Forever
It's Where My Demons Hide
The first few shots didn't do anything to make me forget but when I took shot number 8 everything started to get fuzzy.
Well, I can still remember so, "Waitress!!’Nother round!!!" I shouted. The waitress walked over to me carrying another 3 shots of whatever-the-fuck it was.
I downed them all and the room started to spin.
I stumbled to the dance floor and started to dance, I probably looked like a blind hooker but I could care less. The rest of the people that where dancing where as drunk as me so...
I kept dancing and drinking for the rest of the day
----------Time Lapse---------
What the hell?
What time is it?
I looked out the door of the -now closed- bar. It was dark and I could see all the stars.
"Sir, its 5am could you please leave?"
"Shudda fluck uuuuuuup! Imma leave!"
I tried to get my car opened but I couldn't so I decided to walk.
I had started singing a song I had made up. It was supposed to be for Frankie but...he doesn't love me.
"The world is ugly
But you're beautiful to me
Are you thinking of me?-
Of course he isn't! Fwankie haaaates me!" I had gotten to my house and was now crying. I didn't want to have to deal with this. I lost my balance and fell in a bed of flowers,
"LOOK AT ALL THE NATURE I JUST ASSASSINATED! Frankie wouldn't be happy... "
I heard the door open but didn't look up, I was busy squashing more nature.
"Gerard? Gerard, what happened?" I heard Mikeys worried and sleepy voice.
I tried to stand up but tumbled over again. Mikeys jaw dropped and he looked utterly disappointed.
I finally managed to get up, "Mikeeeeeeey! Wassup?!"
He shook his head and closed his eyes.
"Gerard, concentrate, tell me what happened."
"Fwankie, haaaaaates me"
"Why?"
"He said he hates me! And he kicked out! M'i that unlovable?! Mah mate haaaaaates meh!"
Mikey looked pissed and worried, "So you decided the best thing to do is go get drunk as fuck?! What would Nonna say?!"
I slapped him. He looked scared, worried, angry, sad and tired, all at the same time.
"DON'T TALK ABOUT MY NONNA LIKE THAT MICHAEL!" I yelled at him.
He turned to look at me again. There was an angry red handprint on his cheek, it was very noticeable and I saw it in the nearly inexistent light.
"Let's go inside, Gerard." He said
"TIS IS YOUR FAULT! FWANKIE PWOBABLY LOVES YOU! HE SHOULD LOVE MEH!!" I screamed at him I slapped him again, harder this time. He just looked scared now.
"Guh-Gerard stu-stop" he stuttered
"SHUDDUP YOU FLUCKING TWATOR!"
Mikeys cheek looked very red and it was already starting to bruise.
"Gerard, I'm ju-ust trying to he-help."
"By stealing MY MATE?!"
"I di-didn't do anything! I ju-ust wanted to be friends with him!"
"Lies!!!! You liar!!!!" I held him up by the collar of his shirt. He was crying now but I couldn't care less.
"Guh-Gerard stu-stop!"
"WHAT DO YOU HAVE THAT I DON'T?!?!" I yelled at Mikey.
"Guh-Gerard! Let me go! I'm your baby brother! I wouldn't hurt you like that! I wouldn't steal your mate!"
I dropped him on the grass of the front lawn and stumbled into the house. Ma and Father were out of town for the next few days so the house was empty.
Mikey ran in after me.
"Gerard, I'm sorry! But please tell me what happened!?"
"SHUDDUP BITCH! ALL DIS IS YOUR FAULT MOTHERFUCKER!"
"Gee, I didn't do anything!"
"SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT, BEFORE I'M FORCED TO FUCKING MURDER YOU!"
Mikey was crying harder now, "M'sorry" he says before walking upstairs to his room.
I choose to ignore him and stumble down the stairs to my bedroom.
I colapse in my bed and immediately fall asleep.
---------Time Lapse--------
I wake up at around 10:15 and imediately feel like dying.
My heart aches with longing for Frankie. I'm so sad i do nothing to silence the loud heart wrenching sobs escaping from me.
I hear Mikey call my name but I just tell him to fuck off and he left, still apologizing for something he knew nothing about.
I feel so sad, and guilty and heartbroken, I just want to die.
Eventually Mikey comes back down to my room; he's sending a text to who-knows-who.
"What do you want?" I ask. I turn my face to look at him and last nights events hit me freight-train-hard.
