All of the Stars

It was 12 am and the only sounds circulating through my house were the muffled voices of Ray and Mikey downstairs. It made me uncomfortable to think about them being such close friends, but I was happy for their friendship nonetheless.
I hadn't been doing anything remotely productive since Ray had yelled at me. I sulked around in my room with my lights on dim, sniffing Frank's shirt every once in awhile to take in his musky scent whilst debating on whether or not to call him and tell him about how much I was panicking on the inside. My inner turmoil was endless. I was afraid he'd be mad, maybe even infuriated with me for giving in to confessing so quickly. It sucked, it really did. I sucked. I sucked for even letting Ray try and talk to me. I should've told Ray no, blown him off and ignored him until he had something the least bit relevant to say. That was the issue, though. What Ray had been talking about was in fact very relevant indeed. That got my mind buzzing about Frank. I wasn't being taken advantage of, of course not. I was the one who had been calling all the shots other than Frank kissing me sometimes on his own doing, but that was still consented on my part.
I couldn't take it anymore after all of those thoughts and I finally let myself grab my phone and press Frank's contact number. I leaned my head against the wall behind my bed and bit my knuckle, listening to the phone ring in my ear. I didn't care if he was asleep, he was going to have to wake up and deal with it because I needed him immensely in that moment. I was about to give up on trying to call him since the phone kept ringing without an answer, just as I was about to end the call he picked up and so much relief washed through my body. It was renewing.
"Hey sweetheart." Frank's raspy voice said into the phone, he didn't even sound phased that I literally decided to call him at 12 in the morning.
"Were you asleep? I'm sorry if you were." I replied anxiously, biting the knuckle of my middle finger a little harder.
"Nah, don't stress about it. I was planning lessons for next week." He sighed into the phone then paused, "Is everything okay, Gee?"
I took in a breath and pressed my phone against my ear a little harder, pulling my knees up into my chest, "I'm just...can I tell you something?"
"Anything."
"Will you promise not to get mad at me?" That sounded so pathetic. I was fucking pathetic. He was going to be mad no matter what, there was no way around this. I had to face the fucking awful music of this hellish situation.
"Honey, why would I get mad at you?" He asked. I could hear the nervousness in his voice. I'm sure we were both the same amount of petrified. Me being petrified of his future reaction and him petrified of not knowing what I was going to tell him in a matter of a few seconds.
"I fucked up, like...really fucked up." I said quietly. I bit the nail on my thumb and noticed that my fingers were trembling horribly.
Frank was silent for a few minutes, "Was it because of earlier? Do you regret it or something-"
"No, Frankie. No. It's not that. It really isn't." I interrupted, "Um, do you know your student named Ray Toro? He's kinda my friend, I guess."
He didn't say anything for a few minutes which made my body flourish with anxiety. "Yea, I do." He finally said.
"He recognized your shirt." I muttered.
"Oh."
"I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry? Baby, it's really not your fault." Frank said softly.
"It kind of is. He was in my house for some unknown fucking reason and he took me into the kitchen and fucking berated me about the shirt, I didn't know what to say to him and we had this long conversation. He basically just yelled at me the whole time, Frank. I'm freaking the fuck out."
I heard Frank clear his throat. "Listen, we'll figure this out, alright? I don't care about that right now. What matters now is you being okay. Don't panic, don't freak out, it's gonna be fine."
He was doing that thing again. Where he acted like he didn't care about real world problems, like he was some go-with-the-flow person who was used to damaging tragedy. My eyes widened, "How are you so calm about this? This is serious. He knows about us, Frank. He's threatening to basically out the relationship that you and I barely have."
"Can I tell you something crazy and practically fucking ridiculous to the extent that you'll most likely call me an idiot after I say it?" He said, his voice serious yet full of humor. Only he could pull that facade off and make it work.
"Go ahead." I told him.
"Gerard, if Ray really decided to go through with that, I think I'd quit my job before he could do anything."
I squinted my eyes at his idiocy. "Why the hell would you do that when we could both deny it?"
"Because if it were that way, we wouldn't have to even worry about hiding it. The age of consent in Jersey is sixteen, if I'm not mistaken. You're seventeen. The only reason we can't publicly be together now is due to the fuckin 'impression on a minor' rule that every school board on the face of America has."
"You've barely even been around me long enough to choose me over your job. That's a mistake. I'm not worth more than your job." I said although he did make a fair point. It was a long stretch, but it wasn't impossible. Yet, I didn't condone it one bit. I shouldn't have ruining his life like that. He was so passionate about his job and I don't care how many times I've stressed that. I admired him for being so committed to his work, it was unbelievable that someone could love something enough to teach it to hundreds of people. I wasn't worth losing that. I was not as valuable as his profession, even if he said I was.
Frank sighed into the phone for about the fifth time, "Gerard, you don't understand. You're worth a lot more than you think. But, can you do me a favor?"
"Yes." I answered. I didn't know what to expect.
"Is there a window in your room?" He asked.
"Are you asking me to sneak out."
"Yes, I am. Dress warm. We're going for a walk. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."
We hung up after that. I was practically overjoyed but on edge at the time. I changed out of Frank's clothes and pulled on a long sleeve shirt and a hoodie with a pair of warm jeans and my Converse that were practically falling apart at this point. I listened intently to the voices downstairs, hoping that Mikey and Ray were engaged in their conversation enough that they wouldn't hear me clamber out of my window as carefully as possible. I flicked off my lights and and locked my bedroom door, walking stealthily among the creaking hardwood floors to my window,
