Unspeakably Unique
Chapter Four
F
I stayed a little later than everyone else. Mikey and Pete went up to his room, under strict instruction to leave the door open, and Gerard and I stayed downstairs.
“I looked up non binary,” I mumbled after an uncomfortable silence. “But I didn't really get it. I'm sorry for being ignorant and stuff...could you explain it?”
Gerard smiled at me, fiddling with his necklace. “There's a difference between willful ignorance and simply not knowing something, Frank. Non binary is an umbrella term, which means it encompasses a lot of different identities. But basically it means anything outside of the gender binary, outside of boy and girl. Like a demiboy. A demiboy may feel masculine a lot of the time, but also not always. Or a genderfluid person might feel more feminine one day, and more masculine another. Some people like to go by neutral pronouns like they/them, but I actually prefer he/him. It sounds more natural to me, and...yeah. I just prefer it.”
I tilted my head slightly, studying him. He was perfectly at ease, his soft hazel eyes fixed on mine. “So what other terms do you use to talk about yourself?”
Gerard chuckled and shrugged. “I don't, really. I'm still figuring myself out, and non binary fits me. I like it, I don't feel a great desire to put myself into a smaller box. I don't even really know my sexuality.”
I laughed and shook my head. “I don't believe that, Gerard. I don't.”
He grinned, twisting a lock of hair around his index finger. “So you wouldn't believe I'm a virgin? That I still haven't had my first kiss?”
I leaned back in my armchair, watching him play with the key around his neck. “No, I wouldn't.”
“Why’s that?”
I gulped. I'd boxed myself in and he'd shown me the way, completely consciously and definitely on purpose. But I’d let him. I felt the blush and sighed.
“Because you're incredibly attractive, Gerard. You have a perfect body, a stunning face, and a really cute style.”
It comforted me slightly to see him blush. “Thanks. But most people call me a fag and a freak. Why are you different?”
I shrugged. “Because I've been called all of that, too. I don't see any point to fussing over what other people do. You look good in dresses. Most boys can't say that, not without a whole bunch of foam and usually some fake boobs. So if you can do something, like wear a dress better than most girls, why not do it? And I have no right to judge you for that.”
Gerard had gone almost as red as his hair now, but he was still smiling at me. “I like that philosophy. And it's true, by the way. I've never been kissed.”
I smiled softly and ran a hand through my hair. “You have time, Gerard. You're only fifteen..”
He was twirling his hair again, but this time more nervously. “Have you had guys before?”
I hesitated, then let myself relax. Gerard was kind and understood the importance of confidential conversations, from what I could tell.
“Three,” I answered quietly. “All of them cheated on me and I vowed to choose more carefully next time, but my life kind of...changed a lot.”
Gerard tilted his head and pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging them. “How so?”
“Well...I don't really want to talk about it too much, but I was very sick for a while and had to have surgery for a broken knee, and then I was supposed to be cycled back through the foster system for the fourth time, but Chris pulled me out. He decided he liked me, for some reason, and so I went to live with him. But because of my health problems and...some ‘behavioral issues,’ it took me a really long time to settle in, I'd actually been out of school for nearly two and a half months before I started going here. So yeah...big changes.”
Gerard winced, nodding slightly. “That sucks, I'm sorry Frank. I was actually...I was abandoned in the hospital as a baby,” he mumbled, fiddling with his hands and not looking at me. “The Ways adopted me, cause my birth mother didn't want me...she um..”
He trailed off and I frowned. “Gerard, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I'm not gonna pry.”
He smiled slightly, nodding a little. “Okay. Thanks, Frank.” He looked up at me and my stomach tightened. “I'm just so glad I was adopted.”
My phone rang suddenly, interrupting the moment. I winced, but pulled it out and answered it, rubbing my forehead with the heel of my hand. “Hello?”
“Frank, I know you said you'd text me, but it's almost ten.”
I rolled my eyes and sighed loudly. “Chris, I'm in the middle of something.”
“Then please text me when you're done, I’d like to go to bed before tonight turns into tomorrow.”
He hung up and I tucked my phone away again. “I'm sorry, Gerard, but I should probably get home in about half an hour, is that alright?”
Gerard smiled, but I could tell he was covering disappointment. “Sure. Will I see you at all tomorrow?”
I blinked, slightly surprised. “You uh..you want to see me?”
He laughed softly and nodded emphatically. “Of course I do! I really like talking to you, Frank.”
“But I kind of...with Patrick..” I mumbled lamely, trailing off as he shook his head.
“You're fine, Frank. What if we had a breakfast picnic?” Gerard suggested excitedly, grinning at me. I couldn't refuse anything to that face.
