When you go

Chapter 22
Mikeys p.o.v


I wake up feeling like i’m on fire. I’m still between Ray and Gerard, Frank on the opposite side of Gee. I’m extremely sore from the position we're in. I wake up at 8 o’clock, way too late to go to school. We probably shouldn't go to school today anyway.
I squeeze out from beneath Gerard and stretch my muscles out. I decide to let them sleep, going to the kitchen to make breakfast.
I, myself haven’t eaten for two days. Normally I’ll have something small everyday, but I’ve decided to stop eating all together.
I grab eggs, bacon, potatoes, and vegetarian bacon, from the fridge.
I get out three pans, one for the eggs and bacon, one for the vegetarian bacon, and one for the potatoes.
Before i start to cook I grab Gerards record player (Yeah record player, we like them alright?) and put in a misfits record.
I begin to put vegetable oil in one of the pans, turning on a burner. I start on the bacon next, unwrapping it and putting it on the pan.
I’m suddenly interrupted by two hands being set on my waist, making me jump. I turn around, smiling when I saw Ray.
“You scared me baby.” I say giggling. He smiles down at me, kissing my head gently.
“I can tell, love.” He says smiling. He leans down, kissing my lips gently. We share soft kisses for a minute, until the popping sound of the bacon increases.
“One second babe, I gotta finish this.” I say, turning back around to the stove. I put more bacon in, taking the first batch out and getting started on the vegetation bacon.
“Morning.” Says a groggy Frank. I turn around, smiling at him.
“Morning Franklin.” I say giggling.
“Ugh, do not ever call me Franklin again.” He says seriously. I just laugh, turning back to the stove. Ray and Frank start a conversation as I cook.
I’m soon interrupted by a heart wrenching scream.
I Turn around extremely fast, finding every one else was fine. They sit wide eyed and scared, probably how i looked. I suddenly release it’s probably Gerard, so i run quickly from the room, Frank and Ray in tow.
The screaming starts again and I see Gerard on the couch, flailing around. The sight is gorib, as there are tears running down his terrified face. I
Then he throws himself on me. He doesn’t cry though, he’s just shaking.
“Gee, soon realise that The screams are words, not just any words, their names.
My name, Franks name, Rays name, and….Berts name. He’s telling us he didn’t mean to, screaming he’s sorry. I rush over to him, holding him he can’t move. I call his name, my voice loud and panicked. He thrashes around a lot, making it hard for me to hold him down.
“Gee!” I yell, making him suddenly gasp and spring up. His eyes are wide open now, his face horrified.
“Gerard?” I whisper. He flinches, as if he hadn’t noticed me before. He blinks hard, as if I’ll disappear
“What's wrong? What happen?” I ask quietly.
“I'd-dreamt we all d-died in t-the c-car crash except-for me.” He says shakily.
“It’s okay Gee, were all fine.” Frank whispers, coming to sit net to us. Gerard unlatches one arm from me, throwing it around Frank and hugging us both. Ray joins us, fubbing Gerards back softly.
Gerard calms down a little, his shaking stopping. He moves away from us, his face composed of calmness. He gets up slowly, as if afraid he might fall.
“Sorry.” He whispered. My eyes widen in shock.
“Gee, what for? You haven't done anything wrong.” I say, my voice surprised. He just shrugged.
I get up, along with Frank and Ray. Frank whispers something into Gerards ear making him smile a little. I go back to the kitchen, taking the surprisingly not burnt, bacon out of the pan. I began to cook the eggs, mixing the potatoes too. My body is extremely tired for some reason, and my joints ache.
I start to sing along to the record that's playing, moving my hips to the beat. I hear Ray giggle a little, so i turn to stick my tongue out at him. Frank giggles at us too, and Gee smirks a little.
I start to sing the lyrics louder, turning my entire body to face them. I dramatically move my hands around, shaking my hips more. They start to laugh their asses off, almost falling out of their chairs. I however, start to feel nauseous from the small action. I ignore it though, getting three plates out. Gerard gets four cups out, pouring orange juice in them and setting them at each of our places. I fill the plates up with food, making sure to give Frank veggie bacon. I turn off the record player before returning back to the table.
I give them their plates, sitting down on a chair without a plate, just my juice. Ray shoots me a question look, with I ignore.
“You not gonna eat, love?” He asks concernedly.
“Not hungry.” I lied. I was fucking starving. Quite literally. As if on cue, my stomach growls very loudly. Gerard looks at me with a concerned look, his eyes slightly scared.
“Mikey. Please eat.” Gee asks softly.
“I-i don’t want to.” I say, looking down at the table. Ray lets out a string of curse words, his face scared.
“I should have known. Jesus christ,” He says, now angry. “How the fuck did I not notice?” He asks.