Getting out of my room wasn't a hassle at all. My window was right above the porch so I could easily step on the the top of it then jump way down onto the ground from that spot. The cold air nipped at my body as I trudged myself down the path of my yard as quietly as I could. I'm sure the smile on my face was so wide that my mouth could've fallen off when my eyes landed on Frank, who was standing almost unnoticeabley across the street under the orange glow of the streetlights. He looked mysterious, I could say. His black hood was pulled over his head, his back leaned against the pole of the streetlight with a cigarette tucked lazily between his silk pink lips.
He spotted me walking toward him and pulled the cigarette from his mouth to form a smile almost as wide as mine. He opened his arms, inviting me to land in their embrace. My chest collided with his and he wrapped himself around me, his body heat made me actually at home. That scared me. I wasn't supposed to be feeling like that so soon. I looked up at him with my arms wrapped around his middle and his wrapped around my lower back.
"I think it would be smart if we walked away from your house before I decide to kiss you." Frank chuckled. I smiled up at him and nodded then proceeded to pull my body away from his, not before grabbing one of his hands and twining our fingers together perfectly. We strolled down the dark sidewalk, the sound of our feet crunching in the melting ice along with Frank's heavy breaths as he finished his cigarette.
"Don't you have bad lungs?" I ask him. He squeezed my hand.
"I mean, they're already fucked up. I have nothin to lose." He said.
"Lung cancer is a thing."
He rolled his eyes. "Bah humbug."
"You're so strange." I breathed.
He shook his head, dropping my hand and wrapping his arm around my shoulders to pull me into him. "You looked cold."
I said nothing and let my head fall onto the side of his arm as we walked slowly and in no rush. We were just enjoying being with each other, it was oddly intimate.
"Where are we going?" I questioned.
"Right here." He answered as we stopped in front of a bench that was placed awkwardly along the sidewalk, under an oak tree and isolated from all the house that was lined along the rest of the block. We sat down, his arm never leaving my shoulders and my head never leaving the side of his bicep. I leaned more against him as we sat, letting him hold me up snugly.
"This is happening so fast." I mumbled.
"Hm?" Frank replied as he flicked the end of his cigarette and threw it onto the ground, crushing it with his sneaker.
"I'm just..." I sighed, "I don't know how to say it without sounded like a complete hopeless romantic, okay? It makes me sound so vulnerable and I'm...I hate opening up. I told you that before. It scares me so fucking much."
"I wanna ask you something." He said nonchalantly.
"Okay."
He brought my face up to look him into the eyes. I could barely see him in the dim streelights, but it was enough. He still looked breathtaking and so endearing.
"Do you ever look at a person and just think, 'where could they be going?'" He asked.
I shook my head.
He cocked his head at me and licked his lips thoughtfully, a habit that I had began to notice, "Gerard, there's always going to be this part of you that doesn't click with me, you know that right? Melancholy. That's you, I should say. I just want you to open up your mind, at least to me. I know it's hard for you, but I want you to trust me with everything you can offer."
Open up my mind? This man was insane. Between his nutcase thoughts and the constant gibberish he spoke as if he was some kind of overrated philosopher. I wasn't one to talk though. I could only dream of having his sense of mind. I was falling head over heals for his positivitey after all.
"Now," He started, "I want you to look up at the sky."
We both tilted our heads up. The sky was completely clear that night, shockingly. The moon was full and round with a white glow coming from it's curves. The stars were out, gleaming just like they gleamed in Frank's eyes.
"You see all of these stars, right?" He asked gently. I felt his breath tickle against my neck.
"Yes."
"The sky is open, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"If the sky wasn't open, where would the stars go?"
I thought for a second. "Nowhere." I whispered.
"That's right. I don't want you to go nowhere, Gee."
I looked down at my thighs. "I'm going somewhere. I have you, don't I?" I said sheepishly. That was me opening up my mind. Frank leaned over and kissed my temple softly.
"You do have me. I'm giving you everything I have to offer."
I could feel his gaze on me. I turned my head, looking back at him with wide eyes. He unintentionally batted his eyelashes at me and reached his hand up to place on the usual spot of my jawline, his thumb rubbed over my cheek just as he had done so before.
"You really mess with my head, you realize." He sighed, I leaned into his touch.
"You mess even more with mine." I retorted.
He began to move his face closer to mine. I closed my eyes, knowing what was about to happen. His lips touched mine elegantly. It was a whole different feeling then the other times that we had kissed. It felt like the coldness around us completely vanished, like the act of our lips touching somehow melted all the ice in the atmosphere with one big shock. I felt like I could breathe again. All the weight was taken off my heart and my shoulders. I felt fucking reborn. I was being given a chance, just like the one I had given Frank.
He wanted me.
I wanted him.
I needed him, it felt like.
And I prayed to God that he felt like he needed me as much as I needed him.
We pulled away from each other, our lips smacking softly. We pressed our foreheads together with our eyes still closed. Both of our hands met with the others two, linking together like a chain.
"We'll be okay." Frank whispered.
"How do you know?" I asked. My voice was shaking.
"Because I just do."
"What if Ray tells?"
"I told you what I'd do."
I paused. "We could leave."
"What?"
"Just leave Belleville. Ya know?"
"Gerard, that's fucking insane." Frank mumbled. His forehead suddenly left mine and I felt him wrap his arms around my upper body, bringing into him again. He kissed my hair. "Gerard Way, you don't need to worry about a damn thing. You hear me?"
I nodded.
He was taking care of me, just as he promised before. He had the potential to love me. He could've been loving me already. The word 'love' filled me with immediate fear. It made me feel uneasy and disoriented beyond comprehension. But in some twisted way, deep down in the pits of my heart and soul, I knew that I had the potential to love Frank Iero.

Notes

just wanna say that i cried while i wrote this cause dude how are they so in love already its so cute. feedback would be neato !! thank u for 17 subs!!! take care of yourselves !!! xxxxx