“Uhh. Sure, at the little park on seventh? What time?”
He smiled. “Can you do early? Like six? We'd see the sunrise then..”
I winced and shook my head. “I am not a morning person, could we say seven? It gives me a chance of getting there on time.”
Gerard rubbed his fingers over the key necklace. “Okay.”
Chris watched me as I poured myself a glass of water. “How was it?”
I shrugged. “I didn't talk to any of the others much, but Gerard was chatty. He's adopted.”
“Really?” Chris asked, and I shot him a glance. He was trying to ‘engage’ me or whatever the fuck mind game he was attempting now. Oddly enough, I didn't care.
“Yeah. His mom left him in the hospital as a kid, didn't want him for some reason. He didn't want to talk about it too much.”
Chris folded his arms over his chest, smiling at me. “Did you open up to him any more?”
I shrugged, kicking at the floor with the toe of my sneaker. “I told him about me being off school and in hospital. And how we ended up here..” I gestured to the house vaguely. “He wants to meet up tomorrow and talk more. I think he's kind of like me, in a way. I don't think he talks to enough people, but he actually wants to…”
Chris nodded slightly. “Yeah. Well, if you feel like you can work on opening up with him, then spending more time with him seems like a good idea to me.”
“He wants to have a breakfast picnic in the park at seven.”
“Well, fuck that!” Chris laughed. “If you wanna go, you're walking cause I'm still gonna be in bed.”
I grinned and nodded. “I kind of figured. I think he kind of has a crush on me,” I added, frowning slightly.
Chris blinked. “And?”
“And I'm not sure what to do with that.”
“Why not? You've never been unsure before,” Chris pointed out. I glared at him.
“That was shade and it was uncalled for, Christopher. I'm unsure because he's a total virgin and he's never even been kissed. I also promised myself I wouldn't get involved with anyone until I trusted them, cause I'm sick of getting burned.”
He tilted his head and smiled at me. “You care about him, a lot.”
“I care about a lot of things, just not you,” I snapped, feeling the defensive anger rising for absolutely no reason. He just laughed.
“Fair enough. But I'm assuming you find him attractive? I mean, most people with eyes would if he was wearing jeans..”
I blinked and smiled to myself. “I think he's ten times more handsome in a dress,” I said quietly, half to myself. “It suits him and he looks comfortable in his skin.”
Chris hopped up, sitting on the counter as he watched me. “There's not a lot of men out there with the same open-mindedness you have.”
I glanced at him. “Would you date a guy who liked to wear dresses?”
He stared at me blankly. “Who said anything about me and men?”
I smiled knowingly, shrugging. “I just guessed. I spent a lot of time watching you, Chris. And I went through your phone once, lots of pictures of guys…one in particular..”
He sighed and flipped me off. “You shouldn't have been snooping, Frank.”
I shrugged again. “It was before I trusted you. I wanted to make sure you weren't in contact with my previous foster family.”
Chris smiled sadly. “Come here…” I walked over and hopped up on the counter next to him. He tugged his phone out of his pocket, unlocking it and going into his photos. I smiled when I saw the picture. “You look so happy in that one, I like it.”
Chris’s smile widened and he pointed to the other man. This guy was much shorter than Chris, probably not a lot taller than me, with long hair and piercing blue eyes. He was smiling, Chris's arm around him tightly. “That's Ricky,” Chris murmured. “He was supposed to marry me.”
I blinked, looking up at him. “What happened?”
He shrugged, putting his phone away and rubbing his eyes. “He left one night. He just packed all his stuff and left while I was asleep. It was probably about a month before I met you in the hospital. I think if Ricky had married me, I wouldn't have been able to take you in, so on good days, I'm glad.”
“Do you miss him?” I asked, leaning my head on Chris's arm. He sighed and slid his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him gently. “Every day.”
I saw a face leaning over me. A man with piercings and tattoos. I didn't recognize him as his long black hair brushed my face.
“How long before the infection gets better?” He asked someone I couldn't see.
“Hopefully only a couple weeks. He's lucky, a couple more days and we probably couldn't have helped him.”
“Pneumonia, right?”
“Yep. Caught a cold and was left in a damp basement, so it just kept getting worse. It's almost a good thing they broke his knee, otherwise he wouldn't be here.”
I shifted, crying out in pain softly. The man with the tattoos grabbed my hand. “Shh, Frankie. I know it hurts, but this is just a dream...it's just a dream..”
Chris was holding me again, rocking me slowly. I buried my face in his chest, trembling as he started to sing to me softly.
“I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the Lord..”
I stayed a little later than everyone else. Mikey and Pete went up to his room, under strict instruction to leave the door open, and Gerard and I stayed downstairs.
