Until I lived my life

Gerard’s POV

“So how long is Frank staying for?” Ewan asked as he made himself a drink.
“I don’t know, until he gets better I guess.” I said as I rested my head on the island top as I didn’t get much sleep last night.
“You look like shit dad.” Ewan said as he sat next to me and looked at his phone for the time.
“Think you would be if you didn’t sleep last night.” I said as I got up and got my coffee and went into the sitting room and just collapsed onto it and turned the tv on as I wrapped myself up in the blanket.
“I’ve got lacrosse training today, thought you would want to know where I am this morning.” Ewan said and I raised my arm up and gave Ewan the thumbs up.
“Have fun and be good.” I said which made Ewan chuckle and left me alone to watch the tv and falling asleep on the sofa.
The next one to wake me up was Tallie.
“Dad, Dad wake up.” Tallie said and I groaned loudly as I opened my eyes to see Tallie was actually dressed.
“What the fuck do you want?” I asked sleepily as I got myself comfy again.
“I’ve got hockey training remember. I’m not going to be back until later as I’m going to meet up with some friends as well.” Tallie said and I just nodded as I felt Tallie kiss the side of my head and she pulled the blanket more over me and she walked out the room which made me sigh loudly and fall back asleep making the most of having a quiet house.

I managed to get myself up just as Frank was walking into the kitchen and making a coffee for himself.
“Make me one, mines gone cold.” I said as I yawned and stretched which made Frank jump and look at me.
“I would, but I don’t know how to work the coffee machine.” Frank said and I smiled as I walked over and showed Frank how to use it.
“I didn’t keep you up last night did I?” Frank asked as he sat round the island and pushed a mug towards me which must of been my coffee.
“No, I have bad nights where I don’t sleep and I guess last night was one of them.” I said and Frank looked down slightly and then he looked around with a frown.
“The house is scarily quiet for a weekend.” Frank said and I chuckled.
“The joys of sports, I think I would of killed the two off them if they didn’t go to training on the weekends and whenever they train on the weekdays.” I said and Frank smiled slightly.
“What do they play then?” Frank asked.
“Ewan plays lacrosse and Tallie play hockey.” I said as I smiled because I was proud with the kids even though they get on my nerves sometimes.
“Wow, see I would of put your girl as not the sporty type and your boy as liking football.” Frank said and I chuckled.
“Well they like to make people think they don’t like something when they actually do.” I said as I looked down and thought of all the shit I did put the kids through.
I got up and went outside to have a cigarette.

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“You said you was on the streets, how did you end up there?” Frank asked as he sat on the sofa since he was able to move a bit better today than yesterday.
“When I was 22 I got into the wrong crowd and got into drugs and before that I was a alcoholic.” I said as I turned to face Frank.
“My family basically said it’s them or the drugs and alcohol, I chose the drugs and alcohol and that’s who I ended up on the streets.” I said and I looked at Frank.
“Do you talk to your family?” Frank asked and I laughed slightly.
“Nope, because I also told them that I was gay and my family are very strict and go to church every Sunday and during the week. When I told I was gay and that I did drugs and drank alcohol I was told that I was never welcomed back into the family and that I was dead to them and my brother was not allowed to go looking for me once I was kicked out.” I said as I looked down.
“What happened to the kids?” Frank asked.
“Luckily They was with their mother until I was 25, by that point I had a club running and I was getting back on my feet again.” I said as I looked at Frank.
“I’ve sold myself for money for drugs and alcohol. I’ve begged on the streets. I’ve even slept with my drug dealer and stole drugs from them once they had passed out. Hell I never even showered for about 8 months because I was at rock bottom.” I said and Frank was shocked about this.
“They was rough times and I never want to go back to that again. Well I can’t go back to there again I’ve got Tallie and Ewan to look after and I would never forgive myself if they ended up back into care again.” I said quietly as I looked down and then I looked back at Frank.

“What about you? How did you end up on the streets?” I asked and Frank chuckled.
“I got thrown out of my home after my wife found drugs in my bag and yeah we had a massive fight and she threw me out and told me I was never going to see my kids again and she stuck to her word on that one.” Frank said as he looked down.
“Wait you was married?” I asked and Frank looked at me and nodded.
“Yep but in reality I was only using her to hide the fact I was gay.” Frank said and I nodded as I understood that a in way.
“How old was you kids?” I asked and Frank smiled sadly.
“My boy will be about 14 now and my girls will be 12 now.” Frank said sadly.
“You got twins this shit is getting creepy now.” I said and Frank chuckled.
“Yeah I’ve got twins.” Frank chuckled as he smiled.
“My boy was 4 and my girls was 2 when my wife threw me out for the drugs.” Frank said quietly and I smiled at him.
“Do you ever see them?” I asked and Frank shook his head.
“The last I heard from someone is that I’m dead to my family and calling someone else dad.” Frank said quietly and I knew how much that hurt because Tallie and Ewan both called someone else dad before they knew about me.
“But I can understand why she did throw me out, my drugs habit was out of control I would get up in the morning and just do drugs until I either passed out or overdosed.” Frank said and I looked down as I knew that story well as I would also do that when I was at my lowest.
“But I got clean like 2 years ago and I’m managing to stay clean and sober.” Frank said and I looked at him and smiled.
“That’s good.” I said and Frank smiled.
“I’m going for a cigarette if you want to join me.” I said as I stood up and went outside.

