A Certain Kind of Death

It had taken a great deal of effort to set up that night.

For starters, he had a strong desire to throw himself in bed, watch a movie, and get really fucked up. Instead, he had showered for the first time that week, put on some newly washed clothes, and actually ran a comb through his hair. He had begun to let himself go as his habits worsened, and it had led to a fight between him and his date when she had caught him snorting coke through a rolled up bill, much like he was currently doing off the bathroom counter. He sniffed like he would if he had a cold, and plugged the opposite nostril with the pad of his left forefinger, putting the end of the twenty just up his nostril, and sucked the line up into his nasal passage. His face began to feel numb and he could finally focus on his reflection.

It was a man with a girlish face, now flushed pink, short, spiky hair , and a chubby body hidden under a black hoodie and jeans. He placed a pale hand on the cool surface of the mirror and leaned in close, breath fogging up the glass, so he could observe the blackness of his pupils expand over the hazel of his eyes. He hated himself. That was it. He loathed every aspect of his existence, from his failure to actually work in what he loved, to his mediocrity as a partner, a disappointment as a son, a brother, an artist. And yet, they all reminded him every day how much they loved him; it was like knives to his chest.

"Dude, accept it, you need a face transplant!" Mikey yelled from the opposite side of the bathroom door, jolting him from his thoughts. "That's no excuse to be late!"

"Thanks, four-eyes," he called back, wiping the light film of sweat on his face with a towel. He stepped out into their shared garage bedroom, where Mikey inpsected his appearance, raising an eyebrow.

"Maybe you could've dressed it up a big more, huh?"

"That bad?"

"I mean, Steph's seen you in cargo, so I guess she won't mind. I'd dump you, though," he finished, giving him a thumbs up. Gerard rolled his eyes and picked up his car keys.

"Fuck you, dude. And tell ma I'll be home at a decent hour so she doesn't worry."

With that, he left the house and climbed in his car, heading to the only diner in town that had veggie burgers. He would have picked up Steph from her house, but her parents would most likely give her trouble if they knew she was still seeing him. It was a shitty feeling, especially when he knew he couldn't blame them, as there were plenty of reasons why he wasn't an ideal man for anyone's daughter. At least, not lately.

He sighed as he pulled into the parking lot that had a fair number of cars and killed the engine. His body felt hot and sweaty, despite the autumn temperatures, and his heart was beating as if he had just run a marathon. It made him paranoid that she would notice, which in turn made him angry and irritated, gripping the wheel until his knuckles turned white. Get your fucking shit together, don't fuck it up again. Don't. Fuck. Up. Gerard got out of the car and walked into Arlo's Diner, so cheerfully lit up it made his teeth grit. And there was the back of her head, the blunt cut edges of her brown hair laying neatly over a navy blue blazer.

"Hi, miss," he said, sliding into the booth beside her. Her face brightened at the sight of him, which always caught him off guard. It was baffling to be loved and feel like you don't deserve it. She kissed his warm cheek, taking in every detail of his beautiful face. His eyes seemed to shine under his long lashes, milk white skin, his nose crinkling as he bared his little teeth at her.

"You look hot," she mused, pressing a cool hand to his forehead and smirking.

"I prefer handsome, baby, but thank you." The pair began to laugh, feeling elated for the first time in a while. She leaned in and kissed him full on the lips, gaining them a few looks from people at other tables, but it was not in either one's nature to care. They ordered their food, and caught up on the weeks she had avoided him. She didn't seem to want to talk about herself at all, instead barraging him with questions about what he'd been up to, especially his creative endeavors. Gerard found himself talking about things he had read and listened to recently, and how they had been influencing his art, while she absorbed it and asked things here and there. The hours had passed quickly, their faces aching from smiling so hard, and by the time they had noticed, the place was getting ready to close up.

They didn't mention the fight.

It had been her idea to stay out later. "It's Saturday, after all," she said, grinning mischievously at him. They drove around town in his crappy little Subaru, blasting Smashing Pumpkins and singing along. Eventually, they ended up in a club packed with bodies and pulsating music. They could barely make out each other's faces, except for when the colored lights happened to hit them, and they would smile and kiss as they danced. Gerard always said he wasn't very good at it, but he could definitely keep a rhythm and goof off with her until his hair was wet with sweat.

"You wanna get out of here?" he yelled in her ear just when her feet had started to pinch. She nodded and gripped his sweaty hand, as he lead her through the mass of people to the cold air. It had dropped a few degrees and they could now see the thick fogs of their breath. They took a few steps away from the entrance and noticed Belleville was still wide awake, numerous cars passing by with thundering music, sirens in the distance, and lights all around. Her heart swelled, relishing the feel of his hand around her's. It was a sad thing to be so accustomed to someone and then have to be away. She craved his warmth, his voice, his face constantly.

"WAY!" A man's voice shot out, making them freeze in their tracks. Gerard's blood ran cold as a white Cadillac stopped in the street next to them, three men jumping out.

"Hey, Sammy," he said, trying to mask his nerves. "I've been meaning to call you, but-" Sammy's tattooed fist collided with Gerard's mouth with such force that he stumbled backwards into Steph, who caught him around the middle.

"Yeah? Guess you have my money, huh?"

"I just need a few more days," Gerard grunted, but it wasn't a satisfactory answer. Sammy took him by the collar and threw him to the ground where his two goons took turns kicking.

"Get the fuck away from him!" Steph shouted, shoving into the taller of the two. They guffawed and watched as he threw her backwards to the ground.


"Maybe we should just tear that ass up as payment and call it a day. Wanna get in the car, baby?" asked the tall one. "Or should we just fuck your boyfriend up some more?"

"Please, just do whatever you want, but leave her out of it," Gerard said, getting to his feet. Sammy had his arms crossed over his chest, looking amused and dangerous as Gerard covered Steph. The people around had disappeared at the sight of his car, they knew someone would die. The whole city knew who he was and what he did.

"Here's the deal, Way. Starting tomorrow I'm gonna wack someone you love for everyday you fail to produce my money," his gold-fingered hand pulled out a black handgun from under his fur jacket. "Here's your fuckin' warning."

"NO!"

The sound was deafening. They piled into the car and drove away without even breaking the speed limit.

Notes