'd made a lot of food and I couldn't help but wonder if they ate like this as humans.

Gee, Mikey and Frank did have Italian heritage so maybe that's why they liked pasta, did that sound as racist as I thought it did?

"No, we grew up with a lot of Italian food so it's impossible for us to not like it." He shrugged then ate a strand of spaghetti, it weird having him answer my thoughts as if I said them out loud, weird but I think I'll be able to get used to it, at least I won't have to yell at them for not understanding me. I sat on the bench next to a pot of spaghetti sauce that made my stomach growl just by the smell.

"I thought you said my thoughts weren't always there, what's with suddenly being able to hear me all the time?" Ray handed me a bowl filled with spaghetti and sauce, I started eating immediately and my stomach was beyond grateful for it.

"We couldn't, I don't why your thoughts are so readable all of a sudden, maybe it's because you know the secret." Mikey answered my question in a way that made me think he had even less of an idea than I did, which was saying something because he's been able to read minds for a while now.

I didn't like them knowing my thoughts, it's too personal, I'd rather have not known they could read minds, the vampire thing I'm fine with though.

"We'll try to stay out of your head. After all I did say I didn't want anyone using vampire abilities." Gerard said while eating an unreasonably huge bowl of pasta. The look on the guys faces said they didn't agree with him not the slightest.

Frank, Mikey, Bob and Ray were scowling while Gee talked, the only person who agreed with him was himself. As if to spite Gerard, Frank ate his spaghetti with his fangs out, a huge grin on his face and a fuck you attitude that hung in the air around him.

"None of us agreed to not use our powers, you decided we wouldn't do it and didn't ask any of us if we agreed." Mikey was being the one who disagreed with what he was saying, Frankie was too busy eating to say anything anyways.

Gerard was being a tad over-controlling, more than a tad actually, he needed to realise not everyone would agree with everything he said. Although I would appreciate it if they found some way to avoid reading my mind all the time, it ruined the whole idea of having private thoughts.
I also thought this earlier but I really didn't want any of them knowing what I thought about each member, nothing mean just embarrassing.

"Fine, whatever. If she ends up dead because you guys got riled up I'll murder each one of you individually, I'll enjoy it too." Gee was being scarily serious looking and I fully believed he'd kill them, although I doubted any member of the band would kill me or risk killing me.

Jeez, sometimes I had my head buried so far in my own naivety, I could be a danger to myself when I didn't think. They were my friends, they were also vampires and different from normal people, they could kill anyone off the street, which meant they could kill me.

I trust them but I need to remain in the real world and remember I could die any moment and I didn't want to die until I was ready and planned it. Gerard sighed before walking out of the room with his bowl of pasta, a crappy mood and a glum, dark expression that said he wanted to hurt almost everyone on the bus.

Hmm, I wonder what he's gonna do now, draw maybe, I did that whenever I felt in a bad mood or just wanted to vent. Screaming into your pillow also worked but he didn't seem like the kind of person who'd want to try taking out his anger with a fluffy object.

"He's gonna try some angry art." Ray answered my question before staring at his phone once more, he hardly talked to me neither did Bob, I wonder why.

"I haven't felt like talking lately and Bob gets nervous around girls, especially pretty ones." He didn't even look at me while talking and continued to tap away, the answering my thoughts was getting old, fast. Oh and what's up with calling me pretty, was he being serious or was it another band joke I had trouble understanding.

"Everyone on the bus thinks your pretty, especially, Frank. He doesn't shut up about it, it's kinda annoying actually." He barely managed to murmur to me while being caught up in fantastic phone texty-text land of the magical SMS fairies.
My jaw dropped open at his words and I looked to Frank who was staring at him with wide eyes and a bright red face to match.

Will someone please tell me what the hell's going on right now?

"Mm-hm." Ray responded to some unspoken sentence and I wondered if they were talking using the mind speak thing they could do. I wish I could know what they're talking about, it would be so freaking awesome to be able to read minds and talk through mind speak.

"Frankie's yelling at me for embarrassing him and he's warning me to never do it again unless I like hanging by my fro from the Eiffel Tower." Frank groaned in frustration and ran his hands through his blonde and black hair before walking out of the room in the same style as Gerard.

He was gone for a minute before coming back in and looking only a little less agitated but twice as feral with his eyes partiality darkened.

"Dude! Shut up!" This was funny, for all I know they weren't even talking about anything along those lines and happened to be joking around for fun.

"What, I'm only telling the truth." Ray managed to remove his gaze from the mobile screen long enough to make eye contact with Frank who was quietly swearing in frustration.

"Stop telling the truth then!" Frankie murmured into a wall which he had his face pressed against, Ray was annoying him right now and it didn't take any effort to see it.

"Frank imagines you naked every night before bed, guess whether or not I'm telling the truth." At Ray's words he switched to hitting his head against the wall, his nose had been broken not long ago but it didn't impair his ability to hurt the wall.

I was hoping Ray was joking, it didn't matter whether or not I had a crush on someone, I didn't want them visioning me naked.

"Fal's he's lying. Princess Fro Fro, shut the hell up and stop teasing her, it's mean." He chuckled as Frank left the room for a second time in a huff, I never realised how much they liked to screw with each other, which is a lot.
Bob couldn't help but laugh as well and I stood in the kitchen with a laughing Bob, Ray and Mikey, I don't think teasing Frank was funny so I left the room.
Frankie was now sitting on the couch with Pansy, an amplifier and a scowl he was still attractive with, mind you I hadn't seen Frank ever look unattractive.

Damn you brain stop sabotaging my thoughts and making me seem like a complete and utter squealing and obsessed fan girl. He played the riffs from some songs while I sat on the couch next to him and drummed my fingers on my knee in time to the guitar, I wish I'd be able to play this good.

I'm not sure if he noticed I'd walked in or not because I tried to initiate a conversation with him about five times and he said practically nothing. I was about to give up and go back to the kitchen when he thrust the guitar towards me.

"Here." He said gruffly and I hesitantly took it, I wonder what got into him, he's being a jerk all of a sudden, he's supposed to be the fun one.

"Uh, thanks?" I had no idea why he was handing it to me, did he have to go and do something?

Punch Ray and Bob?
Yell at Gee?

"You missed your guitar lesson remember?" Aah, that's why I'm holding Pansy, I'd almost forgotten how I slept through a lesson a couple of days ago, he said I'd have to learn extra because of it.

I nodded and placed the guitar correctly on my lap, my fingers went to the fret board and I took the pick he handed me with a small smile.

"Today, meh, I guess tonight would be a better words. Anyway it doesn't matter I'll be teaching you Romance." Please tell me he was talking about a song and not trying to creep me out, I have to admit it was a weird sounding sentence and would probably make anyone say 'huh?'

He noticed the confused look on my face, sighed then tried to explain it more clearly.
"Romance, the opening guitar piece on Bullets."

Oh, thank god he wasn't trying to be creepy, I prefer the semi-normal, slightly crazy Frank I hung out with daily, not the creepy one.

"Put your fingers here and here." He adjusted my fingers on the strings and began explaining things in an unhelpfully complicated fashion.

My brain was gonna be so tired after this.