Once I Was

“Come over. Now.”

Those were the only words that greeted Frank before the line went dead, the teenager looking at his phone in confusion. He knew who it was; if he hadn’t recognized the voice, he’d seen the caller ID. Seconds later his favorite jacket had been shrugged over his shoulders, and his hand ran through his hair just enough to make it presentable. Frank sighed and headed out, only going across the street and up to the Way residence. Over the past two years he and Gerard had regained their original closeness, and thus he was decently comfortable with simply opening the door and stepping inside.

As Frank had assumed, his friend was hiding out in the basement. As per usual.

“Gee, what’s up?” Frank pushed the door open to reveal Gerard laying flat on his back, staring blankly up at the ceiling. His hair was wild, his school uniform wrinkled and disheveled around him. When his friend didn’t reply Frank stepped forward, seating himself on the end of the bed. The shift of the mattress seemed to break Gerard’s trance. His eyes flitted down and noticed the smaller male settled at the foot of his bed.

“Oh. Hey.” He mumbled, his eyes flicking back up to their place on the ceiling. Frank glanced up, looking back at Gerard quizzically when he saw nothing of interest at the point which Gerard was so intently staring. He cleared his throat, shifting on the bed and wondering if Gerard had any intention of saying anything on his own, or if Frank was expected to bring up the mysterious call from some minutes before. Frank started to open his mouth, finally deciding that he must be expected to do something, but at Gerard’s silence simply shut it again. Frank wasn’t sure how to respond to this.

“She broke up with me,” Gerard stated abruptly, his eyes never leaving their point on the ceiling.

“Lyn-Z?” Frank frowned, his eyebrows furrowing. Truth be told, he’d never really liked her. It wasn’t that she was a bad person, not at all. Frank would say he’d never been able to place why exactly he held such contempt for her, but that would be a blatant lie. He knew exactly why she upset him.

He was jealous.

As the boys had reconnected, Frank had felt the familiar warmth from when they were young building up inside of him. Every time he looked at Gerard, he felt butterflies tickle the inside of his stomach. Every time the elder smiled at him, Frank melted. Even his laugh was enough for Frank’s nerves to make his stomach churn. At first, Frank hadn’t really understood what was happening. He loved the sensations he felt just from being around the black-haired boy, but he couldn’t place why. Until he got to be about 16, and figured out that it wasn’t necessarily just Gerard he was attracted to. He didn’t care anything for girls, but Frank could definitely appreciate a guy’s ass. More than anything, he just couldn’t believe it had actually taken him a full 16 years to realize what a flaming homosexual he was.

He’d kept it to himself for a while, before finally accidentally letting something slip when he was talking to Mikey. Frank was forced to confess, but was startled to see just how unfazed Mikey was by this revelation.

“Dude, it’s obvious.” He’d said, rolling his eyes. “I’m not an idiot, I’ve seen you watch my brother’s ass when he walks. If you thought you were being stealthy, I sincerely pity you for whatever other things you’ve thought you were hiding.”

Frank had turned bright red, but at the same time he was relieved by Mikey’s acceptance. It made him more comfortable with his new identity, and eventually he even brought it up to his parents. His father was a little surprised, and did have some trouble understanding his son’s attractions, but made clear that even if he didn’t get it he would stand by Frank’s decision 100%. His mother looked about as surprised as Mikey.

The only person Frank hadn’t told was the one who mattered most. He watched the older boy nod to Frank’s earlier question.

“Yeah. Lyn-Z.” He muttered, his voice flat and void of emotion. Frank squirmed uncomfortably, biting on his lip. It had really stung when Gerard mentioned one random afternoon that he had found himself a girlfriend. After Frank had finally discovered his sexuality, all of the things he’d felt over the years finally made sense. He had a crush on Gerard. And not just some schoolgirl infatuation; Frank was all out, full blown, unable-to-deny-it in love with him. So, Gerard getting a girlfriend? Yeah. That sucked.

Frank knew Gerard was straight. He’d always known that, he knew the second he recognized his crush that the relationship he imagined in his head would never be realized. Gerard was into girls. He was into boobs, not dicks. It made Frank’s heart constrict whenever he was reminded, which had basically been every day for the past four months. Wherever Gerard was, so was Lyn-Z. They hung off of each other, always laughing and smiling and seeming like the perfect couple.

And goddammit, Frank was jealous as fuck. If it weren’t for her dating Gerard, Frank could probably have become good friends with Lyn-Z. She had good taste in music, was a bit tomboyish, and played a wicked bass solo. Hell, he could’ve fallen for her himself had he not been so damn gay. She was the perfect girl for Gerard. And that crushed him.

He’d never voiced any of this to Gerard. He tried to be civil with her, even though he was constantly shooting daggers at her when he thought no one was looking. Thinking that maybe, just maybe, if one of them turned real, she would be out of the picture and Frank could steal Gerard. It was a bit of a horrific fantasy to have, but Frank was too far gone to take any notice. All of these feelings had been locked inside of him for months, but now that he had the chance to rant and bitch and say anything he wanted about her… he couldn’t bring himself to. She hadn’t done anything wrong, and Frank knew it.

“What happened?” He finally asked, his voice small and a little croaky. Gerard stayed silent for a long minute before answering.

“She said she’d found someone else. That this wasn’t working, that it was a mistake.”

Frank’s brow furrowed. “What the hell? What guy could she have found that’s better than you?”

“Girl.” Gerard corrected, sighing through his nose.