I hit him. Hard.
I hit my brother.
My younger, FERTILE, brother.
I don't deserve to keep breathing.
"Tell me what happened." he says
"Okay..." I tell Mikey everything. No exceptions. At first he smiled as I told him about the date, then he looked slightly worried as I told him I stayed for coffee, he looked petrified when i told him about what happened between me and Frank, especially when i told him the last bit, of before i left.
"You did that to him..And then you expected everything to go fine and dandy?!"
"I DIDN'T EXPECT HIM TO TELL ME HE HATED ME!"
"...Your unbelievable." he says and sends another text as he walks (runs) up the stairs and out of my room.
"SO FUCKING MUCH FOR BROTHERLY SUPPORT!" I yell after him.
"SO FUCKING MUCH FOR NOT FUCKING THINGS UP!" he yells back.
A few minutes later I hear him open and then slam shut the front door.
Well, fuck.
I still feel so heartbroken and guilty, and now I'm here alone.
I hear my phone ring and check the caller I.D.
'J.R.'
It reads and I smile a little as I answer;
"Hi" I greet them
"Hello, Gerard" They say in unison. I always find it amazing how they manage to, do everything in perfect sync.
You see J.R. are actually two vampires. A male Dom (J) and a female Fertile (R). They've been friends of Mikey and I's f r as long as I can remember and they are currently in London doing some super-secret investigation for my father.
"What's up, guys" I ask, my voice lacks emotion and it sounds creepy even to me.
"We would ask the same. What is wrong, Gerard?"
"I-," should I tell them my mate just rejected me? "My mate just rejected me"
"...If it's sincere and true love it will be able to see through and stay true until the end of times." they say
"Shit happens-" R says, and it's so strange to only hear her voice
"And it happens for a reason" J completes, also very strange to only hear his voice, "Find the solution and fix your fuck up...we have to go. We miss Mikey and you. We love you both." And then they hung up.
As secretive and as helpful and as synched as ever.
"I love you, too" I mumble.
They really are helpful.
I just have to find the way to talk to Frank again.
If he's really my mate he'll give me a second chance right?
But Frank won't take me back.
Be optimistic, Gerard.
When have J.R. been wrong?
There’s a first time for everything. Maybe this will be the first thing they're wrong about.
I can't help but feel a fresh wave of tears.
Maybe this is my payback for so many years of being a playboy (slut)?
The only person I actually want a relationship with; wants absolutely nothing to do with me!
This is cruel.
I swear the only reason I'm alive is for Gods amusement.
This has got to be the worst weekend of my life;
I got rejected by my MOTHERFUCKING MATE
I got drunk for the first time in years (Nonna Elena would be so disappointed)
I hit my younger, weaker, fertile brother.
Seriously can anything get worse?!
I started to feel a horrible pain in my heart. It felt like it was being ripped out of my chest. I started to cry again, but not because of the pain. But because I realized there was no open wound in my chest. The pain, as real as it feels, was emotional. It was raw, aching, cruel heartbreak.
And it wasn't even mine.
"What the fuck is happening?!" I pant as I get to my feet and stumble up the stairs to the kitchen.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I just want the pain to stop.
Apparently the universe thinks I haven't suffered enough.
I stumble up the stairs and run to the medicine cabinet.
What the fuck do I take?!
What do I do?!
I do the only thing I can think of and call Mikey;
"Hello?"
"MIKEY?! OH MY GOD! HELP ME!" I'm so desperate I barely notice the whimpers and quiet sobs on the other side of the line. Who the hell is he with?
"Gee? WHAT HAPPENED?!"
"I DON'T KNOW! MY HEART...MY HEART HURTS. MIKEY HELP ME!"
"Gee, I can't right now...Frank's not feeling so well," he's with MY FRANKIE?!, "and I think I'm going to stay a little longer...I have to go Gee." He hung up on me.
His emotionally unstable, rejected, hopeless brother.
WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?!?!
The pain was horrible and it was starting to turn into a cocktail of emotions:
Heartbreak
Loneliness
Self hate
Betrayal
Guilt
And good old fashioned SAD.
Why am I feeling this shit?!
WHY DOES MY LIFE HAVE TO BE ONE BIG FUCK UP AFTER ANOTHER?!
Well, I can still remember so, "Waitress!!’Nother round!!!" I shouted. The waitress walked over to me carrying another 3 shots of whatever-the-fuck it was.
