Brother (Frerard)

I extinguished my third cigarette of the nerve-racking trip into the ashtray and pushed it shut as we pulled into the drive way of Gerard's spacious looking L.A home, surrounded by white pebbles and a beautiful garden, featuring a small water fountain. A blue car that I assumed to be Lindsey's sits in the spot next to us. Shakily, I lay my hands on my lap and close my eyes for a brief moment trying to gain composure. Gerards reaches out, taking my sweaty hand in his own and gives it a small squeeze and I gaze up at him as we share a smile.
"Nervous?" he questions. I remain silent and give a small nod to agree that I am. Although, I'm freaking the fuck out! Bad idea. Bad, bad idea. Get me the fuck out of here. This was terrible. I can't do this.
"Me too," he utters. "There's more smokes in the glovebox if you need them, just relax Frankie,"

I half-smile in acknowlgement of his words and he releases my hand, the feel of his touch lingers. I will be if you don't call me Frankie. Don't do this to me Gee.
Gerard steps out and walks to the trunk to retrieve my suitcase while I click the compartment open and reach into where he indicated the smokes would be. I notice a small transparent container half full of pills. Xanax! Why is my poor baby taking Xanax? I close it and step out of the car, placing the smokes in my pocket and mumbling a nervous "Thank's" to Gerard as I attempt to take my suitcase from him and act like my eyes deceived me.
"Nope. I have it," he offers, stepping in front of me to take the lead up the path.. I take two steps and stop, Gerard continuing further before he detects that I have come to a halt and he turns to face me, raising a curious eyebrow.
"I can't do this," I whisper gazing down awkwardly at my shoes. I hear Gerard sigh and take the few paces back towards me.
"Come with me, it's okay," he assures, taking my hand and leading me away. The pebbles crunch beneath my feet as we walk across them, heading towards a wooden bench beneath a tree, blooming with gorgeous purple and pink flowers and the right amount of sun that didn't make it uncomfortable to sit.
"You can smoke here if you'd like Frank,"
I take that as an obvious okay to pull one from my pocket.
"Thanks," I say awkwardly, letting the smoke dance between my lips before inhaling as I light it.
"Are you sure this is okay? I can stay at a hotel," I offer, blowing out smoke. I watch intently as Gerard lights his own, my ears nervous to hear the answer.
"Fuck no Frankie, of course not. We have a perfectly furnished spare room that you are more than welcome to stay in,"
"And Lindsey..." I pause, the words evaporating the instant I spoke.
"She's not thrilled but I want you hear,"

I break eye contact with Gerard, his confession brining me on edge. You want me here? Why thought? Why? You're wife fucking hates me, mostly because she thinks I fucking hate her. But how can I not?
"I'm sorry," he continues. "If you want to leave I understand, it's really-"
"No," I say flatly, cutting him off in mid-sentence. "I didn't fly across the entire fucking country to leave now,"
"I get it Frankie, you're scared,"
"No shit,"
The bitterness rolls of my tongue, my tone more harsher than I expected and I see a look of sadness rush through Gerard's eyes and I immediately regret it. I apologise and inhale, catching Lindsey peeking through a window at us out of Gerard's line of sight.
"It's okay. Frank, you're scared, I'm scared. We can be scared together. The moment you are uncomfortable in the slightest, you fucking tell me and we can go straight to the airport or for a drive or wherever. We can do things like we used to,"

I dwell on the things we use to do together when we were friends. I remember the nights we would be so fucked up on drugs and booze and stumble to the couch and watch a horror movie, too buzzed out on whatever the fuck we were taking to even remember the plot. Together we would be at party after party, we were the chemical two according to anyone who knew us. There was never one without the other. If Gee took a line, I'd snort a line with him. If I was drinking ten bears, he'd follow. It was dangerous, but it was how we were. We never really had too many sober days. It was a rare occasion to spend any nice time together. I don't even recall a dinner date like a usual couple. And then it happened and it was over. It crumbled away in a blink of an eye. I didn't want to fix it. I let him go. But things are different.

