All I Want Is Nothing

I've been out of the house at least a week now. Living here is a lot easier, and better than living with my father. There's no yelling or name calling. Sure I'm still depressed and riddled with anxiety. But that shit doesn't clear up overnight.

We had Mikey's party yesterday... I faked happy for him. Over the course of this last week, I've come to the realization that I'm not... Well, My father was... He was right. I was, in fact, a fag... And it was just fucking with my head. Because for once my father was right on something...

It was now 3:30 early Saturday morning, or late Friday night if you haven't slept like me... And I've been ignoring Frank for the past five minutes.

Text after text rolled through and I just sat staring blankly at my phone. That is until a rock was thrown at my window... Once, Twice, Three more times. Eventually, I got sick of the tapping so I opened it to reveal a worried Frank.

"Wh-What Fr-Frank?" I cringed at my stutter. "You weren't answering and I know you've been upset... Let me in I wanna talk..." I sighed, popping my screen out and letting him climb through my window.

"G... You've been crying" It wasn't a question... Obviously, I had, and you could tell by the streaks on my face and my puffy eyes. "Ye-Yeah..." I bit my lip "Why?" I sniffled a bit and looked down... "Just be-been thinking a lot this week..." He gave me a look as if to say 'go on' I sighed and sat down on my bed... Frank following suit.

"About what happened last week... About what my father said..." Franks expression changed instantly "Nothing that man said was true. G" He gritted his teeth. I shook my head though "One thing was..." I choked out "No. Gerard. Nothing." I let some tears fall "You don't understand Frank... He was right about one thing..." I argued, Frank closed his eyes and took a long breath "What. What did that dick say that has you believing it was the truth.!?" He spat "Because I'm a faggot! Frank!" I sobbed "He was right about that! and I tried so hard to convince myself I wasn't. But I am and I can't be because that means he's right!" I sobbed.

It was silent for a few seconds before Frank spoke up again.

"No." He said... My heart snapped and I was about to tell him to get out, but he continued on "You're gay... Gerard. Not a faggot. That's a disgusting fucking name from a disgusting fucking person. You are gay. And that is perfectly fucking fine." he snapped "But-" "No. No, but's G... There is nothing wrong with being gay. It doesn't make me think of you any less." I sniffled slightly "You're my best friend, Gerard... Gay or not." I sighed at those words... Friends...

I debated on telling him that I liked him... But. I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I'd rather have Frank in my life as just friends then not in it at all...

"that's not all, is it?" I froze then shook my head "Tell me, G" I shook my head again, words caught in my throat "Why not?" He sounded irritated "Please... Frank..." He sighed "Fine. But you have to tell Bob, Ray, and Mikey soon." I nodded "I know... And Elana..." I swallowed thickly. "Frank, Where do I go if she kicks me out too. She has the same beliefs as my dad... I'll have nowhere to go..." My voice shook, things went quiet after that. For about 30 seconds.

"We'll figure something out..." he mumbled... Not the answer I was expecting... "Yeah..." I whispered.

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Frank left. And as he left. There was an uneasy feeling lingering... Maybe somehow he was faking this all. Like he didn't actually care...

Gerard stop.
He's nothing like... Him.
He wouldn't do that to you.

I sniffled slightly, closing my eyesand finally falling asleep.

It was now Monday morning again. I decided the first person I should tell would be Mikey, considering 1. He probably already has a clue. 2. He's my brother...

I got to school late. Great. I showed up to class, But Frank wasn't there... I hope nothing bad happened to him... But just as I had that though, Him Troy and Jake walked through the door... He looked untouched, but also upset.

He didn't even look at me... I decided not to press the subject though and zoned in on my drawings. Ignoring Mr.Winchester.

By the time the bell rang, I realized I had drawn Frank... Embarrassed I slammed my book closed and walked out. "G! Wait up!" I hear Frank call, I turned around to see him running up to me, Jake and Troy watching him closely.

"H-Hey Fr-Frank... You o-okay?" He nodded but looked unsure "I'm fine" He smiled... A forced smile, I quirked my eyebrow at him "Don't worry about me, Gerard" He chuckled "O-Okay... I, Go-gotta find Mikey." He nodded "Okay, See you at lunch."

I wandered the halls Until I finally spotted him, He looked just as eager to find me "Thank god! Mikey, I um... I need to tell you something..." He nodded, eyes wide "Same. You first though..." I took a breath... "I'm not sure if you, Uh, Knew or not---" "Lemme guess, Gay and like Frank?" My eyes widened "Uhhh" "Great what I have to say follows that" I looked at him shocked "How'd you know?" He laughs "I'm your brother. Gerard. Anyway... I'm not so sure of him now after all..." I looked at him questioningly "I saw him talking to Troy and Jake... Not being harassed, but actually talking..." I shook my head "You're being paranoid, Mikey..."

Him being suspicious was furthering confirming my thoughts on him...