I downed them all and the room started to spin.
I stumbled to the dance floor and started to dance, I probably looked like a blind hooker but I could care less. The rest of the people that where dancing where as drunk as me so...
I kept dancing and drinking for the rest of the day
----------Time Lapse---------
What the hell?
What time is it?
I looked out the door of the -now closed- bar. It was dark and I could see all the stars.
"Sir, its 5am could you please leave?"
"Shudda fluck uuuuuuup! Imma leave!"
I tried to get my car opened but I couldn't so I decided to walk.
I had started singing a song I had made up. It was supposed to be for Frankie but...he doesn't love me.
"The world is ugly
But you're beautiful to me
Are you thinking of me?-
Of course he isn't! Fwankie haaaates me!" I had gotten to my house and was now crying. I didn't want to have to deal with this. I lost my balance and fell in a bed of flowers,
"LOOK AT ALL THE NATURE I JUST ASSASSINATED! Frankie wouldn't be happy... "
I heard the door open but didn't look up, I was busy squashing more nature.
"Gerard? Gerard, what happened?" I heard Mikeys worried and sleepy voice.
I tried to stand up but tumbled over again. Mikeys jaw dropped and he looked utterly disappointed.
I finally managed to get up, "Mikeeeeeeey! Wassup?!"
He shook his head and closed his eyes.
"Gerard, concentrate, tell me what happened."
"Fwankie, haaaaaates me"
"Why?"
"He said he hates me! And he kicked out! M'i that unlovable?! Mah mate haaaaaates meh!"
Mikey looked pissed and worried, "So you decided the best thing to do is go get drunk as fuck?! What would Nonna say?!"
I slapped him. He looked scared, worried, angry, sad and tired, all at the same time.
"DON'T TALK ABOUT MY NONNA LIKE THAT MICHAEL!" I yelled at him.
He turned to look at me again. There was an angry red handprint on his cheek, it was very noticeable and I saw it in the nearly inexistent light.
"Let's go inside, Gerard." He said
"TIS IS YOUR FAULT! FWANKIE PWOBABLY LOVES YOU! HE SHOULD LOVE MEH!!" I screamed at him I slapped him again, harder this time. He just looked scared now.
"Guh-Gerard stu-stop" he stuttered
"SHUDDUP YOU FLUCKING TWATOR!"
Mikeys cheek looked very red and it was already starting to bruise.
"Gerard, I'm ju-ust trying to he-help."
"By stealing MY MATE?!"
"I di-didn't do anything! I ju-ust wanted to be friends with him!"
"Lies!!!! You liar!!!!" I held him up by the collar of his shirt. He was crying now but I couldn't care less.
"Guh-Gerard stu-stop!"
"WHAT DO YOU HAVE THAT I DON'T?!?!" I yelled at Mikey.
"Guh-Gerard! Let me go! I'm your baby brother! I wouldn't hurt you like that! I wouldn't steal your mate!"
I dropped him on the grass of the front lawn and stumbled into the house. Ma and Father were out of town for the next few days so the house was empty.
Mikey ran in after me.
"Gerard, I'm sorry! But please tell me what happened!?"
"SHUDDUP BITCH! ALL DIS IS YOUR FAULT MOTHERFUCKER!"
"Gee, I didn't do anything!"
"SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT, BEFORE I'M FORCED TO FUCKING MURDER YOU!"
Mikey was crying harder now, "M'sorry" he says before walking upstairs to his room.
I choose to ignore him and stumble down the stairs to my bedroom.
I colapse in my bed and immediately fall asleep.
---------Time Lapse--------
I wake up at around 10:15 and imediately feel like dying.
My heart aches with longing for Frankie. I'm so sad i do nothing to silence the loud heart wrenching sobs escaping from me.
I hear Mikey call my name but I just tell him to fuck off and he left, still apologizing for something he knew nothing about.
I feel so sad, and guilty and heartbroken, I just want to die.
Eventually Mikey comes back down to my room; he's sending a text to who-knows-who.
"What do you want?" I ask. I turn my face to look at him and last nights events hit me freight-train-hard.
I hit him. Hard.
I hit my brother.
My younger, FERTILE, brother.
I don't deserve to keep breathing.
