~Gerard~
It had been a month since my trip to the hospital. Frank had hidden the ultrasound pictures from me somewhere, and as long as I kept busy, I was doing okay. Both of us were. We’d gone out with Mikey for dinner, as he’d just passed his first set of exams. He was happy, talking freely and excitedly about university life and his classes.
By the time he stopped for breath, Frank was tense next to me, his fingers trembling as he held my hand. He was still sensitive about university, although he’d come to accept that he could go next year. I kissed his cheek and changed the subject.
“Frankie, did you show Mikey that present I got you yet?” I grinned, squeezing his hand. Frank giggled and shook his head, holding out his right hand.
Mikey’s eyes widened and he stared at me. “Really? Are you serious?”
Frank frowned and nodded slightly. “Yeah, he asked and I said yes.”
“Jesus, Gerard. You’ve only been together for like seven months, what the fuck were you thinking?”
I rolled my eyes and wrapped an arm around Frank’s waist tightly. “We’ve been through a lot together, Mikey,” I pointed out calmly. “And it’s not like we’re planning a wedding. It was just taking our relationship to another level.”
“Mhm,” Frank cut in, smiling up at me. “We’re not gonna get married anytime soon, just...one day. Anyway, how are things with Ray?” He added viciously, turning to face Mikey.
I laughed to myself silently as Mikey went bright red. “Uh...fine.”
“Good, I’m glad,” Frank said firmly, pointedly. I smiled to myself, squeezing his hand. Frank did not need protecting. He rested his head on my shoulder, looking up at me lovingly. I kissed his forehead and Mikey rolled his eyes.
“Get a room.”
Frank chuckled and I ran my fingers through his hair slowly. “Actually, Mikey, we should get going soon,” I hummed, glancing at the clock. “I have an early shift and we ought to get to bed fairly early.”
Mikey nodded slightly. “Ray’s picking me up, so I’ll text him and let him know you’re heading out. I’ll see you guys soon.” I nodded and got up, gently helping Frank out of the booth. He tripped on the step down and fell against my chest, giggling. Mikey laughed and I rolled my eyes. “Come on, you. Let’s get you home, you’re clearly drunk.”

---

I was running Frank a bath when I heard his phone ring, answering it for him quickly. “Hello, is this Frank Iero?”
I cleared my throat, walking out of the bathroom to find Frank. “No, it’s his fiance, who is this?” “This is Doctor Sitkowski, from the eye department at the hospital, I might have some good news from Mr. Iero’s last test.” I frowned slightly. “Wasn’t that a year ago?”
“Yes, it was.”
I found Frank at last, fiddling with something in the kitchen. I tapped his shoulder.
“Here, I’ll pass you over.”
I handed the phone to Frank and watched him. He started out looking confused, then even more confused, followed by amazement, and then elation. He hung up and stared at me. “What’s up, Frankie?” I asked when it became apparent that he wasn’t going to tell me without being prompted.
He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. His smile dropped away and he seemed worried. “There’s an experimental surgery...and um...he thinks that it could, y’know...bring my sight back.”
I blinked and shook my head. “I don’t understand, Frankie, why do you look so upset?”
He sighed and ducked his head, shuffling his feet. “I d-don’t know...fuck, I just…” I gently took his hand, pulling him towards me. “Come sit down and we can talk about this properly. Please don’t cry, little one. Please.”
Frank followed me to the couch and I tugged him down into my lap, wrapping my arms around him quickly. “What’re you thinking?” I murmured, stroking his hair as he leaned against me, his eyes closed.
“Gee...I just...it’s a part of me, y’know? Of who I am..”
I nodded slightly and kissed his cheek. “I think I understand. I may want to be a guy, but that doesn’t mean I want to be cis, right?”
Frank giggled and rolled his eyes at me. “You are a guy, Gerard.”
“Mm, you know what I mean.”
He kissed my jaw and smiled slightly. “I know. But on the other hand, I’d love to be able to see you and talk to you like...face to face. I’m just...so scared..”
I pulled him closer to me, leaning back against the sofa. “What of? I’ll love you the same no matter what, Mikey will love you, Pansy will love you...nothing will change, not really.”
“I’ve got to learn to do things differently again,” he pointed out quietly, sighing softly.
I shrugged and stroked his hair slowly. “I think it’ll come fairly naturally, love. I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Frankie. It’s about what you want, yeah? Do you want to be able to see again?”
Frank shifted in my lap. “I guess most people would say yes immediately..”
I nodded and pressed a kiss to his temple. “That doesn’t mean you have to.”
He smiled brightly. “I know, baby. But I think I do. If I turned it down and never got to see your face and then got cancer again or something horrible, I’d regret it. I don’t want any regrets.”
I rolled my eyes. “That was really morbid, but okay.”
Frank frowned suddenly and sighed. “It doesn’t matter anyway.”
I blinked, brushing the backs of my fingers over his cheek. “Why do you say that?”
He shrugged, turning his head away. “We can’t afford it, not with your surgery as well, and you’ve already booked that.”
“But I could-”
“No,” Frank said firmly, putting a hand on my chest and smiling at me. “You deserve your surgery, Geebear. You’ve booked it already and you really do deserve it. I’ll be okay.” I stared at him, fighting to keep my emotions under control.
He would give up the chance to see again for you to be happy.
It made me angry, it made me sad, and it made me happy. I was angry because I wasn’t worth it, I wasn’t worth him giving up so much. I was sad because he thought I was, it was sad that he was so infatuated with me that he’d give up that much for me. But it made me more happy than anything else, because I loved him, and the fact that he loved me made me feel like I could take on the world. It may have been cheesy and stupid, but he’d given me so much already, and I couldn’t let him give me this.

