18th Floor Balcony (Frerard) (Reupload)

Gerard had cried for the longest time until he couldn’t anymore. He was so drained that his eyes couldn’t secrete any more tears. He hated how much his eyes and face stung from all the crying he’s been doing. He couldn’t bear to face Mikey or Frank, though; not after all that’s happened.

“So, do you think I should leave?” Rosalie asked, shuffling into Gerard’s bedroom. “Your brother has left and my grandson seems to be sleeping,”

Gerard would have told Rosalie to get out, but in all honesty, she did nothing wrong. Maybe he needs to talk to someone after all. The more he seemed to bottle it up, the more he felt his rage eat at him. It shouldn’t hurt to talk to Frank’s grandmother.

“I’m sorry, Rosalie. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I wish I could have been able to help Frank…,”

Rosalie walked over to the balcony. She leaned out and looked at the view of the setting sun.

“You two must have some interesting talks from up here, huh?” she said, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. “Don’t tell Frankie,” she winked at him as she inhaled and blew out the smoke.

“I won’t,”

“So tell me…,” Rosalie started, taking another drag. “...how long have you been in love with my grandson, Gerard?”

“What?” Gerard’s eyes widened, the machine unable to match the amount of shock he’d have in his voice, had he been able to speak. “How did you know?”

“Oh, don’t be so surprised. These old bones have been around the block a time or two and seen some crazy shit. I know a man in love when I see one. Doesn’t Frank know?”

“I...I don’t think so…,”

“So he doesn’t know you love him...and now your brother likes him too. Relax, Gerard. I don’t think he has liked him for very long. In fact, I would say it has been about...three or four months, at most,”

“But I’ve liked Frank since high school, to be honest. I always found him...so beautiful,”

“Gerard, that was almost ten years ago. Why did you never say anything?”

“Because...I’ve always been too scared to do so. I never knew if he’d like me back. I was afraid how he’d react if I told him. By the time I did finally get the courage to ask him...it was already too late, because I was diagnosed with this goddamn disease,”

“What does that have to do with anything, Gerard? If you liked him, you should have said something. It might have been you instead of that Ryan fellow he was with...well, not so much of a fellow anymore, is he? It is amazing what a nip and a tuck can do nowadays,”

“I know, and I regret not saying anything. Now I really don’t have a chance with him...not when I’m like...this…,”

“Did you even try, Gerard? Did you even tell him?”

“I think that with how I have been with him that he should have at least taken a hint. I have kissed him before…,”

“Oh, my dear boy. I never said he didn’t feel the same….well, I guess it cannot be the same if he never knew your feelings,”

“I’m such an idiot. I knew I should have said something before it was too late!”

“You still can, you know. My Frankie is not superficial, and a physical relationship has no bearing on the heart,”

“You know...you have a good point there. I still wish I could have at least had something like that with him before... well, this happened to me…,”

“It’s not too late, you know. You are still here, and so is he,”

“You think I should tell him? You don’t think it’s too late, Rosalie?”

“Unless you have a reason not to. Unless you can think of another reason that would hold your declaration back,”

Gerard had to tell Frank. It was either now or never. He didn’t just like Frank...he loved him, and he wanted him to know that he meant it from the bottom of his heart, crippled or not. His clock was ticking, though. How was he gonna tell him, and when?

“Thanks, Rosalie. I really appreciate your help. I’m gonna tell him when the time is right. I’ll go check up on him and make sure he’s okay,” Gerard smiled a bit. He heard the sound of the door open. It was Mikey.

“You know what, Gerard? Fuck you. I can’t believe that you are that selfish of a friend, that you would rather sulk and be a little bitch than find out what is wrong with Frank!” he snarled. He stormed out of the room, not even noticing that Rosalie was there. He went to Frank’s room and saw the man shivering on the bed. He put the care package down that he had picked up for him.

“Hey, Frankie? Frankie…,” Mikey called out, shaking Frank a bit.

“Hmm?” Frank mumbled, sleepily opening up his eyes.

“Come on, Frankie. You need to hydrate now,” Mikey pulled out the Gatorade and opened it, placing a straw inside. He placed it in between Frank’s lips. “Drink a little, please?”

