Gerard was kissing me. I opened my eyes for a split second, then closed them, allowing myself to kiss back sleepily as his body moved against mine. It wasn't sexual, he was just trying to get closer to me. I wrapped my arms around his waist, allowing myself the moment of closeness. Gerard pulled away after about half a minute, kissing my cheek softly. “Short kisses. Yeah?”
I blushed and smiled as he rolled off me, laying next to me. “Yeah.”
Gerard put his hand on my chest, smiling a little sadly. “If you ever need me to stop, you just need to say so. Okay? I'd rather you didn't beat the shit out of me again.”
I smiled halfway, brushing his hair behind his ears. “Yeah. I know, Gee.”
He sat up and kissed my cheek lightly. “Good. I have to go to the doctor today.”
I frowned slightly. “What for?”
Gerard blushed and looked down. “Uh. Checkup.”
I sat up quickly and gently grabbed his wrist. “Gerard. You don't have to tell me...just promise it's not...life threatening.”
He smiled sadly and shook me off. “I can't promise that.”

---

Pete came over to check on me that day. I was on leave for a while, taking some vacation days to cool off from what had happened with Gerard. He sat down on the couch and smiled as I handed him a mug of coffee.
“You kissed him.”
I blushed and looked down. “He actually kissed me, first. And he kissed me again this morning, and I kissed back. I don't know how I feel.”
Pete nodded and rubbed my shoulder. “It's okay not to know. Just...he's young, yeah? Scared. Doesn't know a whole lot about love. Be gentle with him.”
I nodded and ran a hand through my hair. “I think we're both in a similar position, honestly. I'm not used to dating men, and he's not used to...dating.”
Pete smiled and nodded. “Yeah. You're right, be nice.”
I chuckled and slapped his shoulder gently. “Shut up. I'm nice to everyone.”

---

Gerard came home late. He was shaking as he walked in, his eyes a little red. I sat up slightly and smiled at him. “Come sit, yeah?”
He shook his head and sniffled, running a hand through his tangled hair. “I don't wanna.”
I frowned and got up, walking to him. “Why not, Gee? What's wrong?”
He leaned into my chest, shaking slightly. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, rocking him as he started to sob.

---

I stirred. Gerard was curled against my chest in bed, the blanket pulled around us. I rubbed his back lightly. “What happened? I'm here for you.”
He sat up and rubbed his eyes before standing up, wandering off. “I don't want to talk about it.” He stated before walking out of the room.
I sighed and decided to leave him alone, rolling over and closing my eyes.

---

Gerard was asleep in my bed again. I smiled at him, stroking his hair slowly. “Poor baby.” I cooed softly. It felt right, touching him lightly and effortlessly like that. He shifted and coughed loudly, his body trembling. I ran my hand down his back slowly. “Gerard...come on. How about I run you a bath?”
He nodded and I got up, jogging to the bathroom. I started the water running, stirring in a little bubble bath. Gerard stumbled in, hugging himself. “Frankie?”
I moved back and looked up at him, smiling softly. “Yeah? What's up?”
He ran a shaking hand through his hair. “I feel like shit.”
I frowned and got up, hugging him carefully. “Get in the bath. I'll make you some breakfast, okay? And then we can curl up together and cuddle.”
He buried his face in my neck, sniffling shakily.

---

I pulled him close to me, kissing his jaw. “Tell me, Gee. Please.”
He shifted and leaned into me. I slipped my hand into his, smiling at him encouragingly.
“I um...I got forced a few weeks ago. To have sex with someone...who didn't use a condom. This was my first chance to get checked out.”
I stroked his hair slowly and rocked him carefully, worried. “What's wrong?”
He sniffled and rubbed his eyes. “I have HIV.”
I froze up for a couple seconds, then took a deep breath, quietly forcing myself to be calm. “Okay. Um. I'm very sorry, Gee. And I don't really know what to say or how to help you right now.”
He nodded and wiped the tears off his cheeks. “It's okay. I don't really know how to take this either.”
I smiled sadly and kissed his cheek. “Maybe you should spend some time with Mikey?”
Gerard forced a tiny smile. “Okay.”
I rubbed his side gently. “I think maybe you should go and live with him for a while. I think you and I will work out better if we get a little more space while I'm figuring stuff out. He offered before, yeah?”
Gerard smiled a bit wider and nodded. “Yeah. I'm gonna miss you, sleeping with you.”
I laughed softly and kissed his cheek. “You can still stay over. Especially if you're sick.”

