Frank had arrived in Rome two weeks ago and was renting a villa in a nice little village that wasn't to popular with tourists but there was some sights to see there and the occasional people coming for a holiday in their own villas. Frank loved it here it was nice and peaceful and the people were loving and kind he always had conversations with the neighbours and people he would see often at the markets or stores. The weather was hot and sunny all the time it was perfect for writing and reading while relaxing in the pool or at the beach.He still felt bad for leaving Jersey the way he did. He felt guilty for it and couldn't bring himself to buy a new cell phone as he left that back in the house. He knew Gerard would have been crushed by the letter he left but he couldn't think of any other way.His memory still hadn't came back so he figured it was gone forever and that it was better for them to both move on... him being miles away with no contact to his old life and Gerard moving on in love and getting his life back rather than spending the rest of his life trying to get the man he loves to remember their relationship and everything they went through to get there.?

?Frank never really knew what was going on when he decided to leave... it was a kind of spur of the moment thing. He felt horrible for it and knew that Mikey would kill him if he saw him again and that it would take ages for Gerard to forgive him if his memory did come back ... but what would he do if he did? He has a life here now he got a visa and he can work. He has a nice job in a coffee shop not far from his villa where they sell rich coffee that smells amazing and the taste is something else. He gets free ones and gets discount on the bags of coffee beans so he can have them at his villa when hes not at work he couldn't get enough of the stuff. His village was nice. It had a few book stores , flower shops , grocery stores and clothes of course. and every weekend a market would be on with so many different things on and he loved going to see what was on there he got weekends off so he had some free time. But it was quite lonely .. he never had company apart from a conversation here and there with locals at the coffee shop , his neighbours and people at the market... he kind of missed having Gerard around because he was always next to him asking him questions , telling jokes, playing with his hair and making sure he felt secure and safe....it was a big difference going from a place where your friends and family are to being completely alone in a different country but that is the choice Frank had made.. to start fresh and leave everything behind all because he couldn't remember his and Gerards relationship. But everything was okay he just had to get used to things and make some new friends... it couldn't be that hard ... right?


Mean while Mikey ,Ray and Bob have met for a coffee ?to try and get something happening with Gerard ..... he never got out of bed... bar to smoke ... he wouldn't eat or leave the house he was just to miserable. He constantly looked through the photo albums of him and Frank .. played their songs on a loop , read his favourite books over and over and watched his favourite movies.... without Frank all he has was the memories he had of them and the book sand movies he liked.... and it wasn't helping Gerard at all doing this ... but he couldn't help it ...he missed Frank.

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" Right guys we need to do something about Gee..... he is in a bad way since Frank left and i just don't know what to do anymore" Mikey says concerned for his brother
?" I know Mikes it is worrying but he has just lost Frank .... he's hurt .. he needs time to heal" Ray says and Bob agrees with him " yeah he's right i mean it can't make you feel good being left after your partner forgets your relationship because of an operation to get rid of Cancer.... this whole thing is just messed up"
" yeah your right about that Bob but it can't be easy for him and maybe us pestering him and trying to get him to do stuff is to much for him ... yeah we understand that he is hurt and ??who wouldn't be he waited for years to be with Frank and they were engaged to just be dumped over a letter.... but i also understand it from Franks point of view as well... we could all see that Frank was upset about not being able to remember anything and maybe this is Franks way of trying to help the situation ..maybe some time apart after all the things he was shown if he thinks about it he might remember..... or he knew he wouldn't and that it would be better for him to leave now rather than later when Gerard was getting so much hope for him to remember and them to get married...... this sucks .... we lost two of our best friends that day" Mikey says thinking about the whole thing with a clearer perspective.

Tthey finish talking and drink their coffees before going home and leaving Gerard to get over Frank in his own time. There really wasn't anything they could do to help heal Gerards broken heart.

