It's Only Just A Dream

Gerard didn't know what to expect when it was finally time for him to leave. His new uniform was scratchy and uncomfortable, not to mention the wrong size. They were hand-me-downs from Mikey - who had already been attending the high school for three years and would be starting senior year at the same time that Gerard would be starting freshman year. Mikey was long and thin whereas Gerard was shorter and had broader shoulders, so the black slacks dragged along floor and the sleeves of his navy blue blazer covered his hands whilst being tight around his chest and stomach.

He grimaced at his reflection in the floor to ceiling mirror in Mikey's room. This uniform was so ugly. He didn't even know why the school enforced uniforms; it wasn't a good school. It was anything but a good school, and it wasn't as if the classy blazer and stripy tie was fooling anyone. They all knew what a dump that place was... even Gerard's Mother knew what a dump she was sending her child into...

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad though, Gerard thought. After all, he was Mikey Way's younger brother, and that had to earn him some sort of grudging respect, right? Gerard wasn't stupid. He knew all about Mikey's extra curricular activities and the gangs. Gerard knew all about the gangs, although Mikey had never mentioned it. He supposed it was just one of those things children knew where adults were blissfully oblivious; it didn't have to be mentioned. It was unspoken of in their household, but whenever Gerard and Mikey were alone, the older would do nothing but bitch and moan about Frank Iero.

Gerard guessed he was the leader of Mikey's opposing gang. While Mikey had never mentioned his gang, he didn't mind talking about his sworn enemy: Frank Iero. Just the name alone was enough to cause Mikey's face to twist up in hate, his lip to curl in disgust, so Gerard never asked about him, or school. Gerard never asked about school, and now he was about to go there, and he was terrified.

"Gerard?" There came a muffled question followed by a distressed groan from under the bed covers, and Gerard turned to see his older brother's face peeking out at him from under his Star Wars sheets. He couldn't help but grin; here was the fear of high school, the talk of the entire student body, his older, very intimidating older brother, hiding under his nerdy bed sheets with the glasses he refused to wear to school on crooked and his fringe clipped back with one of their mother's hair grips (he insisted it was because it was getting annoying every time it fell in his face, but Gerard suspected it was just to keep the style in overnight.)

"What're you doing up so early?" Mikey asked, rubbing his head and wincing from what was probably a killer hangover. Gerard just hoped their Mother wouldn't get so protective that she insisted on driving them both to school. Intimidating brother or no intimidating brother, nothing would be more embarrassing than having his Mother fussing over him in front of everybody at his brand new school.

"It's not early." Gerard admitted, turning back to face the mirror and watch Mikey's reflection. "We have to leave in twenty minutes. You don't have time for a shower."

"Doesn't matter." Mikey shrugged casually and threw the covers back, swinging a leg over the side of the bed. "I look fucking fabulous anyway." He laughed and Gerard giggled too, unsure whether the older boy was trying to make Gerard feel better on his first day of school or if he really was that narcissistic. Then he caught sight of a flash of bright red fabric sticking out from under Mikey's pillow... and blushed bright red when he saw the garment was actually a piece of ladies underwear.

"Was— uh, was Alicia here last night?" Gerard asked, stumbling over his words as he inspected his new shoes. They were the one thing of his new school uniform that was actually his; his Father had taken him out shoe shopping yesterday afternoon to get a pair that fit him and that would be suitable for school. Mikey always wore Converse to school, despite it being against school rules...

Mikey was so cool. He was street smart as well as book smart. Everybody liked him— well, almost everybody. Frank Iero and his gang excluded— and he didn't care about rules or consequences. He was so cool, and Gerard wished he could be like that. He wished he could be popular and unafraid and willing to break the rules instead of being frightened of every little thing people said or did or the judgements they might make. He wished he could be like Mikey.

"No," Mikey went red and moved the pillow so the bra was completely covered up. Gerard swallowed and sighed, resisting the urge to shake his head in despair. "So you don't say anything about this, you understand? I love her; she doesn't need to know about this."

