"Hey, I'm back!" Gerard called out as he closed the front door behind him, blocking the cold winter air and the rain from entering the house. He slowly took his gloves and beanie off as he waited for a reply.

"Hey baby!" Came the familiar voice that made him smile.

"Where are you?" He asked into the corridor.

"I'm in the kitchen! How was today at the record store?"

"It was great," Gerard said as he went over to the small kitchen, leaving his scarf on, as he tried to smooth his dark hair down with his hand. "We had a sudden flood of customers so Bob and Livvie needed extra help. I'm so exhausted right now, like, I could just fall asleep right n- wow."

His blabbing was cut off once he stepped into the kitchen and was met with his boyfriend's bright face, wearing his casual home outfit, although Gerard could smell the shampoo and cologne he put on.

He was standing behind the table, as the dark wood was covered in two plates filled with spaghetti, steak, vegetables and feta cheese on top. Near every plate there was a shiny glass of champagne, and a bottle of it in the middle of the table, right beside a small scented candle, the soft flame dancing under the dim light of the kitchen.

"What do you think, baby?" The cheerful voice snapped Gerard out of his shock. The older shook his head a little and stepped closer, still amazed by the unexpected sight.

"I... I..." he shook his head again and looked up at his boyfriend, who was now standing in front of him, grinning. "Jonathan, y-you didn't have to do all this f-for me."

"Aww, but I wanted to, babe," he replied softly as his arms snaked around Gerard's waist and pulled the blushing man up against his chest.

The elder's gaze was fixed on the floor, a shy smile plastered on his face, and his hands were resting on Jonathan's biceps.

"T-thank you," he murmured.

Warm fingers lifted his chin slowly, and his hazel eyes were met with the sparkle of the other's gaze.

"You're welcome, my love," he whispered, smiling, and pressed a gentle kiss on the black-haired lips, enjoying the feeling of Gerard's mouth as it carefully worked with his. It's not that Gerard was embarrassed or scared, he was just stunned by how loved and cared for he always felt around his boyfriend, every time Jonathan did something like that, he would just get all quiet and stuttery, like a schoolgirl talking to her crush.

That's how Jonathan would make him feel every day.

"How about we get to the food?" The younger whispered once Gerard was beginning to press his lips more eagerly against his. The elder whined softly but opened his eyes and nodded regardless, still being held protectively in Jonathan's strong embrace.

The young man let go of his boyfriend reluctantly, allowing him to stand steady on his feet again before the two went to sit down at both sides of the table.

"And after dinner, I have a little surprise for you," Jonathan smirked at the older man, and watched as he looked up at the younger with curious eyes.

"What kind of surprise?"

"Oh, you'll see," Jonathan grinned down at his plate and began eating quietly, leaving Gerard suspicious but excited.

He'll have to wait and see, apparently.

xoxoxoxo

Gerard opened the door of the record store and stepped in, sighing as the warmth of the inside hit his skin, steadily letting his muscles relax while he was heading towards the counter, where Livvie was talking to another girl and barely even noticed Gerard.

Once the girl payed her and walked away, the young woman looked up and noticed her good friend approaching her.

"Hey Gerard! How are you doing, sweetie?" She asked brightly as she removed his black beanie from his head and put it at the back of the counter, where it would be safer.

"Great," he smiled back at her as he tugged his gloves off of his fingers and then looked around. "Where's your brother?"

"Oh, Bob is in the posters section. Want me to go get him?"

"No, that's okay," Gerard answered softly. "I just wanna have a private talk with him."

Livvie nodded in understanding, and the older man walked over to where all the posters of 70's and 80's musicians and bands hung on the walls. He quickly spotted his bright-haired friend, plastering a picture of Freddie Mercury on the wall next to a Michael Jackson poster.

"Hey hot stuff, how's it going?" Gerard asked as he tucked his gloves in his hoodie pocket.

Bob turned around and gave his friend a smile.

"Hi. I'm doing good. Where's Frank?"

"I let him stay home and rest. He had a tiring night last night."