Frank managed to take a few sips that satisfied him. Then, Mikey closed the bottle again and placed it on the nightstand. He then climbed onto the bed and laid on the other side of Frank, pulling the covers up over him. Frank shivered and whimpered a bit.

“Shh, I got you, Frankie. You’re safe and loved,” Mikey whispered to Frank, carding his fingers through Frank’s hair til he settled down again.

“I’m sorry, Mikey...I didn’t know how that all happened. I didn’t...I just…,” Frank sighed deeply. “I feel pathetic…,”

“You are anything but pathetic, Frank. You are amazing and you have been so good to me and my brother for the last six months….I don’t know what I...sorry, we, would do without you,”

Frank smiled, knowing he’s held in a special place in both Mikey and Gerard’s hearts. Speaking of Gerard…

“How’s Gerard? Is he okay? He’s not mad at me, is he?”

“I don’t know what his problem is, but right now I am not concerned about him. You are all I am worried about right now,” Mikey turned Frank’s face gently towards him. “You need to take better care of yourself Frankie, for me...please?” Mikey meant to say we, but he ended up speaking from his heart instead.

“I’ll try, Mikey...I’ll try,”

“Thanks, Frankie,” Mikey smiled as he caressed Frank’s face.

“You’re welcome, Mikes. I think I feel better now…,”

“Good,” Mikey smiled brightly.

“I’m gonna go check up on Gerard,” Frank stood up and stretched from his bed. Mikey was a little surprised at Frank’s reaction. He backpeddled a bit, ignoring his heart.

“Oh...alright,” Mikey got up. “Go talk to Gee,”

“Alrighty then,” Frank left the room, and Mikey sighed.

“I am truly a fool,” he said. He left Frank’s room for his own. Frank walked down the hall and into Gerard’s room, where he found him and Rosalie out on the balcony together.

“Hey, guys,”

“Hey, bambino. Feeling better?” Rosalie asked.

“Yeah, much better,”

“Good. Well, I will take my leave then,” Rosalie kissed Gerard on the head, and then Frank. “Happy birthday again,” she said. She then gathered her coat and left. Frank walked up to Gerard.

“It’s cold, Gee. Come inside, okay?”

Gerard visibly nodded, doing just that. This is it. This is his chance...and he felt like he was gonna explode.

“Frank…,” Gerard started, his whole body visibly shaking.

“Oh man, Gee. Let’s get you in bed,” Frank says, going into caregiver mode.

“Frank...I have to tell you something….Something very important,”

“Sure, Gee...but let’s get you in bed first and warm you up,”

“No, Frank. I need to tell you now. I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a very long time,” Gerard began to shake more and more in his seat as he typed the words into the computer with his watering eyes.

“Please, Gee...I don’t want you getting sick and…,”

“I...I love you, Frank. I always have since high school. I know I should have said something earlier, but...I was always too scared. You are so fucking beautiful that I wish I can take these useless arms of mine and hold you. All those kids at school? They picked on you...but I was there. I didn’t care what they thought of you. I fucking loved you, and I still do. I really do, Frank…,” Gerard broke down, loudly sobbing through his barely moveable lips as tears ran down his eyes. “I love you, Frank!”

“Gee…,” Frank looked at his best friend of almost ten years. He smiled as he ducked his head in and kissed him. “I love you too, Gee...and I have for a long time,”

“Really?” Gerard looked up, his eyes raw with tears. He felt a pang in his chest when Frank kissed him. It’s a kiss he felt from the heart.

“Yes, Gee,” Frank nodded. Outside, Mikey stood in the hallway, listening to Frank and Gerard. He was an ass. How could he even think about Frank as anything more than a friend when his brother was dying? He tried to take the man that his brother had fantasized about for years. He was a piece of shit. He needed to get away. Quickly, he went into his room and packed a bag. He would stay in a hotel or with a friend; just get away so that they could have time together. He then walked into the hallway like he was talking on the phone just a little too loud.

