F
I was at Gerard's house, helping him study after school when I got the call. I picked up my phone and lay back on the bed, Gerard stroking my thigh innocently.
“Hello?”
“Is this Frank Iero?”
“Um, yeah?” I mumbled, suddenly uncertain. The man on the other end of the phone sounded stern and unfriendly.
“Your adopted father, Chris Cerulli, has been in a car accident.”
I sat bolt upright, Gerard watching me worriedly.
“I-is he okay? What happened? What's going on?”
“He's been rushed to intensive care at the St. Mary’s hospital. We can arrange transportation or-”
“No, I um...I’ll get there myself..”
I hung up and blinked, about to say something to Gerard when my phone rang again. I picked it up immediately, hoping someone would tell me it was all a joke.
“Frankie?” It was Ricky, his normally soft voice hoarse and shaky. “I'm...I’m coming by to pick you up.”
“Can Gerard come too?”
“Yeah, he can. Chris likes him,” Ricky murmured with a soft, nervous chuckle. “He's gonna be okay, Frankie.”
“What happened?”
Ricky took a shaky breath. “An eighteen-wheeler lost control on the highway and Chris's car rolled over.”
“F-fuck..”
“I gotta go, I'll be there in ten.”
Ricky hung up and I dropped the phone, staring at the floor blankly.
“Frankie? What's happened, baby?” Gerard asked gently, stroking my hair slowly. “I'm here.”
“C-Chris was in a car accident...Ricky's p-picking us up to go to the h-hospital..”
Gerard's eyes widened and he hugged me tightly, running his fingers through my hair. “He’ll be okay, Frankie. He's really strong and he loves you more than anything. He’ll pull through. I promise.”
I let Gerard lead me downstairs, stumbling a little on the last step.
He gently helped me into my jacket, kissing my forehead softly and grabbing his backpack. “It's okay, Frankie. It's gonna be okay, I'm right here,” Gerard murmured, cupping my jaw in his hands. I sniffed, starting to shake suddenly. “I'm s-scared.”
Gerard hugged me tightly, rubbing my back slowly. “I know, Frankie, I know. It is scary. But it's gonna be okay. Really. Ricky's here now, are you ready to go?”
I nodded slightly and he smiled sadly, pecking my lips softly. “I love you, Frankie. Come on..”
Gerard walked me out to Ricky's car, helping me into the backseat and getting in next to me. Ricky glanced back, and I could see he'd been crying. “Hey guys.”
“Hi.”
Gerard rubbed the outside of my thigh lightly, watching me worriedly. I felt completely numb, my hands shaking. I could barely think straight. I unbuckled my seatbelt when we were halfway there, shifting into the middle seat and buckling up there instead, cuddling into Gerard’s side. He kissed the side of my head, wrapping an arm around me as I shook.
Intensive care unit.
I saw the sign as Ricky pulled into the parking lot and shivered. Gerard gently turned my head to face him and kissed me, stroking my cheeks slowly. When he broke away, he rested his forehead on mine. “I'm here, Frank. Right here.”
I nodded slightly, taking a deep breath before getting out of the car. I followed Ricky inside, keeping a death grip on Gerard’s hand. I hated hospitals. After my own stays there and my disastrous visit to Gerard, hospitals just made me feel anxious and sick. I hated the smell, the colors, the rush of people working everywhere. Gerard let go of my hand and wrapped an arm around my waist instead, kissing my cheek. I shifted, walking even closer to him as we followed Ricky down the halls. He finally stopped outside a door and shot a nervous look back at me. “He's out of surgery, but just barely..”
I nodded, swallowing hard. “O-okay..”
Ricky pushed the door open and I closed my eyes for a couple seconds before Gerard gently pulled me forward. “Come on, baby. Chris needs you..”
I nodded slightly, forcing my feet to move. As soon as I stepped inside and saw him, I whipped around, burying my face in Gerard's chest. I could hear Ricky crying softly, but no tears were coming for me. I just shook, clinging to Gerard for a few minutes before glancing back at Chris.