Gerard rolled his eyes, pushing his irritation to the back of his mind. Alicia really didn't deserve half the shit Mikey put her through, let alone the stuff that went on behind her back, but Gerard would never tell her. He wouldn't grass his brother up. Mikey had told him stories about what happened to snitches... he wasn't going to let that be him, even though he doubted Mikey would beat him up like he had that other guy...

Still, the thought was unpleasant.

"Maybe you should treat her like you love her then?" Gerard suggested bitterly, but he knew Mikey knew he didn't mean anything by it. He and Alicia were friends, and Gerard obviously didn't want her to get hurt in anyway, but he'd never tell his older brother what to do, and not because he was afraid of him. He respected Mikey. Everyone respected Mikey...

"Whatever. Just don't tell her, 'kay?" Mikey grumbled and threw the covers back, revealing the black pair of boxers he'd thrown on last night - after Brittney or Sally or Whoever-the-Fuck he had over last night left - for decency's sake. "Now get lost - I have to get dressed. Go help Mom or something."

Gerard rolled his eyes, but left. He didn't want to make Mikey mad at him on his first day of high school; he needed Mikey there to protect him from anyone who might want to beat him up. Aside from the obvious answer of being Mikey Way's little brother - the Mikey Way that half the school alternately loved or loathed - there were several traits about Gerard that made him a bully's first target. It started happening in middle school where, if Mikey and his friends hadn't been there to stand up for him, he would surely have become the bullies new punching bag. Gerard was sure that his brother would beat the shit out of anyone who gave him hassle, but he didn't want to become the most unpopular guy in school. He didn't want to be that loser who relied upon his big brother to keep him safe...

Gerard hurried down the stairs and into the kitchen where he found his Mother standing at the sink with her arms elbow-deep in soapy water. He rolled his sleeves up and made towards the washing up, sharing the workload because he knew Mom was worried about him. Hell, he was worried about himself, but he didn't want her to know that or she'd find some excuse to keep him home for the day. They'd had a row about it last night where Donna had suggested he go in a few days later than everybody else and Gerard had tried explaining that the only thing worse than joining a new school would be joining a new school on his own. Mom just didn't seem to understand; Mikey came to Gerard's defence which he always did - saying he knew what high school was like freshman year and that Gerard would stand out like a "sore fucking thumb" if he went in on Wednesday instead of Monday. Then of course Dad had to go to Mom's defence because "it wasn't fair to hair two against one" and Mikey had effectively ended the screaming match by storming off to his room and blasting heavy metal music on maximum volume. Gerard had been sure his ears were going to start bleeding, but it stopped their parents from going on at Gerard about dangers and bullies and worrying, so he was grateful.

It wasn't like he didn't appreciate his Mother's concern, because he really did. They just didn't understand what school was like these days. They'd grown up with a different generation of high schoolers, where all you had to do to become popular was own a car or hand out mint sweets to everybody a few times a week. It was more complicated nowadays: you had to look right, act right, speak well, know the right people, disassociate yourself from the wrong people...

Gerard had a feeling people would know as soon as they saw him that he was the wrong kind of person.

"I'm sorry Mom," Gerard sighed finally, relenting and apologising first. He was sure he hadn't actually done anything wrong, but if apologising meant that the stony silence between his Mother and he then he would happily swallow his pride. "I didn't mean to yell at you yesterday."
Mom turned to him, smiling sadly, and reached a wet, soapy hand up to tuck a strand of greasy black hair behind her son's ear. The action left soap bubbles in Gerard's hair that he would have to remember to get rid of before he got to school, but he felt that brushing them away now would somehow offend his Mother.

"That's okay Baby. I didn't mean to upset you the day before school..." she trailed off, biting her lip. Gerard rolled his eyes at the embarrassing pet name she used for him, and because the only reason she was feeling guilty was because she thought she might have ruined his first day of school, but still embraced her readily when she opened her arms to him. He hoped she didn't get his new uniform wet; that wouldn't be a great first impression.

"S'fine. Don't worry about it."

