I slowly opened my eyes and looked around.


There was so much red. So, so much.


All over the doctors and nurses and utensils they were using on me.


It all hurt so, so much.


Worse than when I was at home.


I wanted to scream but my body wasn't responding.


"He's awake! Sedate him, fast!" a doctor screamed.


I could see fear in everyone's eyes.


Fear for my life probably.


I'm not going to make it.


Before the sedatives kicked in I looked down at my stomach. So, so much red.


-----Time Lapse-----


The second time I opened my eyes there were even more doctors and nurses.


And even more red.


And even more pain.


Someone save me.


Please, someone end this.


Someone please, kill me now.


Heaven help me.


I don't want to live anymore.


'Rard will be better off not worrying for me.


I could feel blood drip from my mouth.


There was a nurse trying to wipe it away, but there was just so much of it.


"HE'S AWAKE! SEDATE HIM, NOW!" I heard another doctor yell.


The nurse placed something on my mouth and I suddenly got very sleepy.


I could still hear them yelling, though.


"He's lost way too much blood...he's not going to make it." I heard someone whisper.


"He has to make it, this is Gerard Way's mate. If he doesn't live he'll kill us." someone else said.


I opened my eyes and tried to make out the doctors faces but everything was so blurry.


Then it started to get black around the edges.


I could hear the stupid 'beep' getting slower.


I could hear the doctors and nurses panic and yell.


Then I heard the 'beep' go flat.


The last thing I remember is hearing lots of people run and then there were even more voices, yelling and demanding me to not let go.


Too late, the darkness it too inviting to turn down.


-----Time Lapse-----


This time I couldn't open my eyes, but I could hear everything loud and clear.


The doctors weren't yelling but they still sounded really worried and panicked.


Then I heard the doors open and someone come rushing in.


"Mr. Way you can't be in here!" I heard a nurse yell.


"Don't fucking touch me!" he yelled.


That voice. My 'Rard.


Oh, please, tell them to kill me.


It hurts too much.


"Who the fuck is in charge here?!" he demanded.


I heard a doctor answer.


"Give him this." Gerard said.


"What is this?" the doctor asked.


"It's a long story, just give him this." he replied.


"...okay."


I heard more shuffling, then I felt another needle enter my arm, then I felt someone place their hand on my cheek.


"You're going to be fine, princess." I felt Gerard kiss me softly on the lips. Then a nurse ushered him outside again.


Then I felt the cold liquid run through my veins, it was strangely soothing. It eased the pain away.


The voices sounded further and further until I couldn't hear anything and I was enveloped by a comfortable numbness.


-----Time Lapse-----


I could feel someones hand in mine.


I didn't hurt anymore. Just felt weak.


If I listened intently I could hear the steady 'beep' of my heart monitor.


Then there was a louder sound.


Gerard's soothing voice.


"-going to be okay. And we'll live together and we'll be happy together. And we can get a dog or ten, 'cause I know how much you love those furry fuckers. And we could...get married, if you want to of course. But, I mean, I would love to see you all dressed in white. And there would be red and black roses and everybody would be there, would you like that, princess? Mr. Frank Way, that sounds nice, don't you think? We could have a big wedding, in a church and all that. A big, fancy wedding with everything you deserve. I would like to see that...or we could not get married and then just live together. It doesn't really matter, as long as you're happy, I'm happy."
I felt him tighten his grip on my hand.


I summoned up all my strength and squeezed back.


Then I slowly opened my eyes.


I saw Gerard sitting in a chair right next to my hospital bed.


He had dark circles around his eyes, his hair was all over the place, his black tie and top two buttons on his white dress shirt were undone, so were the buttons on his vest, he had a scratch under his eye and he looked tired. But he still looked angelical to me.


"Baby, you're awake." he smiled. Like he couldn't believe it.


He wrapped me up in his arms, I hugged him back, with a lot less force than him, because I'm so weak.


I pulled away and looked at him, then I started to cry.


I missed him so much.


I just want to be with him for all of eternity and never ever let go, because I love him so much.
I don't want to ever spend a second of my life away from him.