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It has been six months since Frank left ..And Gerard is doing better he is still very upset and hurt but he leaves the house and goes out with Mikey , Ray and Bob for meals , drinks and sometimes weekends away. It's getting easier for him to live day to day without Frank but he can't move on or forget about what they had, He still looks through the photo albums and listens to all of Franks favourite songs on a night time.... He just can't let go of Frank ... what they had means to much to him to let go of and give up on he is still full of hope that Frank will come back.And who could blame him? Frank is the love of his life they guy who has saved him time and time again when he was in a bad place Frank was always there to pick him up and show him the light at the end of the tunnel.

Secretly Gerard had been planning a holiday to all of the places he and Frank had talked about for their honeymoon in hopes he could find him. It was a trip that was going to take six months. spending one month in each place to have the best chance of finding Frank to see if anything had changed. He knew that Mikey would have a problem with him finding Frank or even them getting back together if anything had changed which is why he has done it in secrete. First going to Turkey... then Grease..... then Egypt ..... then France....then Rome... Then finally Spain. He is leaving in two weeks... he has mapped out where he is going where he is visiting all to try and Find Frank ... not thinking about what could happen if he found him.

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It's the day Gerard is leaving and everyone is at his house to say goodbye. He told them that he was going to clear his head to have some time away to try and move on. To distract himself from Frank when in reality he was searching for him.But they all believed what he said and thought it was a good idea for Gerard to have some time to his self and do things his own way so they drove him to the airport said their goodbyes and Gerard set off on his journey... first stop Turkey.

Gerard had been gone a month now and had completed his search of Turkey all the places he and Frank had looked at for their honeymoon and looking in small villages on his way. He saw so many wonderful sights and really enjoyed the culture there. The weather was perfect and the food was amazing. He never stayed in one place for more than a day always on the move to cover as much ground in the time he had. Now he was going to the airport once again to move onto his next destination Grease.

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Frank had been in Spain for seven months now. He kept having dreams of him and Gerard... every time he had one he would write them down..... He hadn't really made any friends yet but work was going well... but he was starting to feel very lonely.... he bought himself a new call phone ... He could remember all of the numbers of Mikey, Ray, Bob and even Gerard .. And he had saved them all into his phone ..... He just didn't have the courage to call them ... he knew it would take a lot to be forgiven for him just leaving the way he did and they were his friends ... he left to stop hurting Gerard ..... But he was starting to regret that decision.....

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After another month of a failed search Gerard was starting to feel like he wouldn't find Frank..... After searching all of the islands of Grease , All the villages and town.... seeing all the sights and seeing how the people live there he thought of staying there .... getting a little house on one of the islands .. he has even talked to Mikey about it but he decided not to..... He had to keep searching for Frank .... he couldn't give up on looking for his love that was not an option...exhausted he heads to Egypt... maybe he will have more luck there ....

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Frank was at a very low point now. Eight months since he left home ..... left his friends and his life behind .... he had no photos of his life there ..... none of his friends ...... only the memories he had before his surgery even some of Gerard ..... it was weird getting some of his memories back but he wrote them all down the only one he had was of him entering a cottage with Gerard covered in blood ... some guy called Bert getting arrested and him telling Gerard he loved him.

And he couldn't stop thinking about it ... " How could i forget this? ", " How could i have felt this and walk away" ... " I was so mean to him.... I really let him down ... All those things he showed me when i left the hospital ... and i didn't even try ..... He's going to move on ... he will be happy by now ..... i just wish i could tell him i'm sorry .... all I have to do is call ..... but i can't .... i'm to much of a coward.... thats why I'm here ... i ran from him ..... i could never go back there ... i could never face him again ...... I'm so sorry Gerard ....... i should have stayed .... i just wish i could tell you ...... i'm an idiot ...... and i let you down ....... i want to remember ..... i want to remember everything ..... and i will .... i promise you this "

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Mean while Gerard has been in Egypt and yet again no Frank .... all he has thought about this month was " what would i even say when i find him? " ....... " will i even find him?" ...... " i should give up .. he doesn't want to be found" ..... " what if he remembers " .... " would he remember ?" ...... " this is no good ..... i can't do this anymore ..... he doesn't love me anymore"..... " i just want to know why ....... how could you just give up like that? do i really mean nothing to you? " .... " i will never stop loving you Frank.... you are the man i wan to spend the rest of my life with .... and i am not giving up on you .... i miss you ..... i miss you so much .... i just wish you knew what we had"....