“Fuck..” I whimpered, and Gerard ran his fingers through my hair slowly.
Chris looked dead.
His skin was even paler than usual, his arms full of needles. A tube had been put down his throat to help him breathe, and he was covered in bandages, some of which were already soaked with blood.
Ricky walked over and gently pulled me away from Gerard, hugging me tightly. “It's gonna be okay. Come hold his hand..”
I shook my head quickly, pushing Ricky away a little harder than I meant to. Gerard gently grabbed me, smiling at Ricky sadly. “I think Frankie needs a break, we’ll be back soon.”
I held Gerard's hand tightly as he walked me out of the room, making a beeline for the nearest door that would take us outside of the building. Once outside, Gerard dug around in his pockets and pulled out a cigarette and lighter. He handed me the cigarette, lighting it for me. “You okay?”
I shook my head quickly, taking a long, much-needed drag. “F-fuck no. He l-looks like he's g-gone already.”
Gerard sighed, tears welling up in his eyes. “I know, Frankie. But he's strong, and he loves you. He won't leave you..”
I sniffed, staring at him angrily. “How can you do that?”
“Do what?” Gerard asked softly, brushing my hair out of my eyes as a tear ran down his cheek.
“Just cry like that...I can't fucking cry. I want to cry, but I can't fucking cry..”
He smiled sadly, drying his eyes on his sleeve. “People react to things differently, Frankie. You don't have to cry, yeah? It doesn't mean you care any less. And part of it is shock. That's all.”
I nearly finished the cigarette with my next drag and I knocked the ash off quickly. “Fuck.”
“Do you wanna go back inside? You could hold his hand..”
I shrugged, looking down at the ground. “I dunno what I want, Gee. I guess I wanna be there for him, but I can't look at him like that. It's terrifying..”
“I know, sweetie,” Gerard murmured, stroking my cheek slowly. I gently shrugged him off, looking away.
“No, you don't. That's my dad, Gee. And he's fucking dying..”
Gerard sniffed and a fresh round of tears ran down his cheeks. “I'm sorry, Frankie. But he's not dying, he's stable right now. I heard the nurse say it. He's doing okay..”
I nodded slightly, finally feeling my nose sting and my throat close up. It wasn't pretty crying like Gerard, where the tears ran down his unchanged face. It wasn't cute, ‘my fiancé is hurt’ crying like Ricky. It was ugly, raw, and more snot than tears.
Gerard gently took the cigarette from me and handed me a tissue. “It's alright. Let it out, Frankie…”
I slid down the wall and curled up on the ground, burying my face in my hands as sobs wracked my body. Gerard crouched down, futilely trying to calm me down. After a few minutes, he gave up and just sat next to me, resting his head on my shoulder.
“I love you, Frankie,” he said as I started to run out of breath and tears.
I sniffed and wiped my nose on my sleeve. “I know. I love you too..”
Gerard smiled sadly and kissed my temple softly. “You're the strongest person I know, Frankie-”
I scoffed and he rolled his eyes fondly. “You are, sweetie. And I think you should go and hold Chris's hand, even if it's just for a second. Go and kiss his cheek and tell him you love him. Tell him what you told me; that he's your dad and you need him. You don't have to sit with him all day, but you need to be there, yeah? Because he loves you just as much as you love him.”
I rubbed my eyes, looking up at Gerard shakily. “Come with me?”
“Of course, sweetie. You didn't have to ask..”

I sat down next to the bed, Gerard next to me. Ricky had left to go talk to Chris's doctor, and so it was just the three of us. I reached over and took Chris's hand, wincing when I felt how cold it was. I gently rubbed his fingers in between my hands to warm them up, sniffling. Gerard leaned against me slightly, as a reminder that he was there. I stood up suddenly and leaned over the bed, combing Chris's matted black hair with my fingers. “He hates tangles,” I mumbled to myself, not really sure why. Gerard gently tapped my side, smiling sadly as he handed me the comb. I nodded my thanks and finished brushing Chris's hair, my fingers touching his cheek every now and then. “I love you, Dad,” I murmured when I'd finished, feeling a little stupid. “I miss you.”