Gerard winked at Bob, who rolled his eyes playfully at him.

"Remind me again why I became so involved with your sex life?"

"Because you love me."

"Fuck off."

Gerard giggled and stepped closer, hugging Bob before letting go and frowning a little.

"There was actually something I wanted to talk to you about," he said.

"Sure," Bob replied, now as serious as Gerard.

"Well, I... um... I just..."

"Spill it out, Gerard," he said sternly, yet his voice was filled with care.

"I have a problem," Gerard said quickly, averting his gaze to somewhere else, anywhere else actually.

Bob blinked. "With Frank?"

"No! No, it's not about Frank..."

"Michael then?" He asked, his face showing concern and slight confusion.

"No..." Gerard squinted his eyes shut. "It's about..." his arms shook a little. "It's about Jonathan."

He couldn't help but release a relieved sigh once he got what he wanted to say out. But when he looked up at the Bob's face he knew he would have some explanations to give now.

"Did he show up again?" The bearded man asked quietly.

"No..." Gerard choked out. "Well, not really..."

"What do you mean?"

"I um... I've been having those dreams about him lately... flashbacks," Gerard rubbed his own arm nervously, his eyes fixed on the floor. He felt so ashamed admitting it, even to Bob. "I can't stop imagining how his lips would always feel on mine, how he touched me, all the sex we had... it's like he's taking over me from inside."

"What? But Gerard, he... he raped you," Bob said, trying to keep his voice soft, although he knew where the older man was taking it and he didn't like that at all.

"I know he did," Gerard closed his eyes again. "And he was never inside me after that, I just... god, I can't! I'm so confused! I don't know what is happening and all I want is for him to be out of my mind but I'm not capable of it. He shows up in my dreams all the time and he got me hard twice. Why won't he just leave me alone? Can't he let me let go of him already?!"

Gerard was on the edge of sobbing at this point. Bob was quick to pull his fragile frame into his chest in a tight hug, which Gerard accepted immediately.

"Shh, shh it's okay. You'll get over him. He'll go away at some point."

"But what do I do until then?" Gerard breathed against his shoulder. "I want to be with Frank because he means so much to me but Jonathan just keeps coming back and he's trying to get me and with all this Michael thing it only becomes harder and harder. I need to know what to do."

"I'm sorry Gerard, I don't know what you should do. All I can say for now is, you should focus on Frank. That boy makes you happy, he cares about you. Take care of him."

"I am taking care of him. But that son of a bitch won't stop showing up and ruin it for me.There was that time when I was sick and he..."

Gerard told Bob the story of that night he experienced two weeks ago, with the younger man, how Jonathan acted so strangely, how he took care of Gerard without taking anything in return.

Gerard was so confused. He knew he shouldn't have been. Jonathan was a liar. A liar and an advantage taker. He should've realized it by now.

Yet, somehow, a certain part in his brain just wouldn't allow him to do that. The older man couldn't bring himself to admit that Jonathan was a fucking rapist and a psycho.

He wouldn't face the facts.

"Oh, Gerard... it's... I'm sorry, I don't know what to say," Bob sighed, his hand rubbing his shaking friend's back.

"You don't have to say anything," Gerard hiccuped, teary and flustered. "This is just me and my fucked up mind in my fucked up life. I should just cut it out."

"No no shh, Gerard, don't say that. You don't need to cut anything out. You are not fucked up and everything will be alright."

"No it fucking won't!" Gerard tried to raise his voice, but his weaknesses and exhaustion kept his words a small whisper. "I'm gonna go to hell anyway. Everything in my life is leading me there. All my mistakes and my shit, I'm just gonna end up losing everything and everyone I care about. Even you... Even Frankie."

The thought of losing his boyfriend made him tense even further in Bob's arms, and he cried harder.

"Hey, what's that bullshit I'm hearing from you, Gerard?" Bob frowned, pulling away from the hug and holding the older's shoulders as he looked him dead in the eye. "You are NOT going to lose me and you are definitely not going to lose Frank. You can solve problems like the strong person you are and I am here to help you. You know that. You fucking know that."

