Hurt Me More

Gerard's pov

Whimpering softly I rolled over, pulling the blankets around me more as I shivered. Sleepily opening my eyes I saw the crib bars around me. Sighing in frustration I spat the pacifier out of my mouth and throw the stuffed bear away from me.

Mumbling angrily under my breath as I squirmed uncomfortable with the urge to pee. Thinking about what happened last time when Frank got mad at me I whimpered. I don't want him to make me piss myself again. I did make him upset so maybe if I'm nice maybe he'll let me use the bathroom.

Looking around the room I noticed that it was actually still dark outside. A blue nightlight glowed in the corner next to the bookshelf. Seeing that there was a baby monitor on the shelf I debated if I should call for Frank. Shifting a bit I instantly regretted it when I felt pressure.

"Frank?" I called out and waited, sitting up on my knees and pressed my thighs together.
"Hey baby boy." Frank yawned as he walked in a minute later.

"Don't call me that." I snapped, glaring at him a he turned the lamp on.

"Cranky head." He chuckled softly.

"I need to use the bathroom."

"You have a nappy on, baby boy."

"I'm not pissing myself again. Just.... Please, can I use the rest room?" I asked as politely as I could, hoping that he would let me.

"No bad words, baby, but I am proud of you for asking relatively nicely but the rules are the rules. Use your nappy." Frank said as he stood next to the crib.

"Stop calling me those names." I snapped, Frank looking at me with his eyebrow raised. "I-I... Please just let me go, I'll take a few seconds." I practically begged.

"No, honey."

I glared at him for a minute before looking down at the stupid onesie I had on and the stupid nappy. Everything was just pissing me off and Frank wasn't helping at all. I can't believe he made me cry after all of these years. I felt weak and pathetic, I felt like I was nothing.

"Gee? Are you okay?" Frank asked softly, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah... I'm oh-fucking-kay." I spat, angrily punishing the bar on the crib.

"That's a time out, mister, I will come get you when you have called down." Frank said before leaving, closing the door behind him.

"Fine you fucking twat, go fuck yourself, asshole!" I yelled before kicking at the crib bars. The damn things wouldn't budge and after a good half an hour I gave up trying to get out of the crib after I fell for the tenth time.

"Stupid things." I mumbled to myself as I sat down and waited. I still needed to go to the bathroom so badly that it was hard to even move and it hurt like hell.

Thirty minutes turned into an hour and then an another thirty minutes went by. My bladder finally gave out and I peed in the nappy. Feeling degraded and ashamed but mostly angry. It was extremely uncomfortable sitting in my pee for ten minutes and I couldn't do anything about it because I couldn't get the onesie off.

Sighing in frustration I laid down and felt tears brimming in my eyes. Blinking profusely I willed the tears to go away as I hid my face in the pillows. Thinking about all of this crazy stuff that's been happening to me.

"Gee, have you calmed down?" Frank asked as he walked in.

This is just great.

"Someone made a little messy, didn't they?" Frank chuckled when he got closer. I refused to look at him as he stood next to the crib. I could hear how close he was as he leaned over.
Frank scooped me up and brought me over to the changing station. Getting the onesie off of me before I could protest.

"Get off of me." I huffed and thrashed around on the table.

"You used your nappy all by yourself, I'm proud of you, Gee bear." Frank said softly, ignoring my other comment.

"W-what did you just call me?" I asked, my mouth going dry as he got me changed. Everything else faded away as he picked me up and held me against his chest.

"Gee bear."

"D-don't call me that. Put me down... Put me down!" I yelled, hyperventilating and thrashing in his arms but he didn't let go.

"Hey, it's okay, just breathe, Gerard, in and out." Frank said softly as he rocked us back and forth and rubbed my back.

"Let go!" I sobbed, bursting into tears as so many emotions that I couldn't handle swept through me.

"Shhh baby boy, just breathe, it's okay."

"I-I w-want down." I sobbed, hitting his chest and kicked my legs out.

Frank held me close, trying to soothe me as he rubbed me back. I gave up trying to fight him so I cried into his chest.

~~~~~

"Gerard?" Frank asked softly after I calmed down so I was just sniffling.

"W-what?"

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked, rubbing me back soothing.

"N-no..."

"Okay, well lets get you something to eat and then we can watch a movie." Frank said softly and carried me down the stairs and to the living room. Setting me down the the couch before turning the tv on and leaving to the kitchen.

Sniffling softly I rubbed my eyes with my sleeve and grabbed the closest blanket. Wrapping it around me as I tried shaking away all of those horrible thoughts. My mind swirling with too many memories and emotions for me to handle.

Tears brimming in my eyes again as I tried focusing on the children's tv show. I took a few shaken breaths as I fell over and laid on my side. Watching the tv I snuggled into the blanket and pulled a couch pillow to my chest.

"Gee honey, foods done." Frank whispered as he smiled down at me.

"Not hungry." I mumbled, going back to watching the tv.

"We can watch a movie if you eat some food. I made French toast and I have strawberry and whipped cream."

"Okay..." I sighed, sitting up and slid off the couch before shuffling to the kitchen. The blanket still tightly wrapped around me as I walked over to the table and sat in the spot that was set up.

"You wanna sit there for today?" Frank asked softly, I nodded in reply and stared at the table.
I felt numb, I couldn't feel anything, no emotions, nothing. I was grateful because if I had to deal with those emotions right now I would have a mental breakdown.

Frank set a plate of food in front of me, the strawberries formed a smiley face on my plate. My stomach rumbling at the smell and how good everything looked.

Getting my fork I took small bites, eating slowly and savoring the sweet taste. When my food was half way done I couldn't eat anymore so I put my fork down and sat back a little. Rubbing the blanket between my thumb and index finger. The soft material giving me comfort as I stared down at my lap sadly.

"You wanna pick the movie while I make you a bottle of milk?"

I nodded and got up, shuffling back into the living room. Going over to the shelf I looked at all the children movies and instantly found a movie that caught my eye. I almost smiled as I looked at the picture and read the title of the movie before putting it in. Getting on the couch I got comfortable with my blanket and waited.

Frank came in soon after with a bottle and placed it at me lips. I looked up at him for a minute before taking the bottle and started to drink the warm liquid.

"Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, this is a good movie." Frank said, I nodded and watched the screen and drank my milk. "Are you sure you don't wanna talk about it?"

I nodded again and watched the movie, fighting the emotional storm going on in my head.

Notes

Not edidteed