I Can't Choose

Gigi's POV-

I silently sketch in my English book, as the teacher reads the class novel out loud to us.

Suddenly she stops, "okay guys, I've had enough of reading, I'm going to get you to read out loud now, starting from you, Gigi" she gestures to me.

Fuck, of course me, it had to be me.

I sigh, and clear my throat, making my voice as high and most feminine as possible and begin reading.

"She sounds like a guy..." I heard a kid mutter.

I start sweating and stuttering, my voice going shaky.

I can't.... I can't do this...

I stop reading, fuck this.

"Gigi, why did you stop, is something wrong?" The teacher looks up at me.
"U-hum,.. I-I need the b-bathroom, sorry" I manage to get out, and quickly leave the class.

Fuck that!

I sigh, and deep breathes in and out....

I still feel really shaky....

I sound like a boy

I'm too masculine

I don't pass

I run to the girls bathroom, and lock myself in a stall.

*trigger warning*

I take out my lighter, and slowly bring my wrist closer and closer to the flame, until it touches, slightly.

I wince out in pain, and then sigh from pleasure.

I repeat this until my wrist is pretty swollen, then on my other wrist I take out my razor blade, and slice it a few times, just enough times and just deep enough to take the pain away... For now that is.

I pack up, and fix my makeup, then exit the bathroom.

I should go back to class, but fuck that, I'm not going back in there after that!

There's only 10 minutes of class left before lunch anyway.

I decide to get a head start to the cafeteria, taking out my earphones, and wait for Ray.

I get a text from Ray.

Ray- Hey, I can't deal with this, 10 mins goes on forever!

Me- lol sucked in! I'm already out :p

Ray- what! How did u manage to do that?!

Me- left

Ray- why? Did something happen again?

Me- doesn't matter

Ray- yes it does, tell me

Me- my voice sounds like a boy, I don't pass.

Ray- your voice doesn't sound like a boy, and yes you do pass. You're an amazing girl, Gigi.

Me- I'm not though. I'm not a girl. I'm not a boy. Im both. What am I?

Ray- it doesn't matter what your gender is, I'll be here for u always!

Me- thanks Ray, I needed to here that <3

Ray- of course, anyways new kid I met gonna b sitting w us

Me- What???

Ray- relax! He likes bands, so it's fine

Me- okay, but he doesn't know, does he...?

Ray- of course not! That's your decision to make

Me- you're the best friend ever, Ray :)

Ray- I know XD

Me- okay, hurry up!

Ray- on my way now haha

I close my phone and wait for Ray, and this "new guy".
I see out of the corner of my eye someone coming towards my table.
It's not Ray, so I assume it must be Ray's friend, the newcomer.
I study him as he walks over.

Short, black greasy hair covering one eye, messy eyeliner, lip and nose piercing, pretty pale, slipknot jumper, and dirty skinny jeans.

Cute.

As he finally gets to the table, my anxiety hits me as it clicks in my brain that I'm gonna have to talk to him. And Ray's not fucking here yet!

"H-hi...um, are you Gigi...?" He asks me nervously.
I nod, "yeah... You're Ray's friend?" I ask back.
He nods, "uh yea, Frank" he says.
"Hey Frank, sit down." I gesture to the seat in front of me, and he sits.
"So, uh what are you listening to?" He gestures to my earphones.
"Oh, Some KISS, what about you?" I ask.
"Cool. Just some classic Iron Maiden." He says.
"Nice"
"I love your makeup" he compliments me.
I smile, "thanks, yours too" I gesture to his eyeliner and he smirks back.

I like this new boy

Notes

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