“I - what?” Frank’s tone shifted to one of confusion.

“She’s a lesbian,” Gerard chuckled dryly, although his laugh showed no amusement. “She was trying to make sure, she said she thought that if she got with a guy it’d go away. She was wrong.”

Frank didn’t really know what to say to that. “I… shit, I’m sorry, Gerard.”

“That’s not all she said.”

Frank looked over, confusion once again written across his face. “What else did she say, then?”

“She said I wasn’t committed either. That I had my eye on someone else, that I’d always had it elsewhere. She said she was pretty sure she knew who. She also mentioned she was pretty sure that she knew one of my friends who was jealous of her.”

Frank’s face went red as he realized he hadn’t been so stealthy with his glaring after all. Damn, Mikey was right. He really couldn’t hide his emotions.

Gerard finally shifted his gaze to Frank, raising an eyebrow. “Something you want to tell me, Frankie?”

Frank visibly gulped, fidgeting and avoiding eye contact with his friend.

“I, um. I. No?” It came out as more of a question than a statement, but it was too late now. Gerard’s eyes were locked on Frank’s as he sat up, running his tongue over his slightly chapped lips.

“I think… That you’re lying.” Gerard murmured, his voice soft and sultry and one of his delicate eyebrows arched. “I think it was you. I think you were jealous.”

Frank could only whimper softly, trying both to speak and not give anything away. He only ended up flapping his mouth like a fish, no sound coming out. Gerard crawled forward slowly on all fours until he was very, very close to Frank. The younger could barely breathe.

“Even if you’re telling the truth, she was right about one thing.” Gerard shifted focus, glancing down briefly. “There is someone I have my eye on. I have for a while. Maybe even since before she and I started dating, but I was trying to ignore it. I thought it was wrong, that I shouldn’t feel the way I did. But now… it’s only too right.”

Frank managed to regain his voice for a brief second, only managing to choke out a hoarse, “W-who?”

Gerard’s eyes snapped up, suddenly locking with Frank’s.

“You.”

Before Frank could even begin to process Gerard’s words the elder had lunged forward, his hands grasping either side of Frank’s face and pulling him in for a kiss. Frank’s brain was basically on verge of combustion, threatening to implode on itself if he didn’t do something, fast. So, Frank did the only thing he could when he lacked any assistance from his brain. He kissed back.

Frank wouldn’t say it was fireworks or choirs of angels singing. It wasn’t some cheesy rom-com kiss, or the culmination of all things perfection. It wasn’t.

He would say it was the clenching of a heart, only to be released as the passion and desire of years was finally expressed in a single, heated moment.

But, yes. It was close to perfect. What made it even better? It was Frank’s first kiss.

Gerard didn’t let go until they both needed to come up for air, panting softly as their lips parted.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so damn long,” He laughed breathlessly, smirking at Frank.

“B-but…” Frank was still dumbstruck, trying to wrap his mind around everything that had just happened. “Aren’t you straight?”

“As a fucking circle,” Gerard rolled his eyes, a playful smile settling on his lips. Frank blinked slowly, still processing.

“Besides,” Gerard smirked, raising an eyebrow, “It’s not like you said anything either.”

Frank scratched behind his neck awkwardly, his face still a little red from before. “Fair point. But I couldn’t figure out how to tell you, what with having a massive fucking crush on you for however many years.” He huffed, pouting and looking away.

Gerard’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly. “Did you just say years?”

“Oh. Um, yeah?” Frank bit his lip nervously.

“God damn.” Gerard shook his head, looking up at the ceiling again before dropping to look at Frank once more. “How many?”

“I – what?” Frank tilted his head in confusion.

“Years!” Gerard rushed out, a hint of desperation in his voice. “How many years?!”

“Oh! I, um, I dunno. I mean I didn’t realize I was gay until last year, but I’ve felt the same way since… fuck, I don’t know. Middle school maybe?”

Gerard stared at Frank for a second before falling back, groaning, “Fuck.”

“What?” Frank crawled over, sitting back on his heels when he was closer to Gerard.

“I should have done this years ago!” Gerard lamented, blowing some hair out of his face. “Since fucking middle school? God, we could have spent so much more time together!”

When Frank got over his initial surprise, he started to laugh. At first it was just giggles, but pretty soon it escalated into full-on belly laughs.

“What’s so funny?” Gerard whined, pouting at the boy rolling around in front of him.

“How oblivious we both were?” Frank grinned, still spewing giggles.

Gerard couldn’t help but smile, blushing and shaking his head. “We really were, weren’t we?”

“Still are!” Frank sang out, bouncing on his heels. “We’re still –”

Frank was finally shut up when Gerard pulled him down, connecting their mouths again. Frank’s giggling died down as they kissed, gently moving their lips against each other’s. They stayed that way for a while, not escalating any further, simply keeping their lips together. Finally Gerard broke the kiss, moving back only just a little and gazing up at Frank with what the younger could only describe as love and affection.

“Frank Iero, will you be my boyfriend?”

Frank broke into a wide smile. “I thought you’d never ask.” He leaned down, pressing another kiss to Gerard’s lips.

“I’ll take that as a yes?” Gerard giggled.

Frank connected their lips again with a grin, mumbling his answer against the elder’s mouth.

“Fuck yes.”

Notes

Hey guys! We've got a pretty fluffy chapter right here, I hope you enjoy it! <3 I love Lyn-Z in real life, and I really didn't want her to be a bad guy here, so I had her help them along instead. c; More will be coming soon, lovelies~

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