Gerard let out a few more quiet sobs, nodding.

"O-okay," he said. "But-but what do I do if I keep thinking about J-Jonathan?"

Bob sighed again. "I still don't know. But you have to try and forget him. He's not healthy for you, and you can't let him in again. Just try. He would only bring you more trouble than good."

Gerard nodded and sniffled. "Okay. I-I'll t-try."

He gave Bob a weak smile, and the bearded man grinned widely at him.

"Good boy," he chuckled. "Now, wanna help me around? We have a lot to do today."

Gerard nodded eagerly with a big smile on his face. It made Bob happy and relieved to see his best friend like this, getting stronger for himself.

He knew he would always be proud of Gerard. That guy overpowered so many things in the past.

He would do the same now.

xoxoxoxo

"Ready for your surprise, babe?" Jonathan smirked a little as he placed his boyfriend gently on the kitchen table, his hands supporting Gerard's back as the older's legs were wrapped around his waist and their naked bodies were pressed together.

Gerard gave a quick nod, biting his lip, not able to hide his excited smile.

He let out a loud sensual moan when Jonathan pushed into him. They've never done it on the table before. They always did it on the bed, in the shower, on the floor, against the wall, but this they never tried.

So Gerard was definitely surprised when Jonathan laid him down in the middle of the kitchen and made love to him slowly on the wooden table.

The older man threw his head back, because damn, it was hot. Being in this new position, on a different surface, hearing his partner moaning above him.

It was simply a heaven to Gerard's raging hormones, and he couldn't help the pleasured sounds that left his hoarse throat every time his partner pushed further in.

"Uh, Jonathan, I... JONATHAN!"

xoxoxoxo

Gerard was drawing in front of his desk again. He'd been working on this sunflower for a while now, trying to get all the details exactly as he wanted them.

When he came back home from the record store, he found Frank shirtless, eating take-away sushi in the kitchen while listening to Kelly Spring on the radio.

The two sat and talked for a while, and somehow ended up in the bedroom after a heated make-out season, starting off with quick handjobs and eventually tender sweaty sex.

So right now Frank was asleep, breathing evenly as his small body was sprawled out under the covers.

But Gerard's mind was too preoccupied to allow him to sink into unconsciousness.

No, he was too busy thinking about Jonathan. That little bastard who wouldn't let Gerard enjoy one moment of relaxation and calm.

Not that he was actually there and talked to Gerard, but the older man was thinking about him constantly.

Jonathan was like his addiction. He spent hours trying to realize what caused him to think about the other man so much.

It's not like he loved Jonathan. It's not like he wanted to fall in his arms again and be his forever.

He didn't want to be his fucking submissive again. Gerard was a top. A goddamn top that wanted to stay one. When he was with Frank, he had his confidence and knew how to fuck him the way he knew best, yet, when he was with Jonathan... it's like he lost his ass virginity sixty times and counting. He felt like some kind of twink, all shy and giggly.

He wasn't like that. He was never like that. Why WOULD he be? Jonathan was just fucking with his mind, making him feel and think things he didn't actually mean.

And he was going to prove it to himself. He was going to stand up and he was gonna-
There was tapping on the window.

That window right above his head, in his bedroom, cutting off his action and thoughts.

When Gerard looked up. He noticed the small glimmer of white trapped in the gap between the windowsill and the glass, hitting the window as the wind slapped quietly against it.

He stood up slightly from his chair and took the paper in hesitant hands.

He knew it was going to be bad news once he read what was inside, yet he was still scared as hell and even more worried when he read the note the other man had left him.

'Come meet me in the alley at 1a.m. and don't be fucking late. I'll be waiting there.'

Well, he knew...

At least it wasn't Jonathan.

Notes

This story is so cringy to look back at. My writing is much better now. But the plot is good I guess.

Also the next chapter is one of my favorite things on this planet (I'm a tease, I know). So to all the Jonathan fans out there ;) be ready.

Thanks for reading xoxo<3