I'll let you go

Chapter 12
Gerard’s p.o.v

“Hand in mine into your icy blues, and then I’d say to you could take to the high way, with this trunk of ammunition too…”
My voice rings out clearly through the recording room, my unfinished project seemingly quite good. The guys were out on the stage, practicing the sound of earlier songs I had written.
I'm trying, I'm trying, to let you know how much you mean, ass days fade and nights grow, and we grow cold….”
My voice cuts off at that, because that's all I have so far. I sing around a little, bit trying to figure out what sounded right, but it never sounded quite right. I throw my hands up in frustration, managing to send the pen I hand in hand fly across the room.
I groan and run my hands through my hair, leaning back in my chair. I sit for a second before I hear the door open, revealing a very pleased looking Frank. When he see’s me his gaze soften, becoming sympathetic and loving.
“You okay baby?” He asks, crossing the room and sitting in my lap. I run my hands along his hips, kissing his forehead lightly.
“Mhmm. Just trying to write this song….” I say smiling lovingly at him. He nodded and smiled, looking up at me playfully.
“We should go somewhere.” He states, a knowing smile on his lips.
“Oh, yeah? Where?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.
“Mmm, do you remember the place you’d took me to, after you’d gotten in a fight with Don and Donna?” He asks, looking me in the eyes. I did, actually, I went there once after Frank had left and I couldn't take it. It was only a couple weeks after he had left, so after I weant there, I shot some heroin up my arm.I’d never regretted anything more in my entire life, but I did a lot more after that.
“Yeah,” I say, a lump in my throat. Thinkin about my drug abuse was probably one of the couple thing that was able to immediately make me cry. “Yeah, I do.”
“Are you okay? Did I say something?” He asks concernedly, his face a little pained.
“No, no, it's just...I think that’d be a good idea. I need to make amends with that place.” I say, nodding a little. He looked me concernedly and questioningly, not hiding the confusion at all.
“Why? What happened?” He questions, putting his face close enough to mine that ppur noses were touching.
“I’ll tell you when we get there. We’ll have to get a babysitter though, because I know Cherry isn’t down for a four hour ride.” I whisper, getting closer to my face.
“Will do. Just us then…” He trails off, making our lips finally collide. I gently move my lips against his, finding it concerning how fast my heart was beating. I should be used to how amazing this felt by now, right?
Then again, what else would I be thanking God for every day?
*
*
*
The next day we set off, Cherry at Andy’s Mikey fully aware of where we were going. He was concerned to say the least, because he knew what had happened the last time I went there. It was the first time I’d ever taken a drug that literally made me see and hear things, fucked me up so bad I didn't think I’d ever be the same.
We were about thirty minutes away, but Frank was quite restless. It was around twelve, and it was quite sunny out. The windows were rolled all the way down, causing the wind to blow in our faces as background music played, and really, it would have been quite a cliche if it wasn't for what happened next.
“You're really fucking hot, y’know? Especially with the wind blowing in your face like that. It’s kind of turning me on.” He said all to casually, making my eyes bulge.
“Frank!” I say, blushing a little.

