18th Floor Balcony (Frerard) (Reupload)

***Two months later***

“How was work?” Frank called out from the kitchen as he prepared dinner. Mikey walked in after a long day. He decided last month that he needed to get back to his life outside of the house. This did not include drinking and one night stands. Instead, it was work, meetings with work, and then dinners and nights with Frank. It had been a strange courtship compared to anyone else. After all, Frank still had feelings for the older Way, but as the months went on, he could see how special Mikey was and how blind he was at his feelings. He didn’t jump into anything, though. Other than a few sweet kisses, there was nothing else, and Frank continued to sleep with Mikey in bed now instead of Gerard. He still missed it. He missed his first crush. He missed it all. Frank kissed Mikey lightly and took his briefcase.

“Hope you brought your appetite with you, Mikes. I made stir fry tonight,” Frank said. Down the hall, Sasha emerged from Gerard’s room and gathered up her things.

“Alright Frank, I’m out. Thomas should be here soon though. Thanks for letting me go early,” she said.

“Sure, have a good time at the movies,”

“Thanks,” Sasha smiled, hugging both Frank and Mikey, then leaving out the front door.

“How did the meeting go?” Frank asked, mixing the vegetables in the frying pan and turning off the rice cooker.

“It was alright. Felt like an eternity being in there, though. How’s Gerard?”

“He’s resting. Sasha was reading to him. I gave him some medicine for his cold,” Frank frowned, remembering how hard it was to see Gerard tremble and cry in his bed when he had to inject a needle in his arm to give him his medicine intravenously earlier today. He just hoped it helped, seeing the patient cold and wheezing through the tube cut into his throat, his nose sniffly and skin so pale like never before.

“Okay. I think I’m gonna go check in and see him,” Mikey said as he left a small kiss. Frank nodded and went back to preparing dinner as Mikey walked down the hall to Gerard’s room. Before Mikey knocked, he breathed deeply, feeling his pulse rise slightly. It was still hard to see Gerard in his current state today, even two months later after returning home from the hospital. He had to see him, though. He was his brother, after all. He lightly tapped on the door and walked inside, seeing Gerard in his bed, his eyes shut and looking peaceful despite his rapidly deteriorating state as of lately. “Everyday is Like Sunday” by Morrissey softly played from his mp3 speakers as he slept, his machines around him doing their jobs for his sick body. It was all a sad sight for both Frank and Mikey himself to see, but he couldn’t avoid it. He knew Gerard needed company, especially now. Mikey pulled up a chair and sat at his brother’s bedside, watching him sleep. It wasn’t long before Gerard’s eyes slowly opened, his dull hazel orbs barely showing themselves. It was like he was expecting to see Mikey. He could have sworn he saw them twinkle, like those eyes were trying to greet him.

“Hey, Gee. Sorry if I woke you up. I just wanted to check up on you,” Mikey spoke calmly, leaning forward to give Gerard a kiss on his hot forehead. He frowned, seeing that he still hasn’t made much progress with recovery from his supposed cold. He knew that yet another doctor’s visit is soon to come for Gerard. “I hate to tell you this, but I think we’re gonna have to get you to Dr. Urie for this cold. It’s been two weeks and you’re not getting any better,”

Beside Mikey, Gerard began to wheeze and choke up through the tube in his throat, his entire body slightly quivering from the sickness. Mikey could tell in Gerard’s eyes he was in so much pain, and the worst part about it was that there wasn’t much that could be done, other than to make Gerard comfortable in his final days. Mikey hoped that Dr. Urie could at least give him something to soothe his hurt, even if there was almost no point in doing so. He knew Gerard was close to death. He reached out and held his brother’s limp hand until Gerard’s body stopped tensing up and soon passed out, his dying eyes shut. Mikey sighed deeply and looked over to Gerard’s speakers for his I-Pod, then got an idea. It was an idea so good that he might as well have had a lightbulb light up above his head, making a ding sound. He kissed Gerard one last time before he walked back out to the dining room for some dinner. He needed to talk to Frank about this idea.

_ _ _

“You’re thinking I should play for Gerard?” Frank asked as he and Mikey ate their stir fry at the dining room table. It had been forever since he played in front of anyone due to his anxiety. He remembered having one right on stage when he participated in the high school’s variety show when he was a freshman. A lot kids he didn’t know were there, as well as, of course, Mikey and Gerard.

