18th Floor Balcony (Frerard) (Reupload)

It was now nearly Christmas, and Mikey had slept with more men than he could count on both hands. He never saw them again either; all just mindless faces and cocks. Sometimes he fucked them, sometimes they fucked him. He didn’t care either way, he was numb. He stumbled home after another one night stand to find Frank in the living room, sipping on a cup of coffee.

“Mikey, it’s the twenty-third. Were you planning to fuck or get fucked tomorrow and Christmas too?” Frank asked coldly.

“Of course not, Frankie,” Mikey replied defensively.

“Just checking,” Frank got up and headed to the kitchen after finishing up his coffee. He placed the mug in the sink. “You know your brother is worried about you,”

“Yeah, well he has you, so you can tell him not to worry about me so much,”

“Are you kidding me?” Frank snapped as he spun around and marched up to Mikey. “What the fuck does that have to do with anything?”

“Nothing, Frank...nothing at all,” Mikey walked away from Frank and ambled down the hall. Frank growled and rushed to him, pinning him against the wall.

“Now listen here, you piece of shit! That man in there, your brother is fucking dying! We don’t even know if he will make it to his next birthday, and here you are whoring it up every week!”

“He doesn’t need me anymore, he has you!” Mikey yelled as he tried to push off Frank, but was too weak and drunk.

“I’m not his brother!” Frank yelled back.

“Yeah, well you’re not my boyfriend either, so get the fuck off me!” Mikey screamed. He found the strength and pushed Frank away. He slapped his face and then stormed into his room, slamming the door shut. Frank stood there stunned. He didn’t know what to do. He just hoped that Gerard didn’t hear anything.

“Mikey? Frank?”

Gerard called out, much to Frank’s dismay. He knew Gerard heard every last word that had been uttered. Frank sighed, walking into Gerard’s bedroom.

“Hey, Gee. Sorry about that. Mikey just got home, and…,”

“I know. I heard everything, Frank,”

“Oh...sorry,” Frank frowned. “I just...I didn’t think I hurt him, I just was trying to get through to him, you know?”

“I know. I understand you. Mikey really needs you, you know?”

“What he needs is to be fixed. He’s running around like a stray with his Johnson on fire…,” Frank said before he stopped and got a puzzled look on his face. “Fuck, I just quoted my grandmother,”

“You bet your sweet ass you did,”

Gerard smiled a bit.

“But listen, Frank. I know this sounds odd, but…,”

The apartment suddenly filled with the sound of someone trying to purge their soul into the abyss. Frank sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Hang on, baby. I’ll be right back,” Frank said as he left the room and crossed to the bathroom. He saw Mikey with his head halfway in the toilet, passing out.

“Ugh, that can’t be pleasant,” Frank sighed. He reached and pulled Mikey up a bit, which caused him to throw up again. Frank flushed the toilet and then sat on the tub as he ran a hand over Mikey’s back, soothing him.

“F-frank?” Mikey called out weakly

“Hang on, Mikes. I got you,”

Once Frank knew Mikey was done puking, he pulled his head up. He wiped the young man’s face off and then helped him up to his feet. He guided Mikey to his room and sat him on the bed. He took his boots off, and then his jeans. He tucked him into the bed. He sighed and placed a glass of water on the night stand with a bottle of asprin, and then returned to Gerard.

“He’s alright, Gee. I just put him to bed,”

“Good lord, it’s like you gotta take care of the both of us, you poor thing,”

Gerard frowned.

“I’m alright,” Frank replied, letting out a big yawn. “Come on, let’s get you to bed. My grandmother will be here by noon tomorrow to make dinner and help decorate the tree,”

“Okay, sounds good,”

Gerard had to tell Frank what’s on his mind. Gerard doesn’t need Frank in the way Mikey needs him right now. It’s only for the best. He let Frank use the hoyer lift to transfer Gerard into bed and change him, then proceeded to tuck him in after hooking him up to his C-PAP mask. Now’s his chance.

“Mmmm, I can’t wait to give you your gift tomorrow night, Gee. I think you’re gonna love it,” Frank said as he snuggled into his boyfriend and breathed in his skin. “I love you, Gee,”

“I love you too, Frankie,”

Gerard grinned.

“But there’s something important I need to say,”

Frank shut his eyes, pretending he’s asleep as he made a snoring noise, making Gerard roll his eyes in annoyance.

“Listen to me, baby. It’s crucial you do,”

“Hmm...yeah, sure Gee. In the morning…,”

“Frank, Mikey needs you more than I do, in a way...and I think you two would be great for each other,”

Gerard finally said.

“Don’t say that, Gee,” a voice emerged. It wasn’t Frank’s voice that spoke to him in the dark of the room, but a voice from the doorway. It was small, weak, and raspy.