"I just don't wanna see you get hurt like that again... I almost lost you the last time because of-" "ah ah ah ah." I cut him off "We-We agreed not to talk about him..." I mumbled he nodded, a concerned look on his face "On a brighter note, Um... Dads divorcing mom... She said she want's you to move back in. Would you? It'd be a lot less lonely!" I giggled at his pleading "As long as dads out of the house, sure" He smiled then hugged me.

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I got back home, well to Elanas, She greeted me with a smile "Hello, How was school today?" I shrugged "Not too bad, So... Dads divorcing mom eh?" She nodded "He's, unfortunately, coming here... You should probably get out before he gets here... Sweetie, it been nice having you" She kissed my cheek. I frowned "Thanks for letting me stay, I love you" "I love you too"

So with that, I grabbed my bag and made my way back. Mikey was already standing on the door, his face lit up once he saw me "MOM, HE'S HOME!!!" He said happily and my mother came running out and pulled me into her arms "Oh my sweet baby, I'm so so sorry!" She sobbed, I hugged her back, telling her it was fine, even if it wasn't.

-

"Mi-Mikey..." I spoke up, We were sitting in the living room watching a show, Mom had gone to work... "Yes, G?" I sighed "I wanted to talk about earlier..." He sat forward and shut the T.V. off. "What about earlier?" I sighed "The whole 'frank' thing" His face fell "G... I was just over thinking things... He's nothing Like... Him" I nodded, quite unsure... For fuck sakes, I don't even know if he likes cock. "I'm acting like he actually likes me like that" I laughed... "I mean I don't even know if he's gay" I rolled my eyes. He shook his head "Either wait it out or ask him" Mikey shrugged. "Whatever... I'm tired" I mumbled retreating to my room.

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The next day I got to school early for some reason, so I sat in the caf and just sketched until kids started piling in, even then I continued. That is until my notebook was ripped away from me "Gi-Give it back!" I yelled to a laughing Jake, who held it away from me "Awe whats wrong gay boy?" He teased, my face heated up "Pl-Please!" I was close to tears, everyone started to gather around "OH!" His eyes widen and I could only imagine what he found "Looks Like Gerard here has a crush on Frankie!" I felt sick.

"What?"

Oh... Fuck...

I spun around to see Frank wearing a shocked expression on his face... Great...

I ripped my notebook away from Jake and ran for the door. And all the way home... Away from school, And far away from the embarrassment of being in front of Frank.

My phone nonstop ringing in my pocket. Obviously, I wasn't going to answer it.

I ran straight to my bedroom and locked the door. and collapsed up against it. Finally, I looked at my phone which had missed calls and texts from everyone... Everyone except Frank.

I let out an audible sob and picked up my vodka bottle. Mindlessly chugging half of it before I even felt the burn. And not stopping there... It was only half full, but It still did the job.

I crashed to the floor and laid there. Numb and giggling.

Then my door slammed.

"Gerard?!" Fuck...

"G! Where are you?!" He called again. Worry evident in his voice. But for what reason. Surely he didn't really care. I know deep down I believed that, But it was just nice to have someone care, even if they were faking it...

"Down here... Frank..." I slurred out. I heard feet run down the hallway and my knob jiggle. "G, Unlock the door" His voice sounded strained "Cant..." I mumbled, "Where is he?!" I hear my brother sob "Mikey he locked the door!" Frank cried "Oh god... Please not again! Gerard?! Tell me you didn't" I knew what Mikey meant... He was referring to my suicide attempt I made not even half a year ago "Didn't... Just... My vodka seems to have disappeared ..." I laugh "Fuck..." I hear him sigh "Does your mom have any bobby pins?" Frank rushed out.

There was a moment of silence before my door opened. "Fuck... G" Mikey mumbled walking over to me. A saddened look over his face, Franks looked guilty, but I was in no state of mind to analyze why.

"Frank, Help me get him up on the bed please" Mikey whispered "O-Okay.." GFranks voice cracked as he walked over and helped Mikey get me into my bed. "D-Does this happen often?" Frank questioned, worriedly. And Mikey sighed... Fuck, there goes any shred of hope that Frank would stay "It hasn't happened in a few months..." Mikey stated truthfully.

"I'm gonna go get him some water" Mikey sighed "Okay..." Frank replied... I cracked my eye open and looked at Frank, who was looking down at me "I'm so-sorry..." I choked out, He frowned and shook his head "You could have told me" He mumbled "Told you what? That I have an alcohol problem? Or that I like you. Because I'm pretty sure I couldn't have told you either." I slurred "Of course you could have! Gerard! I like you too and I don't wanna see you drink yourself to death" wow he could really put on a show.

The next thing I knew his lips were on mine. And in that moment... I didn't care if I got hurt again. I'd deal with that when it happens... I'll just take the oportunity to be happy...

Notes

I read a story, Got motivated, and now.... Have lots of ideas