“I looked up non binary,” I mumbled after an uncomfortable silence. “But I didn't really get it. I'm sorry for being ignorant and stuff...could you explain it?”
Gerard smiled at me, fiddling with his necklace. “There's a difference between willful ignorance and simply not knowing something, Frank. Non binary is an umbrella term, which means it encompasses a lot of different identities. But basically it means anything outside of the gender binary, outside of boy and girl. Like a demiboy. A demiboy may feel masculine a lot of the time, but also not always. Or a genderfluid person might feel more feminine one day, and more masculine another. Some people like to go by neutral pronouns like they/them, but I actually prefer he/him. It sounds more natural to me, and...yeah. I just prefer it.”
I tilted my head slightly, studying him. He was perfectly at ease, his soft hazel eyes fixed on mine. “So what other terms do you use to talk about yourself?”
Gerard chuckled and shrugged. “I don't, really. I'm still figuring myself out, and non binary fits me. I like it, I don't feel a great desire to put myself into a smaller box. I don't even really know my sexuality.”
I laughed and shook my head. “I don't believe that, Gerard. I don't.”
He grinned, twisting a lock of hair around his index finger. “So you wouldn't believe I'm a virgin? That I still haven't had my first kiss?”
I leaned back in my armchair, watching him play with the key around his neck. “No, I wouldn't.”
“Why’s that?”
I gulped. I'd boxed myself in and he'd shown me the way, completely consciously and definitely on purpose. But I’d let him. I felt the blush and sighed.
“Because you're incredibly attractive, Gerard. You have a perfect body, a stunning face, and a really cute style.”
It comforted me slightly to see him blush. “Thanks. But most people call me a fag and a freak. Why are you different?”
I shrugged. “Because I've been called all of that, too. I don't see any point to fussing over what other people do. You look good in dresses. Most boys can't say that, not without a whole bunch of foam and usually some fake boobs. So if you can do something, like wear a dress better than most girls, why not do it? And I have no right to judge you for that.”
Gerard had gone almost as red as his hair now, but he was still smiling at me. “I like that philosophy. And it's true, by the way. I've never been kissed.”
I smiled softly and ran a hand through my hair. “You have time, Gerard. You're only fifteen..”
He was twirling his hair again, but this time more nervously. “Have you had guys before?”
I hesitated, then let myself relax. Gerard was kind and understood the importance of confidential conversations, from what I could tell.
“Three,” I answered quietly. “All of them cheated on me and I vowed to choose more carefully next time, but my life kind of...changed a lot.”
Gerard tilted his head and pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging them. “How so?”
“Well...I don't really want to talk about it too much, but I was very sick for a while and had to have surgery for a broken knee, and then I was supposed to be cycled back through the foster system for the fourth time, but Chris pulled me out. He decided he liked me, for some reason, and so I went to live with him. But because of my health problems and...some ‘behavioral issues,’ it took me a really long time to settle in, I'd actually been out of school for nearly two and a half months before I started going here. So yeah...big changes.”
Gerard winced, nodding slightly. “That sucks, I'm sorry Frank. I was actually...I was abandoned in the hospital as a baby,” he mumbled, fiddling with his hands and not looking at me. “The Ways adopted me, cause my birth mother didn't want me...she um..”
He trailed off and I frowned. “Gerard, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I'm not gonna pry.”
He smiled slightly, nodding a little. “Okay. Thanks, Frank.” He looked up at me and my stomach tightened. “I'm just so glad I was adopted.”
My phone rang suddenly, interrupting the moment. I winced, but pulled it out and answered it, rubbing my forehead with the heel of my hand. “Hello?”
“Frank, I know you said you'd text me, but it's almost ten.”
I rolled my eyes and sighed loudly. “Chris, I'm in the middle of something.”
“Then please text me when you're done, I’d like to go to bed before tonight turns into tomorrow.”
He hung up and I tucked my phone away again. “I'm sorry, Gerard, but I should probably get home in about half an hour, is that alright?”
Gerard smiled, but I could tell he was covering disappointment. “Sure. Will I see you at all tomorrow?”
I blinked, slightly surprised. “You uh..you want to see me?”
He laughed softly and nodded emphatically. “Of course I do! I really like talking to you, Frank.”
“But I kind of...with Patrick..” I mumbled lamely, trailing off as he shook his head.
“You're fine, Frank. What if we had a breakfast picnic?” Gerard suggested excitedly, grinning at me. I couldn't refuse anything to that face.
“Uhh. Sure, at the little park on seventh? What time?”
He smiled. “Can you do early? Like six? We'd see the sunrise then..”
I winced and shook my head. “I am not a morning person, could we say seven? It gives me a chance of getting there on time.”