"A big wedding sounds nice." I croaked.


He smiled and hugged me again, sitting on the bed and pulling me in to his lap.


"I love you" he whispered against my hair.


"I love you, too." I whispered back.


I tilted my head back and Gerard leaned down so our lips met.


We stayed like that for a while. Just kissing.


Then I got curious, what exactly happened?


When I pulled away and sat down next to him, I caught a glimpse of what looked like a bruise on his neck, but when he turned to me his shirt covered it, it was probably nothing.


"What happened?" I asked.


He sighed, "When you got to the hospital they did and emergency surgery on you. They said you probably wouldn't make it, though. Because of the blood loss. I tried to go in and see you. But they wouldn't let me, they said I had to stay out. So I went to the roof...when I was up there I found uh, Jackie...she said she could make you better. That she was the one that made you sick. She poisoned you, and she had the antidote. She said she would give it to me. And she did and then I gave it to the doctors so you would get better, and now here you are."


He smiled and kissed my lips softly. But I could see in his eyes that he was hiding something.
Jackie wouldn't just hand over the antidote.


"She just gave it to you? That doesn't sound possible."


He didn't say anything.


"I mean, why would she got through all the trouble to poison me and then just hand over the cure? That sounds stupid."


He opened his mouth but then closed it, he was glaring down at his lap.


"What are you hiding, Gerard?"


He closed his eyes and sighed, but didn't say anything.


"What did she want? Money? To keep the kid? What did you give her?"


He looked up at me and opened his mouth but closed it again.


I was suddenly very angry.


I'm his mate, I have the right to know.


"What the fuck happened, Gerard?!"


"...she wanted to, uh, spend a night with me." he whispered the last part.


What?!


I just sat there for a second.


My jaw slack and eyes wide.


"And you agreed?" I sounded so void of emotion, while on the inside I was ready to explode.


"...yeah. I would do anything to keep you alive."


He tried to wrap his arm around my shoulder but I pushed him away, "Are you fucking kidding me?! Don't fucking touch me!"


He pulled away from me and looked at me with hurt filled eyes.


I suddenly remembered what I had seen on his neck.


I pulled open his shirt.


Startling and probably scratching him in the process.


I looked over his chest in horror.


There were about 5 hickeys scattered around his collar bones and neck.
He tried to close his shirt, put pushed his hands away and then pulled off his shirt.


"Frank, stop!" he hissed.


I turned him slightly and with tears in my eyes looked over his once smooth back which now had long scratches running down it. Scratches from that bitch's nails. How dare she mark MY Gerard?!


I covered my mouth and turned away from him, not wanting him to see me cry.


I can't believe it.


"You cheated on me again!" I screamed.


"Baby, I did it so you wouldn't die." he sounded hurt and sorry.


"You shouldn't have!"


"What? Did you want me to let you die knowing I could have saved you?!"


I turned to him, "Yes, Gerard! I would have preferred to die!"


"Don't fucking say that!" he answered. He stood up off the bed and fixed his clothes.


"I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED TO DIE!" I yelled.


"WHY?!" he yelled.


"BECAUSE I WOULD HAVE DIED KNOWING YOU WERE JUST MINE! AND NOW I HAVE TO LIVE KNOWING YOU CHEATED ON ME TWICE, WITH THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILD! YOU HAD SEX WITH HER BEFORE YOU DID WITH ME! I BET YOU DIDN'T MAKE HER WAIT, RIGHT?!"


He stared at me, jaw slack.


"FUCKING ANSWER ME GERARD! FUCKING SAY SOMETHING!"


He just stared at me.


I just sat there, my head in my hands, tears flowing freely.


I should have died.


It would have been better.


I can't believe this.


He cheated on me, again.


With the same girl.


"Y-you promised y-you wouldn't do it a-again" I whispered


"I couldn't let you die."


"Y-you lied! Y-you don't l-love me!"

Notes

hi! Hope you guys don't hate this all that much!!

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Title from MCRs 'Heaven Hep Us'