Gerard stood up and kissed my cheek softly. “I'm proud of you, Frankie. I'm gonna go get some drinks, okay? Are you alright to stay here?”
I nodded slightly, sitting down again and grabbing onto Chris's hand, still trying to warm it up. “I'm fine..”
Gerard kissed the top of my head and slipped out of the room. I sat there for a while, holding Chris's hand and watching him as he slept. I jumped when a nurse walked in and she smiled at me sadly. “Hi. I've come to check he's getting enough oxygen.”
I nodded slightly and sniffed. “He seems cold,” I mumbled, pointing to his hand. “And pale.”
The nurse blinked and checked his blood bag. “He's had plenty of transfusions..”
I frowned, standing up and carefully pulling the sheets down. The nurse helped me, wincing when she saw the bruising on his stomach. “Okay. I need you out, Frank, I'm sorry, I have to call the doctor.”
I started to cry again silently and hurried out of the room just as people came running up to the door, shouting and pushing me aside. I jogged away from the commotion, towards the vending machines. I could see Gerard down the hall, his bright red hair sticking out like a sore thumb in all the white and pale blue. He started running suddenly, running back to me as I stood there, shaking and crying. He set his bag down and pulled me into a hug. I buried my face in his neck, trembling all over as I heard them wheeling the bed out of the room behind me.
“What's going on, Frankie? Do you know?”
I gently pulled away from Gerard, rubbing my eyes. “I th-think he's bleeding inside..”
Gerard's face slackened, but he tried to pretend he wasn't worried.
“He's been on blood for a while, Frankie, he'll be okay. They just gotta fix whatever's bleeding..”
I heard footsteps behind me and Ricky walked up, his eyes red from crying. “I was j-just talking to his doctor before they had to take him back for surgery. He's doing good, they think they should be able to take the tube out and let him breathe on his own tomorrow, but they're worried about brain damage...he got hit on the head badly..”
I shivered and Gerard pulled me closer to him, stroking my hair.
“They won't know how bad it is until he wakes up..”
“And how long is that likely to be?” Gerard asked quietly, rubbing my back.
“They don't know,” Ricky mumbled, biting his lip lightly. “They might have to put him in a coma so he heals.”
Gerard sighed as I started to sob all over again. “Frank and I are gonna go for another walk. Come on..” He gently led me outside, sitting me down on a bench in the courtyard and handing me a bottle of water. “Try to drink something, Frankie.”
I shook my head and he sighed, uncapping it and pressing the open end to my lips. “Drink. You're gonna get a headache from all this crying and you're gonna need the fluids.”
I took a reluctant sip and Gerard kissed my forehead softly. “I also bought some granola and chocolate bars, but I guess you probably don't want them yet..”
I shook my head again and Gerard ran his fingers through my hair. “It's five, and the hospital closes at eight. I'm gonna text my dad and ask him to pick us up, yeah? I don't want you to be at home on your own.”
I drank a little more of my water and Gerard wrapped his arm around me, resting his head on my shoulder.
About two hours later, Chris was out of surgery and had been moved to a different room, so Gerard and I wandered back inside and down the halls. Ricky was sitting on the floor outside the room, his head in his hands. Gerard glanced at me, then sighed. “Ricky?”
He lifted his head slightly. “Chris's parents are coming tomorrow.”
“And?”
“And they don't like me,” Ricky mumbled, standing up slowly. “That's all.”
“Oh..”
Gerard pushed the room door open and gently tugged me inside. A doctor was fiddling with one of the machines, a nurse helping him. I walked straight to the bed and grabbed Chris's hand, holding it tightly. The doctor glanced at me. “You must be Frank, right?”