---

About a week later, I handed the envelope to Frank. “It’s from the hospital, baby.”
I walked into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. A few minutes later I heard him swearing to himself and he marched into the kitchen.
“Gerard!”
“Mhm?”
He slapped me across the face, barely hard enough to hurt. “What the fuck?” He was crying already, as he waved the paper in my face, so I simply pulled him into a hug. “I canceled my surgery, sweetie. I want you to have this. They’re only offering once, and I have a lifetime to sort myself out. Please Frankie.” Frank hit my chest lightly with his fist, growling. “I h-hate you!” I chuckled and dried the tears off his cheeks gently. “Why’s that?”
“Because I wanted you to be happy..”
I frowned and lifted him up carefully, hugging him as he wrapped his legs around my waist. “This will make me happy, too,” I murmured, stroking his hair slowly. “Seeing you happy always makes me happy.”
Frank buried his face in my neck, sighing loudly. “I’m sorry, Gee.”
“For what?”
“Acting dumb...I just...you shouldn’t have.”
I smiled and rubbed his back slowly. “I know. But I did. What did the letter say?”
Frank grinned against my neck, humming softly. “It said my surgery is next Thursday and I shouldn’t eat for twenty four hours or drink for two before. That’s all.”
I set him down on his feet again, pouring him a mug of coffee. “Okay. You know there’s a chance…” Frank nodded slightly, taking the mug I offered him. “I know. It might not work, but I’m willing to try.”
“Me too.”

---

Frank was whining at me through the bathroom door. “Are you done yet?”
I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “Nope. Go watch some tv or something.”
“Boring.”
“You are so annoying,” I grinned as I combed the last section of red dye through my hair. “I’m coming soon, I promise. Just don’t touch me or you’ll get red all over you.” I stretched the cap over my head and wiped the excess dye off my skin.
“I’m hungry!”
“Well, you can’t have anything Frankie, I’m sorry,” I said more gently, wiping down the bathroom sink. “I’m gonna come keep you company while the dye’s on, okay?”
“Hurry up..”
I sighed and opened the door, kissing his forehead. “Alright, let’s go cuddle.” I walked with him to the couch, sitting down and smiling as he curled up half in my lap. “Are you nervous about tomorrow?” Frank shook his head, snuggling up to me. “Not really. I think I’ll be more nervous when it’s over.”
I nodded, stroking his hair slowly. “Yeah, cause you have to wait a while for the bandages to come off.”
He sighed softly and hugged my arm, staring ahead of him. “That’s gonna be the worst part.”
“I know, but I’ll be there and you might sleep through some of it.”
“True. I’m honestly tired like right now.”
I chuckled as he yawned, pulling him closer to me. “Then sleep. You can have a power nap.”

