Dear Insanity.

^Gerard^

My room was probably the least entertaining. The only thing keeping me from pure insanity was the cracks in the ceiling and, of course, keeping track of time.

Speaking of which, I had approximately one-hour remaining from my original three... and I couldn't spend any more time in this dingy-old-musty room. I needed to leave the vicinity. Standing up, I exited the room. The light was brighter out in the hall-way causing my eyes to burn at its florescent tone.

Making my way to the institutions court-yard only to be interrupted by Dr.Alexis "Where are you off to, Gerard?" she inquired with an arched eyebrow. I sighed in irritation "The court-yard" I answered, in more of a questioning tone. She frowned at me "Dr.Glenn has instructed me to keep you inside" she spoke in a rather weary tone "Why the fuck is that?!" I snapped, crossing my arms "You won't like the answer dear" she was losing her confident persona "Tell. Me." I demanded, trying to not sound threatening. "She said you weren't stable enough" She spoke calmly.

That stung... it shouldn't have but it did. I wasn't that crazy that I couldn't be outside, was I? "You're allowed in the activities room though" she offered with a smile. That sure beats going back to my prison-cell of a room. On the way, I spotted a new doctor, with light-brown-hair and glasses... who looked vaguely familiar... and with a wave of unrecognizable-nostalgia, I could feel my mood switching.

The activities room was surprisingly ghosted apart from a vertically challenged boy sporting an-almost-buzz-cut. Walking by him I was hit with his dizzying aroma. He smelled of vanilla, smokes, and coffee... he was still wearing his outside clothes. I watched as Dr.Glenn talked, to who I'm guessing are his parents, as he emoted an annoyed façade.

I realized I had been over staring, by that I mean almost a full minute so, it was no wonder that he sneered at me. I felt my face heat from anger or possible embarrassment? This was probably the one I had to share my room with. Fucking great... I looked away from the rather-short-oddly-cute boy and walked over to the table closest to the window.

And here comes the dissociation... I said to myself... Suddenly losing all motivation for anything. When I get like this, and only, when I get like this, I am an over-emotional-catastrophe. I never cry I've learned to shut-that-out. "Ah, Gerard!" Dr.Glenn announce happily once she finally noticed me.

I've been out of my room for a total of fifty minutes and ever since I left my moods been deteriorating. All starting with not being allowed in the courtyard, and ending in Mr-new-doctor. Her smile quickly melted into a look of worry once she took in my no doubt distraught face "Just give me one second, Frank" She called over her shoulder. I cast my attention toward a crumb on the table top, avoiding her pleading stare.

"Are you alright?" she inquired. I couldn't find the strength to answer. we sat in silence for one minute and thirty seconds before she spoke up again "I need you to use your words, Gerard." She informed, "Something... is wrong." I conclude, brokenly. mindlessly picking at the dead-skin around my nails. Her face dropped knowingly. Confusing me slightly, but I was in no mood to analyze, and frankly, I didn't care.

With a more-worried-than-normal look, she picked up her walkie-talkie. I knew the new guy, Frank, was staring. He had been for the past two minutes and thirty-seven seconds. In any other circumstance, I would have snapped. But, his look was that of sympathy, and I guess that made a difference.

"Dr.Wyatt. I'm going to need you to show Frank around. I have a situation" She spoke, shakenly. "I'm not going to snap..." I mumbled guiltily... She placed her hand on mine. "I know hon."

"I- Is everything okay?" the boy asked quizzically. Who had now been staring at me for almost the full five minutes and twenty-two seconds... "Everything is going to be fine, Frank." Dr.Wyatt will show you around" Dr.Glenn whispered in a soft tone. Finally, he switched his attention to somewhere that wasn't burning a hole in my skull.

With the help of Dr.Glenn, I was lead into her, stale, office once again... sitting down on the same-old-spring chair. I kept the staring contest with my hands going. "Gerard." Her voice came out hushed. In a tone that told me this had most certainly happened before.

My heart almost gave out at her next sentence. "Am I speaking to Gerard right now?" the question made my mind cloud over with overwhelming anxiety. I gasped at the inexplicable question.

I finally broke the stare-down with my fingers and looked into her interrogating eyes. I could tell she was examining me closely. "Why... why would you ask that?" my voice came out, no-where near its maximum capacity. I could feel myself start to shake. I hated times like this... they always distracted me from keeping track of time. "Nevermind." I rushed out breathlessly "How long has it been" My voice shook.

I was fighting a losing battle in trying not to cry. Dr.Glenn turned her clock around and studied it... "Four minutes and thirteen seconds since I brought you in here" I nodded. "So I am speaking to Gerard?" again with this question. Never the less I nodded.

"What happened, Gerard?" she didn't have a demanding tone if anything she was worried beyond belief... she leaned forward and rested her arms on her old-chipped-wooden-desk. "I saw someone... or I thought I did... he had a name tag... I don't remember. He was a doctor... wait did he look like a doctor? What do I know I'm crazy... If I could just remember hi-" "Take a breath, Gerard" Dr.Glenn was now in front of me. Looking more and more concerned as the minutes went on. Six minutes and thirty-four seconds.

I gasped a couple times, my wide eyes searching every corner of Dr.Glenn's room. "Do... do we have a new doctor?" I choked out. Praying her response would be a yes. I watched as her eyes widened slightly "I'm so sorry Gerard" she rushed out "I should have informed you when he was coming" She spoke guiltily. "You have a new weekly doctor, to asses how your medication is adjusting.