"But -" Mom went to say something, but before she could Mikey burst into the room closely followed by their Dad. They appeared to be having some sort of arguement; to an outsider it might seem serious but Gerard and his Mother could tell they were just having one of their playful fights. "Boys will be boys," Mom would turn and say to Gerard whenever she caught them arguing over nothing, and Gerard would laugh and nod and never ask why he was not referred to as a boy whenever he fought with Mikey. Was it because he was too feminine? Did he look too sissy? Was there something wrong with him?

"I'm telling you Dad," Mikey said firmly, his mouth twitching as he struggled to hold back his grin. "If you even try and ground me this year I'll make sure I crash your car until it's a fucking write-off!"

Their Mother tutted at Mikey's language but said nothing; she'd come to realise her son was capable of worse things than swearing a long time ago.

"Why would you be driving my car in the first place if you have your own?" Dad countered, eyebrow raised in good humour as he argued with his eldest son.

"Well I'm not gonna smash up my own car, am I?" Mikey smirked, and then cast a glance over to his Mother. He ambled, somewhat sheepishly, over to her and put an arm around her shoulder cautiously. "Don't worry Mom, your car would go unharmed."

It was, Gerard supposed, an apology of sorts for taking Gerard's side in the argument last night as oppose to hers, and for blasting his music so loud that the neighbours sent Donna dissaproving looks when she took out the garbage the next morning. It was the best apology anyone would get out of Mikey, and their Mother was one of two people who Mikey would ever apologise to. Their Mother and Gerard.

"Thanks Mikes," Donna rolled her eyes. "That means so much to me."

"Yeah well, don't get used to it. C'mon Gee," he spun around, turning to face the younger boy. "We have to leave now or we won't get there ten minutes early, and I know you're anal about getting everywhere early, so move it."

Gerard blushed and scowled at the same time, pissed at Mikey for making fun of him. Didn't every kid want to make a good first impression on their teachers by arriving on time— or in Gerard's case, ten minutes early? Or was this just another example of how "different", how "special" Gerard was? Would what was supposed to make his teachers like him actually just make them pity him? Make the other students laugh at him? He didn't want that. He just wanted to escape the scrutiny of his peers at high school, just wanted to hide under the radar of bullies, just wanted to go unnoticed...

But of course that wasn't going to happen, because he was Mikey Way's brother.

***

Frank honestly hadn't intended to get caught up in a fight with Mikey Way so soon into the new year. He wouldn't go as far as to say he wanted his senior year to be less about mindless violence and more about good education, but he hadn't mean to stir up trouble on the first day back. The rivalry between Way's gang and Frank's own gang had peaked during summer break due to a minor incident involving Ray Toro, Gabe Saporta and a banged up motor bike. Frank
still wasn't sure who had started the fight but Ray swore up and down that it was Gabe who threw the first punch, and Ray was a trustworthy guy.

He'd have to be, to be a part of Frank's gang.

Frank honestly hadn't meant to start a fight so soon, but he was famous for having no brain to mouth filter, so when he saw the sexy black haired boy trailing adoringly after Mikey Way as he strutted up the school hallway, Frank's mouth was already opening in a catcall before he had a chance to think about the repercussions.

Looking back on it, it probably wasn't the best idea to wolf-whistle and call out lewd, sexual remarks to someone clearly associated with Mikey Way - either the kid was a relative of Way's or he was an infatuated fanboy intent on stalking the dude - but Frank just couldn't stop himself. The guy was hot, and Frank was never one to deny himself the pleasure of observing beautiful people.

He must have been new, because Frank had never seen him before and he prided himself on knowing everybody in the school. He was probably a freshman; not just because Frank didn't recognise him but because of his nervous disposition. He walked with his head down, one arm wrapped around his stomach and the other hand clutching at the strap of the messenger bag flung across his shoulder. If he was about to walk into someone he must have seen their feet coming towards him, because he looked up through his hair and shuffled out of the way, but he never seemed to let Mikey Way out of his sight. He looked up, just a little, every ten seconds as though to make sure Way hadn't evaded him.

Frank guessed he was a relative of Mikey's, because he knew Way wouldn't let some obsessive, infatuated, stalker fanboy follow him around school without publicly humiliating him in whatever way he deemed fit. This time, Mikey seemed just as nervous as his stalker; he kept looking over his shoulder to check he was still following.

