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Dear Insanity.

|Five| If you have the chance to pick me up.

^Gerard^

I walked aimlessly around the institution in a daze for the remainder of the day... the lack of sleep (and food) getting the upper hand in this situation. The dry air of the interior of this building really made my throat dry but I deemed myself too lazy to walk all the way up to the kitchen, now that I'm in the east wing.

Thankfully nobody had been able to find me since breakfast, which means its been a total of five hours and thirty-five minutes since I've departed from everybody and I wanted it to stay that way. I managed to escape from Franks pitiful glances so I didn't particularly cherish the thought of receiving them from Dr.Glenn or any of the orderlies.

The dark-sky held a distinct amount of dreariness to it causing the interior of the building to seem duller than it usually does... which amplified my already-draining feeling.

"Gerard!" I hear the gleeful shout, of who I pinpointed as, Frank... sullenly I turned around to meet his cheerful-bright eyes, poor kid... little does he know this place will drain him of any content feeling... I nodded my head at him once eye contact was initiated. "Dr.Glenn is like, super worried about you..." he mumbled, losing his joyous tone. I sighed knowingly and averted my gaze back to the courtyard (which I was still banned from) staring out the window longingly. The snow looked so dull without the sun's beauty gleaming down on it.

"Don't you just love the snow?" he gasped adoringly "Snow means Christmas... and that means smiles, love, and cheer" he gushed with endearment. I mused down at him, enjoying the three minutes he's been here, and then started wondering why I would ever want to be separated from his bubbly attitude.

"Why do you enjoy Christmas so much?" I asked curiously... personally I despised the holiday ever since I was placed here. None of my family visits so it's just another day to me. He looked up at me with wondrous eyes "It's just so magical, Gee!" he beamed "and at night, when everything is still... and you look out at the snow with the streetlights shining down on top of it... there's a certain type of serenity emitted." he looked so kid-like. Nothing could kill his spirit.

"Now the more important question is... why don't you like it?" I sighed "to me, its bullshit." he looked hurt by my statement. "Nothing at all ever against you, my spirit was demolished years ago, my parent's nor brother ever came to visit after throwing me in this place..." I mumbled out brokenly "my first Christmas in here... I waited in the visitor's room and watched as all then other patients reunited with loved ones... I waited two hours, fifty minutes and forty-six seconds after the room had cleared out... but they never showed. I did that for three Christmas's after that before I realized I was stuck in here forever, with no family..."

Franks face held the utmost sympathy I'd ever seen "Your family really did that to you?" shock evident in his voice, I nodded shakily "You can spend Christmas with my family this year!" he offered happily, I smiled warmly at his offer "I don't want to impose on your well-earned family-time" I whispered, he shook his head vigorously "That wouldn't be the case at all! I'll ask my Mom when I call tonight!" He exclaimed cheerily.

Then his expression turned serious "Dr.Glenn really wants to speak with you though. She was a wreck when she asked me where you were... she thought you did something." he mumbled "I'll go to her right now then" I concluded. Frank smiled happily and walked me down to her office.

I cautiously opened her door, revealing her stressed expression "Uh... Hi..." I whispered, her head shot up at lightning speed "Gerard!" she gasped out "where did you disappear to for five hours?" she exclaimed, I looked down at her stained-brown-carpet and shrugged "I needed to be alone... and you won't let me outside so... I wandered around the building." She sighed heavily "I was about to call a lockdown." She scolded "anyway, have a seat" she directed, and so, I sat down on the uncomfortable-old-spring chair and started my countdown...

But to my surprise, she started questioning me right away. "How are you feeling?" she asked, no more than sixteen seconds after I sat down. I shrugged "A little better than this morning" I concluded "That's wonderful. Voices?" she questioned I shrugged "Not since early, early this morning" I admitted, she smiled thankfully "That's so good to hear" she smiled "What about hallucinations?" her list of questions carried on, I smiled lightly "Is there really snow on the ground?" she nodded "Okay... and Frank is a real person whom I'm rooming with?" she nodded once more "Lastly... there is a doctor here under the name of Way, whom I will be meeting this Friday?" she smiled and nodded "Then no, no hallucinations that I can think of" she sighed contently "That's perfect. I'm so glad to hear that." she cleared her throat "How have you been sleeping?" I shrugged "I haven't"

This caused her to frown "Why didn't you tell one of us?" I averted my gaze "It's only been for two nights" I countered, hearing her sigh again "I'll talk to Dr. Way about sleep medication. Now... Carson has told me you haven't been eating for the past three days?" I rolled my eyes in disgust "You have seen the food here, right... Carol?" she squinted her eyes at the use of her first name.

"It may not be the most appealing, but you need the food Gerard." she retorted "And what have I told you about my first name" she continued "What did I tell you about our chefs." I challenged "All I ask for is decent food, that's it. I don't complain about not seeing my file, or what the deal with my family is, why I can't remember shit. I don't fight... much... on taking my medication. But I ask for edible meals and its WWIII" I rambled on. Another sigh exited her lungs and she looked at me "Will you be more cooperative if there is better food?" she inquired "That sure would help" I smiled "I'll look into it." I nodded thankfully.

