I dug my short nails in to the hard couch in the waiting area, outside of Frankie's room in the hospital.


3 hours and 46 minutes.


I hadn't seen or heard from Frankie's doctors for 3 hours and 46 minutes


When the ambulance finlly arrived Frankie had already passed out. He was dying when they got there, so they had to call a helicopter to get him to the hospital in time. They didn't let me ride in the helicopter, though. I had to take my car. When I got here a nurse told me Frankie had to have an emergency surgery.


And now I was here, waiting to see if my princess made it.


I dug my nails deeper and glared nothing in particular.


I was so angry and worried.


They wouldn't tell me anything.


A few minutes ago two doctors ran in to where Frankie was, I thought I heard them yelling something about 'too much blood loss' and 'probably not going to make it", I punched a hole in the wall.


I need to see him.


I need to make sure he's alive.


I need to know what the fuck happened.


He was fine yesterday.


And now he's coughing up blood.


What the hell happened to my princess?


What if he doesn't make it?


What if the doctors where right? If he's lost too much blood? If he's too weak and can't get through the surgery?


That can't happen.


My Frankie has to live.


All of a sudden I heard a lot of rustling and metal hit the ceramic floor behind the door, where Frankie was.


Then there was the sound I wished I never had to hear.


There was a long 'beep'.


Then I heard people running, I could see many nurses and doctors come out from god knows where and run in to Frankie's room.


They were shouting a lot.


But I couldn't make out any of what they were saying.


Only a few words. Like 'blood' and 'die'.


And half sentences. Like 'we're gonna lose him' and 'he's lost way too much blood'.


Everything was a blur after that.


I tried to go inside, to see what they were doing to my angel.


But they wouldn't let me. I managed to pass the door and was inside for about two seconds, enough time to see him laying on the operation table with tubes and needles connecting him to machines. They had him...ripped apart. His stomach was open and he was bleeding a lot. From the mouth and stomach.


It was something I wish I never had to see.


My poor baby.


After that a nurse pulled me out.


They wouldn't let me stay inside any more, I couldn't be in the hospital.


So I went to the roof and lit a cigarette.


I'm smoking while my mate is dying.


My mate, my love, my Frankie is dying and I can't do anything about it.


I looked down at the 5 story drop.


My mate is dying.


And I can't do anything.


I felt a tear slide down my cheek.


My poor angel.


And another tear


And another


I threw the cigarette away and slid down the side of the small wall.


I put my head in my hands and did what I haven't done since my Nonna died.


I started sobbing.


Just letting the tears flow freely.


When I cried in front of Frankie I was, as usually, holding it in.


Now I'm not, I'm just letting it all out.


The love of my life is dying.


I can't go on by myself.


I can't just move on and try to live my life knowing that I lost the best thing that could have ever happened to me.


I cried even harder.


If Frankie dies I'll die with him.


I can't live without him, I can't breathe for both of us.


What felt like hours later I stood up.


I looked up at the sky. It was a gloomy day, what a fitting weather. It was dark and looked like it might rain, or snow.


It was so dark it looked like it was night time.


I looked of at the city. I really loved it here, better than Cali or Jersey or any other place in the planet. This place was were most of my good memories were made. I'd trade the world for these city lights.
And I'd trade the world to have my Frankie back.


I looked back up at the sky. The dark sky filled with gloomy clouds and hopeless hearts, empty promises. The broken city sky. And the broken man looking up at it.


Why did this have to happen?


Why did it have to be this way?


Why couldn't we be happy?


Why was there always something standing in between us?


I fished another cigarette from my packet and lit it after placing it in between my lips.


"Gee?"


I turned around, shocked that there was someone else out here and cursing myself for not realizing it.


My blood boiled as I watched a way-too-thin, way-too-short girl with long brown hair step out of the shadows.


Jackie.


I wanted to kill her.


To rip out her heart and hear her beg for mercy.


But I didn't.


Something deep inside me told me not to.


"What the fuck do you want, bitch?!" I hissed.


She flinched, "How's Frank?"


I ran to where she was and pinned her by the neck to the door.


"Don't fucking dare speak of him" I growled


"He's sick, isn't he?" she gasped.


I tightened my grip on her neck, "What the fuck do you fucking want?!"


"I can make him better" she whispered


"What?!"


"Let me go" I slowly let go of her neck.


She coughed and spluttered but quickly composed herself.


"What the fuck are you talking about?!" I hissed


"He's sick, right? I can make him better"


"How?" I asked. My blood still boiling.


