Where's your heart?

Things at the coffee shop go really well, Frank and I sitting in a booth sipping our coffee and eating pastries while we continue to make small talk and learn more about each other. I learn that Frank is an only child, his mother passed away a few years back and that he's not close with any of his other family, Nicole and his other friends being his family and I tell him about Mikey and Pete who is like a second brother to me. It starts to get late, the coffee shop ready to close and as we leave Frank asks for my number, giving me his and telling me he'd love to hang out again and that he'll call me. I smile wide, telling him I look forward to it and as I go to walk away Frank pulls me into a hug, his body pressing against mine as he squeezes just the right amount of tight, my arms sliding around to hug him back, my heart racing at having him so close. "I'll call you" Frank repeats before we go our seperate ways, Mikey's house not too far away so I decided to walk over there and see him, knowing he's dying to know how today went.

A whole week passes and I don't hear from Frank, disappointment settling in my chest and stomach, making me feel heavy and short of breath and I start to second guess myself, the feelings I was so sure of at the coffee shop now making me even more confused and unsure. It's Tuesday and Mikey and Pete are over for our usual movie night, ordering in Chinese at my request this week and we are halfway through eating, Mikey asking if I've heard from Frank and I tell him no, my face and voice betraying how upset I am when the doorbell rings and I frown in confusion as I sit my plate aside and get up to answer it, flicking the porch light on before I open the door, coming face to face with Frank. "Hi" he says, smiling sheepishly and I just stare at him, a blank expression on my face making Franks smile slip into a frown. "So I'm a total dick, I dropped my phone and broke it and I couldn't remember your number and I hope it's not creepy that I remembered your address from delivering here and I really hope I haven't fucked this up" he rambles, his eyes staring straight into mine and I feel my lips pull up into a small smile as I say "Do you want to come in?" Frank smiles back, nodding as he say "Yeah, I'd love to." I step back, letting Frank inside and I close the door again before turning and saying "So my brother and his boyfriend are here, I hope you don't mind." "No, they sound great, I'd like to meet them" Frank tells me and I smile as I lead him down the hallway and into the living room, both Mikey and Pete staring at us with a knowing smile on their faces. "So Mikey, Pete, this is Frank" I say, gesturing to each of them as I say their names so Frank will know who's who and they all say hi to each other. "Oh, if I'm interrupting..." Frank starts as he sees the food on the table and I shake my head and say "No, you should join us, Mikey's eyes are always too big for all of our stomachs. I'll be eating leftovers for days." Mikey chuckles sheepishly and Frank smiles and says "Well if you don't mind." "Not at all, do you want something to drink?" I ask, turning to leave the room and he smiles and says "Sure, thanks." I leave the room, going into the kitchen for a plate and a fork, grabbing another can of coke from the fridge and by the time I make it back into the living room Frank and Mikey are laughing at something, Pete looking slightly upset and I figure they must be laughing at him, the scene making me feel warm inside as I know Frank is already getting along with Mikey.

After Frank has a plate of food we decide to start a movie, Mikey getting up to choose one as I take a seat next to Frank on the couch opposite theirs. Once the movies on we all start to eat and when we're all done Pete gets up to turn the light off, winking at me as I look up at him, making my cheeks burn hot. Half an hour later the movie is getting intense, the serial killer looking for the girl who is hiding in the closet and I feel something warm touch my arm, making me jump slightly in surprise, having been sucked in by the movie and Frank starts to chuckle softly as he leans over and says "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." I smile, slightly embarrassed as I move my arm, giving him better access to my hand and he slides his palm against mine, his fingers slipping inbetween mine and I curl mine up slightly, our hands firmly linked together as i stare into his eyes, his face slowly inching towards mine and I tense up, panicking gripping me and Frank stops moving, his forehead creased in concern. "Uh, I'll be back in a second" I announce, standing and leaving the room, making my way to the bathroom and closing the door. I brace my hands against the edge of the basin as I stare at myself in the mirror, my whole face going pale as I try to get my breathing under control again, my thoughts racing and making me feel light headed.

A few minutes later I get myself together again, feeling confident enough to go back into the living room and face Frank but before I leave the bathroom I grab the bottle of mouth wash sitting on the counter, rinsing my mouth out really well before I take one last deep breath and head back down the hallway. I'm just about to turn the corner into the living room when I hear Mikey say "He thought he was straight until two weeks ago, I think it's just gonna take time.." "Oh, I had no idea" Frank says, their conversation lapsing into silence for a few seconds and I walk around the corner, acting like I didn't hear a thing and all three of them look up at me, Franks face unreadable and I swallow hard as I make my way back over to sit beside him, a little more distance between us than before. Mikey reaches for the remote, ready to start the movie again when Frank shifts forward and says "I think I better get going, thanks for dinner Gerard." I remain silent, feeling that familiar burning in my chest I get right before I cry and I bite down hard on my bottom lip as I nod, trying to pull myself together, exhaling shakily as I say "Yeah ok, I'll walk you out."

Notes