“Yeah, it would be good for him. You know how much he loves music. It seems to ease his pain a little, you know?” Mikey replied in an encouraging manner. “You remember that one time you sang to him and it made him smile, right?”

“Yeah, I do,” Frank nodded as he smiled a little, looking back at the bittersweet memory. “I have to think about that, Mikey. I mean, I do have my guitar with me to practice in my down time, but...you know how I am playing in front of others,”

“Oh come on! It’s just Gerard, for pete’s sake. Do you think he’s gonna give you a hard time? He’d love it!”

“I guess you’re right,” Frank said as he collected his and Mikey’s empty plates and put them in the sink. He looked at the time--it was almost ten, around the time when Gerard retires to bed, even though he’s already there, and has been almost all day. It shouldn’t be too late for him to play for Gerard, but what made Frank nervous was the fact that he’d be playing in front of someone else. Sure, it wasn’t a gig, where he’d be playing for a bunch of people, but it was still in front of one person--a person he knew, who’s also practically on his deathbed. He knew he had to suck it up and get his shit together. He knew Gerard would appreciate someone playing music for him. Frank picked up his acoustic guitar he saved up some of his work’s pay for and walked to Gerard’s bedroom, lightly tapping on the door before stepping inside. Frank felt a pang in his chest when he got a good look at Gerard. Something was bothering him, and Frank could tell so by the tears leaking from Gerard’s eyes. What made it all worse was that Gerard couldn’t tell him what’s wrong. He couldn’t tell him if he was in pain or if he was just sad, angry, or scared. Frank sighed deeply, setting down his guitar and walking to Gerard’s aid. He looked at his vitals monitor at his bedside to see that nothing was wrong. He figured that what was bothering Gerard was the fact that he was sick with this damn cold he’s had for the past couple of weeks, and that he was just in pain.

“Hey Gee, what’s wrong?” Frank asked him, stroking a hand through his hair and kissing him lightly on the cheek. He could tell through Gerard’s eyes that he was really hurting, and it was eating at him. “You poor thing,”

Frank sat down on a chair beside Gerard’s bed and continued to comfort him to the best of his ability. He didn’t even know what to play for him until he suddenly had an idea when he looked at one of the framed posters hung on Gerard’s wall--a Beatles poster from the Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band era. He knew Gerard to be very fond of the Beatles for a long time, and remembered when Gerard would blast their music from his record player whenever he hung out at his house during their high school years. Frank knew just what song to play for Gerard--”Blackbird”, his favorite song.

“So I know you love music, Gee. Mikey suggested I do a little something for you,” Frank said as he picked up his guitar and held it in his lap, tuning the strings. “Hopefully this’ll help,”

Before Frank started to play, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, counting to ten. He knew he couldn’t be an anxious mess in front of his patient. That would just be so unprofessional of him. He knew that Gerard was aware of his anxiety, but he still had to have himself prepared and collected. He began to strum the strings to play a Beatles song he knew Gerard loved.

“

Blackbird singing in the dead of night…,

” Frank sang to Gerard. “

Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life. You were only waiting for this moment to arise,

”

Frank played the song for Gerard as he heard his cries of pain and sadness die down. He knew it was working, so of course he kept going. He smiled when he saw a weak and brief, but heartwarming grin grow on Gerard’s face.

“

Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life. You were only waiting for this moment to be free,”

Frank continued, still smiling as he played for Gerard.

“Blackbird, fly….Blackbird, fly….Into the light of the dark black night,”

Frank soon ended the song after a few minutes passed, strumming the last of the notes on his guitar before he set it aside and stood up to get a good look at Gerard. He was smiling at him and his tears were gone, even though his face was still red and raw from them. He clearly enjoyed what Frank did for him, and knowing that made Frank so happy.

“I see you liked that, Gee,” Frank said before a yawn emerged from him, indicating that it’s time to go to bed. Frank kissed Gerard goodnight and left the room, feeling accomplished.

_ _ _

Mikey woke up with a start. Something was not right with Gerard. He could feel it. He hopped out of bed and headed for Gerard’s room, his heart in his chest pounding and racing.

“Gee? Everything okay?” he asked as he walked up to Gerard’s bedside. He knew Gerard couldn’t answer him, but he still felt better saying it. There was definitely something wrong with Gerard, Mikey thought to himself. Gerard was sweating profusely as he gasped for air, looking helpless. His eyes were begging for help. “Gee? Gee, what’s wrong?”

