Finding Frank

I needed to put myself out there. I knew I needed to stop shutting myself in. If I was going to find Frank, I would have to stop being such an introvert. It could be worse, of course. I could have shut myself in and never have gone out, though I didn’t do that. I have a job at a local restaurant and lounge, working as a waiter. I don’t have many friends though I have Bert and Ray, they both work at the restaurant that I work at. Bert works in the lounge and Ray works as a waiter with me. The time for me to get to work was rolling around and unfortunately I had to get ready. I sighed as I dragged myself out of bed and slowly got dressed, taking my sweet time. I didn’t hate my job, I really didn’t, though I liked my bed much more than I liked my job and would pick my bed over work any day.

Work was relatively uneventful that day, it was mid week, therefore there wasn’t a huge amount of people pouring in like there was on Friday and Saturday nights. I liked the crowd that our restaurant brought in, though I was thankful that I didn’t have to deal with a huge lunch rush. My shift ended late that night, and so did Ray’s. Bert stayed the latest out of all of us and was still working by the time the restaurant section of the building had closed. On nights like this, Ray and I would sit at the bar, keeping Bert company and sparking up conversations about whatever. We had sat through a moment of silence before I decided to bring up the topic that had been on my mind for the past while.

“Have either of you been keeping in touch with Frank? Frank Iero?” I asked, raising a brow and tilting my head to the side, much like a parrot would when he wants something from someone else.

Ray’s eyebrows furrowed together and he thought for a moment, his lips pressing into a thin line. I turned to look at Bert who just shrugged, shaking his head.

“Nah, I haven’t heard from him in about four years, maybe longer?” He explained and with that I just nodded, turning back to gaze at Ray.

Ray shook his head and smiled sadly at me as well.

“Me neither. Sorry Gerard,” He said and reached a hand out to pat my back softly. “I texted him last three years ago. We were texting one night and the next day I messaged him but was never able to get a response. Maybe he just stopped replying because of the fact his dad died.”

I let out a heavy sigh of defeat, frowning at that and nodding slowly. I couldn’t believe it. Poor Frank Senior… I hadn’t seen him in forever, though I’d grown up around him and had great memories of him. I hoped Frank was able to cope with it well. So many thoughts were running through my head. I just hoped that Frank and his mom were okay. All of a sudden I felt like a monster for not keeping in touch with Frank. I could have been there for him. I could have tried harder, gotten my parents to send out hundreds of reminder emails to Linda. I could have searched for Frank as soon as Myspace and Facebook came out. Kids our age were all over those websites and they definitely seemed like something Frank would have been a part of, at least one point in time. I looked and felt bummed out, I felt like the guilt was eating me alive. I hated feeling like this, I hated myself for not keeping in touch with Frank. Ray and Bert seemed to have been able to find Frank again, through some sort of social media or something. Listening to Ray and Bert both discuss the part about Frank not responding was what really worried me. It didn’t really seem like him to pass up an opportunity to communicate with old friends. I tried not to think the worst of it. He was probably enjoying Seattle. It was such a creative city full of life, just like Frank. Maybe the reason why he hadn’t responded to my friends was the fact that he possibly got a new number and lost Ray and Bert’s contacts for good. I tried to come up with an innocent explanation to help my nerves calm down.

“You know, if you had Facebook, you could message him too. How many other Frank Iero’s can there be on the site?” Bert suggested, giving my shoulder a playful push.

He was right, it would be relatively easy to find Frank on any sort of website, considering his name wasn’t extremely generic.

“Could you just message him for me? You know I hate confrontation. I want to stay out of the spotlight.” I whined, pouting as I stared up at Bert.

I soon glanced down at the counter of the bar, asking Bert for a rum and Coke. It all went downhill from there. I woke up the next morning in my bed and my memory was terrible. Of course, being a guy in my twenties and being out with my friends, I sometimes had a habit to drink too much, I didn’t really know when to stop. However, what I remember learning last night was the fact that Frank had practically dropped off the face of the earth. I learned that his dad had died and I still was miserable about that fact, it was tricky to believe it and I wished I was there for Frank. I learned that Linda was a lot like me. She wasn’t on any form of social media, therefore it would prove to be difficult to try and contact her directly.

I drew in a deep breath, laying in my bed and staring at the ceiling as my raging hangover headache was pounding at my skull. I shut my eyes tight so as not to let any bright light in, cowering away slightly. I couldn’t get Frank off of my mind, he seemed like he’d been through a lot and he seemed as if though he’d become a hermit, refusing to answer anyone’s messages. I just wanted answers, I really did. I wanted to know that Frank was doing okay and I wanted to care for him after his dad passed away and I wanted to spend at least one more day with him. Though after a thorough analyzing of our situation, it doesn’t seem like it matches up with The Notebook. It doesn’t seem like we will meet, I don’t know if there is any amount of researching and messaging that I can to to get Frank to send a reply. I would have to leave him alone. If he wanted to speak to me, he would probably have messaged me by now. Maybe things had changed over the years and if that was the case, I would still accept him and give him his space. Our entire situation is confusing to me, though it seems like one of those “if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours” situations. Honestly, I couldn’t wait for the day if Frank was going to come back to me.

If Frank and I were meant to be, it would have already happened by now. For God’s sake, I was almost thirty. People I went to high school with are married and have kids. It would be tricky to forget about the only person I’d ever fallen for, though it could be done. It had to be done. I dragged myself out of bed, using all of my mom’s old hangover remedies that she had to keep reminding me of. I didn’t feel better but I wasn’t getting any worst which was always a nice feeling when you felt pretty shitty.

In the centre of my room was where I stood, spinning on my feet slowly and glancing around my room. If I was serious about moving on, I had to take some steps. I walked over to my wall full of photos and posters, most of the photos were of Frank. A lot of the posters were from concerts we went to or posters we’d taken from our favourite local record store growing up. I tore all of them down, I wasn’t heartless though, and carefully tore them down, placing all the Frank memorabilia into a cardboard shoe box which I then shoved into a back corner at the top of my closet, tucking away all the old photos that reminded me of him. It looked and felt empty, I felt completely empty though I knew it would soon stop.

I hoped it would soon stop.

My mind couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility that Frank could come back. I really hoped the other had thought about me. I hoped he wanted to come back into my life. I would let him make that decision. If he finds his way back to me, I’ll know it was meant to be.

Notes