“B-babe? Whats wrong?” I ask. He looked up at me, his anger fading into concern. Gerard looks completely horrified, as does Frank. I just look at them, completely panicked. They knew, they fucking knew.
“I should have known.” Ray whispers again, his eyes tearing up.
“Babe, it’s fine! I’m fine!” I say seriously. He looks at me, completely horrified.
“You're not fine! Your bones stick out in all the wrong places, and you weigh fucking nothing!” Ray shouts, his voice cracking.
“MIkey when was the last time you ate a real meal?” Gerard whispers. I look at him, scared by the question.
“A meal?” I whisper. It had been months, possibly a year.
“S-since last september.” I whisper, shrugging. Gerard starts crying softly, burying his face in his hands.
“Baby, why? Why would you do that to your beautiful body?” Ray whispered. What does he mean? I was making my body beautiful by being skinny! Right?
“Please eat.” Gerard whispers. I shake my head furiously.
“No! Why would I do that?” I ask seriously. His face crumples in pure horror, crying harder then before.
“Lift up your shirt, Mikey.” Ray says gently.
“What?! No!” I say, slightly scared, yet terrified to show them my body.
“Mikey, do it!” Gerard yells suddenly, his voice hoarse. I scares me slightly.
I do as Ray says, and pull my shirt up, taking it all the way off.
“Oh God.” Gerard sobs.
You could easily count all of my ribs, and you could see my hips bones quite clearly. My collar bones stuck out very far, as did my bones in my shoulders. Ray started to sob, pulling me into his arms.
“My baby, oh, how did I let this happen?” Ray sobs into my shoulder.
“Ray, I’m fine, I promise.” I say, seriously. He just sobs harder.
Frank suddenly starts up, and I now notice the tears on his face.
“Mikey, do you think I’m fat?” He asks seriously. I shake my head, confused by the question.
“I weigh 145. How much do you weigh?” He asks seriously.
“I-i don’t know.” I stutter. He rushes away, headed down the hall. He returns with a scale and sets it on the ground.
“Get on the scale, okay?” He asks gently.
“I don’t want to.” I whisper.
“Please Mikey?” He says desperately.
“Fine.” i huffed, stepping on the scale. I don’t look at the weight; I’m too scared.
“104, Mikey. You weigh 41 pounds less then me, Mikey.” I snap my head down, seeing the weight.
“Oh.” I simply say. I didn’t know what to say, how to feel. I sit down in the chair, exhausted by the movement.
“Please eat something.” Gerard sobs.
“Okay,” I whispered, nodding a bit. “If you guys stop crying.”
He nods feverishly, his face slightly hopeful. He pushes me his plate, handing me his fork. I let out a sigh, picking up the fork. I stab an egg, bringing it reluctantly to my lips. I chew it slowly, swallowing regretfully. I do the same with the next mouthful, and the next, and the next. I eat until I’m full for once, regretting it when I’m done.
“Thank you.” Gerard says, wiping his tears away. I just nod, sitting back in my chair, feeling fat.
“I feel disgusting.” I whisper, closing my eyes shut tight. Ray lets out a pained whimper from behind me. Suddenly i feel the acid climbing my throat and before I can say anything I rush to the bathroom. I lean over the toilet, vomiting up most of what I had eaten. Ray rubs my back until I’m done, his face creased with worry. When i’m done he holds me tightly, Gerard and Frank sat across from us. Ray rocks me back and forth in his strong arms, allowing me to sob into his shirt. Eventually I stop, but I can’t seem to move.
“R-ray?” I ask horsley.
“Yes baby?” He asks softly, brushing my hair out of my face.
“C-can you please h-help me stand so I can brush my teeth?” I ask. He nods, pulling my off his lap so he could stand. Once he does, he bends over, grabbing my hands. He pulls me to my feet, my legs shaking violently.
I grab the sink, getting toothpaste and a tooth brush. I rinse off my toothbrush, putting paste on it and brushing my mouth violently. I clutch Ray’s arm, feeling to weak to stand on my own.
I rinse the toothbrush out of my mouth, rinsing both the toothbrush and my mouth out. Frank and Gee are now standing, looking worried yet scared. I take one step towards the door and my legs give out beneath me. I almost fall, if not for Ray. He catches me before I hit the ground, cruising a little bit.
“S-sorry.” I whisper.
“No, baby, you didn’t do anything. Don’t apologize.” He says back, picking me up bridal style.
He carries me to my bedroom, holding me tightly to his chest. He sets me on the bed, pulling the covers over me. He starts to leave the room, scaring me a little.
“Where are you?” I ask in a panic.
“I’ll be right back baby. I promise.” He says softly. I nod, relaxing against the covers. He returns with a glass of water, handing it to me. I drink about half the glass, handing it back to him when i’m done. He sets it on the night stand, crawling in the bed with me.
“Just sleep, love. Just sleep.”

Notes

This fucking chapter.
This was intense dudes, i almost got triggered writing this.
xoxMay <3