“Yeah, no that sounds great! When do you get in?” he spoke in a pretending manner on his phone. “Sweet, I can make it. Alright, see you in a bit. Yeah, me too, man,” he hung up. He took a breath and stopped at Gerard’s door, knocking on the doorframe.

“Hey, Mikes. You alright?” Frank asked, turning up from Gerard to face Mikey at the door.

“Hey, so an old friend from school just called. He flown in for the week and wants to hang out, so you guys have a good night, alright? You got the kitchen, Frank?”

“Mikey…,” Gerard looked up at his brother, still feeling hurt by what he told him earlier. “I...I’m sorry. The way I acted earlier was childish and I should have known better,”

“Mikey? Everything okay?” Frank asked, already skeptical of the way Mikey seems to be acting. Something wasn’t right.

“Sure it is! You guys have fun, okay? Gee, you should draw Frank with his guitar. Bet it would look sick with his new scrubs...no pun intended,” Mikey said, laughing a little forcefully. “Alright, guys. Catch you later,”

Mikey breezed through the house with his suitcase and out the door. Frank looked at where Mikey just was, and then back at Gerard.

“Did that seem weird to you or what?”

“Yeah, it did. Mikey’s mad at me…,” Gerard frowned.

“I don’t think so, Gee. He didn’t seem mad. I guess we can ask when he gets back. Besides...I had more important things to do than worry about your brother,” Frank said, turning back to Gerard and caressing his face. There was something familiar about the motion, but he brushed it away. Gerard sighed, deciding to brush off how Mikey was towards him earlier when he called him out. Maybe Mikey really did need some space from him.

“You know something, Frank?” Gerard asked. “I never had a boyfriend...or even a girlfriend. Not one. But when I first saw you back in high school...I wanted to make you all mine,”

“Well, I am all yours now, Gee. Come on, let’s get you in bed now,”

“Can you do me a favor before we do that?”

“Anything, baby. What does your little heart desire?”

“Can you...kiss me again, Frankie?” Gerard smiled. Frank did the same in return and leaned in.

*

*

*

Frank woke up yawning and stretching to find that he was not alone. He then remembered last night and smiled. He turned and snuggled into the warm body next to him.

“Morning, baby. Did you sleep well?”

“Slept like a baby,” Gerard grinned.

“I’m glad,” Frank reached down and laced his fingers with Gerard’s.

“You’re so warm,”

“I’ve been told I am a natural furnace. Great to cuddle with on cold winter nights,” Frank smiled. Gerard laughed a bit as he stared up at his love in awe. This is it. Frank is now all his...and he fucking loved it. Just then, Frank’s stomach made a very unsexy noise and he laughed. “Some things you just can’t avoid, huh?” He kissed Gerard’s nose and then got out of the hospital bed and headed to the bathroom. At that moment, Frank’s cell phone rang. He picked it up and saw Mikey’s name on the caller ID.

“Hey, Mikes. What’s up...oh, wait...are you still out? You never came home? Someone get lucky last night with your ‘old school pal’?” Frank asked as he did air quotes, even though Mikey couldn’t see them.

“Frank…,” Mikey sighed. “Please tell Gerard that...I’m the one that should be sorry. I lashed out at him when you had your panic attack, and it was childish of me,”

“It’s okay, Mikey. He knows you mean well. Hey, sorry to cut you off, but...I was kind of on my way to drain the lizard. Here, talk to Gee,” Frank said as he popped the phone on speaker and laid it on the nightstand next to Gerard’s bed and computer, and then hurried to the bathroom.

“Hey, Gee…,” Mikey started.

“Hey, Mikey,”

“Hey, um...I guess I can say it straight to you now. Sorry about the way I acted last night. I think I was just overwhelmed, you know?”

“It’s okay, Mikey. The way I acted was out of line. I wish there was some way I was able to help Frank, but…,” Gerard frowned internally, knowing that he could physically do nothing to help Frank, despite all that Frank does for him.

“No, no. It was wrong of me no matter what. So, how are you and Frank?”

“We’re great, thank you. Yourself?”

“Good! Had a lot of fun last night,”

“Oh, really? With who? What did you guys do?”