“Mikey? Is that you?”

Gerard asked.

“You need Frank. Frank, he loves you, and you love him,” the voice spoke.

“I love him too, Mikey. I really do, but...I also love you, and I think Frank is what’s best for you right now,”

“I’m fine, Gee. I really am,”

“Please, Mikey…,”

“Get some sleep, Gerard. Do me a favor and thank Frank for me when he wakes up,” Mikey said as he left the room. Gerard sighed, knowing that he can’t give up. He needs Frank and Mikey to be together before things go more haywire for Mikey.

_ _ _

“Merry Christmas, everyone!”

“Nonna, that’s not til tomorrow,”

“Oh hush up, bambino!”

Frank shook his head at his grandma as he helped her in the house with the presents. She started to need a cane now, but she was still as feisty as ever.

“How are you, Ro?”

Gerard asked, sitting in his chair as he read a graphic novel on his device in the living room.

“I am good, Gerard. Ready to cook up a storm in the kitchen,”

Over the last few weeks of Gerard talking to her, he confessed that while he missed eating food, it was the smell he really missed. Frank and Mikey hid their food to not offend him so he never smelled anything. Nonna had taken to trapping scents in plastic containers and giving them to him. It made her smile when he described how good it all was, and that he could practically taste it. Now he sat at the table and told Rosalie everything she was cooking just from how it smelled when it hit the pan. It always impressed her when he was right. It was a real drag for Gerard to have to be tube-fed. He hated everything about it, from the thought of having the foul-smelling liquid being pumped into his body, to the occasional puking he experienced from it. He knew he wasn’t gonna get any better, and that he’d die with a tube in his stomach, and will never be able to enjoy any of Rosalie’s home cooking ever again.

“So Gerard, how it the simple life with my grandson?”

“It’s good for him...but with Mikey, it’s a whole different story,”

“How so?”

Gerard looked over at Frank, then back at Rosalie. He hasn’t told her anything. Things just got awkward.

“Bambino, I forgot the creme fresh, run out and get me some,”

“Sure, Nonna. Be back in a bit,” Frank said to his grandma. He kissed Gerard and left.

“Now he’s gone. Talk to me, sweetie,” Rosalie said as she returned to her cooking.

“Well...where should I even start? Mikey has been...not himself lately,”

“How so?”

“He’s been having one night stands every night and nearly drinking himself into a coma. He wants nothing to do with me or Frank anymore,”

“That sounds pretty bad. How are you and Frank handling it?”

“We’ve been trying to talk to him about it, but clearly nothings’ working. I’m scared for him,”

“What do you think would help him?”

“I’ve been thinking about what you said that one time. I think he needs Frank more than he needs me in a way. It’d be good for him. They’ll be happy together when I’m gone anyway,”

“That’s a strong thing to think about. Strong in the head and strong in the heart,”

“I know it is,”

“Are you strong enough to handle that? Can you handle knowing that you gave the love of your life permission to be with your brother?”

“Yes. I love him...but I also love my brother. He needs Frank...badly. It might be hard to let go, but...in the long run, it will be worth it,”

“Tell me though...if you were not dying. If you were able to live a normal and healthy life, and then the same situation came up...would you be able to say the same?”

“Yes, I would. I love my baby brother that much,”

“That was the right answer,” Rosalie smiled.

“I’m back!” Frank said, walking through the front door. He returned from the store and opened the fridge to place the creme fresh in it. “Nonna, you had creme fresh right here,”

“Where?”

“It was behind the milk,”

“Oh dear, I feel silly now,”

Gerard laughed a little, but he had to tell Frank what he just told his nonna. He had to get it off his chest. He had to make it work.

“Alright, dinner is ready,” Rosalie called out. “Gerard, please go get Mikey. Frank, set the table,”

Gerard nodded, wheeling himself to Mikey’s room. He just hoped he hadn’t been drinking at all. He just couldn’t today...not on on the day before Christmas.

_ _ _

Mikey was sitting in his bed. He had a bottle of...at this point, he couldn’t even remember what it was. He heard the voice of Gerard’s computer call his name from beyond the door.

“Yeah?” Mikey replied, stumbling from the bed to the door.

“Dinner’s ready,”

“Oh...I’m not really hungry, Gerard,” Mikey hiccuped.

Gerard got a good look at his drunken brother. He had been drinking alright, much to his dismay. He knew he couldn’t present himself like this. That would lead to the ruin of this special Christmas dinner. He sighed and wheeled away, knowing that he’s got a lot of explaining to do to Frank and Rosalie. Mikey watched him go. He suddenly got pissed. Gerard didn’t even try to get him to come to the table. He went into the bathroom and scrubbed his face with a warm and wet washcloth and soap. He avoided looking in the mirror, knowing he looked like shit. He dried off and then headed for the dining room, all eyes turning to him. He guessed that maybe Gerard told Frank and Rosalie that Mikey wasn’t coming to dinner...because he was “too hungry”, and also too wasted.

