The Sharpest Lives

“Gerard!” Lindsey pounded on the door. “I know you’re in there! Frank’s home, Jamia told me!” She screamed. Gerard hadn’t answered any of her calls in days, and she was worried. Gerard was known to occasionally be a recluse, but he couldn’t shut himself in forever. Mikey told her what happened when Gerard wouldn’t answer her texts, and she tried to give him some time alone, but this was bordering on the ridiculous. She knew how dangerous Gerard’s mind could be, and she was worried for his own safety.
“Gerard!” She tried calling him again and heard his phone ring from inside the apartment, but no answer.
“Fuck.” She mumbled to herself. She lifted the doormat, where Gerard kept his spare key. She hesitantly unlocked the door and walked in. Gerard’s privacy would have to be put aside right now.
“Gerard?” She called. “I know you’re home!” She peered in the living room, nothing. She slowly walked through the dark apartment, flipping the lights on as she went.
“Ger…” Her words were cut short when she screamed, gazing at his unconscious form. “Fuck! Fuck, no!” She yelled, dropping to the floor of the kitchen. He was slumped on his side, surrounded by empty beer bottles and an empty bottle of pills.
“Gerard!?” She grabbed his lifeless body, shaking him. “What did you do, Gerard?! What did you fucking do?!” She felt his head, he was warm and sweating. He was barely breathing. “No! Don’t you die on me!” She screamed, dialing 911.
“My fucking friend took some pills; I think he’s dying please hurry!” She yelled into the phone. She held him in her lap, wiping the sweat and hair off of his face. He made no movement other than the shallow breaths he was taking. Slower, slower, he breathed. She unzipped his sweatshirt and ripped it off of him, trying to cool his overworked body down. She took in the sight of his arm and wailed harder. It was bloody and cut to shreds, obviously done recently and over several days. It must have been incredibly painful, she thought. Gerard was so strong, so fucking strong and he just couldn’t take it anymore.
There was a knock on the door and she yelled for them to come in. The paramedics pulled her away from him, and lifted him onto a stretcher. They placed an oxygen mask on him, and started to cut his clothes off. They shoved a tube down his throat and Lindsey cried. He looked dead already.
They loaded him into the ambulance quickly, speeding away with the lights and siren on. Lindsey watched as they took him, sobbing, dialing Jamia’s number with shaky fingers.
“Hey did you find Gerard?” Jamia answered the phone. Lindsey sobbed into the phone.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” She started talking quickly. “What’s going on? Is he ok?” Lindsey heard Frank ask in the background.
“J…he fucking took some pills. They took him, the ambulance. He’s fucking dying!” She cried.
“What hospital?!” Jamia yelled back, trying to hold Frank back from pouncing on the phone.
“Sacred Heart…I’m driving their now. He’s dying, J! Oh my fucking god. Oh my god.” She scrambled as she got in her car.
“Just calm down…we’ll meet you there.” Jamia said, hanging up the phone.

“What happened Jamia?! Where’s Gerard?” Frank screamed, crying.
“Shh baby, we’re going to him. He’s in the hospital.” Jamia said, taking Frank’s hands in hers, dragging him out the door. Frank wailed, screaming the short ride there as Jamia gave him what little information Lindsey had. He should have pushed harder; he knew something was wrong when Gerard left. He fucking knew it and he let him leave anyway. He was selfish, hurt, and he probably killed Gerard.
Frank ran into the emergency room, still crying, Jamia following on his heels. He spotted Lindsey instantly and ran over to her, grabbing her in a hug. It hurt his arm, but he didn’t fucking care.
“Please, please tell me he’s OK…” Frank asked timidly through sobs.
“I don’t know yet, they were pumping his stomach…” Lindsey said, wiping her own tears away.
They waited for two hours without word. Frank didn’t know if Gerard was alive or dead. He didn’t know if he would ever be the same if he did live. Whatever he took could have given him permanent internal damage. Frank kept replaying their last conversation, only that morning, in his head. Gerard said he loved him and Frank just slammed the door shut. He was hurt, he was tired. He didn’t say it back, and Gerard might die without knowing how much Frank loved him. His chest ached, his arm ached, his head was reeling.