Mikey looked at the vitals monitor machine near Gerard’s bedside. He saw something out of the ordinary on it--a spike in Gerard’s temperature. Mikey gasped, running right out of Gerard’s bedroom and to Frank in their own bedroom. He was right. Something was horribly wrong with his brother.

“Frankie!” Mikey cried out, causing Frank to jolt out of bed and stumble around hearing Mikey call his name.

“What’s wrong, Mikey?” Frank asked.

“Gerard has a high fever, we need to get him to the hospital!” Mikey yelled worriedly. Frank went into action and pulled out his phone, dialing 911. Mikey ran back to Gerard, keeping an eye on him and comforting him. “Gerard, come on Gee, look at me,” he said, leaning over Gerard’s body in bed, stroking his perspiring forehead. Tears ran down Gerard’s eyes. This was it. He was gonna die. He told himself in the past that he was not afraid of dying. He embraced it. Not now, though. It was really happening, and it made him scared to death. He gasped for air through the tube in his throat, wanting to reach out to Frank and hold on to him for his dear life. Frank grabbed everything that they would need and quickly got dressed. Mikey followed suit. Tey did what they could, but they were powerless til the EMTs got there.

“What’s going on here?” one of them asked, wheeling in a stretcher.

“Gerard’s experiencing a spike in his temperature,” Frank answered.

“Alright, let’s take it from here,” the EMT replied. Together, all the EMTs pushed Frank and Mikey aside to let them tend to Gerard. Mikey stood there in horror, trying to hold back tears.

“Shh, it’s okay baby, I got you,” Frank whispered to Mikey, while the EMTs worked to get Gerard on the gurney.

“He’s gonna die, Frank. I know he is…,” Mikey held Frank, burying his face into Frank’s chest and sobbing.

“Shh, we don’t know that, he may pull through like he did last time,” Frank replied reassuringly.

“I don’t know, Frank...he is at the end of the line,”

“Anyone riding with us?” one of the EMTs asked. Frank looked over to Mikey.

“You go ride with them, Mikey. Be with your brother. I’ll call the others and meet you there,” Frank replied.

“Okay…,” Mikey turned away, glancing at Frank one last time before he walked with Gerard to the ambulance. Frank quickly called Mandy, Sasha, and Thomas and told them which hospital to go to. He then got into his car and drove off.

_ _ _

Frank and Mikey sat patiently in the emergency room. Mikey slept on Frank’s shoulder, looking peaceful for once in a long time. Frank kept looking at the clock. It had been four hours since they got to the ER, but no one came out and said anything to them. Dr. Urie was called in and he stopped to see Mikey and Frank, but that was it.

“Mmm…,” Mikey mumbled, his head turning side to side in his disturbed sleep. “Gerard...Gee, no…,”

“Shh, shh. I got you, Mikey,” Frank whispered as he held and rocked the younger Way in his arms.

“Frankie?” Mikey poked his head up, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

“Yeah, baby. I’m here,” Frank said reassuringly. Mikey smiled a little through his sad eyes. They were still waiting for his brother. “No one has come out yet,”

“I thought so…,” Mikey frowned.

“Do you want some coffee?” Frank asked.

“Of course,”

“Alright, I’ll be right back,” Frank said as he got up and headed for the cantina. Mikey got up and paced around the room, not at all caring about the odd looks he got from the others in the waiting room, waiting for whatever it is that brought them here.

“Please be okay, Gee…please, please be okay,” he said shakily under his breath. At that moment, a nurse walked by. Mikey turned to her, his eyes frantic. “H-how is he? Please tell me my brother is okay!” Mikey begged.

“I don’t know sweetie, but I will see if the doctor can talk to you at least,” the nurse replied.

“Please do!” Mikey nearly yelled, making a few heads around him turn.

“Alright, but you need to calm down for me,”

“Okay...I’m sorry,” Mikey sighed, trying his best to recollect himself.

“It’s alright, hun. I’ll be right back,” the nurse said as she walked off.

“Thank you,’’ Mikey breathed out. He sat back down, rubbing his face with his hands. He couldn’t wait any longer.

“Michael Way?” Dr Urie called out, walking up to his patient’s brother. He looked tired, to say the least. “You can go see him now, but only one at a time,”

“Oh...why’s that? How is he?”

“He...he is…,” Dr. Urie paused, looking deep in thought how to put his words together. “It’s better if you just see for yourself,”

“Oh...alright,” Mikey spoke shakily, feeling a pang in his chest. He excused himself and walked with Dr. Urie up the elevator and to room 734, in the intensive care unit. They both stopped in front of his room that was slightly ajar.

