Brother (Frerard)

"It's fucking tense already," I explain, blowing smoke into the air. "Everything is so different. I'm scared. I did it again. I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I tried not to do it"
...
"I missed him so much, you know? I still care about him. I'm sorry. You know I love him. I love you too. Now she calls him Gee. That's not fucking fair. That was mine," I whinge in a childish tone. "I love him."

The second the words leave my lips I sense there is someone in the room, but my back is turned and I don't dare to look, just incase it's spiteful, rude, life-ruining Lindsey.

"I should go. Talk soon. I love you too."

I hang up and throw my phone on the coffee table and bring my mug back to my lips, taking a big gulp of delicious, now cold liquid.
"Can I join you?" A voice asks. I look around to see Gerard standing awkwardly in the doorway of the room almost as if he is in someone else's house and not his own. The sight is comical and cute.
"Yeah dude," I tell him and Gerard steps over my mess pile of stuff that I once again attempted to unpack, deciding I'm going to officially stay a few days, before giving and resorting the rather comfy chair.
"Who was that?" he questions curiously.
"Jamia. Were you there long?" My mind races curiosity and the want to know exactly how much he heard, but I can't bring myself to ask."
"Long enough. Can I pinch one of my own smokes off you?"
"Fuck, of course. Sorry," I apologise and hand him one, our fingers brushing lightly in the pass, causing a pulse through my body.
"It's fine. I don't care. I said there were yours if you needed them. Are you okay?"
"Yeah,"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Okay?"
"What were you talking about? What is it you did that you tried not to? Were you talking about me?"
"That's three questions," I point out trying to avoid them all. We were talking about us Gee. I can't tell you what I did. I can't bare to see the pain on your face when you know the truth. The same pain I had on mine when I found out the truth two years ago.
"You're right, sorry Frankie,"
"Don't," I breathe heavily. "Frank, It's just Frank,"
"Sorry. It's just that it's-"
"We can talk about it all over dinner," I smile, cutting him off. He's more thank likely going to slap me if continue to interrupt him the way I do.
"Dinner?"
"Isn't that you wanted?"
Gerard looks down, blushing and gives a small nod.
"Then to dinner we shall go/"

~xoxoxoxo~

I blink a couple time and examine both eyes in the mirror to check the precision of my eyeliner, as I sit cross-legged on the bed and finish applying my makeup. I have touch of foundation, my eyeliner and that is it. Last time I recalled wearing foundation was two years when we performed as a band, but to me this date, or should I say dinner, is of equivalent importance.

"This is fucking bullshit Gerard!" I hear someone yell. Another voice follows the first, too quiet to make out clearly.
"NO!" This is fucking bullshit Gerard!"

I slip off bed and carefully close my door, trying not to make a peep when I close it. I believe it is best to give them privacy though I'm dying to be nosey and listen in. It's not like it is entirely easy to block out their screaming. It crosses my mind to open my doors again to step outside into the setting sun for another cigarette but choose not to share this fight with the rest of the neighbourhood. I sit back on my bed and stare out the window, watching the beauty of pink streak out across the open orange sky.

"How? He's a friend," Gerard replies calmly, but loud enough to hear.
"Fuck off! I'm not stupid Gerard! I didn't blow in with the rain storm,"
"It's dinner. Two years of silence between Frank and I. We have shit to talk about, and catch up on. Politely speaking, it doesn't have anything at all to do with you," Gee explains. I can hear the break in his words. I know he's crying. I could tell back then, with a blindfold on if he was upset. I could definitely tell now.
"So? You don't have to go to dinner like two fucking fags. You're my husband Gerard. My Husband! Not his. It's not your fault you two havent spoken! He could have called you sooner,"
"He didn't call me at all," Gerard shouts back angrily. It falls silence and I wished ever so much I could see the look of pure shock horror that I assumed to be on her face.
"What?"
"I called him. Lindsey. So I'm fucking lucky he is here. Because I don't deserve it. How dare you turn this on Frank. This isn't his fault. You know that!"
Tears well up in my own eyes and I briskly wipe them away when they fall, still listening intently as Gerard defends me. The words he speaks couldn't be more to the truth. If I could have called him I would. But Gerard is right, this is not my fault. Jamia is more understanding of how I feel. She witnessed it break. I love her, but she understands.

"This is not your fault Gerard,"
"Oh come of it. For fuck sake. We are going and that is final,"
Lindsey doesn't respond and I hear footsteps stop outside my door and there is a knock.
"Come in," I say, wiping my eyes again, not moving them from the view outside.
"You ready to go?"
I shake my head.
"We shouldn't,"
"Come on Frank," he persists, resting a comforting hand upon my shoulder.
"Okay,"
I stand and face him, his hand falling as I do so. His eyes are red with ttears still falling.
"I'm sorry," he whimpers.
"Don't be,"
I open my arms for a hug, against my better judgement and lay a sweet kiss on his cheek when he accepts.
"Shh, Gee. It will be okay," I soothe.
"Not Gee, not tonight,"
"Please." The neediness of my own voice suprises me.
"Only if we can go to dinner like we never did,"
"Okay, Gee,"
"Okay, Frankie,"
I take his words without comment and release him from the hug, watching him wipe away his tears as we head for the front door.
"Fucking hell. Don't you dare take him out Gerard!"
"Fucking drop it Lindsey,"
"Frank doesn't mean anything," she screams at him, as if I'm not in the room causing my built up anger to bubble further.
"He does to me. Come on FThat'rank,"
I follow Gerard quickly out the front door and jump at the bang he makes when it slams shut behind us.
"Fuck you Gerard!"
"I'm sorry, Frankie," Gerard wimpers, lighting another smoke, hopping into the car.

~xoxoxoxo~

Notes

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