*SMUT WARNING*

“What? I know you're not too innocent to hear that. In fact, I bet you’d let me blow you right now.” He says, shrugging a little. I sputter a little, before coming to the realization he’s right.
“Yeah. you're the one who’d have an issue with it.” I retort, keeping my eyes on the road. I hear Frank snort, soon followed by his hands palming me through my pants. I feel myself get hard almost immediately, because fuck, Frank knew how to turn me on.
“Roll up the windows. The last thing I need is for your cum to get in my hair.” He says seriously, making me do it. He unzips my pants and pulls my boxers down, making my dick spring free.
“Your so big, baby.” He says, leaning down to enclose his mouth around my fully hard cock. He licked up the shaft before pressing his tongue roughly onto my clit, making me moan.
“Fuck, sugar.” I moan out, throwing my head back, but managing to keep my eyes on the deserted road. He bobs his head up and down repeatedly, making me moan involuntarily.
“Come on Gee, fuck my mouth.” He moans, pulling off my cock for a second. I moan and nod, but I know he can't see me. He slides his mouth back onto my dick, and I don't hesitant to buck u into his mouth. This was probably really dangerous, but fuck, I wanted it so bad. I continue to thrust my hips up, the gagging sound he was making keeping me going.
“Fuck Frank, I need to pull over. Off for a second baby.” I pant, making him obey.
I pull over the car quickly, my cock still fully out.
“I wanna fuck you, baby, okay? Will you sit on my cock?” I pant, making him nod vigorously. He pulls his shoes, jeans, and finally underwear off, fully exposing his erection.
“Is your cock wet enough to wear I can just ease it in?” He asks, looking eagerly at me. I nod, making him grin and pounce on me. He hovers over my dick as I line up with his ass, making him gently slide on. He moans at the stretch, taking a while to adjust.
Soon he starts bouncing up and down on me, moaning as he does so.
“Fuck, Gee, you make me so horny.” He monas, throwing his head back. I begin to meet his thrust, making him let out a loud moan. I pant as I thrust into him, making the entire car rock. I speed up, looking for his prostate, knowing i’ve found it when I hear him let out the biggest, sluttiest moan ever.
“Your such a good slut Frankie, you like my cock, huh? Couldn't wait until tonight to fuck me?” I mona out, making him whine and nod.
“I’m you dlut though Gee, just want you cock.” He moans out, speeding up. I feel a familiar tightening at the bottom up my stomach, followed by an amazing feeling that's fills me body making me moan Franks name.
“I’m close baby.” I pant, speeding up even more. He lets out a moan, followed by a ‘me too’. I hit his prostate repeatedly, just as I feel myself cum into his ass. I start to jack him off faster, making him cum into my hand with a nother sexy, slutty moan.

