I was still crying when Mikey knocked on my door. I went down to answer, while trying to compose myself.

When I opened the door I was shocked to see the horrible bruises on Mikeys face.

"What the hell happened?!" I asked him as soon as he stepped in.

"Well...uhm, Gee was drunk when he got home last night and he was pissed at me, so yeah." What?! Gerard had hit him?!

"Why was he mad at you?" I asked as we made our way to my bedroom.

"Uhm...he thinks...God this is gonna be awkward, Gerard thinks you and I might have a..thing."

"Are you Fucking serious?!" Gerard hit Mikey for something as stupid as his fucking jealousy?!

"Yeah. He was pretty bad last night," he explained to me everything Gerard had said and done.
I felt horrible, it was basically my fault!

"So, Frank, how are you feeling?" I proceeded to tell him about the 'mystery feelings'.

"I don't really know why you're feeling like this, maybe it's like, your subconscious feels something for Gerard, and that's why you feel bad?"

That confused me. It wasn't the reason why I felt this, but it confused me none the less.

Did I feel something for Gerard? I mean, our date was incredible, and he didn't seem to mind the fact that I'm so socially awkward in fact he made me feel less of a freak, he was so nice to me, he treated me so well, we have lots of stuff in common, he made me feel...good. He made me feel better about myself. And he kissed me. It was under strange circumstances and was kind of awkward but it was my first kiss and it was awesome and I'm glad it was with Gerard.

Fuck.

I do feel something for him.

And I just pushed him away.

He probably never felt anything for me, anyway.

Who could love me?

I'm ugly, moody, weird, antisocial, ugly, ugly, ugly did I mention I'm ugly?

Why would Gerard want to spend a minute with me, when he could have all those pretty fertiles?

"Frank?" I almost forgot Mikey was here.

I didn't say anything. Just started crying again.

Nobody could love me. Nobody loves me. Nobody cares...Gerard couldn't love me. Gerard doesn't love me. Gerard doesn't care.

I could almost feel my heart breaking.

I had never realized I actually cared about him or anyone for that matter.

Mikey had given up on talking to me and had resorted to hug me and let me cry my eyes out.

I had calmed down a little when he got a call from Gerard.

He was yelling but Mikey just told him that he would stay with me.

A few minutes after the call I finally stopped crying. I looked over at Mikey.
"How do you feel?" he asked me.

"Like shit run over twice by a train."

"Do you want to talk about your 'mystery feelings'?"

"These aren't mystery anymore. I'm sad because of me. And I don't want to tell you."

"Sorry...so do you feel something for Gee?"

"Mikey, we're friends aren't we?" he nodded, "and you wouldn't betray me by telling someone one of my secrets, right?", again he nodded, "Okay...I think I feel something to your brother. And I don't want you to tell ANYONE, okay?” he nodded

"But why don't you tell him?"

"Because…I'm sure he doesn't feel anything for me. I mean look at me! I'm ugly and annoying. Who would want to be with me?"

"Talk to him! I'm sure he fee-"

"NO! Think about it. Your brother; the one-shot multimillion dollar playboy, wants to be with me; the awkward emo loser? That doesn't sound logical to me. Does it sound possible to you?!"

He opened his mouth but didn't say anything. There was nothing to say.

It was the truth. Raw, blatant and ugly but it was the truth.

I felt something for Gerard but I would never act on it.

I would never tell him how much better I feel when I'm with him, how alive he makes me feel.

We would never be together, never kiss, never hug, never get married, never live together; and for some reason that hurt me so much. That tore me apart, and I couldn't do anything about it.

He would move on. He would forget me. He would find someone much better than me, and he would be happy.

While I would live knowing Gerard was the best I'll never have.

"I can't let him know what I feel. And I can't let him know that he influences me so much...I can't let him see how much it hurts." I muttered

"What are you going to do?" Mikey asked.

"…Nothing. I'm just going to stop hiding. I'm going to...start living."





With or without Gerard.




Even if it kills me.

Notes

So, uhm, it's been a while!

Whatever so uhm, I kinda skipped schol (just for this!)

And this is like the shortest chapter ever! whatever, if i get lots of feedback then the next chapter will be up tonight too!

So
FUCKING TIPE ME A NICE MOTHERFUCKING COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm a comment hore; i'll pole dance for comments
hahah fust (cobra) kidding

title from MCRs 'Sleep'