When you go

Chapter 23
Gee’s p.o.v


“What are we going to do?” I ask, the tears that have been building in my eyes spilling onto my cheeks.
“Should...should we take him to a hospital?” Ray asks quietly. My eyes widen.
“To a mental ward?” I ask slowly. He looks down ashamedly.
“I….I just, fuck, i feel like i can’t help him, like this out of my reach, out of both of ours.” He explains.
“I...fuck, I dunno. Maybe, that’d be best.” I say, breaking out into a new fit of sobs.
“We should give him a choice. Like, not an obvious choice, but ask him to eat or tell him he needs professional help.” Frank says, talking for the first time. I think about his suggestion, deciding it seemed pretty rational. But I didn’t want Mikey to think I’m just going to throw him into a place full of mental patients. I didn’t want him to think I had given up on him, but how can I help him?
“Alright,” I says hesitating. “We’ll do that. But we have to visit him everyday, if worse comes to worse.”
Ray and Frank nod solemnly. Why did everything have to be so fucked up? What did we do to deserve this?
My thought sare cut off by Ray's name being call from Mikey’s bedroom.
“Here we go.” He says. He disappears from the room, returning with Mikey a minute or two later. He sets him in one of the kitchen chairs, a blanket still around his frail body.
“Hey Mikes.” I say hoarsely, wiping away my tears.
“Hey Gee.” He croaks out, his face blank. His face was always black though.
“We need to talk to you Mikey,” I say hesitantly. He flinches as if I actually hit him, but nods.
“Mikey, I need you to please, please start eating again. I need you to be okay, I just can’t watch you do this to yourself,” I say, the tears returning to my eyes. “Please let us help you, or, fuck, we have to get you a different kind of help Mikey.” I say, trying to keep from sobbing.
His eyes widen in understanding, yet he nods.
“We just want you to get better.” Frank whispers, tears filling his own eyes.
“Okay.” Mikey whispered, shutting his eyes.
He started to get up, but just as he did, he collapsed on the floor, this time not getting back up.
*
*
*
“He collapsed from starvation, but we’ve pumped food into him. Minimal amount though, as his body couldn’t hold a lot of food. He should be up soon, when he wakes I’ll be sure to come and get you.” The doctor tells me, looking at me sympathetically.
“Thank you.” I whisper, trying to smile but failing miserably. He nods, putting her arm on my shoulder before walking away.
Frank grabs me from behind, kissing my neck lightly.
“I’m sorry this happened, love.” He says gently. I turn around to face him, putting my head in the crook of his neck. Needless to say the position was slightly awkward because he was much shorter than me. I couldn’t care less though, i just needed him, I needed comfort.
“Where’s Ray?” I whisper.
“He went for some air.” Frank answers, sliding his hands up and down my back. I sigh, lifting my head a little.
“We should see if he’s okay.” I say quietly, wiping away my tears. He nods, taking a step back so he could see me better.
“It’s gonna be fine love. I promise you, we’ll fix this. One of us should stay in case Mikey wakes.” He says softly. I nod.
“I’ll go, okay? I’ll be right back honey.” He says softly. He turns to leave and I sit down on one of the chairs. I hug my legs to my chest, willing my anxiety to go away.
How the hell did I not notice his anorexia? What kind of brother am I? I swear I’ll fix this, I have to. How could I have not protected him from this?
“Mikey Way?” A nurse calls. My hand shoots up and I quickly jump up to greet her.
“Is he awake?” I say eagerly.
“Yes. he’s asking for a Gerard?” She says softly.
“Yeah, that’s me.” I say nodding eagerly. She smiles softly and sympathetically.
“He’s in room 34, down that hall.” She says, pointing to a lightly light hallway.
“Thank you so much.” I say, eagerly walking down the hall. I stop at the fourth door, seeing number printed on the door. I slowly open it, afraid of what I’ll see behind the door.
I almost faint when i see him. He laying on the bed, looking half dead with six different tubes coming out of him. I start to cry again when I see him. This is my fault. I could have helped him, I could have done something.
“Gee, please don’t cry.” He says softly, his voice cracking. It made me cry harder, hearing how weak his voice is.
“Oh God,” I breathe out. I walk to the bed, sitting down by Mikey carefully.
“It’s gonna be okay Mikes, were gonna get you help, I promise.” I cry, putting my head in my hands.
Just then the door opens and Ray and Frank enter. Ray’s crying, his sobs hysterical. Frank looks calm and composed, although I know he’s hurting on the inside. He and Mikey were friends before I knew Frank. I guess I kinda stole him away, although he never seemed to mind. Whether it was because he had Ray or he just knew I wanted to be with Frank, I had no idea, but I was thankful he never cared all that much.
“Baby, oh my God, how did I not notice?” Ray sobs, coming to sit on the bed next to me. Frank comes to stand behind me rubbing my back gently.
“I love you so much Mikey, I thought you were going to die, I thought you were gonna leave me.” He sobs out, his whole chest heaving with his hysterical breaths. I touch his shoulder, rubbing it lightly, trying hard to comfort him, yet failing.
“Baby, I would never leave you. I’m right here, I’m not leaving you, your not gonna lose me.” Mikey says, opening his arms and ushering Ray to hug him.
“You can’t lose what was never really yours.” Ray whispers. I’m sure he hadn’t meant to say it out loud. A look of hurt comes over Mikey, making him hold Ray tighter. Well as tight as he could. Fucking sigh.

Notes