"Tell me what happened." he says
"Okay..." I tell Mikey everything. No exceptions. At first he smiled as I told him about the date, then he looked slightly worried as I told him I stayed for coffee, he looked petrified when i told him about what happened between me and Frank, especially when i told him the last bit, of before i left.
"You did that to him..And then you expected everything to go fine and dandy?!"
"I DIDN'T EXPECT HIM TO TELL ME HE HATED ME!"
"...Your unbelievable." he says and sends another text as he walks (runs) up the stairs and out of my room.
"SO FUCKING MUCH FOR BROTHERLY SUPPORT!" I yell after him.
"SO FUCKING MUCH FOR NOT FUCKING THINGS UP!" he yells back.
A few minutes later I hear him open and then slam shut the front door.
Well, fuck.
I still feel so heartbroken and guilty, and now I'm here alone.
I hear my phone ring and check the caller I.D.
'J.R.'
It reads and I smile a little as I answer;
"Hi" I greet them
"Hello, Gerard" They say in unison. I always find it amazing how they manage to, do everything in perfect sync.
You see J.R. are actually two vampires. A male Dom (J) and a female Fertile (R). They've been friends of Mikey and I's f r as long as I can remember and they are currently in London doing some super-secret investigation for my father.
"What's up, guys" I ask, my voice lacks emotion and it sounds creepy even to me.
"We would ask the same. What is wrong, Gerard?"
"I-," should I tell them my mate just rejected me? "My mate just rejected me"
"...If it's sincere and true love it will be able to see through and stay true until the end of times." they say
"Shit happens-" R says, and it's so strange to only hear her voice
"And it happens for a reason" J completes, also very strange to only hear his voice, "Find the solution and fix your fuck up...we have to go. We miss Mikey and you. We love you both." And then they hung up.
As secretive and as helpful and as synched as ever.
"I love you, too" I mumble.
They really are helpful.
I just have to find the way to talk to Frank again.
If he's really my mate he'll give me a second chance right?
But Frank won't take me back.
Be optimistic, Gerard.
When have J.R. been wrong?
There’s a first time for everything. Maybe this will be the first thing they're wrong about.
I can't help but feel a fresh wave of tears.
Maybe this is my payback for so many years of being a playboy (slut)?
The only person I actually want a relationship with; wants absolutely nothing to do with me!
This is cruel.
I swear the only reason I'm alive is for Gods amusement.
This has got to be the worst weekend of my life;
I got rejected by my MOTHERFUCKING MATE
I got drunk for the first time in years (Nonna Elena would be so disappointed)
I hit my younger, weaker, fertile brother.
Seriously can anything get worse?!
I started to feel a horrible pain in my heart. It felt like it was being ripped out of my chest. I started to cry again, but not because of the pain. But because I realized there was no open wound in my chest. The pain, as real as it feels, was emotional. It was raw, aching, cruel heartbreak.
And it wasn't even mine.
"What the fuck is happening?!" I pant as I get to my feet and stumble up the stairs to the kitchen.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I just want the pain to stop.
Apparently the universe thinks I haven't suffered enough.
I stumble up the stairs and run to the medicine cabinet.
What the fuck do I take?!
What do I do?!
I do the only thing I can think of and call Mikey;
"Hello?"
"MIKEY?! OH MY GOD! HELP ME!" I'm so desperate I barely notice the whimpers and quiet sobs on the other side of the line. Who the hell is he with?
"Gee? WHAT HAPPENED?!"
"I DON'T KNOW! MY HEART...MY HEART HURTS. MIKEY HELP ME!"
"Gee, I can't right now...Frank's not feeling so well," he's with MY FRANKIE?!, "and I think I'm going to stay a little longer...I have to go Gee." He hung up on me.
His emotionally unstable, rejected, hopeless brother.
WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?!?!
The pain was horrible and it was starting to turn into a cocktail of emotions:
Heartbreak
Loneliness
Self hate
Betrayal
Guilt
And good old fashioned SAD.
Why am I feeling this shit?!
WHY DOES MY LIFE HAVE TO BE ONE BIG FUCK UP AFTER ANOTHER?!
Notes
OMG! TWO UPDATES?!?!i'm too nice to you guys
WHO SHOULD GET A FUCKTON OF COMMENTS?!
*wispers* me! :)
sooo yeah, chapter twelve is up!
title from Imagine Dragon's 'Demons'
this is fucking amazing
9/5/18