It was the end of month 3 of his search and he had barley any contact with Mikey just sending photos of the sights and some of the food he had had.... telling him he was alright and he was having fun and missed him ... but it was getting really lonely travailing alone..... But he decided to keep going negative thoughts and all he wouldn't give up ... he had to keep going for 3 more months ...... Next stop France....

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As the month went on Frank started to see ..... he opened his eyes ..... and for the first time since the surgery he felt like himself again ..... The people at work noticed the change in his behaviour but did not ask him what was going on they could tell it was personal and didn't want to intrude so they let him be and watched as he wrote in his note book at the end of his shifts or on his days off when he would sit in the cafe with his laptop researching the band ... looking at social media sites .... looking at the friends he left behind and only Gerards was the one that hadn't been updated in almost 4 months and wondered why .... none of the others had posts about or with Gerard in .... and of course Frank thought the worst in the situation .... especially with Mikey posting about missing his brother ... but one day Gerard posted .... " holiday so far ..... 4th destination .... beautiful sights ... 2 more to go then home "
This made Frank happy..... Gerard was alright .... and on holiday ....But he recognised the photo he had taken... he was in France ... a little village they had looked at online ...... " why is he there?" Frank wondered why Gerard was in a place they had looked at..... His memory was getting better .... he remembered small things .... like Gerard proposing ...... Him seeing Gerard in secrete when Bert had him ..... Moving in together ,,, a couple dates they had been on ...... the occasional conversation about their honeymoon but there were so many blanks .... their friendship .... most of their relationship ...... but he wanted to remember it all .....

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With month 4 completed Gerard was off to Rome he was in higher hopes this month as he headed for Spain ... Getting closer to Frank ... him not knowing but he posted on social media for the first time since he left ... He thought it would be a good idea because the fans were starting to worry but he doesn't mind .... hes more concerned of finding Frank .... if he finds him ... this month wasn't as full of negative thoughts he was more positive he feels like hes close he doesn't know why he just does so its kept him in a good mood .... thinking of what he will say .... thinking that Frank might remember ..... maybe they could sort things ..... or at least be friends again....All Gerard had was hope that maybe something could happen maybe he would find Frank


maybe .....

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Frank had been in Spain for a year now ... It felt longer to Frank .... He felt bad .... Really bad ... remembering the letter he left Gerard ..... "it wasn't the right thing to do.... why did i do that? why couldn't i just face him and tell him ..... i know he would have tried to stop me .... maybe i didn't want that? or maybe i did and thats why i left the note..... but i threw him away ..... i wish i kept the ring ..... maybe then i would have something to keep .... i have to apologise to him ..."
Frank gets out his phone ... and dials Gerards number. Takes a deep breath.
" this is it... now or never"
he calls the number and holds the phone to his ear as it rings.....
after a few seconds the phone is picked up .. a familiar voice on the other end
" Hello?"
Frank freezes .... he just breathes deeply unable to say anything
" Hello? is anybody there ?"
Frank hangs up ..... " I-I ....I can't do it .... i cant talk to him .... he will never forgive me ..... "

He still checked social media eveyday .... he still wrote in his note pad.... every day ..... and he still chickened out when he called Gerard .... he doesn't even know what to say to Gerard ...
" I'll try again ..... i have to know what i will say ....."

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It was during month 5 of Gerards search that he got a call. and for a change it wasn't Mikey which made him kind of happy having someone else to talk to would be nice he thought until he looked at the phone
"an unknown number..... could it be him?" he thinks to himself as he answer's the call

"hello?"
he hears deep breathing on the other side and thinks " well someone is there .... it has to be him ..... please talk to me "
"Hello? ... is someone there ?" he asks again
*phone line dies*
" it has to be ..... i know its him ..... hes just scared .... thats all ....