I shook my hair out, brushing it as I started to blow dry it carefully. Frank was watching tv in the living room, so I had plenty of time to get myself ready. I left my hair slightly damp, brushing it one more time and running my fingers through it before looking in the mirror. There were still dark circles under my eyes and my lips were as chapped as usual. “Fuck,” I muttered, grabbing a bag from one of the dresser drawers. I rummaged through it, finally finding my concealer and dabbing some under my eyes carefully. I glanced at the clock. I had to drive Frank to the hospital in just over fifteen minutes. I swallowed nervously and hurried to my closet, grabbing a pair of grey jeans. They were Frank’s favorite of mine, as they had textured seams on them that he liked to run his fingers over. That part was easy. I dug all the way back in my closet, trying to find something to wear on top. “Fuck, fuck..” I wanted his first time seeing me to be amazing. I wanted him to think I was handsome. Maybe it was stupid, but part of me was so afraid that he’d take one look at me and leave.
My fingers were shaking as I finally found the smart black button up, and it took me an extra couple of minutes to do up the buttons. I threw my leather jacket on top and tugged my shoes on before hurrying out to Frank. “Baby...we gotta go..” He groaned and got up from the sofa sleepily, rubbing his eyes.
“Come on,” I mumbled, sighing as I helped him with his shoes. “You get to have a nice long nap soon.”
“Gee..”
“Mhm?” I grabbed my keys off the side, then handed Frank his coat.
“You smell different today.”
“It’s probably the hair dye,” I muttered, gently dragging him out of the apartment.
“No..” Frank stopped, digging his heels in. “You put cologne on. I don’t like it.”
I closed my eyes for a couple seconds. “Baby, if I go and wash it off, we’re gonna be late. How about I sort myself out while you’re in surgery? Sound good?”
He sighed and took a step forward. “Okay.” I relaxed and wrapped an arm around his waist. “I’m sorry about that, Frankie.”
“It’s okay..” I lifted him into the car and he buckled his seatbelt as I got in. “I love you, y’know.” He smiled at me. “I love you too. And I know you’re nervous. It’s kind of cute.”
I sighed as I pulled out of the parking lot. “Whatever.” He leaned over, rubbing my leg gently. “Geebear, there’s no need to be nervous. I promise.”
I didn’t reply, turning onto the freeway.
“Gee...I hate it when you don’t answer me.”
I rubbed my eye uncomfortably. “Look, I know there’s no real reason to be nervous, but I can’t help it. Don’t worry about me, please? I’ll be okay.”
Frank smiled sadly, brushing the backs of his fingers over my arm. “Okay, Gee. I wish you could come in with me for this one.” I chuckled and took my hand off the wheel to hold his. “I don’t think I’d be much use this time. And you won’t really know.”
He shrugged and lifted my hand to his lips, kissing my fingers softly. “It makes me feel better beforehand.” I nodded, squeezing his hand gently as I turned into the hospital parking lot. “There’s nothing to worry about, baby. I promise.”

I watched the nurse inject the anesthetic into Frank’s drip, holding his hand tightly. “I’m gonna wait right here for you, Frankie. Your surgery should be about three hours long, and then a couple hours for the bandages to come off, I think. Okay?” Frank smiled sleepily, nodding slightly. “Okay, Geebear. I’ll see you on the other side.”
“Hopefully,” I chuckled, kissing his forehead. “Close your eyes, little one. I’ll be here waiting for you.” He closed his eyes obediently and I watched his smile fade as his breathing slowed and he fell asleep peacefully.
I kissed his forehead and stepped out of the room quietly. I stood back as they wheeled the bed out of the room, and waited, watching them take Frank down the halls. Then I headed back to my car slowly. Fifteen minutes home, ten minutes to wash off the cologne, fifteen minutes back. Then I'd have just over three hours to kill. I sighed to myself, tugging my keys out of my pocket.

Notes