*SMUT OVER*

“I’m almost positive that was illegal.” I pant, cleaning myself up with napkins from the center console.
“It should be illegal for you too be this fucking hot.” He says, trying to catch his breath. He pulls his clothes back on, grinning as he does so.
It takes me a second to really realise what we just did, and when I do I immediately get pissed of. We cou’d have fucking crashed! We could have died, just like Bert, just like Linda! I sit for a second before opening the car door and slamming it, letting out a string of curse words.
I run my hands through my hair before hearing another car door shut.
“Gee? What's wrong?” He asks, rather monotonically. I curse again, kicking at the ground, taking a second before answering.
“I was going to let you give me a blow job when I was drivng. We could have crashed, Frank.” I say,looking out into the distance. He doesn’t speak for a while, and I assume he just got back into the car or something, but when I turn around he’s still there.
“Why does it still bother you so much?” He asks, looking down at the ground.
“Did, did you just- I can't even begin to answer that, Frank! I heard your skull when it collided with the window! I still hear all of our scheme in my dreams, Frank! I killed a man in a fucking car crash, and quite frankly, a car crash is what took you away from me! So, Frank, why the fuck doesn't it bother you?!” I shout, throwing my hands into the air. He stares at me a second, tears welling in his eyes, before turning back to the car. He slams the door loudly, making me get in after him.
“Take me home.” He demands, staring straight ahead with his arms crossed.
“What?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows and giving him an ‘Are you insane’ look.
“Take me home, now.” He demands, a little more roughly this time.
“Were thirty minutes away, Frank.” I say matter of factly, making him shoot me a glare.
“I don't care Gerard, take me home.” He says forcefully. I just sigh angrily and obey, turning the car around and beginning to drive. Frank turns the music up all the same and leans against the window, only to fall asleep ten minutes later.
When I know he’s asleep, I turn the car around, back toward our place. I needed to see it, and quite frankly, I needed him to see it to.
I drive fastly toward it, rolling my window back down, feeling a rush of release in my body. It takes twenty minutes to get there, half the time it should’ve.
When I reach it, I practically throw myself out of the car, resulting in me on my knees, facing the hot sun. I force myself back up, looking over at the small frame curled up against the window. I decide to leave him, with all the windows down except for his own.
I venture over to the big willow tree, that noticeably got bigger. I sit down in the same place I had years ago, only Frank inst in my lap this time. I heave a sigh, let it fall rapidly from my mouth. I feel a rush of emotions, which resulted in my eyes welling up, and eventually spilling over my face.
Sobs leave my lips, but I can't tell if they’re happy or sad sobs. I leans against the tree and bury my face into my hands. Loud, angry sobs tear from my lips, and I feel the wetness of my tears begin to drench my hands. I shake violently, and then I realise why.
I hadn't felt this way in a long, long time.
This was the feeling of wanting to abuse drugs once again, the feeling someone never got rid of since they felt a high like that more than once.
This was me wanting drugs again.
I rip up form the place i'm in, running to the car. I cry louder as I get it, and begin to bang my head against the steering wheel. I’m practically wailing as I then feel two arms wrap around my stomach, making me look over to the passenger's seat.
Frank concerned face startles me, as he hugs me from behind.
“Gerard, calm down baby. Calm down.” He says gently, rubbing my back.
“Why’d I do it Frank?” I wail, tears blurring my vision. “Why’d I take those drugs? I’m fucked for the rest of my life.”
“Shh, baby, you’re okay, we're okay. Every thing’ll be fine.” He tells me, calming me slightly. I still cry, but I manage to stop sobbing so violently.
“Sit in my lap babe?” Frank says, looking pleadingly at me. I nod vigorously, climbing over to him. I wrap my arms around his neck and put legs on either side of him.
“What's wrong baby?” He asks, kissing my forehead as tears continue to run down my face.
“I-I…” I sputter, my sobs soaking through my words.
“Baby, slow down.” He says, pushing hair out of my face. I nod and slow my breathing, clutching onto him.
“The last...the last time I was here...was the first time I had ever done serious drugs. Like, heroin. I was here a couple weeks after you left, and I just...remembered the way the sun hit your face, and how beautiful you looked, and I needed to, and I still want drugs. I still want that, and i'm so afraid of how much I want it.” I state, sobs taking over my voice. He looks at me, obviously shook by my declaration.
“Gerard, baby, will you move off my lap for a second?” He asks, making me sob harder. He didn't want me anymore.
“Baby, shh.” He says as I remove myself from his lap. He immediately gets out of the car, rushing around to the trunk and opening it. He rummages around for a second, before grabbing something and shutting the trunk. He comes back to the passengers side, revealing a picnic basket.
“C’mon baby.” He says gently, reaching out to me. “Wanna piggy back ride?”
“You sure? Im heavy.” I say, still crying. He nods and turns around, kneeling so I could get on his back. I move closer and wrap my arms and legs around him, squeaking a little when he got up. We walk over to the tree, the only sound being my sniffling.
“You're not heavy babe.” He tells me when we reach the tree. I shrug as he puts me down.
He begins to set a big blanket down and reveals a huge sandwich, a little larger than the ones at subway.
He reveals some starbucks drinks, the ones in the glass bottles, and some plates. By now I'm calm for the most part, just the occasional sniffle. He puts the sandwich, that then realized is cut in half, on two different plates and sets one in front of me.
“Can I sit on your lap?” I ask suddenly, breaking the silence. He grins and nods, patting his lap enthusiastically. I smile and move over to him, sitting between his legs that were spread apart. I wasn't really on his lap, but close enough.
My back was up against his chest, and his back was on our willow tree. We ate in silence for a while, each of us staring off into the distance, enjoying the light breeze.
“I love you.” He says suddenly, kissing the back of my head.
“I love you too. I'm sorry I blew up today.” I say gently, keeping my eyes on the sun.
“It’s okay, love. I know why you were so upset, I had just accepted that they were gone a long time ago, y’know?” He says, something unidentifiable in his voice.
“I still have that scar.” I state, shrugging against him.
“What scar?” H questions, confusion clear in his voice.
“The one on my eyebrow. You can't really tell unless someone points it out.” I respond, turning around to show him. He looks intently at my eyebrow before nodding upon seeing it.
“It's kind of attractive, though, y’know?” He tells me, brushing his hand over it. I smile and put my plate down, now fully facing him. I lie my head on his chest and wrap my arms around his waist. Our legs tangle together, and I hear him sigh contently.
I breathe in his scent, coffee and ivory, and something very sweet, something very Frank.

Notes