“Just so you are not shocked, he is in an oxygen tent. He may not be able to say anything, but he can still hear you, and his eyes are as expressive as ever. Listen to him through them,”

“Okay,” Mikey nodded as he and Dr. Urie walked inside to see Gerard...or at least, what was left of him. Mikey gasped when he saw what his brother was reduced to. He felt the sting of tears come back, and this time, he didn’t try to fight them back.

“Talk to him. I’ll be by later when Frank comes back,” Dr. Urie said as he put a hand on Mikey’s shoulder and squeezed it lightly. He then left the room. Mikey grabbed a chair and sat at Gerard’s bedside, holding his shiftless and atrophied hand in his shaking one.

“Hey Gee,” Mikey said reluctantly, sitting down at Gerard’s bedside. “I know you can’t talk, but...but…,”

Mikey broke down, burying his face into his hands. He still couldn’t believe what his brother had been reduced to--a barely functioning body that’s hanging on to it’s life by a thread. He just looked so cold and helpless under that tent.

“I’m sorry, Gerard. I know you wouldn’t wanna see me like this, but...I’m scared to lose you! Who am I gonna read to at night? Who’s gonna be there when I feel like fucking dying? Who’s gonna be there to give me a reason to keep fighting? I...I love you, Gerard! I love you, big brother!”

_ _ _

Downstairs in the lobby, Frank returned with two cups of hot coffee to find Mikey gone. He turned to the receptionist for any answers. He just hoped both he and Gerard were okay.

“Mikey’s in with his brother, but you can only go in one at a time,” she said.

“Oh,” Frank simply replied, sitting down in one of the lobby chairs. He saw Dr. Urie walk up to him, his face morose and exhausted.

“Frank, I am very sorry, but...it doesn’t look like Gerard’s gonna pull through this time. We found he has pneumonia, and as you may know, that’s the leading cause of death for people with ALS. He’s very, very, sick. He doesn’t have long to live,”

“That explains the high temperature,” Frank said, trying to remain professional, even though deep down he was hurting from the fact that his friend was soon to die at any given day now.

“When Mikey is done, you can go see him,” Dr. Urie walked off. “I’ll be back soon to check up on him,”

“Of course,” Frank replied as he took a sip of his coffee and stared at nothing.

_ _ _

Mikey stroked his brother’s forehead, leaving a kiss on his cheek as he quietly cried. He had to get his act together in front of his dying brother, despite the weight of his situation. He thought of what Dr. Urie told him earlier. He looked into Gerard’s eyes, so sick yet so lively. They’re the only signs of life inside of him. It’s the only way left he can communicate with the graying world around him.

“Good god, Gee. You’re a real fighter. You know that, right? Never thought I’d have someone so strong for a big brother,” Mikey told him. Gerard laughed through his eyes, glimmering with doubtful humor. Just because his mouth couldn’t talk doesn’t mean his eyes can’t. He knew he still had a lot to say before his inevitable demise.

“What? Don’t you look at me like that, Gee. You know I didn’t mean it like that. You have hell of a lot more guts than I do. I wish I could be as brave as you. I can see it in your eyes you’re ready…,” Mike gulped, feeling the tears return. “I just wish I could say the same…,”

Mikey looked back at Gerard’s eyes again. There was something distinct about them. They didn’t look distressed in the least, like they were in the midst of his crisis. They’re calm, like they’re ready to take on whatever is thrown at them. It’s like Gerard is at peace despite what’s happening to him. It’s like he’s ready to let go...and he wants his younger brother to do the same.

“Oh, Gee,” Mikey shook his head. “I knew this day would come...but not this soon. I know we’re told to let go in the end or be dragged, but I don’t know if I can let--”

Mikey stopped. Gerard’s eyes have changed again. They’re telling him it’s okay. They’re telling him to be at peace when he’s gone. He’s telling him to not be sad that it’s all over, but to be happy it all happened. They’re telling him to let go…

“Gerard, I know you want me to move on with Frank. I want you to be happy. I don’t wanna disappoint you, Gee. I wanna make you proud, and if letting go is what you want me to do...I will. I won’t be able to do it right away, and it’ll take time to heal, but...I’ll do it. I’d rather let go than be dragged,” Mikey leaned forward and left one final kiss on Gerard’s cold forehead, looking deep and speaking to those eyes of his.