He really couldn't help himself. The crowds were parting to get out of Mikey's path and Frank was just there, leaning against the wall surrounded by a few of his friends, watching the whole thing and the words had left his mouth before he could even consider the consequences.

"I wouldn't mind a piece of that." Frank said obnoxiously and loudly, loud enough for everyone in the corridor to hear. The kid flinched and seemed to shrink away from the direction which Frank's voice was coming from like he knew he was the one being talked about. Either that or he just didn't like the raised voice and the way everyone else seemed to go quiet at those words. Frank stared directly at the kid the wholeness time, except once for approximately two seconds to glance at Mikey to see his reaction.

As it was, Mikey stopped dead in his tracks and Frank heard Ray sigh loudly from his position on Frank's right. Mikey turned slowly to face Frank, his hands closing into fists and his jaw set. He glanced over at the sexy kid following him, just a brief glance like he didn't want anybody to notice, but Frank noticed, and he could practically see Mikey's inner dilemma. Stay silent and let Frank get away with his comment or start a fight and draw even more notice to the quiet, sexy, frightened boy following him. He looked like he didn't want to do either, but this was Mikey Way, Frank's rival since forever, and Frank knew which option he would choose.

"Excuse you?" Mikey challenged, stepping towards Frank ominously as though he expected the other to back away in fear of him. Frank sneered; Mikey Way needed to be put back in his place. "If you've got something to say Frank, please, speak up."

He threw up his arms dramatically to gesture to the entire hall of people - standing in awed, rapturous silence as they eagerly awaited a fight - even though it may as well have only been Frank there. Frank, and the quiet, sexy, frightened boy who had slowly crept closer to Mikey and was hovering behind him nervously. The terrified little glances he kept giving Frank were enough to tell him the kid knew who he was - and didn't like him much. It was more likely that he was afraid of Frank than that he didn't like him, but Frank supposed the two went hand in hand.

"Nothing to say to you, but if you give us a few minutes I'm sure I could think of a few things to say to your friend there."

Frank smirked at Mikey so he'd know exactly what kinds of things he was thinking of saying, and he revelled in the way Mikey's face grew red with rage and his lip curled in hate. One peek at the kid, though, and Frank felt a small twinge of guilt. It was tiny and so foreign to Frank - he hadn't felt guilt or regret in a long time - that he was shocked. The kid was looking up at Frank with wide eyes and a red face, black hair hanging limply over his face as he shot anxious glances around the hallway. He looked like the type that wanted to sink into his surroundings and not make a spectacle of himself, and Frank had effectively ruined that chance by bringing attention to him. He shouldn't have done that... the kid didn't deserve that.

Or maybe Frank needed to toughen the fuck up. He'd obviously softened up over summer break, and that wasn't a good thing when you were in Frank's situation.

Mikey took three long strides over to Frank until he was right there in front of Frank's face and Ray was stepping forward as though to protect Frank, as though he wouldn't be able to defend himself. Mikey's gaze flickered to Ray briefly before he gave all his attention to Frank, still wearing that disgusted sneer that anyone who had pissed Mikey Way off had grown used to. It used to scare Frank; now it just amused him, and he was able to use his indifference to antagonise his rival.

"I'm warning you Iero, you'd better stay the fuck away from my brother or I will personally beat the shit out of you." Mikey threatened, getting so close to Frank's face that Frank could see how bloodshot the other's eyes were, and how full of rage they were. This was unlike Mikey - the man was always so calm and collected, always getting others to do his dirty work or make threats on his behalf, and here he was losing his cool over some kid - over his brother.

The two must be close, Frank reasoned, for one little remark to set Mikey off. They must be close for Mikey to break his habits to protect the kid. Frank grinned, thinking of all the ways he could exploit their kinship, all the ways he could beat Mikey Way.

God, since when did his life become so centred on ruining someone else's? When did his sole purpose become beating another kid?— Not just another kid, but another kid who had done nothing to him when Frank decided to start hating him.