“With Ray from school. Yeah, he had a business meeting and decided to hook up with me. We hit a bar and then hung out in his hotel room,”

“Oh, that’s nice. Tell Ray I said hi,”

“I will, Gee. We are going out to breakfast now, so I will call you later,”

“Okay. Have a good one,”

“You too. Bye,” Mikey hung up as Frank walked back from the bathroom.

“What did your brother have to say?” he asked.

“He’s hanging out with Ray. They’re going to go out for breakfast,”

“Wait...Ray? As in...Ray Toro?” Frank furrowed his brow. Something was not right. Mikey told something Gerard he and Frank don’t wanna know…

“Yeah, from high school. Remember?”

“Gee…,” Frank sighed. “Ray is married and is a stay at home dad. He lives in Florida, where his wife is a nurse,”

“Oh...really? Mikey said Ray had a business meeting and decided to hook up with him,”

“What? That doesn’t sound right…,”

“That’s what Mikey said. What’s wrong?” Gerard asked, feeling a pang of worry in his chest.

“Gee, think about it. Ray doesn’t have a job. He had no meeting. Mikey is lying,”

“Oh...you know what? You’re right! Why didn’t I think of that? I swear, my memory is getting worse every day!” Gerard said, wanting to facepalm himself if his arms had the mobility.

“Don’t worry about it, baby. It’s not your fault,” Frank walked over to Gerard and kissed him. “How about a sponge bath to make you feel better?”

“I’d love that, Frankie. I just hope Mikey is okay…,”

“I’m sure he’s fine. You are what matters now,”

“Are you sure?” Gerard blushed.

“Positive. Besides…,” Frank pressed his face into Gerard’s neck. “I love seeing you blush,”

“Oh, you’re getting me all hot and bothered now!” Gerard laughed internally, wishing he still really could to express his pleasure.

“Am I now?” Frank smirked into the soft pale skin. He nibbled at it lightly.

“Yes...baby,”

“Well then, I guess I have to cool you down, huh?”

“Please do,”

Frank peppered more kisses on Gerard, then pulled away to gather the supplies for Gerard’s bath. In the back of his head, Mikey was nagging him, but Frank’s top priority was Gerard.

Gerard laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling as he recalled every fleeting moment of what Frank did to him, as well as what he did last night. He touched him the same way Marco did, but this was different. It wasn’t out of malicious intentions. It was out of something called genuine love. Gerard may not be able to physically feel Frank’s touch anymore, since his nerves have slowly been deteriorating, but he could still feel it all from the heart. He still felt comforted by Frank’s tender and loving touch, despite the progression of this disease.

“Hey there, beautiful. How are you doing?” Frank asked, returning from his shower. He carefully cleaned up and changed Gerard first and replaced his catheter. It still surprised Gerard how much it didn’t bother Frank at all.

“I’m fine. And you?”

Frank chuckled and kissed Gerard before helping him get dressed and upright into his chair, transferring him from the bed with the hoyer lift.

“You always sound like you are talking on the phone when I ask you that. Simple and easy answers,” Frank leaned in and kissed Gerard again. “Now tell me, Gee...how do you really feel?”

“I…,” Gerard paused, internally frowning. He had to tell him the truth. “I wish I could feel you,”

“I’m sorry baby, but...even though you can’t feel me on your skin, your heart can because I can feel it racing inside your chest, and it excites me even more,”

“Does it really?”

“Yeah it does, and that’s why I will never stop touching you,”

“Kiss me, you animal,” Gerard smiled a bit with whatever muscles he could, even though on the inside, he was smiling from ear to ear. Frank smiled and did just that, planting a kiss on Gerard’s lips.

Mikey way was drunk. Mikey Way was drunk before noon on a beautiful Sunday morning in his hotel room. He was watching the Hallmark channel crying over Christmas romances that they already started playing in the start of November. It was cliché and disgusting, but he didn’t care. It was a life he was never going to have. He finished off the bottle of wine and opened the next.

“To my brother and Frank, may they have a great life togetherrrrrrrr,” he sang sloppily. He passed out on the bed, spilling red wine all over the white brocade bed cover.

Notes