“Smells good in here,” Mikey said in an attempt to break the awkward silence within the room.

“Have a seat, Mikey,” Rosalie replied, pointing to a chair next to Frank and across from Gerard. Frank rolled his eyes, seeing the intoxicated Mikey who had the nerve to get smashed at a holiday gathering. He almost felt outright embarassed.

“How are you...Mikey?”

Gerard asked condescendingly, looking equally as annoyed and ashamed as Frank.

“Good...feeling really good,” Mikey grinned. It must be the rum mixure.

“Well, that’s good. I like when people I love are in good spirits,” Rosalie said as she plated up some lasagna for Mikey and Frank, then for herself.

“Oh, man...it smells so good!”

Gerard smiled, the aroma of savory home-cooked food filling his nose.

“Thank you, Gerard. And thank you for noticing that the garlic was about to burn earlier. You saved the main ingredient in our dinner,”

“You’re welcome, ma’m,”

“How did Gee notice that?” Mikey asked. Rosalie turned to him.

“Just because Gerard can’t eat with his mouth anymore, doesn’t mean he appreciates food any less. We eat with our eyes and our sense of smell too,” she smiled.

“Oh…,”

And like that, Mikey felt like shit again. He hid what little he ate from his brother, thinking it was cruel. Now he realizes he was just being stupid.

“Well, that’s cause my baby here doesn’t let anything get him down,” Frank said before he kissed Gerard’s cheek, but felt a little guilty that he didn’t eat in front of Gerard, thinking it was hurting him. Gerard just smiled. He wanted everyone to be happy. He wanted everyone to enjoy their food and not have to worry about his debilitation. He didn’t wann be a burden on them.

“Well now that you two know, you can both mend the situation,” Rosalie said. “Not having to hide when you are eating. It means that dinners can be around the table again. I know Gerard missed that,”

Frank smiled and squeezed Gerard’s hand. They tucked into dinner and conversation after that.

_ _ _

“So, it is a tradition in our family that we open one present on Christmas eve,” Rosalie said as she handed out a present to each boy in the spacious living room, the leftover food from dinner packed away for leftovers and all the dishes washed.

“Wait, Nonna. I’d like to go first,” Frank interrupted, jumping off the sofa and walking to the decorated tree. He grabbed three presents and gave them out. He watched as Rosallie opened her’s first. It was a lovely scarf in sky blue, her favorite color.

“Thank you, bambino. It’s beautiful,” she said, then kissed his cheek. Mikey went next at Frank’s request. It was a key chain with his and Frank’s picure on it from high school.

“Oh, wow Frank...I…,” he whispered. He fought really hard not to cry.

“It’s okay, man,” Frank patted Mikey on the shoulder and squeezed it. Then he walked up to Gerard with his little boxed present, setting it in his lap. He smiled up at him, and Gerard did the same, his face blushed pink.

“Well, Frankie...are you gonna help open it for me or what? These arms of mine can’t, you know,”

“I know, Gee. I know,” Frank laughed, looking down at the small box wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper with candy canes on it. “I looked long and hard to find the perfect gift for you...it was not easy, but when I found this...I knew you would love it. You ready to see it?”

“Yes, baby,”

Frank slowly began to tear at the paper covering the box, revealing the bare black satin box, with a top-notch jewelry store’s brand logo etched on it in gold. Gerard’s eyes widened at the sight of it. He felt his heart stop dead in it’s tracks. Frank lifted the top of the box to reveal a golden ring with a radiant red gem glistening in the light of the room. Gerard gasped in shock and awe. He couldn’t believe what Frank had just given him. It was absolutely breathtaking. He felt the sting of tears come to his eyes.

“Frankie...oh my god…,”

his computer spoke, it’s monotone voice unequally matching how stunned and amazed Gerard was.

“Wow...Frank...that’s…,” Mikey said, his jaw hanging to the ground. He was at a loss for words.

“Gee, I don’t care how long you have on this earth. I just know that I love you and that I want to spend whatever you have left showing you how much you mean to me,” Frank said. He got down on his knee, taking the ring out of the box. He picked up Gerard’s limp hand and placed the ring on his finger. “Gerard Way, will you marry me?”

“Yes, Frank Iero...I will! I will marry you!”

Gerard broke out into tears, unable to hold them back. He still couldn’t believe this was happening to him. He’ll be damned if it wasn’t just some dream. It couldn’t be. It was the best day of his life. He just couldn’t stop crying, gasping for air as tears ran from his astonished eyes. Frank smiled and hugged him tightly, letting Gerard cry into his shirt. Beside them, Rosalie cried tears of joy, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue she grabbed from her purse.