It was almost midnight when a nurse finally came out with a progress report. Gerard was alive. His stomach had to be pumped twice, and he was asleep, but he was alive.
“When can we see him?” Lindsey asked.
“You can see him now, but he won’t be awake. We don’t know when he will wake up, if he wakes up.” The nurse said. “I’m so sorry. You can follow me to his room.”
Gerard had tubes down his throat, and needles in his arms. He was breathing shallowly, slowly. He was pale and gaunt, with thick black bags under his eyes. Jamia held Frank as he cried in the room, hardly able to look at him.
“Did anyone call Mikey?” Frank muttered out.
“Fuck, I’ll go call him now.” Lindsey said, running out of the room.

“Hello?”
“Mikes, its Lindsey.” She sighed.
“Hey, what’s up?” He asked. Lindsey texted him occasionally, but a phone call from her on an instance other than his birthday was rare.
“Are you home?” She asked.
“Uh, yeah, why?”
“Listen…It’s Gee, he’s in the hospital.” She murmured into the phone, trying not to break back down in tears.
“What? Why?!” Mikey gasped.
“It’s bad, Mikes…he took some pills. They pumped his stomach but they don’t know if he’ll come out of this.” She sobbed, not able to hold back her tears any longer.
“No, no, no…fuck! I’ll be right there.” Mikey yelled and hung up the phone.
Frank was curled up on the bed next to a sleeping Gerard, much like he had been when Frank was in the hospital, when Mikey walked in. Jamia and Lindsey were in the waiting room, trying to comfort one another and give Frank some time alone with his wounded boyfriend.
“Frank…” Mikey said quietly.
Frank stood up from the bed and walked over to Mikey; he hugged him tight. He smelled like Gerard, smoky and warm. He hugged him back and while a little thinner than Gerard, it was a similar motion. Frank was almost able to close his eyes and pretend it was him. Almost. His thoughts were broken when he heard Mikey whine above him.
“He fucking promised me, Frank. He promised me he didn’t want to kill himself that night I found him in the bathroom. He promised!” He cried. Frank nodded and directed Mikey to the chairs next to the bed.
“I know Mikey, he promised me, too. But, I think he meant it at the time. This was…different.” Frank wiped at his eyes and looked over at Gerard.
Frank crawled back into bed with Gerard when Mikey left, about five hours later. He was still on pain killers from his run in with Bert, and had to get home before they wore off. That’s not to say Frank wasn’t, he just ignored the pain. His heart was in far too much more pain for it to compare. Lindsey and Jamia decided to take shifts staying with Frank and Gerard. Jamia was there now, holding Frank’s hand while he slept next to Gerard. Lindsey would be back in the morning.
Frank tried to lose count of the days after day 7; it was all the same to him, but he found himself looking at the calendar constantly, hoping each day would be the day Gerard woke up. Every day he would wake up next to Gerard, who hadn’t moved and hadn’t changed. Jamia and Lindsey were getting tired, as was Mikey who was there every second he wasn’t at work or sleeping. Frank kicked them all out on day 11, telling them he would be fine alone. They were all too tired to argue, and left Frank alone for the most part, one of them visiting at least once a day.
It was day 16 when Frank was lying next to Gerard, stroking his hair, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, that Gerard moved his lips for the first time. He continued to try making a face, but couldn’t get his muscles to work the way he wanted. Frank continued talking to him, and he watched Gerard try to respond before he fell back into his daze.
On day 18, Gerard moved his hands for the first time. Frank had laced his fingers in Gerard’s, ready to fall asleep next to him, when Gerard squeezed back. He made no expression, no indication that he was conscious, but he gesture was appreciated nonetheless.
On day 21, Gerard opened his eyes for the first time. They were glassy and bloodshot, and Gerard looked around the room uninterested. He wasn’t all there, and it terrified Frank to the core. The doctors kept saying he was making progress, but Frank was growing impatient.
