AUGUST
"Confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks, gonna come back and take you home, I could not stop that you now know."
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“I invited him so I hope you’re fucking happy,” I say to Frank later that night as we meet up in front of my house to head to Todd’s place. It’s about a thirty-minute walk, but I’ve never minded. Walking helps me clear my head. Besides, I don’t want to have to figure out how to get my car back home after a night of drinking.

Frank presses his forehead to mine for a second before intertwining our fingers. His lips linger on the bridge of my nose for a moment longer than usual. “Ecstatic.”

Together we tiptoe to the end of the street, careful not to step on any of the children’s toys that litter the sidewalks. While I don’t think our parents mind us spending the night at the other’s house, I’m positive they would disapprove of sneaking out to get drunk. Thankfully, Frank and I have a clean track record. I plan on keeping it that way, afraid of imagining the punishment that would ensue if we got caught. Once clear of the houses, we take off up the street, shoes clapping loudly against the asphalt. Frank and I run, hands clasped together until our chests are heaving, legs wobbly from the exercise. My best friend throws himself down onto the sidewalk, panting as he fishes a packet of cigarettes from his jacket pocket. I sink to the ground as Frank offers me one of the thin white sticks. This is our little secret, not even Jaclyn knows that Frank smokes. Something about that makes me feel warm all over.

“You’re gonna have to quit smoking these things pretty soon, huh?” I question, looking down at my half-smoked cigarette, taking a drink from the flask I’d stolen from the kitchen.

Frank sits up, resting his arms on his knees as he shrugs, “During the week. Jaclyn is planning on going home every weekend. I’ll need to get a job up there so I won’t be able to do that.”

“I still don’t know how she’s not figured out you smoke,” I answer as Frank stands, offering his hand to help me stand.

We start walking, our pace slow and even. “If I smell like them I just blame it on you. Jaclyn hung out with you long enough to buy the lie. She’s meeting us at Todd’s by the way. After your outburst in study hall, I figured that’d be best.”

“Cool. It’s probably good I invited Gerard as I’m sure you and Jaclyn will be spending the majority of the night shoving your tongues down each other’s throats.” I reply, not really caring what Frank’s response is. If he doesn’t want me to give him shit he shouldn’t have asked her along.

“Probably,” Frank answers with a wink, bumping into me a little. “I’d still like to meet Gerard and I’ll walk you home.”

I shrug as we approach Todd’s. The front window is boarded over, the shutters hanging onto the molded siding for dear life. Half the railing around the porch is kicked out, lying across the front lawn. Yet another house destroyed by time and lack of money. Todd’s house looks like every other on this side of town. Hidden away from the beach where tourists stay, the back alley homes are left to rot in their own filth. There are a few people on the front steps smoking or drinking. I spot Gerard almost instantly. He stands in the front yard, arm wrapped around himself, eyes nervously glancing at anyone who moves. He’s styled his hair so that it mostly covers his swollen eye. Dropping Frank’s hand, I traipse across the grass. Gerard relaxes a little as he see’s me, but he still incredibly uncomfortable. Hopefully, that will change once I’ve gotten some alcohol in him.

“One of these things is not like the others,” I joke in a singsong voice.

Gerard’s good eye looks through me towards the steps. Jaclyn is already wrapped around Frank. He looks lost in his little paradise, his rain cloud finally leaving his side. He doesn’t even seem concerned that I left without discussing a meetup plan. Sometimes, I wonder if he’s happy to be leaving. Frank will be able to start brand new at college, without boundaries, without worries…without me. “That’s Frank?”

“Huh?” I answer, still in a daze. “Oh yeah, that’ him.”

“Hmm,” is all Gerard says before walking towards the house. We head towards the kitchen, passing by various groups of high schoolers. Todd’s parties are always kind of weird. He startles a lot of social groups and they all kind of just get shoved together in this house. It’s weird to see jocks freely intermingling with burnouts and nerds.

The ice chest sits just outside of the kitchen door. I dig my hand in, pulling a beer out for myself, handing the second one to Gerard. He stares at it for a few seconds before popping the tab, taking a big gulp. As I’m about to shut the lid, I’m stopped. Two bloodshot eyes travel between Gerard and me. A big, gold class ring is perched on one of the fingers. “Just when I thought you couldn’t have a shittier taste in friends, you bring him around.”

“I’m not in the mood, Rodney.”

Rodney Tucker is the definition of a meathead. Of all the people that Todd associated with, I’m most disappointed in this decision. For some reason I’ve become to object of Rodney’s infatuation. He hangs out around the roller rink, occasionally getting drunk enough to come up and ask me on a date. Up until tonight, I’ve not had to deal with him without Frank or Jimmy around.

“You shouldn’t surround yourself with losers like this,” Rodney shoves a finger in Gerard’s chest.

“Then I should probably never hang out with you, either.” I meant to mumble those words. Rodney drops the beer can he’s holding, shoving me up against the wall. His hand is cold; the smell of stale beer mixed with cheap whiskey assaults my nose. Fingers curl around my face, making it impossible to look away. Rodney’s thumb digs in right under my eye. I struggle against his grip, but it’s no good. The football player has at least a hundred pounds on me, “You’ll regret saying that, you stupid bitch.”

Just then, Todd walks around the corner. His hand comes to cover Rodney’s, releasing the grip on my face. “Hey, we need help carrying the keg in from the backyard.”

I give Todd a nod of thanks as he leads Rodney towards the back door. Taking a shaky breath, I stand, rooted to the spot against the wall until the two boys have disappeared into the crowd. Even after calming down, I jump as Gerard puts a hand on my elbow. His good eye is full of concern, his free hand holding out a beer can to me. I take the cold drink, popping the tab and downing it in a few gulps.

“You okay?”