“Oh, Frank...I’ve been thinking this whole time that you and Mikey would be the better pair, but...oh my god! I’m so happy!”

“Mikey? Why would you think that? Mikey is my best friend, right Mikes?” Frank asked, turning to Mikey to find him absent from the living room. The smile on Frank’s face instantly vanished. “Mikey? Where’d he go?”

“I don’t know, Frank. Ro, did you see him go anywhere?”

Gerard asked, his eyes scanning the room for a sign of his brother.

“I must admit I was in too much shock by Frank’s present to notice. Perhaps he went to the bathroom,”

“Can you go check, Frankie?”

“Of course,” Frank said as he got up from his knee and kissed his new fiance. He then headed to the bathroom. The door was open. He checked Mikey’s bedroom, which was also empty. “Huh. He’s not here,”

“Oh? That’s strange,”

Gerard frowned. He knew something wasn’t right.

“Did he step out for a cigarette?”

“Not sure,”

“I’ll go check,” Rosalie said. She got up and went into Gerard’s room to find no one out on the balcony. She checked out the balcony and looked down to find his car absent from the driveway. She shuffled back out to the living room. “His car is gone,”

“What?”

Gerard’s eyes widened.

“Are you serious? He didn’t even tell us where he was going!”

“I wonder if he got a call from someone,” Frank suggested. He was truly puzzled by Mikey’s behavoir.

“I highly doubt that, to be honest,”

“Well, I am confused. I’ll try calling him,” Frank said as he got out his cell phone. He dialed Mikey’s number, but it went straight to voicemail.

“Something isn’t right here, Frank,”

Gerard said, eyes full of worry.

“Yeah, I agree,” Frank replied, sitting down next to Gerard and taking his hand, caressing the ring. “He’s so different now,”

“He is. I’m worried for him,”

“I am too. Frank, you should go out and look for him. I’ll stay here with Gerard,” said Rosalie.

“Yeah, I will. I’ll use the GPS again,” Frank said as he put on his coat.

“Please come back with him, Frank. Please make sure he comes home okay,”

Gerard pleaded.

“I’ll be back with him. I promise,” Frank smiled, kissing Gerard and Rosalie, then walking out the front door. Rosalie turned to Gerard and sat next to him, looking down at his ring.

“Well, that was quite a gift, wasn’t it Gerard?” she asked, taking a sip from her coffee.

“It was. It really was. I am so happy beyond words,”

Gerard smiled. It quickly faded, though.

“I am happy I had a moment like this before I am soon to die, but...I still think Frank and Mikey would be the better pair,”

“I think it would have been better to say something earlier. I wonder if that is why Mikey left,”

“That could actually be why. I love Frank to death, and...I know I’ll never live to be with him for a long time. I really should have said something, but...this is what I’ve always wanted…,”

Gerard said, frowning. A single tear ran down his cheek, looking guilty and forlorn.

“You are more than entitled to your happiness, especially since it will be short-lived, but I worry that your brother’s may be even more short lived soon,”

“I know. I wish there was something I could do to help my baby brother, since he’s helped me so much, but...I’m powerless,”

“Oh, Gerard,” Rosalie sighed, reaching out and touching Gerard’s arm. “You have more power than you think you do,”

“How is that so? I’m just an empty shell waiting to fade away. How can someone with no control over his own body have power?”

“You will never be empty, my dear,”

Gerard continued to cry, not bothering to hide the tears. He wasn’t sure if they were out of sadness because of his knowing that he doesn’t have much time left on this planet, or tears of joy, knowing that he’s loved.

“Please, Frank,”

Gerard spoke to himself.

“Please bring Mikey home. Please make sure he’s okay…,”

_ _ _

Mikey wandered around the park. He was drinking a bottle of eggnog flavored vodka. Who knew it even existed, but it was on sale at the liquor store, which he was surprised was open this late. There was a small bridge there that Gerard and he used to hang out at and talk about their dreams. It was about a ten foot drop to the bottom, and they used to make jokes about if one could make it and live. Maybe Mikey would find out tonight.

“Engaged. Married,” Mikey mumbled drunkenly to himself. It was everything that Gerard had ever wanted. Mikey was happy for him, he really was, but that the same time he was angry. It wouldn’t even last six months, if the doctors were correct. Technically that is not even a marriage that you can get divorced from. It’s the kind that celebrities have. “Selfish bastard,”

Mikey didn’t know if he was talking about Frank or Gerard now as he stumbled on a rock, taking a third of the bottle down. He was the selfish bastard, though. That’s why he ran. He needed to get away. He needed to go away forever. He couldn’t be around them anymore. Let them have their happiness for these months, let them live in the peace the deserved, he thought to himself. Mikey deserved nothing.

Notes