On day 22, Gerard spoke for the first time. It was barely audible, but he spoke.
“Frankie” Gerard said it over and over again in a mumble.
“I’m here baby, I’m here.” Frank said back to him, squeezing his hand. Gerard squeezed back and nodded back off.
On day 24 Gerard opened his eyes and looked at Frank and smiled. He was still out of it, but he acknowledged him.
“Frankie” He said a little clearer this time.
Frank kissed him on the forehead and cried on his chest when he fell back into unconsciousness.
It was on day 27 that Frank finally was able to grasp onto Gerard, the real Gerard. The Gerard that had left him almost a month ago. He was asleep next to him when he felt movement. Gerard was moving his arms, almost like trying to get comfortable. He whined when he tried to move and it caused him pain, making Frank shoot awake.
“Frankie?” Gerard asked.
“Gee? I’m here baby…” He said.
“Love you, Frankie. So sorry.” He said, almost in a sob.
Frank ran to the doorway and turned on the light to see Gerard looking back at him, his arms moved from there permanent place on the bed, to his chest.
“Gee?!” He yelped, running back over and sitting on the edge of the bed.
“I’m in the hospital…” Gerard said unknowingly, looking around the stark white room.
“Yeah, baby. But you’re ok now.” Frank said, grasping onto Gerard’s hand.
“I’m so sorry Frankie.” He said and held his arms out as much as possible for as weak as they were, for Frank to come into.
“I missed you so fucking much, Gee. 27 days I’ve been here, Gee. Please don’t leave me. I love you, please.” Frank cried into his arms.
“So sorry, Frankie. Love you.” Gerard slurred. He nodded back off to sleep, but he moved slightly throughout the night, reminding Frank that he was coming back to reality.
The next morning Frank woke up to Gerard stroking his hair like he would do when they were at home in bed together. He was almost able to forget where he was for a moment.
“Baby?” he shot up when he realized that Gerard was moving on his own.
“Hey Frankie.” He said. His voice was raspy and low for being underused, but it sounded like Gerard and it made Frank’s heart flutter. “Doctor was already in here, said I’m doing well.” He mumbled, smiling down at Frank.
“I slept through it?” Frank asked, sitting up.
“You moved a few times but I just rubbed your head and you were back out. You need sleep.” Gerard said, laughing lowly. Frank remembered the times Gerard would sooth him to sleep by rubbing his head and stringing his fingers in his hair.
“How are you feeling?”
“Stiff, sore.” He said, pushing himself up to sit slightly. “The doctor said I should be able to get out of bed as long as I’m feeling up to it, but I can’t walk very far.”
“I’ll help you.” Frank said instantly.
“You’ve done more than enough, Frankie. You need to go home. Have you left at all? How long has it been?” Gerard asked, worried.
“28 days today.” Frank responded, looking down. He knew Gerard would be disappointed if he knew how long he had stayed here with him.
“You’ve been here the whole time?! Frank!” He nearly yelled, as high as his voice would allow.
“I wasn’t going to leave you, Gee. I almost lost you. I couldn’t stand to be away from you!” He started to cry. “You almost left me, Gerard! How could you do that?!” He was sobbing at this point.
“I’m so sorry Frank, I just couldn’t hurt you anymore…” Gerard mumbled back.
“The only thing that would hurt me is you being gone. Please…I can’t live without you now. I can’t live the rest of my life knowing I could have had a future with you and I lost it. I don’t care about Bert or anything, I care about you. Don’t you get that?” Frank was nearly out of breath, he had been holding that in for 28 days.
“I’m here now, Frank. I’m not leaving you now. I made a mistake. I was wrong; I was trying to protect you.” Gerard cried, voice cracking.
“Protect me?! Fuck, Gerard!” He yelled, staring at him. “I don’t need you to fucking protect me. I put myself in this situation. I chose to be with you, and I’m choosing not to leave.”