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I was busy sorting food out for everyone when Frank came over and stood next to me and helped sorting food out.
“You said that the kids was in care. What happened to their mother?” Frank said and I sighed as I looked down.
“Their mother couldn’t cope and so she gave them up to the system and they grew up in care before they found their foster family and they called them their mum and dad until social services found me and asked me if I want to have them and of course I said I wanted to bond with the kids so after like a year of visiting them and social services doing their checks I was allowed to have them in my care. I would never look back.” I said as I looked at Frank.
“If you want to see your kids then you need to clean yourself up and get off the streets.” I said and Frank frowned at me.
“You think I don’t know that. Fuck I’ve been trying my hardest to get off the streets but I can’t, the money what I get for slutting myself is barely enough for me to even think about putting a deposit down on a house. Fuck I barely have enough money to feed myself.” Frank said and I stopped what I was doing.
“I can help you get off the streets but only if you want my help.” I said and Frank frowned at me.
“Why would you want to help a pile of shit like me?” Frank asked and I sighed.
“Because I was once a pile of shit like you and now I am one of the most wealthiest business owners in this place. Now I believe somewhere deep inside you are the same. But you are stubborn and too set in street life to see that.” I said and Frank narrowed his eyes at me and I turned back to doing what I was doing.
“And you also need to sort your temper out, so go and have a cigarette and cool down and think about what I have to offer you.” I said and I heard Frank huff loudly as he walked off and I heard him slam the back door shut.
“That poor door has had more slams than what is needed.” I said to myself as I carried on with cooking food.

The kids had come home and they was both arguing about something which meant me and Frank was downstairs watching something on the tv.
“I was thinking.” Frank said quietly and I looked at him.
Frank sat sideways and looked at me.
“I need help.” Frank said quietly as he looked down.
“When I gave the drugs up I moved to alcohol.” Frank whispered and I frowned at him as I moved myself to get myself comfy.
“I can’t have alcohol or drugs in this house Frank. That night in the bar, I was going to relapse but you noticed and told the bar tender not to give me alcohol I was thankful for that.” I said and Frank nodded.
“I understand that and I’ll respect that. I mean it’s not a serious problem but when things get a bit dark and nasty in my head then that’s not very often it happens.” Frank said and I nodded.
“Have you need to the doctors about this?” Gerard asked and I shook my head.
“Don’t have the money to even use the bloody posh toilets in town let alone having money to have medical insurance or to even go to the doctors.” Frank said and I frowned slightly.
“Before you ask the money to buy drinks at the bar are actually what the people I sleep with pay.” Frank said and I nodded.
“Yeah I know as I did the same when on the streets.” I said and Frank smiled slightly.
“Look, I said I would help you but only if you want help. If you don’t want help then I’m going to have to say that once your better then I can’t have you staying in my house but we can still meet up in Tuesdays. But if you do want help then you are welcomed to stay here and get yourself off the streets and get your life back. I won’t feel hurt if you say you don’t want help and don’t say you want help because you want to stay in a house.” I said seriously and Frank smiled at me.
“I want help, I want to get off the streets but I have no idea on where to start to get off the streets. I want my life back Gee.” Frank said and a nickname just slipped out his mouth without him noticing.
“Okay, I’m going to help you okay. Have you got anything on the streets you want to get or do you want a fresh start?” I said and Frank thought about it for a second and then he shook his head.
“I want a fresh start.” Frank said and I smiled at him.
“Okay, well in the morning we’ll go out and get you some new clothes and get that hair sorted out because it’s a bloody mess.” I said and Frank a real genuine smile.
“Also one more thing, you selling yourself stops now okay.” I said seriously as I stood up and Frank looked at me as he nodded.
“Thanks Gee.” Frank said and I smiled at him as I went upstairs leaving Frank to either crash on the sofa or come up to bed when he was ready.

“You’re on nicknames now?” Tallie said as she walked into my room Luckily I had only just taken my top off.
“I’m sure it just slipped out and he doesn’t mean it.” I said and Tallie scoffed.
“Once yeah that slipped out but the second time, that wasn’t slipping out his mouth.” Tallie said and I sighed loudly.
“I take it you heard what we talked about then?” I said and Tallie nodded just and Ewan walked in.
“Shut the door.” I said and Ewan shut the door and walked over and stood by Tallie.
“Okay so you two heard what I’ve offered Frank and about the past and all of shit Frank has been through.” I said and they both nodded.
“We don’t care about the past dad, the fact that your sober and you managed to get us out of care. We don’t care about the stuff you have done.” Ewan said and I smiled at them as I looked down and thought about everything.
“Also, we don’t mind Frank staying either.” Tallie said and I looked at them and smiled.
“Okay, get to bed you both have school in the morning.” I said and they both smiled as Ewan walked out the room and Tallie walked over and kissed me cheek and walked out the room.
I sighed as I stood up and turned round and took my jeans off when someone cleared their throats and I looked round and saw Frank watching me.
“Does anyone in this house respect my privacy.” I said as I walked over to my bed and pulled the huge T-shirt I slept in.
“Clearly nobody does.” Frank said and I smiled as I turned round and noticed Frank looking me up and down.
“Hey, eyes on my face and not eyeballing my body.” I said and Frank chuckled.
“I know a pretty body when I see one.” Frank said and I scoffed loudly.
“Please, this body is disgusting. Anyway what can I do to help.” I said and Frank shrugged his shoulders as his eyes wondered round my room.
“Now I won’t even say what I was going to say, but I just wanted to say thanks for letting me stay here and for helping me.” Frank said and I smiled at him.
“It’s fine, I’ll see you in the morning.” I said and Frank smiled as he walked out the room shutting the door behind him.
I sighed and turned round and walked over to my bed and collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep.

Notes