This is the enemy. The one that's supposed to be suffering.


She should die, not my Frankie.


"He was poisoned. I have the antidote"


"You have what? He was poisoned?! How the fuck would you know?!"


"Because I'm the one that poisoned him. He already had a small cold. But I gave him his death sentence"


I was about to lunge at her when she pulled out a small glass tube with an electric blue liquid inside it, "This" She pointed at the glass container, "is the antidote."


"Give me it."


She smirked, she fucking smirked, "Oh, Gee-Gee it's not free."


"What the fuck do you fucking want, cunt?!" I spat through clenched teeth.


"You" she looked at me dreamily.


"What?!"


"Don't you see, Gee-Gee? We're meant to be together. You and I could be happy. We," she walked towards me and took my hand placing it on her stomach, "could be happy."


I pushed her away from me, "You're crazy."


"And he's dying."


I lunged at her, ready to kill her.


"And you can save him." she added


"What do you want? For me to leave him?"


"Yeah, but I know you won't. So I'll settle for one night. Spend one night with me and I'll let you save him...All I need is one night, and then you'll never want to go back to him."


I stood there.


What do I do?


If I say no, he'll die. If I say yes, I'll cheat.


"Give me it, or I'll kill you" I growled.


"No, Gee. This is for us. So you can see that you don't really want him. You want me. You love me," she rushed towards me, "Please, Gee? Wehy can't you see?" she started to cry, "I love you so much! Why can't we be together? Please, let us be happy!" she dropped to her knees in front of me, "Please, please, don't turn me down. I love you more than anything! I'd do anything to be with you! Everything I've done is for us! I know everything about you, I have photos of you all over my room. I found old photos of you and I keep them like a treasure, I love you! And when I saw you had moved in to your old house I thought we could finally be together. But there was that bitch! He's the only thing between us! That's why I'm getting rid of him!"


I looked down at her in disgust.


How could she?!


She hurt my princess and for that she deserves to die, slowly and painfully.


"I don't love you" I said bitterly.


"But you will! I can make you love me! All I need is a chance! Please, Gee? Give me the chance to make you happy?" she looked up at me with pleading eyes.


"I Love Frank. Not you, never you."


She banged her fist against the concrete, "But I'm better than him!"


I pushed her down with my foot so she was sprawled out on the cold concrete and I had my foot on her throat, "How dare you say you're better than him?! He's a fucking angel, but you," I pushed harder on her throat. She clawed at my ancle with one hand, the other was still holding the glass tube tightly, and started to splutter, "you are, were and always will be a stupid piece of shit."


She started to cry again.


I leaned down and tried to pry the tube from her hand, but it was impossible. She had a death grip on it.


"Let go!" I took my foot off her throat and kept trying to take the tube.


"N-no! I gave you a choice! You can save him, but you have to be with me!"
I punched her hard in the face.


She struggled to get away from me. Scratching at me with her fake nails and kicking at me.


"If you k-kill me y-you can't save h-him!" she shouted.


"Of motherfucking course I can! I'll have the antidote" I yelled.


She scratched my cheek, I punched her stomach. She yelled out in pain and doubled over.


"I-it's not c-complete" she gasped then she started to cough up blood.


"What?!"


I pinned her down by the neck. Not too hard, I needed her to speak, but hard enough so she couldn't breathe perfectly.


"It needs something...I can finish it."


I glared at her.


"Why did you do this?" I whispered, suddenly too tired to keep fighting.


I just wanted my Frankie here with me.


"I just want us to be happy, Gee."


Heaven help me. I need help. I can't lose Frankie, but if I go with this bitch then I'll be cheating on him.


What if it's all just a coax?


What if that isn't the antidote?


What if she didn't even poison Frankie?


Moments like these; when my mate is dying and I have to chose between being faithful and saving him. Moments like these I find myself asking, What If?


What if I hadn't gone to Jersey? If I hadn't met Frankie?


Would I be able to live?


Would I feel like something is missing?


Would I even care that I didn't have a mate?


Or would I have mated with someone else?


Is that stuff about 'only having one true love true'?


Moments like these I find myself begging for help to a God I didn't know I believed in.


What do I do?


I need Frankie.


Then that's the answer, right?


Save him.


No matter what.


But what if she's lying?


I can't trust her.


What if she's just making this up and Frankie has something that has nothing to do with poison?


But what if she's not?


What should I do?

Notes

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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Title from MCRs 'The Jet-set Life Is Gonna Kill You'