Gerard continues with the rest of the month of searching and yet again gets no where in Rome .... but he knows that call was Frank ... so he saved the number in his contacts...
Next stop ... Spain

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Gerard arrives and once again searches all the main places first ... then the villages and towns ... its half way through the month when he arrives at a small village and got a room in the hotel there ... and he goes to search the village .. looking around he sees a nice little coffee shop near some stalls .... a little market ... with a lovely aroma in the air .. a mix of spices along with fresh coffee .... He heads towards the coffee shop when a familiar figure comes out of the doors ...... There he was ..... Gerard shouts his name but the noise of the market was to loud he couldn't hear him and he was heading up the street fast .... Gerard starts walking towards him and pulls out his phone and rings the number he saved as Franks ... he calls it and presses the phone to his ear ..... Frank pulls his phone out of his pocket and sees who is calling .... he knew who it would be and he answers and presses the phone to his ear but doesn't say anything

"Frank .... i know its you .... " Gerard says out of breathe ...
" i- i " Frank stutters but is cut off by Gerard
" turn around " Gerard says bluntly and ends the call

shocked by this Frank stops still in the middle of the street staring at his phone ..... and puts it in his pocket ...... he slowly turns around ...... and there he was .... standing feet away from him .... Gerard way .... had found him .....Frank doesn't even think .... he just runs towards Gerard tears falling down his face and hugs Gerard as tight as he could before bursting into tears as he was held by Gerard who was also in tears
" i remember -i-i remember everything Gee" Frank says pushing his head into Gerards neck as they both hold each other crying into one anothers shoulders.
" i never stopped looking for you ...... i never gave up ..... i had to see you again" Gerard says pulling away from Frank and wiping tears from his face stroking his cheeks and smiling looking at the man in front of him.
" I'm so sorry Gee ...... i shouldn't have left you ..... i regret it ... my memory started coming back 6 months ago ..... i wrote everything down as it came up me ...... i just ...... i'm just .... "
" shhhh ... it's okay sweetie .... i understand" Gerard says placing his finger over Franks lips" i know why you left Frank ....you needed time and i was pushing you to much "
"Thats not it Gee ...... since my memories came back i know why i left ..... i was scared ....i left the letter to you because i knew you would try to stop me if i said it to you in person .... and really thats why i wrote the letter and left ..... because i wanted you to stop me ..... so i ran ..... i was a coward and i ran .. i was scared to not remember and hurt you even more ..... i couldn't stand to see this guy who was holding on to hope that one day i would be myself again that i ran from you ...... and i'm so sorry Gee... i know it's to late ........ i know that you will never forgive me ..... but since i got my memories back .... the thing thats kept me going is working up the courage to call you and talk to you .... to tell you to never let the light fade from behind your eyes ... to keep going and never stop until your happy and have what you want...."
" i have what i want Frank ... i found you .... thats all i have been trying to do since you left over a year a go now .... i never gave up ... my hope never faded i knew you would remember ... and i know Mikey will not be happy about this because you left ...... but i am happy .... all i wanted was to see you one last time ..... and if you wanted it i brought you this " Gerard pulls something from his pocket .... and presents it to Frank .
" The ring ? you kept it ? " Frank smiled widely looking into Gerards eyes
" Of course i kept it Frankie ..... this ring belongs to you ... your the guy that deserves to have this ring .... because even after all this time my heart belongs to you .... it always will .... and if you want it ..... you can have it "
" i ... i do ... i want it Gee... i wish i had kept it and then i would have had something to keep close to my heart ....a reminder of what we had and not just the memories ......." Frank holds out his hand to take the ring from Gerard but Gerard grabs Franks hand and turns it over ..... and places the ring on his finger then look Frank in the eyes
" this is the symbol of our love .... this ring belongs to you Frank ... it always will .... you are the man that stole my heart .... and you still have it .... nothing will stop me from loving you ......"
Frank interupts Gerard by kissing him ..... stroking his cheek as he does then pulls away " i love you Gee........ i'm so glad you found me ..... you are my one and only ..... i should never have left you ..... you are the love of my life ... from this day on i never want to let you go "

Notes