---

Gerard was shaking and moaning in my bed. I kept trying to cool him down, worried about him. He threw up every now and then, so I kept a basin close. “This is gonna be your peak, yeah? I promise this will be the worst day. I promise. It's gonna get better from here.”
He started to sob, grabbing at my shirt. “Oh Gee.” I sighed, crouching down and stroking his hair slowly. “Deep breaths.”
He shivered and I looked up as Pete walked in, smiling at me sadly. “Hey. I brought Gerard’s pills, and some soda. And lunch for you, Frank.”
I smiled back and squeezed Gerard's hand gently. “Thanks, Pete. When does Mikey get off work?”
He sighed. “Soon. He'll be here in an hour or so, yeah?”
I nodded and turned back to Gerard, who was still trembling. He seemed a little calmer than before, which eased my worry. I rubbed my thumb over his wrist, humming to him softly. His eyes slipped closed and he relaxed into an exhausted sleep.
I got up and followed Pete into the kitchen, starting on my lunch quickly. He smiled at me and handed me a can of coke. “He's gonna be alright, Frank. And you guys are gonna be a perfect couple.”
I rolled my eyes and opened the can. “Come on, Pete. He's sick. And he's gonna be sick for the rest of his life.”
“Yeah, and he'll be able to manage it. He's on meds, it's not like he has full-blown AIDS.”
I sighed and swallowed a bite of my salad. “I know, but it's scary.”
Pete shrugged. “Just be careful. He's gonna be okay, seriously. You can't let this ruin what could be your first real relationship in years.”
I ran a hand through my hair and shook my head. “When Mikey gets here, I'm going to the gym.”
He nodded. “Okay. Be careful with Gerard.”

---

“Pete?”
He answered the phone on the second ring.
“Yeah Frank? Are you alright?”
I looked over the facade of the gym, still breathing a little heavily.
“Not really.”
“Wanna talk?”
“Kinda.”
I leaned forward against the steering wheel, watching the rain run down my windshield. “What about?”
“Gerard.”
“Yeah?”
“We touch. A lot. Is that too fast?”
Pete laughed softly. “Frank, you're a touchy person. You like cuddles and being close to people. That's just who you are, that doesn't mean you're moving too fast with Gerard romantically.”
I sighed and rubbed my tired eyes. “Okay. We don't kiss much.”
“Yeah, and that's the bigger step for you. How many times have I gone over to your house to watch movies and we end up cuddling? It's normal for you.”
“But still.”
“I know. It feels like it's too fast. But I wouldn't pull back, okay? Do what feels good to you in the moment. And Gerard really needs your support right now, it would be a little unfair to take that away.”
“Yeah, I know. It's just hard.”
“It is. Mikey's still with Gerard if you need some more time away.”
“I think I'll head home soon. I really care about him.”
“I know you do. And that's great.”
I hummed in response and took a deep breath, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes just before they blurred my vision. “I don't know what I want anymore, Pete.”
“You want Gerard. And that's okay. Just because you're dating him, that doesn't mean you have to like all other guys, or be sexually attracted to them. Remember that, okay? You're Gerardsexual.”
I laughed softly, wiping the tears away as they fell. “You sound like some weird fangirl.”
Pete giggled. “Yeah. But it's true, okay? And important. You're not wrong for only being attracted to Gerard.”
“I'm not, really, though.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well...he's cute. And he's fun to cuddle with. And kiss. But I'm not really...interested in sex. At all. And I can't picture myself being interested. I can picture us having like a really close bond, but not really being married or long term boyfriends.”
Pete sighed. “Yeah. I understand. The first couple guys I dated, I couldn't really understand what I saw in them. It takes some time to adjust to feeling attracted to someone outside of your comfort zone. But remember you're in no hurry.”
I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair. “Okay.”
I heard Mikey's voice in the background and Pete mumbling something.
“Apparently Gerard is asleep again, and he's taken some night medication, so he'll probably be out for a while. You should come home.”

Notes

Long-ish chapter for you guys (: