All of the Stars

I can admit that I was a very negative person. There was no specific reason as to why, I just generally didn't find excitement in waking up every morning and living my life. I liked to live in my head most of the time, to live how I wanted in an ideal world where I could be who I wanted. I didn't want to be the 'art school wannabe' that everyone had deemed me to be, as true as it was.
In the most clichest way I can possibly muster, I was in fact known as the seventeen year old cigarette-smoking art freak of the school. My appearance was fitting for someone who was given that title. The black greasy hair, beat up Converse, complete black clothing with years worth of stains on them. Pretty basic all around.
Being a hardcore introvert didn't help my case either, especially when it came to most of my teachers. They didn't appreciate how quiet I preferred to be, avoiding all questions they decided to toss in my direction. Seriously speaking, everyone thought I was the type of introverted asshole who didn't give a single shit about people's emotions, that wasn't the ordeal. I wasn't that type of edgy. I avoided stepping on ants most times when I walked home everyday because I was so afraid of hurting a living and breathing specimen.
That brought me to believe that I was overly nice. Too nice for my own damn good. I guess you could say that's how I ended up taking musical theater instead of sociology during my second semester of my senior year. My mother had nagged me for years to take musical theater, she reminded me constantly that I had the 'voice of an angel.' Only issue with that statement was the fact that had she hadn't heard me sing since I took choir in grade six. Other than humming under my breath when I cleaned the house, nobody had heard even a hint of my voice in almost seven years. I didn't intend for anyone to hear it for the rest of my life anyway. Boy, did that plan take a hard turn.
I remember the first time I walked into the school auditorium for the first class. Musical theater had been exchanged to my homeroom which I was fairly disappointed about, most of the few friends I had were in my calculus homeroom.
A feeling of warmness washed over me when I had stepped into that auditorium, no matter how fucking cold it actually was in there. It must've been below freezing, no lie. My messenger bag had suddenly felt heavier on my shoulder. A ball of anxiety set in the back of my throat as I trudged down the aisle. I had guessed since it wasn't an official classroom that we'd probably be taking up the first few rows of seats along with the stage and use that somehow.
I ended up being right. I found only five kids sitting in the front row of seats, none of them talking or even sitting remotely close each other. With the way they were acting, you woulda thought we were here for a fucking funeral. I figured that trying to talk to any of them would have been a mistake, staying in my own lane was my best option at that point.
I plopped myself down in a seat that was all the way at the end of the row and toward the edge of the stage. For some strange reason, I was nervous. It wasn't anything new to me, I knew who the teacher was, I knew all the rules and ropes to the class.
Back then, the teacher hadn't really meant anything to me. His name was Mr. Iero, to me that was just another name that I had to remember. Although I do remember back in grade six when Mr. Iero had substituted for our instructor a few times, he was an average guy, his existence wasn't too important in my mind. I was in for a damn shock.
I jumped in my seat when the first period bell rang. I was so shaken and uneasy, more then usual. Only about four more kids walked in, making only ten of us in the actual class. I found it pathetic. I wasn't the only who despised the whole idea of this class. I sat in silence, drumming my fingers on the arm of the chair while sitting deep in my thoughts. I was living inside of my head again.
The doors of the auditorium burst open sending an echo through the large room, we all turned our heads to see who our obvious teacher was. He was a short guy who seemed all around anxious. He scurried down the aisle on his short legs, looking completely exhausted. I was infatuated by the way he looked. You could tell he was covered pretty much head to toe in tattoos just by the way he covered up, it shocked me that they even let him be a teacher with all of that going on with his body.
He wore a white button up with a navy green cardigan that was slightly too big for him. His jeans were regular with a tiny rip at his knee, which exposed another tattoo. He ran his free hand, that wasn't occupied with a Starbuck's cup, through his dark brown hair, "Shit guys, I'm sorry I wasn't here on time."
Nobody said anything except for one kid who just groaned in response.
"That's the type of greeting I love to hear." He chuckled. He dropped his messenger bag on a free seat. He let out a tired sigh and leaned his back against the elevated stage. "Well, as about three of you know, I'm Mr. Iero."
One kid said, "Mhm."
"So, I can see there's only ten of you. That's five less than last semester. Who knew this class sucked so much, huh?" Mr. Iero said bitterly, only a tinge of humor in his voice.
"Your class doesn't suck, sir." A guy with super curly hair told him.
Mr. Iero just smiled. "Alright, lemme take roll I guess." He pulled out a paper out of his bag along with a pen and looked down at it, squinting his eyes.
"Okie dokie. Let's see, do we have a Hayley here?"
He called off a few names, I knew none of them.
"Ray Toro?"
"Here."
"Brendon Urie?"
"Here."
He stopped for a second. I heard his breath hitch and he cleared his throat, "Gerard Way?"
I raised my hand, not even bothering to speak. He looked over at me and nodded. "Have you been in any of my classes before?"
I shrugged. He was a weird guy, to be completely blunt with you. I'd never heard anyone's voice shake as much as his did.
He nodded again then marked the paper. "I don't care who takes this down to office, but somebody do it please." He set the paper down and the kid with curly hair from earlier got up and took it.
"I'm gonna be honest with all ten of you," He rasped out and gave us a tight smile, "I don't have anything planned for today and since more than half of you are new to this class, I guess I'll give you a run down."
I could tell he was staring at me from the corner of his eye as he spoke, I didn't really think anything of it.
"I like to think I'm kind of a chill teacher," He rasped out. I noticed that he spoke with his hands a lot, it seemed like he had a certian gesture for every word that fell from his mouth. "Cussing doesn't bother me, if it bothers you then I'm sorry 'cause I have the mouth of a sailor. Phones don't really bug me either, don't use them when we're rehearsing please, that's my only request."
He did seem like an okay teacher, like he was more interested in being our friend than our instructor. He rambled for a few more minutes, I didn't really listen. I was trying to decipher the tattoos that were poking out of his shirt collar. I couldn't tell what they were from the distance I was away from him, but they fascinated me for some stupid reason. I'm an artist. When I see pictures, I see a meaning. Especially when they're printed onto peoples bodies, it's just more...creatively attractive.
"Usually," I perked my head forward as he spoke again, "I'd have people ya know, audition for this class. I'm not complaining, I'll take what I can get since the county decided to stop funding the music department. It's quite sad, almost like they're trying to get rid of self expression and talent all together."
He sounded majorly depressing when he said that, I almost felt bad. That didn't have shit on me, I didn't wanna be in the class in the first place as I'd clearly stated on multiple occasions.
I watched the class go on. Someone raised their hand and Mr. Iero carelessly pointed at him to give him the 'go ahead and speak, kid.'
"You said during first semester that we were doing and end of the year musical, right?" The kid asked.
"Well Brendon, there's a problem with that." Mr. Iero let out a deep and elongated breath, "The first semester musical was such a flop that I don't really see a point in doing another. Unless we get some eye opening, life changing performer. Doubt it, though."
The first semester musical was a flop, indeed. I remembered seeing posters for it in the cafeteria everyday, bitterly laughing at it. They did some knock-off version of Hairspray, I heard from my brother that only twenty people went and half of them were the school staff.
"Patrick can sing pretty good." A guy spoke up. I looked over to see a chubby blonde guy's face go completely red at the statement. I used my context clues and took a guess that he was Patrick. He was a funny looking person, but it was awkwardly endearing.
A soft smile appeared across Mr. Iero's face, "I've seen Patrick sing firsthand. It's soulful, huh? Feels like he's moving a whole room when he does it."
The person next to Patrick agreed.
"Alright." Mr. Iero clapped his hands together. "Real talk. Do any of you have even the tiniest bit of musical experience? Besides the three kids in here that have been in my class before."
He turned his gaze to me and I noticed his face instantly soften. All I did was nod, I hadn't built up the confidence to speak in his class yet. I knew he remembered me from somewhere, he probably just couldn't place a finger on where he'd seen me before. He shot me a light smile, staring at me for a few long seconds before turning his attention back to the nine other kids in front of him.
"Okay let's do it this way." He said. "I point to one of you in a randomized order and you tell me one talent you have that's uh, theatrical in some way, shape or form. Capisce?"
Everyone, except me, nodded.
He waved his tattooed finger around, muttering "Let's start wiiiiiiith...you. Name?" His finger had landed on the curly haired kid from earlier.
"Oh yikes, I'm Ray." He replied nervously. "I um, play guitar I guess? It's more of hobby than anything."
"Fascinating. Me too." Mr. Iero answered. There was this certain discrete gentleness in his voice. It was strange. He spoke with such care and delicacy that you didn't realize how bumpy his actual voice was at times.
I observed anxiously as he pointed to kid after kid, most of them replying with "singing" or "guitar". Until the moment of complete treachery came and his finger had neared in my direction. "You."
I hesitated for a second and gripped the hem of my shirt. "Um. I sing. Sometimes."
He seemed remotely satisfied with my answer, "That's great Gerard. I'd love to hear your voice sometime, yeah?"
I forced him a smile. He'd remembered my name which was pretty neat, most teachers would've slipped up and called me either 'Jared' or 'Gerald.'
The rest of class went by pretty swiftly. He rambled on about musical theory a little, talked about how he thought anyone could sing if they tried, and reminded us over and over again to have a positive outlook. He was fucking relentless with the positivity shit.
I was relieved when the second period bell rang, it seemed as though everyone else was too. We all jolted out of out seats and rushed out, Mr. Iero's faint "Goodbye's" and "Have a nice day's" going in through one ear and out the other. I didn't hate the class honestly, it wasn't as bad as I had made it out to be at first. Who knew? It could've been a break for me if I started singing again since I knew my voice was decent. Maybe it was decent enough for me to go somewhere with it.
Let's just say, the Gerard walking out of the auditorium on that first day would not be the same Gerard in a matter of three months. I knew that in the back of my mind, and in the depths of my heart, I decided I was going to work towards that.

Notes

hello!! i have come to terms with the fact that this is probably complete and utter trash, but i've written fics many times before and had decided upon deleting them all until i felt like i had an idea that was worth writing out again. so, heres that idea!! im prepared for this to flop completely but feedback would be kinda sorta cool? even though its slow?? and somewhat boring??? itll end up going somewhere, i hope. anyway i hope to be updating a lot!!!! xx