Despite the fact, my brain was screaming at me to not say what I was going to... I did it anyway "Why... why does he look familiar?" I saw something flicker in her eyes quickly before it dissipated. "Let's get you back to your room okay?" "What about lunch" My question fell on deaf ears though.
____

I welcomed the tranquility... after having been over-stimulated, quiet was essential. But... in this facility. It never lasts more than six minutes... until there is some-sort of disruptive-commotion arisen this time being two of the staff members.

"I don't care he Isn't stable enough yet!" one voice yelled dramatically "Stable or not I need to see him" the other countered. In a demanding tone, "I worked exceptionally hard to be able to get this job here, him as my patient."

I lie there emotionlessly... feeling drained. Not even bothering to decode the argument. Twenty-eight minutes and fifteen seconds since I've come in here... I was relieved that they had agreed to give me a clock.

"Then just wait until Friday Mr.Way... I'm begging you. He is not in the right mindset to assimilate this right now." the voice pleaded desperately. "Fine, I will give it until Friday, that's it! Any longer and I will make a complaint that you're keeping me from my patients."
The conversation died there and I could hear the sound of heels hitting the floor as they walked away.

Back to silence, which of course was interrupted by my door opening I sighed. Until that oh-so-calming aroma filled my senses.

Vanilla, smokes, and coffee... it was Frank. "H-Hey" his voice was nothing above a whisper "I'm... my name's Frank Iero" his voice was like that of an angel.

"Get off your dream. He probably thinks you are stupid and ugly he probably doesn't want to be your friend, let alone share a room with you." Steven taunted menacingly

"I understand if you don't want to talk right now" His voice held a certain sincerity to it and I mentally thanked him.

Mustering up all the strength I could, I turned my head to give him what was probably a broken smile "My name's Gerard Way" My voice was rough due to the lack of use for what was now, probably an hour. I'm glad I spoke though because the smile I received was enough to make me actually feel something... and that is a miracle on its own considering it was the first genuinely pleasant emotion I've experienced in a while, so long ago I can't even calculate it.

"So... what do we do around here, besides, taking orders from the staff and taking medication?" he inquired, with a small-cute-blush painted on his cheeks "I usually draw or write, sometimes they let me out in the courtyard but..." I trailed off remembering what started my downward spiral of emotions.

"But... what?" He edged on, my eyebrows furrowed "not stable enough." I said bluntly... I guess a little too bluntly, judging by the look on his face... not realizing I came off as impolite.

"I'm sorry,'' I whispered sincerely.

"It's alright, I was being invasive... I shouldn't have asked that" the conversation kind-of tapered off there... and it was back to silence.

Eight minutes of it to be exact. Before Frank spoke again "Fuck if this is how it is all the time I might just go more insane than they think I already am." He groaned out, flopping down on his bed. "You don't have to stay in here" I mumbled dryly. He sat up a questioning look on his face "There is an activity room, you know that. You were standing there with Dr.Glenn." I continued. Avoiding eye contact.

I had roughly two hours until dinner, where I would have to socialize, eat... and that just seemed way too much.

"But... I don't want to leave you alone..." he mumbled, I rolled my head to look at him again, confusion was written all over my face... he must have caught on "You look like you're going through something serious right now, and, I'm no expert but I can sense when something might happen, and catastrophe is written all over you" he explained "I'll be okay" I countered, wanting nothing more than to just... I didn't even know. I needed someone but I couldn't place them and I only started missing them when that damned doctor passed me today...
I heard the creak of the old-rusted-metal-door and sighed again "Mr.Iero?" the voice called... thank god. Nothing against him but I was being overexerted with all this talking and shit.
"Yes?" He looked away from me and toward the voice "Dr.Glenn wants to see you for a moment" the explained, "Okay... you going to be alright, Gerard?" Frank looked back at me in a distressed expression, I merely nodded and waved my hand lazily in dismissal.
The moment my door closed, though... I wished he hadn't left.

"We both know you know who that doctor is. Use that brain of yours and figure it out" Steven sneered from the spot he had taken atop Franks bed the now-messy-off-yellow sheets hanging off the side. "I honestly don't, now leave me alone." I demanded "But you do," He said in a sing-song voice "Think long and hard" he drug out the word 'long' dramatically "Use that useless brain of yours and think!" I shook my head quickly, closing my eyes tight in hopes he'd vanish... but you can't escape your own head, now can you?

Then he was gone again like he was never even there... I swear it was exactly one minute and four seconds before I was interrupted again.

A knocking on my door caused me to jump. It came rhythmically... slightly annoying me "Gerard!" oh great it's Sebastian... "Gerard it's important!! They're talking about you, everyone!" reluctantly I pushed myself into a sitting position. Before standing up and scuffing my way over to the door that barricaded me in here.
Swinging it open I was met with the distraught face of the scrawny-bug-eyed-ginger that is Sebastian Larson. "What is it, Sebastian?" I asked in an exasperated tone "They're talking" He rushed out, looking around "Who's talking?" I inquired "The whole hospital!" He cried... Now I was confused "Someone's here for you." He explained slowly... he's wasting my time. This whole fifty-one seconds could have been spent counting cracks.
"No one has told me who, because they know I'll tell you. But everyone knows they are here." he paused for a moment "and they are here for you."

Notes

I'm really starting to love this book, i have so many ideas!