Its fucking Thursday. I think to myself as I drag out another damn box of paints from what is only hours away from being transformed into a bedroom by Lindsey when she arrives.
Why the fuck did you wait till the last fucking minute, fuckface? I run to the kitchen and fecklessly search for the broom and dustpan that I just know I didn't return to mom last time.
Nope, not in the pantry, or under the fridge, or in the cabinet under the s-
"OHHOLYSHIT-" One moment I had my face squashed into the dusty bath mat, the next, I find myself up on top of the kitchen table and staring at the shit brown, shiny, creepy crawly, cockroach.
It's staring at me.
It's daring me to come down.
It's going to kill me.
As soon as I opened the cabinet it got a good look at my face... it stared into my soul.
It wants to suck out my soul and shit in my eyes and crawl in my ears and eat my brain and it won't stop until I am nothing but a cockroach shit covered skeleton.
I won't even have anything on my bones, it's going to eat that!
I start to gag at the thought of a mound of cockroaches crawling over my carcass and snacking on my muscles, I never thought it'd end like this. I hear a groan and it makes me jump, "GETAWAY-
YOU CANT EAT MY FLESH-" before I realize that the groan... had come from my own throat.
It takes me a moment to realize that I'm brandishing something like a light saber to protect myself.... the motherfucking broom.
I glare at the broom, "This is all your fault. I'm going to die because of you!"

Moments after I start writing my last will and testament (my wig goes to Brendon, my couch to Mikey, and all my plants to Joyce the Butterfly) as I'm debating on whether or not to give my drag wardrobe to Lindsey, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket startling me. I accept the call and stutter out, "H-Hello-..?"

"Gerard? It's Lindsey, are you okay? You sound scared."

"I-I may d-die here-
The door's unlocked-
Come s-save me-"

Her voice is slightly higher and more intense, slightly breathless as she says, "I'm five away, be there in a sec-"

Click
I whimper and look back at where the cockroach used to be. It's gone. Oh God, this is the end.
I frantically search for it until I see the creature from Hell by my fridge.
It scurries around until it stands between me and the living room.
It's blocking my escape! I feel a whimper escape my throat when Lindsey, white as a sheet, throws open my door. "Gerard?!"

"Save me-," I squeak out.

She turns to look at me and her expression changes from one of worry, to confusion, "What... are you doing on the table...? Clutching a broom...?"

"It- It's gonna kill me-
Kill it!" I gesture to the shit eating cockroach with the broom handle.
Lindsey curiously walks forward and gazed upon the embodiment of evil. And she fucking
ROLLS.
HER.
EYES.

Bitch, I think, opening my mouth to say something when I watch her unlace her clunky boot, hold it like a weapon, and bring it down on the roach.
I look at her, tears almost coming to my eyes, "I'm sorry I almost called you a bitch-.. You're my hero."
She giggles and walks outside to scrape evil off her shoe before shouting, "No problem, they showed up all the time at my old place."
I slowly dismount the table to walk out after her, watching as she laces her boot up.
In the same raised voice she says, "Can you help me un-," She looks up and sees me, "Oh, hi," she clears her voice with a giggle and proceeds in a normal volume, "Can you help me unload my stuff?"

"You could ask for my firstborn right now and I'd say yes."

She laughs, "Well, I might be coming back to that later," and leads me down stairs to cart her belongings up to the apartment.

---

Two hours later and we're laying on the couch, exhausted from all the energy exerted from carting her stuff up, and putting her bed together. "IKEA made it look-
So simple-" she says around a cigarette.

"Fuck IKEA-" I respond, "IKEA can suck-
A bag of dicks-"

"Fuckin A-..." she exhales smoke as I pull out my phone,

"Siri- call Golden Wok-..." I take this time to regain my breath as the phone starts ringing. "This ones on me-... what do you want..?"

"Oh no that's okay-" She protests.

"You saved my life," I cut her off, "the least I can do I buy you Chinese takeout."

I hear a click on the other line and in slightly broken English I hear, "Ah, Gerard! My favorite customer! What you like? Your usual?"

I smile, "Hey Victor! How's life?"

"My kids try to kill the dog today."

I frown, "Oh no, what did they do?"

"They try to pretend it's a sea turtle, like they see on t.v. They tried to make it hold its breath underwater."

"Dam- dang!"

"I know, they can't watch National Geographic no more. I've got your usual packaged up, anything else?"

"Lindsey, what do you want?"

"Um, sesame chicken and an egg roll." I repeat the order to Victor and he tells me he'll have it here in 15 minutes before hanging up.
I stand to go get Lindsey and I beers when she says, "So there's a story behind the morbid fear of roaches. I wanna learn it."

I groan, having already told her why i was on top of the table, "Ask me after we eat and I for sure won't vomit and lose my appetite."

Notes

Hello to all those who are reading this!
I am so sorry that I haven't updated in two months but life has gotten away from me. My parents are separating (I'm relieved), and applying for scholarships has taken all my time. I've been accepted to my DREAM college and My major will be in music production as I hope to enter the music industry. Now the only thing between myself and it is tuition. My father isn't going to contribute a dime and mom and I are both going to be working jobs to make ends meet. If I don't get my scholarships I will not be able to get my education.
I really hate to do this, but this Is the link to my Go Fund Me if you can donate, please do, literally anything helps. If you can't, please boost it and if you have a tumblr Here's the link to my tumblr post , so please boost that if you can.

Thanks, I'll try to update again soon,
Love y'all

XoxoS