"Would you like to go inside now?"
I put out my smoke, pulled from my thoughts at Gerard's interruption.
"Okay," I nod. I follow Gerard back towards the door, flying open as Gerard stretches his hand out to open it and we are greeted by a wide-eyed smiling Lindsey.
"Frank!" She beams. Gerard shoots a confused look in my direction and I smile awkwardly at Lindsey.
"Hey," I reply, lacking her enthusiasm at this situation, as I lazily return the hug, before she takes Gerard's jacket.
"I'm going to show Frank around, before we do anything," Gerard states harshly. Lindsey snaps her mouth into a firm line and steps back, allowing us entry into the cool dimness of inside and I carefully close the door behind me.
"I'll meet you in the kitchen after," he tells her, kissing her cheek. She walks away, a wave of jealousy washing over me. I miss his cheek kisses. Drunk or sober.
My mouth drops open with shock at the accuracy of my assumption; the room I will be staying in is spacious and homey. A gernerous-sized bed for once person, covered by a baby blue spread and many decoration pillows atop is positioned perfectly in the middle of the room; large wooden doors sit in the place of the far war, allowing light to stream through and a little porch accompanied by two looking comfy chairs leads out onto the grass. I take a moment to come to grips with the fact that this is all mine while I am staying here, still unsure of how long that will be exactly. I smile when I see a picutre of the old band in a frame above the bed, the only picture on the walls.
"I hope this is okay," Gerard whispers, shyly.
"This is great! It's awesome,"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," I reply happily, leaning my head against his shoulder. "I love it,"
"Well the closet is emoty so you can put your shit in there and open the doors and smoke on the deck if you want. It's okay,"
"Okay. Thankyou,"
I turn my head slightly to the left and press my lips against his shoulder, his t-shirt being the only thing to seperate my lips from his sweet skin. At Gerard's realization of my actions, I lean back and take the suitcase from Gerard to unpack my things. Shouldn't have kissed him.
"Wait Frank," Gerard orders, grabbing my wrist gently, forcing me to turn back to him. "Look at me, please?"
I stay quiet, letting the awkward silence fill the room for what feels like long countless minutes, flashing a shy, scared look at Gerard.
"I know what you did Frankie. It's okay,"
Emotion floods my body and Gerard's grip loosens, allowing me to slip free and I go back to opening my suitcase.
"Sorry," I let out in a shaky breath.
"Don't be. It's been a long time and I-"
"Don't. Gerard, don't. It's not the time,"
"You're right, fine. I have an idea,"
"Let's just get coffee," I suggest, standing to abandon my things. Gerard nods and we trek back through the lounge room and to the kitchen to join Lindsey at the table who has our coffees waiting.
"I didn't know how you took it, so I made it like Gee's," she grins.
"Thanks. I don't mind," I respond, taking a sip, letting the warm liquid spill over my tastebuds. Sweet fucking coffee. Nothing has ever tasted so good. Except maybe Gerard's salty skin. Frank stop that!
"So what are the plans?" Lindsey probes after a while of sipping our coffees in peace.
"Frank and I are going to dinner tonight,"
"Oh,"
I am ripped brutally from my thoughts, chocking slightly on my coffee and clear my throat.
"We are?" I question.
"Yes, I was thinking about it,"
"That's fine," Lindsey growls. "I'll be here then." I watch awkwardly as she rises from her chair and storms off, leaving her empty mug. I too stand, taking my coffee with me and head to my room, leaving Gerard to himself. I need another fucking cigarette and an escape method. Life source. I need my life source.

~xoxoxoxo~

Notes

Comment Please? Subscribe Vote
I love feedback
stay tuned
over and out
~ xoxo Chemical Halo

(I went back and tried to find any typos and fixed. Thank you for putting up with it)