But that didn't matter now. All that mattered now was the fact that everybody in the hallwaywas watching him, they were all waiting to see how he would put Mikey down now he'd been threatened, waiting with baited breath to see how he would react - and who was Frank to deny them what they wanted?

"Go ahead Mikey - 'personally beat the shit out of me' - and get sent away to juvie so fast your head spins. Just gives me more opportunities, right?" Frank's tongue darted out of his mouth and wetted his dry lips; a nervous habit of his that he had never been able to get rid of. He didn't want to break eye contact with Mikey - didn't want to lose their staring contest - but he was unable to resist glancing at Mikey's little brother. Mikey followed his view and growled.

"You son of a bitch!" Mikey hissed, drawing his fist back as he prepared to strike. Frank readied himself for a blow, even though he knew Ray would either tackle Mikey to the ground or step in front of him before the fist even made contact with Frank's face. But Ray never got that chance, and Mikey never punched Frank, because the kid stepped in the way.

Or at least, he kind of stepped in the way. He rushed to Mikey's side and grabbed his arm, stopping him from taking a swing at Frank, and then pointedly avoided the older boy's eyes, opting instead to talk in hushed whispers to his brother.

Frank could just make out some of what he was saying, but that was only because he was standing so close to the brothers. He also knew that nobody else, apart from Ray who was standing nearly shoulder to shoulder with Frank, would be able to hear, and that, he supposed, was the kid's intention.

"Mikey, please just leave it, okay?" He was saying, tugging urgently on Mikey's sleeve in the way that an infant wanting to attract it's parent's attention might. "Please, just don't get in trouble already. It's the first day; you know Mom'll kill you if you get into trouble on the first day. Please just leave it?" He finished off his plea with one final tug on Mikey's arm until he managed to pull it back down to his side, well away from Frank's face and the possibility of their Mother murdering him, and then breathed a sigh of relief when Mikey shrugged and stepped away.

"Watch your mouth, Iero." Mikey warned in parting, before spinning on his heel and walking towards his locker, where Gabe Saporta and Pete Wentz were no doubt waiting obediently for
their leader. "C'mon Gee." He called over his shoulders.

The kid - Gee - looked up at Frank for approximately half a second, fear and confusion evident in his stare, before he ducked his head and followed after his brother. Frank tried his best not to feel bad when he noticed everyone else was gawking at Gee and whispering - he'd definitely killed any chance the kid had at fitting in now - and shrugged it off. Beckoning to Ray, who had ambled over to where Bob was standing a few feet away, and proceeded to walk off in the direction of his first lesson.

***

After the expected struggle of finding his first four classes and the unexpected struggle of giving an introductory speech to his fellow students, Gerard was grateful to head into the welcoming warmth of the cafeteria. Gerard had heard terrifying tales of the awful, poisonous food they sold at school, but after asking Mikey his opinion on the subject and learning that those tales were just bullshit rumours meant to scare the freshman, he felt safe to eat something.

Jingling the few coins he had in the palm of his hand, he shuffled from foot to foot nervously. He was way to anxious to eat a whole meal, but maybe he could purchase a bread roll or an apple or something equally light. While he waited, his eyes scanned the room for any sign of his older brother.

It wasn't had to find Mikey; he was, after all, the leader, and Gerard wasn't surprised to see him surrounded by a large group of people. Alicia was sitting on his lap feeding him fries one by one off of her tray and Pete and Patrick seemed to both be talking at once, yelling over each other and vying for their leader's attention. It made Gerard feel uncomfortable how much power he had here at school. It wasn't like Gerard wanted to distance himself from his brother - quite the opposite, he was relying on relying on Mikey to protect him - but being the younger brother of Mikey Way had it's cons.

One of them being that it meant there was no way Gerard could sink under the radar; he would constantly be open for bullying or gossip, and that was an unpleasant thought. He really did doubt anyone would actually attack him, knowing that there would be a team of fighters to beat them back if they did, but it still made Gerard feel bad knowing that half the school probably wanted to bash his head in purely because of who he was related to.

