When you go

Chapter 26
Frankie p.o.v


“I…..” Linda stutters, her face guilty and flushed. I gasp, my emotions showing through my poker face that I’ve been keeping for Linda.
“Shut the hell up, Bob! You don’t know shit!” Gee yells, his face a perfect mix of anger and pain. Pain for me, i assume.
Bob really didn’t know all that much, we’d only been hanging out with him for what, a month? Two?
“I know enough! Parents who walk out of your life shouldn't be aloud to walk right back in whenever the fuck they want to.” Bob says, his angry face now calm and composed.
“Linda,” I say suddenly with a nice smile on my face. “Would you mind coming back over tomorrow? Me and Bob need to have a little discussion.” I ask gently. She nods slowly, a door in headlights look in her eyes.
“Sure...I’ll be by around 2?” she asks in an uncomfortable manner. I pull Cherry away from my chest, putting her back in her car seat.
“Bye...Mom.” I say hesitantly, afraid to meet her eye. When i do, she has tears in her eyes and she’s clutching her chest as id her heart is going to fly out of it.
“Oh…” She gasp, joy clear in her surprised voice.
“Bye, son. I love you.” She says, hugging me quickly. I hug her back, clutching her as if afraid to let go. I do eventually, seeing as she has to leave. She grabs the car seat, sweeping out the door and waving, tears about to spill over her rosy cheeks. She shuts the door tightly behind her right as the baby wakes.
“What the fuck Bob?” Gerard asks. Bob looks slightly guilty, but mostly angry.
“What? Frank needs to stay away from her! That would be best for him!” Bob shouts. I feel myself become enraged, keeping my hands in a fist at my side.
“You don’t know anything thing about her!” I yell, my voice ringing throughout the room.
“I know she didn’t love you! And you know what?! I can see why!” He yells out. His words leave me gasping for breath, pain ceased inside my chest, it felt as if he stabbed me in the heart, twisted the knife, and wretched it out of my chest. He stand there with a look of shock on his face, obviously surprised by what he said. Gerard rushes towards me, putting his hands on my waist.
“It’s okay, love. He didn’t mean it. She loves you, I promise.” He whispers. I just stand there, eventually collapsing on him. I throw my arms around his neck, expecting tears, but there are none. Now it just felt numb.
“Frankie? Are you alright honey?” He asks softly. I pull away from him, looking him.
“I’m fine. I’m going to make breakfast.” I say numbly. I turn my heel, walking from the room and into the kitchen, remembering the pancakes. I finish mixing them, then pour them into the pan, one by one. It takes about 30 minutes to make them all and when i’m done there's about twenty. I get out a plate for each of us, calling everyone to the kitchen.
“Thanks babe, it looks good.” Gerard says gently, as if not to set me off. I just smile and nod, but the smile doesn’t reach my eyes. I eat mechanically, my eyes never straying from my plate.
Once I’m finished i get up and walk into the bedroom, pulling out some decent clothes. I dress in black skinny jeans with a black dress shirt and my white converse. I look in the mirror, studying my blank, tired face.
I have bags under my eyes like bruises and i’m extremely pale. Nothing new though.
I walk from the room, going into the living room where everyone sat, ready to go. Everyone stands as I enter the room, ready to leave. We walk to the car in silence, the ground crunching beneath our footsteps. The sky is grey with clouds and it’s about 30 degrees outside. It’s a relatively somber day and the argument we just had certainly wasn’t helping the mood.
We get into Bob’s car where I sit in the back with Gee and Alex, while Ray and Bob occupy the front seat and passenger's seat. Gerard sits the middle, his fingers intertwined with mine. I stare out the window, not wanting to meet any one’s eye. Though I had on a perfect poker face, on the inside I was an agitated, sad mess. Bob’s stupid comment got to me a little more than I’d like to admit. I knew he probably felt bad but I was having a hard time caring about his feelings while my mind was tearing me apart.
I mean it’s not like he wasn’t right. I can see why she didn’t/doesn’t love me. Fuck, I can’t even love me.
I repress a sigh, trying to not let my hand shake in Gerards. I hate to admit it, but this was really tearing me apart.
