Where's your heart?

Frank and I sit and make small talk for a few minutes, Frank asking what I do for work and when I ask him how long he's worked at the club for his face flushes bright red and he looks down as he says "Almost a year now. I know it's not a great job but it helps pay my bills, especially since I live on my own and there's only so much money in pizza delivery. I don't plan on being there forever though, this is my real passion," Frank pausing to gesture towards the building infront of us. "Music?" I ask, Frank finally meeting my eye again as he smiles and says "No run down buildings. Yes of course music," giggling as he playfully pushes me, my arm feeling on fire where his hand touches me and I start to laugh too, shaking my head as I gently push him back and something inside me seems to click, the confusion and doubt I've been feeling since I first laid eyes on Frank fading away and I just feel happy to be here with him right now, desperate to know everything there is to know about him. I open my mouth to ask another question when Franks phone beeps in his pocket and he smiles apologetically as he pulls it out, checking the message and saying "I've gotta go back in, we're on next but you're hanging around right?" "Absolutely" I tell him, following him as he stands and the smile he flashes me makes my heart flutter, his eyes sparkling with it as we both make our way back inside, Frank taking me back over to his group of friends and I take a seat where we were before, Frank kneeling down and telling me he'll be back before he stands and crosses to the other end of his group, bending down and saying something to Nicole and I see her nod before Frank stands upright again, walking away with four other guys from the group.

A few seconds later Nicole gets up and comes to sit beside me, leaning over and saying "So I take it it went well?" I turn my head to look at her and she's smiling wide, my own face pulling into a matching expression as I say "Yeah I think so." "Good, Frank has been alone for far too long" Nicole tells me and I feel my eyes widen slightly, knowing that I like Frank but my stomach clenches slightly at the thought of a relationship, suddenly feeling unsure again. The current band thanks the crowd before leaving the space and as Frank and his band set themselves up Nicole starts a conversation with the guy sitting on her other side, my conversation skills leaving me as I stare into space, the idea of an actual relationship with Frank rolling around in my head and I decide that it couldn't possibly be that different from being with a girl until the idea of sex comes up and I feel my whole body tense up, my breathing becoming choppy and uneven as I think back to the porn I watched, wondering how I could ever enjoy being a part of a situation like that.

I'm broken from my thoughts a few moments later by loud guitars and when I look up I see Frank and his band have started playing, Frank in the middle infront of the microphone and as he starts to sing all my worries and doubts start to fade away, my mind fully focusing on Frank and the way he moves as he plays his guitar, his body in constant motion as his eyes slip closed as he sings, his voice sounding a little rough and out of place but it works amazingly. The first song comes to an end and Frank steps back from the microphone, glancing across to the guy playing bass and I see Franks mouth moving but I don't hear the exchange and the other guy nods before they launch into another song, this one more upbeat and fast paced and as Frank sings he stares out into the crowd, his gaze immediately drifting over to where we are and his eyes lock with mine, his lips pulling up slightly at the edges and I can't help the face splitting grin that spreads across my own, Franks smile widening too as he continues to stare at me, our eye contact never breaking as I feel shivers run down my spine. "They're good huh?" Nicole leans over to say and I reluctantly break my staring match with Frank as I turn my head to say "Yeah, they're amazing. Makes me wonder why Frank isn't a millionaire rockstar." Nicole giggles before saying "One day, hopefully very soon." I smile and nod, turning my attention back to Frank and his band and a few seconds later he looks in our direction again, a strange look on his face like he's trying not to laugh and I glance over out of the corner of my eye to see Nicole gesturing to me and giving a thumbs up and I bite my lip against the laugh that wants to escape me, feeling giddy that Nicole thinks Frank should be with me.

After Frank and his band come off the next band go on and a few minutes later Frank comes back out into the crowd to join us, taking a seat beside me again and I turn to look at him, his face flushed from the rush of being on stage but also the movement, his whole body glistening slightly with sweat. "You guys are so good" I tell him and he smiles wide as he says "Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it." I nod, letting him know I did and as the next band starts playing Frank leans over and says "You wanna get out of here?" I freeze, biting my bottom lip as I stare back at Frank, his face slightly expectant as he waits for my answer and I nod slowly, releasing my lower lip as a small smile tugs at my lips and Frank winks before standing up, offering me his hand and helping me up too, his free hand coming up to wave to Nicole before he starts to lead me back out through the crowd, his grip on my hand remaining but I don't protest, the warmth radiating from his palm against mine feeling nice.

Once we're out on the street again Frank drops my hand and digs in his pocket, coming out with a packet of cigarettes and as he takes one out and puts it between his lips he offers me the packet and I smile as I shake my head, saying "No thanks, I don't smoke." "Oh, do you mind if I...." "Oh yeah go right ahead" I tell him and he smiles as he pockets the cigarettes again and pulls out a lighter, lighting up and sighing softly as he breathes out the first lungful of smoke. "So, there's a coffee shop a few blocks up, did you wanna?" Frank asks and I smile as I nod and say "Yeah sounds good." He nods back before starting to walk, me falling into step beside him and we make it half a block before Frank says "I don't usually do this." "Do what?" I ask, frowning in confusion and Frank says "Hang out and get coffee with the clientele from the club." "Oh, I'm not.....I mean I would never usually...." I trail off, trying to explain but unsure of what to say and Franks serious expression slips, loud playful laughter escaping him as he says "I'm just fucking with you Gerard, well not about the clientele bit but I know you're not like that." I shake my head as I smile and Frank continues to giggle before he stops to take another drag of his cigarette, his warm hand slipping into mine again and we hold hands as we continue our walk to the coffee shop in silence but it feels comfortable and easy so I decide not to break it.

Notes