Thinking about this led his train of thought back to Frank Iero, and the way he had talked about Gerard. It made him blush fiercely even now, but it also gave him a small glimmer of hope. Unless Frank had been messing around - which was highly possible— when he made those... remarks about Gerard, it didn't sound like he wanted to hurt him. Attention in the form of people being attracted to you, even if said person was your kin's mortal enemy, was better than the attention of dangerous thugs and bullies. At least, Gerard thought it was.

Gerard was able to buy an apple and escape the queue without anything else before the people behind him got impatient and decided they needed to teach him a lesson. His gaze settled on Mikey once again and he found himself walking towards his brother's table, clutching his apple in one hand and his bag strap in the other. He knew he'd feel awkward if he didn't have something to hold onto, so he dug his fingernails into both items until he felt the soft flesh of the fruit break and the juice ran over his fingers.

He coughed when he was standing behind Mikey, but over the roaring of the cafeteria he went unheard and unnoticed. Reaching out the hand that wasn't holding onto his food for dear life, he tapped his brother on the shoulder once, attracting the attention of not only Mikey but also the entire table. His face went red and his throat closed up; he found that now, when he was put under so much scrutiny and inspection, he had nothing to say.

"Um," was all Gerard could manage before Mikey sighed loudly and stood up, bouncing Alicia off his lap somewhat unceremoniously and in a way that showed off her underwear. She didn't seemed upset by it though - she just giggled and blushed and blew a kiss to her (cheating) boyfriend as he led Gerard away from his group of friends.

"Look Gee," Mikey began in a tired voice. "You can't sit with me."

Gerard frowned, confused. He could easily pull up another chair and merge into the background of his friends conversation. He wasn't going to say anything at all, let alone anything that could embarrass Mikey. He would stay silent and polite and wouldn't speak unless spoken to; there was nothing stopping him from sitting with his brother, which must have meant that Mikey didn't want him to sit at his table.

"I don't get it." Gerard mumbled, looking down and returning his spare hand to his bag strap, his elbow bent as his fingers played with a loose piece of thread attached to it. Why couldn't he just sit there and not do anything? It wasn't like he particularly wanted to sit with Mikey's group - they were loud and obnoxious and scary - but he would rather do that than sit on his own.

"Goddamnit Gerard." Mikey groaned again, rubbing his face with his hand. Gerard risked a glance at Mikey's table and saw that all eyes were on them; thankfully they were far enough away do that their conversation was private. "You're my little brother and I love you, and you know I'll beat the shit out of anyone who hurts you, right? But you can't sit with us."

"Why not?"

"Because! Because you'll make my friends uncomfortable - you're just a freshman and you're not..." Mikey stepped closer to Gerard and whispered, "in the gang. I know you and I know what you'll do; you'll sit there and not say anything which will really creep them out."

Gerard opened his mouth to argue, although he had no idea what he was going to say because everything Mikey just said was true, but he was cut off before he could say anything.

"You need to make some friends in your own year, and you can't do that if you're always with me. I'm sorry - I am! - but you can't sit with me, Gee." With that, Mikey walked off leaving Gerard offended and worried. Now he was either going to have to find somebody to sit next to or sit on his own. Neither of them sounded like brilliant options, but since he hadn't made any friends at all in any of his classes so far and the only person he actually spoke to aside from Mikey and his teacher's was a girl in his chemistry class - he said "sure" when she said "pass the hydrochloric acid" - it looked like he was spending his lunchtime alone.

He sighed and kept his head down as he trudged to an empty table in the corner of the room. He felt like everybody was watching him, and he didn't dare look up to confirm his suspicions.

Dumping his bag at his feet, he pulled out a tatty, worn copy of The Shining and began to read, never once letting go of the apple slowly being crushed in his other hand.

When the bell went for the end of lunch a half hour later, Gerard jumped up and sped towards to exit before his brother or anybody else could catch up with him, throwing the uneaten fruit into the trash on his way out.

Notes

So I'm really excited about this new story - I'd love some feedback so please comment and vote if you like it, and of you don't like it tell me what I could do to make it better!
Enjoy! <3