Gerard sobbed, guilty. Frank pulled him into his arms and cried with him.
“It’s over now, Gee. I’m here and I’m not leaving. I promised that and I meant it. I love you.” Frank said into his shoulder.
“I promise I won’t ever leave you like this, Frank. I’m so sorry. I love you, too.”
“Swear?” Frank asked.
“I swear.”

It was another two weeks before Gerard was discharged from the hospital. He had to regain the strength in his arms and legs, and make sure he could eat and keep food down. Frank stayed with him, only leaving to sleep at Gerard’s demand.
“This feels awfully familiar.” Gerard snickered as they finally walked through the hospital doors.
“Is now the time for jokes, Gee?” Frank snapped back, giving him a piece of his own medicine.
“Shut up.” Gerard laughed and put his arm around Frank.
The weather was warmer now, early April, and the trees were beginning to grow their leaves back. Gerard normally would feel apathetic about this, but he was surprisingly optimistic. Frank seemed to like the weather, stripping his jacket off as soon as he felt the warmer air. Gerard could see the tattoos on his arms, bare and beautiful, and it was more stunning than any spring would ever be.
Frank helped Gerard into his car, much like Gerard had done a month earlier. There was an eerie silence that fell upon them as Frank got into the driver’s seat. It felt too familiar, yet so far away.
“How’s your arm Frankie?” Gerard asked.
“A lot better, still a little stiff in the morning, but nearly back to normal.” He said.
“I’m sorry, again.”
“It’s not your fault, Gerard.” Frank responded clearly.
“I know, I just can’t help but think if I hadn’t convinced you to go with me, things would have played out differently.” He said as Frank pulled out of the parking lot.
“Gee, you might be dead.” Frank sighed
“Yeah…” Gerard sighed.
“Don’t think like that. We’re safe now.”
“How do you know that? What if Bert comes after me again? After you? He’s sneaky, they won’t catch him.” He asked.
“He won’t…” Frank said.
“Frank?” Gerard knew there was something Frank wasn’t telling him.
“He’s in jail, Gee. There’s going to be a trial next month. They caught him while you were in the hospital; he was hiding out in Pennsylvania.”
“Oh…” Gerard said, he sounded relieved. “Why didn’t you tell me that?”
“Gee…we have to testify. I wanted to wait for you to get better to tell you.” Frank cocked a small reassuring smile at him, knowing Gerard might freak out at any second.
“Good.” It was all Gerard could say. He wasn’t scared of Bert, he was scared of killing him in the courtroom. He fucking shot Frank, Bert would be lucky to get out of there alive if Gerard showed up.
Gerard was done being the victim, the punching bag. He was fucking angry. He was tired of Bert being in control of his life even when he wasn’t in it. He wanted to testify, to everything. He wanted Bert in jail, or better yet, in the ground.
“What?” Frank questioned. He assumed Gerard would panic, would be scared. He didn’t seem any of those things right now.
“I want to testify. I want him to go away forever Frank, for what he did to me, to Mikey, to you. I’d kill him if I could get my hands on him. I’d fucking kill him!” He was nearly yelling in the car at this point. “I fucking hate him. I swear I’ll look him right in his fucking eyes and tell him what a piece of shit he is. I’ll tell the whole court what a monster he is and how much I wish he was rotting in the ground, but prison is the next best thing. I’ll tell them what he did to me, and how wrong he was. I’ll tell them.” Gerard’s face was red, he was more angry than anything else for the first time in his life and it felt good. He wasn’t the victim anymore, he would be the prosecutor. He would be the one to put Bert where he belonged, forever.
“I love you, Gerard.” Frank said, smiling at him. “Bert was wrong, and he’s going to be in jail where he can’t hurt you anymore.”
They pulled into Gerard’s apartment complex where Lindsey, Jamia and Mikey were waiting for him outside with balloons. Gerard hopped out of the car and nearly ran to them, taking each one into a hug individually.
“I fucking missed you guys.” He said, smiling.

Notes

I promised no major character deaths. :)