“I’ll let Frank come and see you now. I’ll see you later, alright? Be good, Gee...goodbye,” Mikey said as he stood up and left, exiting out the door as he turned back and waved to Gerard, whose eyes waved back and smiled. Frank watched Mikey come out of the room. He looked...different, like a great weight was lifted from his shoulders.

“Hey, Mikey. You alright?” Frank asked.

“Yeah...I’m fine,” Mikey nodded, smiling a little. “Gerard’s itching to see you,”

“Itching?” Frank furrowed a brow at him. “Alright, then. Here’s your coffee, Mikey. I’ll be back,” he said, kissing Mikey as he handed him his coffee and went into Gerard’s room. As Frank entered, Gerard looked over at him from his bed, his eyes greeting him inside. He felt like shit despite not feeling anything at all, but that didn’t matter. He had some words to exchange with Frank.

“Hey, Gee,” Frank said as he walked in and stood by Gerard’s bed. Sitting made it hard to see Gerard’s eyes and it was the only expression he had left.

“Hey, Gerard...you remember when we first met?” he asked, seeing a twinkle in Gerard’s eyes. “Yeah, you were at the park with Mikey hogging the only two swings. I pushed Mikey off his, and you jumped up and knocked me off. We fought in the dirt til our parents yelled that it was time for lunch. Then we ate bolonga sandwiches and I shared my cookie with Mikey and you forgave me. Kids are fucking weird, huh?” he laughed, and he could see Gerard laughing through his eyes.

“It’s a long way from the sand box days, huh Gee?” Frank asked as he took Gerard’s limp hand into his. “Do you know when I first fell in love with you?” he questioned, seeing that Gerard’ eyes had no idea.

“It was when we went skinny dipping. I had seen you in your bathing suit before so it should not have mattered, but...man it was so cliche. You came up from under the water with a spray like some fucking shampoo commercial and your hair was soaked and the sun was hitting it and the water glistened and your ass was half exposed and you turned to me and smiled. I was a goner,” Frank laughed. He could see through Gerard’s eyes that he was surprised. “Yup, I was stupid for you after that and I kept showing off and doing all those stupid dangerous stunts. You patched me up so many times too,” Frank smiled and rubbed Gerard’s hand with his thumb. “I love you Gee, and I’m going to miss you so much, but I have to thank you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for giving me even half a chance with you. Thank you for accepting my proposal no matter how short it was. For letting me back into your life. For giving me Mikey and for...for just being you, Gee,”

Frank touched Gerard’s proposal ring as he leaned over and caressed Gerard’s face. He kissed him on the lips, shutting his eyes. When their lips parted from each other’s, Frank smiled at him.

“Thank you Gerard Way, for being a part of my life. I’ll see you later,” Frank said as he kissed Gerard on the cheek lightly and squeezed his hand before he left the room. Gerard’s eyes watered as Frank left. He knew he’d miss everyone. He’d miss Frank, Mikey, Ray, and even mom and dad. He had left his mark on this world, and is now soon to leave it. He just hoped that his mark would stay with Frank and Mikey when they carried on. A single tear ran from his eye as he looked back at the first time he fell in love with Frank. He had saved him numerous times from bullies, and after a specific time he stood up to one of them, he looked Frank deep in the eyes, those hazel orbs full of something that can never be taken away from him, something that he carried with him through high school and beyond. He hoped share that with Mikey. He’s sure he would. Slowly, Gerard closed his eyes, falling into a slumber. It’s getting late. It’s time for him to sleep…

_ _ _

“Hey baby, ready? I’m thinking of stopping and getting some Chinese food. How does that sound?” Frank asked as he walked out of Gerard’s room.

“Sounds great. I could go for some of that orange chicken,” Mikey stood up. Frank chuckled and put an arm around his boyfriend as he lead him to the elevator.

“One day Mikey Way, one day I will get you to eat something other than that garbage,” he said.

“Oh, come on. You gotta admit it’s really good. Same goes for those crab rangoons!” Mikey argued playfully as the elevator door opened, and they both went inside.

“Mikey, I’m going to say the same thing I told your brother when he tried to get me to eat that shit years ago. You have no taste, if you think this has taste,”

“You’re silly, Frank. You know that, right?” Mikey sneered, nudging Frank playfully.

“Yes, so you and Gerard have told me many many times,” Frank said as the elevator closed and started down.

Notes