Just when I start to come on to terms with who I am, just when I started to believe Gee loves me, something had to come fucking tear me down.
Y’know what? Cool. People wanna tear me down, I’ll tear me down to.
Because who the fuck cares, right?
I’m snapped out of my thoughts by the car pulling up to a tall building that looked pretty normal. Bob gets out first, pulling his key out of the ignition. Ray and I follow, along with Gee and Alex soon after. We enter the large building in the same somber silence, each of us consumed by our own thoughts. Gee approaches the counter, putting on a fake smile as he tells the lady who were here to see. He was obviously scared to see Mikey, I guess just because he didn’t know if Mikey was getting better or worse. I step closer to him, setting my hands on his waist as I kiss his neck softly. He puts his over mine, but I know he’s blushing really hard.
“Frankie, love, stop it.” He whispers, yet there’s adoration in his soft voice.
“Make me.” I mimic in between kisses.
“Frankie, seriously.” He says. I sigh and nod, stepping back to stand by his side instead. We sign in, each of us writing our name on three separate sheets. The nurse at the counter leads us down a series of hallways, using her i.d badge to get us through each one. The place had very high security, which was slightly unnerving. Finally we reach a good sized room with a large window across one side of the room and 6 or 7 tables. Each of the tables were a bright color and there was interesting artwork around the room. It was a rather pretty room. There were 4 or 5 other family’s in there, along with Mikey at one table. He sits alone, staring out the window with his poker face. He gained some of his color back, along with a little weight. He looked way better than before. Gerard rushes over to him, hugging him tightly. Mikey smiled, his happiness genuine. You could tell he missed Gee as much as Gee had missed him, which was A LOT.
I walk over to them awkwardly, waiting for them to let go of each other. It takes a minute, but when they let go I huge Mikey to. He’s warm and soft, thankfully not as boney as he was before.
“I missed you Frankie.” He says happily.
“I missed you more Mikes. You have no idea how different life is when you're not around.” I say seriously, yet smiling. He smiles back at me, pulling away. He greets The others, Ray with a huge hug, and a lot of kisses. We all start to sit around the table, Mikey in Ray’s lap and me in Gee’s due to the lack of chairs. Mikey grins at us, his eyes filled with childish glee. Gee grins back before asking a series of questions.
“How is this place? How's the food? Do you have friends? Are they nice to yo-”
“Gee, chill, everything's good. I have friends, there’s this one dude, Pete, he’s super cool. He has bipolar depression though. It makes me kinda sad when he has a mood swing, but I manage to help him through it.” Mikey says, cutting Gee off. Mikeys eyes look thoughtful for a second.
“Oh….I hope he gets better. I’d like to meet him when you two get out of here.” Gerard says seriously. He smiles at Mikey, his face made up of pure happiness.
“Yeah. He’d like that.” Mikeys says nodding.
“How is everything else?” Alex asks Mikey, sitting forward in his seat.
“It’s good. But every guy in here is super fuckin horny. Even though more than half of them are straight they don’t mind getting a blow job from dudes. Half of them have hit on me already.” Mikey says, wrinkling his nose up. There’s a series of laughs from around the table.
“I missed you so much baby.” Ray says quietly to Mikey, resting his head on Mikeys back.
“I missed you too, honey. I love you.” Mikey responds, putting his hand on Ray’s thigh and rubbing lightly. Ray hums happily, lifting his head to kiss Mikey repeatedly on his neck and back. Mikey giggles at him, before snapping his head up.
“Hey! There’s Pete!” Mikey says happily. Pete seems to notice Mikey too, coming over with a short middle aged looking lady. His mom, I assume.
“Hey Mikey. This is my mom.” Pete says happily. I see Ray’s face flash with jealousy. Uh-oh.
“So nice to meet you Mrs. Wentz! Pete, I thought you said your mom wasn’t coming.” Mikey says.
“I didn’t think she was.” Pete says. “Any way, is this your family?” Pete asks nicely, looking at each of us politely.
“Oh yeah! This is Gee, my older brother,” He says, pointing to Gee. He shakes Gee’s hand, smiling at him kindly. “His boyfriend Frank,” Mikey points me out. I shake Pete’s hand kindly, smiling at him. “My boyfriend Ray.” Mikey says, adoration in his voice.