I nod, tossing the empty can to the ground and grabbing another. “Sorry. He’s a menace, but he’s never gotten physical like that before.”

“Hey, we’re here to have a good time, right? Let’s have a good time.” Gerard pulls me into the middle of the living room, beginning to dance to the song blaring over the speakers. I giggle at how ridiculous he looks, pale skin reflecting the colors of the strobe light, thin limbs flailing about above his head, hair flying out around his face. It feels good to just laugh and let loose, putting all the worry from my brain. For those few hours alone with Gerard goofing around in the middle of Todd’s living room, I feel like it might be okay to let him in, even if it’s just a little.

The walls slowly begin to move in towards me, the air becoming stiff and un-breathable. I’m holding an empty beer can; unable to remember what number I’m at. I glance around, trying to find Gerard, but he’s nowhere to be seen. The room begins to spin a little, the edges of certain objects looking fuzzy like they’re fading into the background. I feel like I’m floating. I need to get out of here, to sit down for a minute. My skin feels too hot, static electricity running through my whole body.

I head towards the kitchen; the room at an angle. Whoever designed this house did a really shitty job. I try to find an empty seat, but there are none. My stomach turns, reminding me that I failed to eat before I left for the party. Hurrying out the back door, I lean over the porch railing and hurl. Seconds later a hand begins to rub my back, another gathering up my hair and holding it away from my face. Glancing to the side I see Gerard and Lacey. They lead me over to the stairs. Gerard hands me a beer bottle, Lacey offering me the pipe she’s been smoking from. I give her a weak smile as she lights it for me. The three of us sit, passing the beer bottle between us.

“Gerard told me what happened with Rodney. I think Todd sent him home,” Lacey announces after a few moments of silence. “Are you okay?”

I nod, quickly wiping away a tear. I shouldn’t be so shaken up about what happened. Rodney was drunk, I got a little too big for my britches, I’m sure it’s a one-time event. He's never threatened violence before.

“Hey,” Gerard laughs as he passes me the bottle, “now we match.” The dark haired boy gives me a genuine smile, pointing back and forth between our eyes.

I let out a hiccupped giggle, leaning my head on his shoulder. Gerard wraps his arm around my shoulder. Digging my cigarettes out of my pocket, I offer the packet around, lighting the end of both Gerard and my smokes. “I still think yours is worse.”

“Probably. Where’s Frank? Does he know what happened?” Gerard questions through a mouthful of smoke.

“The last time I saw him Jaclyn was dragging him into the spare bedroom. I doubt he knows,” I answer back, a pang of sadness running through my body. Filling my lungs with nicotine, I push it away, lying back against the cold wood of the porch. Gerard mimics my behavior.

“It’s going to be okay, Liz.” Gerard asserts.

I nod my response. Gerard and I lay out on the porch for what feels like hours. The weed Lacey gave me has settled my stomach, taking me into a peaceful floating state. The sky begins to glow a light orange before I move. There are still plenty of people around, but it’s probably better if Frank and I get home before our parents wake up. “Do you want to walk home with Frank and me?” I question.

Gerard shakes his head, “My brother said to call him when I wanted to come home.”

“Oh okay,” I answer, not really knowing what else to say. Gerard is practically an adult, I’m sure he can figure it out. I reach up for the deck railing and miss, falling to the ground. I laugh before trying again. My fingers make contact with the sand worn wood as I pull myself into an upright position. I take slow, uncertain steps until I run out of railing. The world feels like it’s spinning too fast.

“Hey, Liz?” Gerard calls out to me as my fingers curl around the doorframe. I turn my head to look at him. It takes a second for my eyes to settle on his face. “This still doesn’t make us friends.”

Letting out a laugh, I give Gerard a salute, stumbling sideways just a little. “Of course not. Get home safe, Gerard.”

Holding my arms out to the sides, I hope this will help with my balance as I search the house for Frank. I feel like the gravity has shifted from beneath me to the wall on my right. On my trip through the living room, my foot catches on the side of the sofa, sending me sprawling towards the floor. Seconds before I make impact, strong, tattoo covered arms surround me. Looking up I come nose to nose with Frank. I give him a big drunken smile; glad my search for him is over. “Hey Liz. What the hell happened to your eye?”

For a few seconds, I can’t wrap my brain around Frank’s question. I shake my head, hair hitting me in the face as I try to clear the fog from my head. Everything before being out on the porch is kinda spotty. “Rodney, I think.”

“Shit,” Frank sighs, kissing my forehead, his arm wrapping tightly around my waist. He seems just as drunk as me as his eyes scan over my face. I wonder how bad it looks. It doesn’t hurt, but then again I can’t really feel anything. I pinch my cheek between my fingers, trying to get the electricity running through my skin to let up. This doesn’t help. As I go to lay my palm over my face, Frank catches it in his. He presses his lips to my fingertips, frowning a little.

“Where’d Jaclyn go?” I question, looking around the room. I can’t find Frank’s girlfriend anywhere.

My best friend shakes his head, turning to one of the people sitting on the couch to say a quick goodbye. Together we make our way to the front door, waving goodbye to the people sitting out on the front porch. Frank and I stumble up the street, dancing around to the music that plays from my phone. As we reach the end of our street Frank stops. He stares at me for a few seconds before wrapping his arms around me. I burry my head into his neck, enjoying the way he smells; cigarettes, cedar, and cinnamon. “I’m sorry I invited Jaclyn.”

I tilt my head up, chin resting on Frank’s chest. “I’m sorry I overreacted about it.”

My best friend grins down at me, his hand slipping into mine. “Come on, let’s put you to bed.”

Notes

The song is Clocks by Coldplay. It is in in the Roller Rink Rebels playlist on Apple Music if you all want to follow that playlist. Hope you're enjoying this :)