I blinked and nodded slightly. “Yeah..”
The doctor pulled a card out of his pocket and handed it to me along with a pen. “Write your number on that and I promise I'll call you if there's any change, okay?”
I nodded, smiling just a little. “Okay. Anytime, even if it's one in the morning. I'll answer.”
“Good.”
I scribbled the number and handed it back, glancing down at Chris. “How is he now?”
“Better. We found the source of the bleeding and fixed that, and we made sure there weren't any more problems. He's breathing better without as much help, and he shouldn't need much more blood. We’re keeping him on very heavy pain meds and some sedatives, we don't really want him to wake up yet.”
I sat down in one of the hard plastic chairs. “Will you be able to wake him up soon?”
“We don't know, Frank, I'm sorry. If we try now, no amount of pain meds will make him feel better. It's better that he stays asleep.”
I nodded, rubbing my thumb over Chris's knuckles. “I understand. What happened? I didn't really..”
“Well, I don't know all the specifics of the accident, but I know the car rolled and was pushed against the barrier by the lorry, which was still moving at a fair speed. He has some minor burns, quite a lot of cuts, tons of bruises, a few broken and shattered ribs, and a head injury. He's lucky it's not worse, honestly.”
I sighed and Gerard sat down next to me, rubbing my shoulder. “Do you think he's gonna be okay?” Gerard asked softly. The doctor sighed.
“Well, I can't really say for sure, I'm sorry. His body will heal, he's already starting to pull through on some of his injuries. We're taking him for a scan tomorrow to try and get an idea of how his brain is, but it's hard to know for sure until he wakes up.”
Gerard kissed the side of my head softly. “See, Frankie? He's gonna be okay.”
The doctor smiled. “I've got to go, but I'm on the night shift tonight, so I'll call you if anything changes.”
I thanked him quietly and watched him go, then rested my head on Gerard’s shoulder. “He's gonna be okay,” I said to myself softly. Gerard stroked my hair slowly.
“Yes. He is.”

I woke up with Gerard still asleep next to me, his back turned to me. I ran a hand down his spine and he shivered. “Hey,” he mumbled sleepily, rolling onto his back.
“We need to go back to the hospital.”
He groaned softly. “It's early, Frankie.”
“I know, but Chris's parents are coming today. I want some time with him before they get here.”
Gerard sighed and sat up, running a hand through his hair. “Okay. Have you not met them before?”
“No, I don't even know their names. Chris didn't talk to them all that much. I think they got divorced when he was a kid and got back together or something. He didn't like to talk about it much.”
Gerard snorted. “Well it sounds like you're a lot higher up on the family food chain.”
I shrugged and slid out of bed, yawning. “Come on. I need a shower.”
“Me too..”
I glanced at him and he shrugged. “Saves water.”
I rolled my eyes, but smiled slightly as Gerard walked me to the bathroom. He shut the door behind us, making a point of locking it before turning the tap on and casually undressing. I stripped as well, stretching before stepping into the big shower. “Your house is so fancy,” I grinned as Gerard got in next to me. He rolled his eyes and shrugged, grabbing the shampoo bottle. “It's a good thing Mikey's at school or he'd kill us.”
I chuckled and started washing myself off, watching Gerard out of the corner of my eye. He looked even more beautiful than usual under the spray as he basked in the warmth of the water, his eyes closed and his face turned up. “I love you,” I said suddenly, and he smiled, looking at me. “I love you too.”
Gerard stepped out from under the spray and gently shoved me into it instead, helping me rinse the shampoo out of my hair. I sighed, closing my eyes until I felt his fingers against my thighs. I looked down and shook my head. “Gerard..”
He was kneeling down in front of me, one hand on my hip and the other on my thigh. “Do you want me to?” He asked softly, stroking his thumb over the inside of my thigh. “It might help you relax.”
I sighed and shook my head again. “No, Gee. I'd rather have a hug.”
He pouted, but got to his knees and pulled me against him, letting me bury my face in his neck.