Gerard rubbed his fingers over the key necklace. “Okay.”
Chris watched me as I poured myself a glass of water. “How was it?”
I shrugged. “I didn't talk to any of the others much, but Gerard was chatty. He's adopted.”
“Really?” Chris asked, and I shot him a glance. He was trying to ‘engage’ me or whatever the fuck mind game he was attempting now. Oddly enough, I didn't care.
“Yeah. His mom left him in the hospital as a kid, didn't want him for some reason. He didn't want to talk about it too much.”
Chris folded his arms over his chest, smiling at me. “Did you open up to him any more?”
I shrugged, kicking at the floor with the toe of my sneaker. “I told him about me being off school and in hospital. And how we ended up here..” I gestured to the house vaguely. “He wants to meet up tomorrow and talk more. I think he's kind of like me, in a way. I don't think he talks to enough people, but he actually wants to…”
Chris nodded slightly. “Yeah. Well, if you feel like you can work on opening up with him, then spending more time with him seems like a good idea to me.”
“He wants to have a breakfast picnic in the park at seven.”
“Well, fuck that!” Chris laughed. “If you wanna go, you're walking cause I'm still gonna be in bed.”
I grinned and nodded. “I kind of figured. I think he kind of has a crush on me,” I added, frowning slightly.
Chris blinked. “And?”
“And I'm not sure what to do with that.”
“Why not? You've never been unsure before,” Chris pointed out. I glared at him.
“That was shade and it was uncalled for, Christopher. I'm unsure because he's a total virgin and he's never even been kissed. I also promised myself I wouldn't get involved with anyone until I trusted them, cause I'm sick of getting burned.”
He tilted his head and smiled at me. “You care about him, a lot.”
“I care about a lot of things, just not you,” I snapped, feeling the defensive anger rising for absolutely no reason. He just laughed.
“Fair enough. But I'm assuming you find him attractive? I mean, most people with eyes would if he was wearing jeans..”
I blinked and smiled to myself. “I think he's ten times more handsome in a dress,” I said quietly, half to myself. “It suits him and he looks comfortable in his skin.”
Chris hopped up, sitting on the counter as he watched me. “There's not a lot of men out there with the same open-mindedness you have.”
I glanced at him. “Would you date a guy who liked to wear dresses?”
He stared at me blankly. “Who said anything about me and men?”
I smiled knowingly, shrugging. “I just guessed. I spent a lot of time watching you, Chris. And I went through your phone once, lots of pictures of guys…one in particular..”
He sighed and flipped me off. “You shouldn't have been snooping, Frank.”
I shrugged again. “It was before I trusted you. I wanted to make sure you weren't in contact with my previous foster family.”
Chris smiled sadly. “Come here…” I walked over and hopped up on the counter next to him. He tugged his phone out of his pocket, unlocking it and going into his photos. I smiled when I saw the picture. “You look so happy in that one, I like it.”
Chris’s smile widened and he pointed to the other man. This guy was much shorter than Chris, probably not a lot taller than me, with long hair and piercing blue eyes. He was smiling, Chris's arm around him tightly. “That's Ricky,” Chris murmured. “He was supposed to marry me.”
I blinked, looking up at him. “What happened?”
He shrugged, putting his phone away and rubbing his eyes. “He left one night. He just packed all his stuff and left while I was asleep. It was probably about a month before I met you in the hospital. I think if Ricky had married me, I wouldn't have been able to take you in, so on good days, I'm glad.”
“Do you miss him?” I asked, leaning my head on Chris's arm. He sighed and slid his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him gently. “Every day.”
I saw a face leaning over me. A man with piercings and tattoos. I didn't recognize him as his long black hair brushed my face.
“How long before the infection gets better?” He asked someone I couldn't see.
“Hopefully only a couple weeks. He's lucky, a couple more days and we probably couldn't have helped him.”
“Pneumonia, right?”
“Yep. Caught a cold and was left in a damp basement, so it just kept getting worse. It's almost a good thing they broke his knee, otherwise he wouldn't be here.”
I shifted, crying out in pain softly. The man with the tattoos grabbed my hand. “Shh, Frankie. I know it hurts, but this is just a dream...it's just a dream..”
Chris was holding me again, rocking me slowly. I buried my face in his chest, trembling as he started to sing to me softly.
“I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the Lord..”
Notes
I hope you're still enjoying this and thanks for all your lovely comments! I'm going to try and reveal Frank's past more slowly and start building it up through his memories and the things he tells Gerard, although I think you could probably take a pretty good guess now. Any constructive criticisms you may have are just as welcomed as nice comments, by the way :)
Thanks for reading!
Logan
@LoganMai
great thanks
4/20/18