I looked at the time and saw we only had thirteen minutes left... I pondered for a moment before asking my burning question "Dr.Glenn...?" I started quietly, she looked up from her laptop and made eye contact "Yes?" she smiled warmly "May, I please... go out to the courtyard?" I questioned with hopeful eyes "Yes, you have permission to go outside now." I smiled thankfully and stood up. "See you again tomorrow, Dr.Glenn" I watched as she nodded before I left through her honey-brown-door.

*

Stepping back out into the hallway I sighed happily... which was odd for me. Everything just seemed so much better than they had this morning... considering I was in a full-mental-breakdown. I put that thought behind me though and walked towards the courtyard doors, where I slipped on one of the hospital jackets and ventured outside into the brisk December air.

I always loved the outside, there's a certain simplicity about being outside, I find it calming... even in the dead of winter as I'm stuck in this hospital. I took my usual spot under the gazebo and looked around at the snow-covered land. It was completely dead just the way I liked it.

"Oh! HI GEE!" I cringed at the over-excited voice... nothing against the person at hand... just the frequency of their voice. I looked up to my left and smiled passively in return "Hello, Ray... mind bring it down a couple notches?" I questioned, a look of embarrassment crossed his features before he sat down next to me "Sorry, snow just makes me happy" I nodded "That's fine, Ray" I duly noted, "So... how have you been?"

I smirked at his question "Oh yeah... you've been in solitary, never mind about me, how have you been?" I redirected the question, his eyes widened "Oh, you heard about that?" he stuttered out "Yeah... a few people have, so... how are you?" he sighed "It was so terrible, Gerard!" he whined "I don't know how you handle it" I laughed bitterly "I get through it by the skin of my teeth... don't think I handle it too well" he nodded "Well, it was fucking hell. But I'm better now!" he beamed happily.

I smiled in spite of myself. But not as much as I would have smiled if Frank were here. "Ray! there you are!" Dr.Williams called out "Here I am!" Ray smiled "You were supposed to be in my office twenty-five minutes ago!" she sighed. I giggled lightly.

Which reminded me that I had been sitting out here for over half an hour, not that I minded. I watched as Ray waved goodbye as he followed Dr.Williams inside. Alone again... hopefully this lasted... but being in here you're never that fortunate.

My eyes widened when I saw that doctor from yesterday poke his head out of the glass double doors. The face that's been engraved in my mind for the past twenty-four hours and eleven minutes. "Oh. Have you seen Dr.Glenn by chance?" he questioned, I was hit with mind-numbing nostalgia. I shook my head with a quizzical look on my face.

"Okay, sorry for bothering you." He smiled... he started to walk away... fuck no. I stood up quickly tracking him down.

"Wait!" I called out he paused momentarily and turned around, his face seemingly calm but his eyes held fear and an inexplicable emotion... "I want everyone to stop walking on fucking eggshells around me. Right fucking now." he gave me a confused look "You must be Gerard" he smiled, I scoffed "No... don't pull this clueless shit with me, Dr.Way" I sneered. "I can tell by the look in your eyes that you knew exactly who I was," I reply bitterly, he shuffled anxiously and sighed.

When he didn't say anything for a full minute I glared at him. "We're going to Dr.Glenn and you both have some explaining to do," I growled walking down the long hallway. Hearing slow footsteps behind me.

Dr.Glenn's eyes nearly popped out of her head when she saw "Oh dear god" she whispered "Enough is enough. You both have explaining to do. I'm no idiot, and I've been trying for twenty-four hours and twenty minutes to figure this shit out but my brain just won't... and I know you both know what I'm on about." I shifted my gaze between the two Dr's, who obviously seemed nervous.

"Gerard, hon... you may want to sit down," Dr.Glenn ordered softly as Dr.Way stood anxiously. I studied them both questioningly. The room was silent for five minutes and twelve seconds... giving me time to make an assumption. I cleared my throat ": Well if neither of you is going to start talking, may I fore-shadow?" I inquired, crossing my arms. They both sighed simultaneously "Gerard..." Dr.Way started "This really isn't easy to talk about, especially for you" he spoke shakingly "I'm so, so fucking sorry" I could tell he was trying not to cry, and I instantly felt bad...

He looked up, tears pooling in his eyes "Li-Listen... Dr.Way... I didn't mean to make you upset." I spoke guiltily, he shook his head with a small smile. "I'm sorry for changing the topic, but you look so familiar... my brain just won't let me place you" I mumbled out before my eyes widened "do you know my family?" I inquired, he scoffed "Exceptionally well in fact" I nodded "so... you are?..." I sat forward "Yo-Your brother..." he choked out. My heart skipped a beat "Mi-Mikey? What about him? Is he okay!?" I asked in a panic.

"No. Gerard I mean I am... your brother."

Notes

Suspence? yes? maybe?

Comments

@less16candles
Thank you so much! <3

Kobra_poison Kobra_poison
10/17/18

@cecke8
Thank you!! <3

Kobra_poison Kobra_poison
10/17/18

Ugh I love this so much

cKayE cKayE
10/17/18

This is such an amazing story so far!

less16candles less16candles
9/16/18

@cecke8
Thank you so much! That means a lot to me, I've been working exceptionally hard on this so I'm really glad you're enjoying it !!

Kobra_poison Kobra_poison
8/12/18