I ran into the room, dumping my backpack and grinning. “Gee!”
Chris looked ten times better, his skin much less white. The tube had been taken out of his throat and he seemed warmer when I touched his hand. Some of the bandages had been taken off, revealing scabs, while the others that were still on were clean and looked comfortable. I brushed his hair out on the pillow, checking it for tangles just as Gerard’s arm slipped around my waist. “Baby...I just spoke to the doctor.”
I looked up at him excitedly. “He's better! He's gonna be okay, right? Is he gonna wake up soon?”
Gerard sighed softly and brushed the backs of his fingers over my cheeks. “He's breathing on his own and he's healing very well, but he...he's in a coma, Frankie. They think his body is trying to heal his brain and he's...he's not gonna wake up anytime soon.”
I stared at him for a few seconds, then looked down at Chris. “But he looks so much better,” I said in a tiny voice, my throat closing up as I struggled to breathe. “Frankie...he's gonna get better,” Gerard murmured, pulling me against his chest. “His body is trying to make him better, that's what's happening. Apparently his scan looked okay, they think he's probably going to be okay when he wakes up, it's just gonna take a little longer than expected…”
I grabbed at Chris's hand, tears running down my cheeks as I trembled.
“But...I need him..”
The door opened suddenly and I looked up. Gerard smiled at me and wiped my cheeks, not turning around. The woman gasped and hurried over to Chris. I stepped back quickly, shrinking back against Gerard’s chest as he wrapped an arm around me calmly. “It's okay, Frankie,” he murmured in my ear. “It's alright. How about we go for a walk?”
I nodded and he gently pulled me out of the room, starting off down the hallway.
“Hold on!” A man called from behind us. “Are you Frank?”
Gerard chuckled. “Nope. Who are you?”
“I'm Chris's dad. And I was talking to the guy you're with.”
I turned around shyly, running a hand through my hair. “Um. Yeah, I'm Frank.”
He stuck his hand out. “I'm Chuck, Chris's dad.”
Gerard giggled as I shook his hand. “Sorry, it's just so funny that someone so normal is Chris's dad..”
I elbowed Gerard in the ribs gently, but smiled slightly.
“Well, it surprised me as well,” Chuck grinned. “How is he?”
The slight smile dropped off my face and I shook my head. “He's in a coma.”
“Shit. Really?”
Gerard nodded slightly. “He had a pretty bad head injury, but they think he's gonna be okay. It's just gonna take a while.”
I sniffed, rubbing one of my eyes lightly. “I need him,” I mumbled, mostly to myself. Chuck glanced at me worriedly.
“Well...Jackie and I have been talking about moving him to Pennsylvania so we can keep an eye on him..”
I blinked and Gerard clenched his jaw, rubbing my side to keep me calm. It didn't work. “You can't!” I burst out, feeling the tears welling up as Gerard sighed, kissing the top of my head gently. “I live here and he's my dad! You can't take him away from me, I won't let you!”
Chuck nodded slightly. “We won't take him away from you, we know that wouldn't be okay. But we’ve spoken to social services and they want you to stay with Chris's closest relatives while he's in hospital. That's us, so you'd be-”
“No. I won't go and you can't make me, you can't take my dad away from me!”
“Frank, please, we need to talk about-”
“Fuck you!” I screamed, letting the tears go as Gerard gently tried to pull me away. “Fuck you all! And fuck God cause he fucking hates me and he's a fucking cunt!”
I tore myself out of Gerard’s grip and sprinted down the hall, wishing I could just run out of my life and into someone else's.

Notes

;-;
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, even though it's sad. The next chapter-let thing is the last before part two, and I will give you the first two chapters of that at once :)
Also a heads-up to you guys, this will be the last story I post on this website, at least for a while, but all of my work is available on AO3 under loganmai, and I will be posting new stories on there, it's just a huge pain in my ass to keep updating two sites.
Thanks for understanding!