“Oh, man, he’s got it bad for you. Never stops talking about you.” Pete says grinning at Ray. Ray blushes and looks at Mikey who's blushing to.
“Shut up Pete!” Mikey says embarrassedly. Pete just grins at him.
“This is Bob and Alex, our friends.” Mikey says pointing them out to Pete. Pete shakes her hand as well, smiling as he does.
“Well, I suppose I’m gonna go sit with my mom now. Catch ya later, Mikey Way.” Pete says, waving as he and his mom sit at a table across from ours.
“He’s really nice.” Gee says in an approving tone. Mikey nods, sitting back into Ray’s chest.
“Yeah. when he has a mood swing he’s not though.” Mikey says thoughtfully.
He suddenly looks up at us, looking at Bob and me. His eyebrows furrow, his face a look of pure confusion.
“Why are you guys so tense with each other?” He asks, gesturing to me and Bob. I feel my smile melt, replaced with a frown.
“How did you know were tense with each other?” Bob asks, confusion etched into his voice.
“Oh, we take a body language therapy session kind of thing,” Mikey explains. “But seriously, what's the issue?” Mikey asks. I just shrug at him, not really wanting to answer and accidentally offend someone.
“I said some shit I shouldn’t have and it got carried away.” Bob explains. I don’t look at his face, just continued to stare at the table. My eyes flicker to Mikey as he stares at Bob.
“Then why did you say it? You knew it was fucked up.” Mikey says, suddenly serious.
“I was just angry.” Bob explains. Fuckin aye.
“What about? If you don’t mind me asking.” Mikey asks.
“Mikey,” Gerard says in a motherly manner. “Let’s not right now, okay?” He says serious. Mikey nods after a minute, and they plunge into a conversation having to do with family therapy, I think.
I wouldn’t know. I kind of shut down after that, just staring off into space as they laugh and talk. Gerard tries to include me in the conversation, but I push it back to him when he does. Eventually we have to leave, saying heart felt goodbyes and promises to visit soon.
We leave Mikey with a sad smile on his face, and I swear I felt my heart throb.
*
*
*
Later on that night, me and Gee sit on the living room floor, playing scrabble as we eat chinese food he ordered. The house phone starts to go off and he races to get it.
“Hello?” He asks into the phone. “Oh hey Mikes! Let me put you on speaker.” Gerard says, taking the phone from his ear and clicking the speaker button.
“Okay, what were you saying Mikey?” Gerard asks.
“L-look Gee, I need to talk to you about something,” Mikey says nervously. “Don’t get mad.”
“O-okay.” Gerard says hesitantly.
“I can’t talk to you guys while I’m….recovering. It makes me feel guilty and it makes me think I need to get better for you. And I don’t. I need to get better for myself.” Mikey explains hurriedly.
“Oh.” Gerard says, his voice monotone. I don’t think he had quite processed what Mikey was saying.
“I’m sorry Gee. I love you. I have to go.” Mikey says sadly.“I-i love you too.” He says. Mikey hangs up, leaving a very numb Gee to stare at me.
“Oh.” He says again, sitting down on the couch. I crawl over to the foot of the couch.
“Baby?” I ask gently. He looks up at me slowly, his face starting to crumple. I open my arms and he flies into them digging his head into the crook of my neck. I rub his back, waiting for the sobs. I’d be fucking sobbing too. He and Mikey were really close, and for Mikey to cut Gee off like that is devastating.
I eventually pick him up, carrying him down the stairs. I reach the room, setting him on the bed and pulling off his jeans for him. I pull mine off too, climbing into bed with him. I use a tiny remote to turn on the CD player and sleep by the smiths comes on. Perfect.
He crawls onto my body, laying his tear stained face on my chest. I wrap my arms tightly around him, kissing his head.
“Just sleep my love. I love you so much.” I whisper to him.
“I l-love you more.” He sobs.
“Not possible, my love.” I whisper back.
“I like it when y-you call me ‘my love’.” He says, his sobs calming.
“My love, my love, my love. Please sleep my love.” I whisper, kissing him one last time before his eyes shut.

Notes

Oh.
Sorry if this is shit.
xoxMay <3